Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How I Found Out about Anal Beads

 So Did That Get Your Attention?  Or Lose Some...No Matter

A little while ago, someone who I hold very dear hinted at the fact that I might be a bit of a perv.  LOL.  I'm fine with that - she listed me in GREAT company.  Anyway, another someone, who I also hold very dear teased that I could be part of a class explaining things to the 'bumpkins' out there--with pictures no less!

Well I'm NOT going to hold a class.  I am really not that qualified just because I recognised what a couple of beads strung together were.

I can tell you how I first learned about them, and I think a funny story.  Hopefully you will be entertained along the way.

When we were engaged, (I was 23,Barney 31)  one of my bridesmaids held a shower for me.  She had been recently married to her high school sweet heart.  They had begun playing with different things in the bedroom.  Most of these things could be found in your average house. 

                                                       She by the way looked like this

So it was through her that I heard about said Anal Beads. 

My shower had the typical gifts for the home and edible body paints.  Keep in mind this was the mid 90s WAY before 50 Shades of Grey and common knowledge of  The Rabbit or whatever.

So home to Barney I went with all my new found knowledge and my edible body paints.

Girl (6-7) holding gift in front of face

 He was more than willing to try all of the stuff Mary was telling me about at the shower.  She was the one who used the anal beads, and I wasn't there yet in my life, ( TMI, still not but if ttwd has taught me one thing- to each his own, no judgements here ).


Night # 1.  Edible body paint night.

  Not sure if it comes through in my blog or not, but I have a tendency to giggle...and tease and be down right silly at times.  THIS would have been one of those times.  I think the body paints were meant to be erotic- kinda didn't work out that way. 

There were 4 colours in the box, only the red really worked.  So I began to draw all over Barney, giggling, with tears running down my face. By the way he's EXTREMELY ticklish.

 " Ah, Wilma, I'm glad you're having fun, but I don't think this is the point"

                             The most giggles definitely came from when I drew this

 The problem being, the red stained.  So days after when Barney was changing in a locker room....well I guess you can figure it out! 

We chucked the body paints because I thought they tasted like

and I guess you can figure out why Barney didn't like them!


So Night #2  ....Your Favourite Liqueur in the Bedroom. 

Sounds simple enough 

                HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! Keep it in the glass GIRLS! 

                                        Maybe Bailey's not sure...too chicken to try anything else!

Night # 3

        Yup.   Egg Whites. 

Apparently salmonella not high on our list of worries back then.                                                              

For the first time in a week, this held promise!  Sure it was cold.  Sure it was a bit sticky,  but nothing like the Grand Marnier. 

This part was fun

HOWEVER..............................  Bakers out there, what happens when you beat egg whites? 


And that started Wilma off in a   frothy   fit of giggles that just wouldn't stop!!

Oh poor Barney reduced to soft peeks.

So now you can see why I am NO where near qualified to teach any kind of class ! 


  1. It's always the innocent looking ones that hold the deepest darkest secrets!! LOL
    Great post, you make me laugh. Probably because I'm a perv too!!
    So from one perv to another, have a great day!

    1. It's true you know. Ask any of my FTFF, I don't look like the 'type' of woman who makes meringue in the bedroom...!

      Well apparently we need more pervs in the forum, so WELCOME...

  2. Replies
    1. Well I'm glad I made you laugh sunny. Whenever I tell the egg story to my FTFF I always have grand hand gestures...I wasn't sure how it would tell in print.

  3. Well, shoot who am I going to turn to now???? Here I thought you had alllll the answers. Apparently I have the gist of it down....on my fourth child, we are doing something right. Anywho I don't think we should try and spice anything up around here....we need to find a way to cool things off....maybe we should get a hobby....take up knitting perhaps ;)

    1. See Emma's comments above if you're looking for a new perv! lol

      Yeah...um NOT sure any of these things heated up our love life...Well the Grand Marnier heated up my naughty bits...but that's was for only a few minutes until I flew from the bed to the shower...Don't feel bad for Barney though, he still had his second favourite date with him...the bottle!

