Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Anxiety Girl Spanked to the Curb !

  Not too long ago Cat at Giggles and Reflections had yet another funny post ( which you can read by clicking on her blog name- by the way Cat also taught me how to do that!  Thanks Cat). I joked that I didn't recognize myself in any of the little pictures she had posted there- I don't think I fooled her.  Anyway, I stole this little ditty to explain how I  WAS,  (yes, was fear not this is not another Weepy Willie Post) after my last post.


Oh I see you all out there throwing your hands up in the air in frustration.  Yelling at your computer screens,  " Great another freakin' persona !  Ethel get the Venn diagram out, Willie's added another character !"  And to you I say FEAR not.  Oh yes I was definitely Anxiety Girl.  Her and I go waaaaay back, but she ususally arrives monthly and she's is about as welcome as her travel companion.  THIS time she came alone.  
 

 If one wanted to delve into the why Anxiety Girl chose to visit twice in one month,one could chalk up her visit to the holidays...but I don't think so ( and you know I have given this a lot of thought).  Perhaps the anxiety slipped in when I left myself numb from the weekend.  Good news-  at least I was feeling again?

Well let's just say that Barney made sure I was feeling SOMETHING  again.  Yes, yes, this is the spanking part....I'll take a moment while my 'friends' whop an holler .  Alright hate to cut some of your parting short, as this was Maintenance. Not punishment.  Did you notice I didn't say target practice, or tan your titanium toosh? M.A.I.N.T.E.N.A.N.C.E.  

Barney read my blog this morning...three times- see Bas you are not the only one, must be an HoH thing.  We had a discussion before our session.  For some unknown reason this week I was nervous.  I almost decided to call the whole thing off- like the WHOLE thing off.. For one fleeting second, I thought I can't do this.  I can't for the life of me tell you why that was. Well perhaps that was Anxiety Girl trash talking in my ear.

We lay on our bed and talked before hand.  Well Barney talked.  He talked about my last blog post, and how he noticed what was happening with me.  He mentioned how we both knew that it was most likely going to be a snow day the day before- so he didn't consider it a cancelled maintenance day.  Once again he brought up wrapping his head around actual punishment.  He is trying to figure out how he is supposed to be feeling when he does administer it.  That is his thought process at the moment.  

The mistake I made last week that he had to fix did indeed make him angry, he told me. There was no point, in his mind expressing that anger toward me as it was an honest, careless, but honest mistake- and that I was taking it far harder than he thought I should.( I hear your sighs).  The conversation continued around future punishment and that he is getting more comfortable with the idea, but is never really angry AT me. He is  more frustrated with me. ( See- I still think I can use that as evidence that I am an angel).  

He wanted to clarify that when he said I was doing much better this holiday season than last, he didn't mean I was unbearable last year, but I don't seem as stressed.  He attributes that to me letting him in since we started ttwd- to us COMMUNICATING even when it is difficult, and I don't want to, like last week.

Ooops sorry I guess THIS is the spanking part.  OTB I went.  I don't remember a great deal about what was said this time.  But it must have been better because I wasn't thinking my own lecture in my head.  Did I giggle?  Well I bit my tongue at one point so as not too because Barney once again said " Man I really have to start working out". 
Thanks to Lucy for sending this to me!


 Before our lecture we talked about how I was going to be spanked.  I mentioned the speed thing again- and THIS time he was faster.  That really did help.  So faster hand, then the belt...more conversation...Harder, faster belt.  ( let me clarify by conversation- I mean he asked me, and I was honest- I was not telling him how to )  He then went back to his hand...that hurt.  I think the switching up of implements helps so that my brain doesn't get used to one and settle in a safe zone.  He then said something about that blasted silicone spatula( which is actually a spreader).  Okay THAT got my attention.  You see I have only ever been spanked once for punishment, at the start of ttwd, for not following my food journal and exercising, and he brought this out ( which I had stupidly purchased).  