  4. Those were the Wild Nights.
    Guess I'm really innocent, but what is the meaning of edible body paint?
    Have seen a lot of body painted ladies, but never seen anybody lick the paint of. Kind of ruins the design.

    1. I'm not sure either of us got the point of the edible body paint either! It literally had me in a such a state of giggles I couldn't function!

      Barney and I were just howling together when he was reading this post. He said he had almost forgotten about it. Almost.

      They did taste terrible. Like wax. We might as well have both gotten naked, threw in our favourite comedy movie and ate crayons for all it did for our love life that night!

  5. Replies
    1. Every single word the truth! Life is indeed funnier than fiction! Actually if you were to see the egg white thing in a movie you'd think it was too much....and truthfully IT WAS !

  6. Well sheesh Wilma - not only a perv but a tease - thought I was going to learn all about anal beads. LOL These all cracked me up but the body paints that stained? OMG - that was the best. Some body paints do taste better than others - if you want to know what the point of body paint is, send me an email and I will explain. ;)


    1. Ah...ladies and gents...my fellow Perv Cat! lol

      So Professor, why the secret email? The floor ( or blog ) is yours...Do tell about the Body paint.

      LOL. The funny thing about the staining elephant ears, (I didn't have to draw the entire face, for those of you in the back of the class) was at the time boxer shorts were more SHORT than they are now, and certainly no boxer briefs, so Barney had the bottom of the ears peaking out even after he was partically dressed!

    2. ROFL - the mental pic you just painted of the ears peaking out has me cracking up. :)

      Okay - the better body paint has different flavors (chocolate, strawberry, cherry, vanilla, coconut, etc.) and tastes good - you stroke it along your partners body (wherever strikes your fancy) and then you follow up by removing it with your tongue. Is that enough info for you to get the idea? LOL

    3. Haahaa! I've had the newer stuff Cat...still not crazy about it...Heck,who needs artificial flavours?

      Besides, if you were Barney would you trust me to paint YOU again? lol

    4. Newer doesn't necessarily mean better - the better ones are made from actual extracts. If I were Barney, I wouldn't trust you with paint or any or marking implement around my body. :D

  7. Never, ever heard of egg whites in sex. How did I miss that? O..o Apparently, it's a sex education hole I don't need filled. Um, er, uh, whatever - you know what I mean.

    Thanks for filling us in, and the thumbs down. I'll just say, "No!" Lol!


    1. Irishey

      You are gone for what SEEMS like forever, and THIS is the post you decide to comment on? LOL!

      I was young, there was no computer...What else can I say?

      Well Welcome back regardless!

    2. I know, right! Lol! Been really busy, plus very distracted with watching all the hullabaloo about the elections, hurricane and other "just life" stuff. Bad excuses, but there you have it. It's hard keeping up on my phone when all I can manage is a few minutes here and there - blogger doesn't cooperate well. I miss hanging out with all of you. :(

      Actually, I've had a good excuse the past couple days. We've kept D's baby granddaughter since Sunday. He had to work, but she is my little buddy, plus I don't sleep much when she stays overnights. Sleeping babies are very sweet, plus I worry more with babies that aren't my own - I like to make sure she's breathing. Lol!

      I have a favor to ask of you. I just found out I can't get Lillie's blog to load. All I get is the Google+ sign-in screen. Can you check to see if it's working for you? She might have changed settings or something so "anonymous" people like me can't access it, or maybe she made it private? I hope not, or I won't be able to go visit her. I'll check back here later. Thank you, Wilmey, Willie, Wilmsey, Wilsie...trying them all on for size. ;-)


    3. Irishey..it is not you

      Lillie had a blogging issue, so she shut it down until it is fixed to her liking. She is fine

      and I'll go with


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  9. Ok.... Ummm.....egg whites? Huh? Everything else I know.

    Where do I sign up for the class?

  10. I will never look at elephants in quite the same way again... yes THAT'S what it takes to get me to stop lurking and comment. :)

    I really enjoy your blog!

    1. Well Jeanette Welcome! ( I did actually notice when you started to follow).

      You seem like my kinda gal!

      I'm so honoured to hear you say you enjoy my blog! Even if it discusses using unsanitary egg whites as a vaginal lubricant. LOL

    2. oh ... so THAT's what it's for... i just couldn't figure it out for the life of me! and that explains the frothing. oh dear. now i'm giggling.

    3. Whaaaaaaaaaaat ? you couldn't figure it out? LOL...Kidding of course. What kind of morons would actually try this..Oh yeah, US! lol

    4. erm, know i AM tempted to try... just so, er, I'll know first hand what it's like! EEks. I'll ask BIKSS. heh.

    5. You're nuts you know?

      Actually it says right on the Egg Beaters carton- do not use for meringue, so you might have to seperate your own eggs to get the 'frothy' affect..LMBO, I can't believe I am giving suggestions!

  11. I know! And that was BEFORE you could buy just egg whites in a carton! Like no one heard of KY back then? lol

    After all that, you still want to come to the class Blue Bird...Okay but it bring your own wine and chocolate!

  12. You are so funny. Love trial and error, lol. Red body paint, hmmmm...;)

    1. Well I wish I could attribute this post to my creativity, but I'm just retelling actual- disturbing events!

      Happy you enjoyed it!

  13. Morning Wilma, ROFLMBO, this is hilarious! I'll never look at an elephant the same way again!

    Yep, the title got my attention (how could it not!) Guess maybe I must be a prev too, when does class start?

    Only trouble was, I checked this on my phone at work. I know, I should have stopped when I saw the title but no, I read on and was soon spluttering on my tea, laughing uncontrollably with tears down my cheeks. I think my colleagues thought I was having some kind of fit!

  14. Good evening Roz! How's the tea? Coffee is great as there was FROST last night...brrrrrrrrr!

    As a friend I know I should feel slightly guilty that you spewed tea everywhere and possibly embarassed yourself...but I this morning I have just the right mix of evil and conceit in me I guess, because I feel a little prideful!

    I'm happy everyone else found it as funny as we did! I suppose this post could have went terribly wrong! lol

    Nighty Nighty coffee buddy!


  15. Okay, I just figured out the egg whites. Giggling!

    1. If it had been 20 years later ( well 17 ) I'd just ask to peek into M's Tickle Trunk...Probably would have saved me the troubles. Mind you they do make for funny stories!

  16. I know I tried to comment yesterday but somehow I hit a button and it all went away! After that I just thought tomorrow is another day!

    I was thinking...never did that...why eggs and not whipped cream lol. chocolate? I think I will keep these in mind....when I make my decision at eden.....or maybe I will just order lingerie?
    See married for 20 plus years and inexperienced!!!!

  17. Hey Minelle!

    You know what is so odd about this blog community- In it

    I'm tall <- lol

    I was OLD when I got married

    and I'm some sexual perv ?

    With my FTFF I'm the shortest
    I was one of the youngest to get married
    and well...one sex toy doesn't exactly make me a perv.

    You better check the expiry date on your gift certificate! lol Seriously though, I haven't been on the site, but why not go with a body massage oil to start?

    Just my 2 cents!

  18. OMG did you think I was calling you a perv? No way I am laughing at me!
    Ummmmmm body massage oil....lol you pre-empted me!lol

    Okay huh....FTFF?
    I was second to last to get married and I'm the oldest!

  19. LOL...No Minellle!

    Lillie alluded to that a LONG time ago! LMBO.

    Oh sorry I think I mentioned it some where deep in my blog FTFF -> Face To Face Friends.

    By all means if you want to be the oldest one to have gotten married, have at it!

    ( Can I still be tall ?)

  20. Replies
    1. Whoo hoo! Good-bye PTA(type) Mom..

      Helllllllllo 5 foot 2 Perverted Giant!

  21. Just came back to read the other comments and get my answer to the egg whites. Ummmmmm............yuck!

    1. LOL..now don't judge...Kidding! It was gross and fun all at the same time...lol

  22. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my gosh Wilma! And here I thought you were ...well, not sure now!
    Saw the title and thought ohhh well that sounds interesting! We got some (from somewhere, no idea where, might of come with a book or something) and then looked at them for days wondering what the hang do you do with these? Book must of been no good for explaining anything :(

    And egg whites? And I too had to read down through the comments to find out what you did with those. Didn't even get it when you said about 'beating them' Glad you 'whipped' up the answer.

    Wow who would of thought chickens could lay something so versatile!! Actually, there used to be an ad on TV, many years ago, that said 'Eggs, the versatile food' I am now guessing that the person who thought up that catch phrase might of been using them for something else too :)

    I too would like to join your class to learn more about these things....that is if I didn't get the giggles :)

    Thanks for the morning laugh :)

  23. Okaaaaaaaaaaay...so I am used to being looked at as the girl next door with people I meet face to face, ( until I speak that is ) but how did that happen in Blog Land?

    As for the Beads...I've only ever laid eyes on them at a Sexapalooza show ( isn't it cool how you can palooza anything?). For those not 'in the know' it is like a Sex Toy Trade Show---Roseanne and Dan brought me for my birthday--I DID NOT buy my own ticket, provide my own ride or buy anything (oops not true bought a naughty kitchen apron for Dan) Anyway I did know what the beads were there...but they did come with pictures...and there was more variety of beads there than at the ACTUAL bead store I took my little neice too! What was my point..?

    So we'll need someone else to teach the class. I can do a subsection on what you MIGHT not want to try at home! But you can just read that here.

  24. Or I could talk about the WE VIBE 2...I do have one of those!

  25. Well, I am now a little more clued up on things. Gosh, I didn't realise I was so naive! And Everyone thinks that I am not the 'girl next door' type!

    Sexapalooza...now that sounds interesting..wondering if I would spend the day red faced though :)

    1. Oh M3 let me tell ya! I don't generally blush at that kind of stuff, now if I have to talk in front of a group that is a different story,( trust me the irony is not lost on me) so I was good there.

      There were men standing in business suits trying to hock their Pocket P*sseys <- yup. Seemed so odd. There were women walking around completely naked with the exception of body paint, ( really well done by the way- no elephants) Tatoos getting done. And here I am in my little winter coat stuck to Rosanne and Dan. lol. The clients there were so YOUNG too! Rosanne kept saying " Hey WILMA how about...?" I'm not against toys, I just think online is more for me.

      This one girl was wearing a bra and leather mini. She asked her fellow co-workers if they'd like anything from Starbucks. She took their order and turned to leave. I think the guys line behind her in Starbucks were going to have to worry about their 'Grandes' because the back of her skirt was just six chains. Not even a thong. Guess she didn't want underwear lines! lol

      PS- JANUARY in Canada...just sayin' metal on bare skin...not smart!

  26. I knew this was a post that would keep on going, and going, and going...like the energizer rabbit! Bwahahaha! Class begins when, exactly?!

    Saw your post titles about Lillie's blog. Going to check them out, them go say hey over there. Thank you, Willie.


    1. Nothing like the words Anal Beads and a picture of She Ra holding a necklace to get people all fired up ( nothing except maybe Grand Marnier on the who-who ).

      I am sad to say that this post hands down has had the most comments to date. MIGHT be taking down my post popular post widget for a bit...lol

  27. beat egg whites!! I'm crying! I haven't even got to read the comments yet lol what on earth makes you think you're silly lol.

  28. Say what? Is there a rumour out there that I am silly???