 Now we were new to ttwd at the time- NEWER I should state, and there was no warm up.  This sucker is KILLER.  By swat number 3 I couldn't hold position anymore.  So after a LONG time with a belt, I wasn't looking forward to this.  I casually mentioned how much that hurt and that he had mentioned it for punishments only.  Thank God he agreed and moved on to a wooden spatula that is like a paddle but ligher.  The 'paddle' was beginning to do its thing in combination with the previous implements ( oh there was a plastic thing in there too).  Not too long after I was curling my toes and grasping at the duvet.  I could see the  break through on the horizon.   As I started to squirm, Barney stopped.  

 I am not upset with Barney, you seriously have no idea how many swings the poor man took today.  I know he's not keen on seeing me in pain, so I think once I started to grab the duvet and didn't break, he was worried  how much more it was going to take and stopped.

Although I didn't grab what I thought I wanted from this spanking, I did gain something very important.  I regained myself.  I have no idea how it works or why it works, but it did.  I am completely reset- Anxiety Girl vanished.  Before Maintenance today I was going to send an email to someone ( not Dd related) and I thought, I should really wait until after my spanking today and see if that is how I want to proceed.  I never wrote the email..I am still thinking about email conversations between myself and this person, but I no longer feel anxious about it.

Do I feel more submissive?  Um I actually hadn't felt overly NON submissive ( again zip it...you know who you are) this week.  Perhaps that is what this 'break through " will mean if I am able to cross the threshold.  I want to be able to feel like I need to climb on my husbands lap after- for me, not just for him.  Who knows?  Maybe that is not  even in my make up- but as I type today 12 hours later on a still very sore bum, I am grateful for the reset!

I saw a difference in Barney during and after my spanking marathon today.  He was determined, and not shaken up.  Good for him, and myself today-  
I hear bad for me later :) 

Willie
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39 comments:

  1. That's really great to hear...errr read! Lol! I'm glad you feel reset. I sometimes have a hard time wrapping my head around why it works that way, but it does so we continue ;)

    Sorry bout your bum. Hopefully you'll be sitting comfortably again soon

    P

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    1. Thanks P

      For once I am not going to over-think things. It worked, I feel much better- who cares why!

      My back end is much better thank you. It actually was a 'nice' reminder of how hard Barney is trying for me- for us :) I KNOW THAT feeling will most likely be forgotten in the future! lol

      Willie

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  2. Yay for both of you Wilma, I'm so happy for you. Ok, yep, we must definitely all be crazy Lol.

    Barney will get the hang of punishment spanking. Rick says usually there is some emotion there, frustration, disappointment etc and that drives him (as it were). Our guys are the opposite. Rick couldn't get his head around spanking for no infraction, but as you know, he has now introduced role affirmation - sigh.

    I find it hard to reach the point of crying too, but I still do need the cuddles and reassurance afterwards. Try not to worry about whether you will reach that break through. It doesn't mean the spanking hasn't been effective if you don't.

    As for anxiety girl - that is totally me right now. I'm afraid the last couple of days have seen the return of both Scrappy and the Grinch. My crystal ball tells me there is a spanking in my very near future. Actually, it was my husband not my crystal ball - sigh!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Well I'm sorry to hear that you aren't in a good place right now- heck by the time you read this that bad place might be otk ! I'll try and be supportive and tell you that at least Rick sees that and is willing to try to help.

      You should feel a bit better after "The Boss" steps in and does a little Dancing in the Dark---okay baaaaaaaaad I know...plus that makes me think of sex not spanking..but maybe you'll get both!

      Tomorrow's post..nothing but Christmas for you Grinchie Pooh!

      Much Love
      Willie

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  3. I want to say "Go Barneykins!" but I realize that would be like calling my husband "pumpkin" which he really doesn't like. One could get themselves spanked for such names. I'm already nice and tender thank you very much...so I won't say it.

    As hard as this is Willie, you two are communicating so much better than you were. He's not only noticing your stress but walking with you through it even on those days when he can't spank. As much as we live this way of life very seriously, my husband doesn't enjoy spanking either. I mean, he comments on the nice view and all that sort of sassy stuff but he doesn't enjoy seeing me in pain. It has taken a long time and a whole lot of observation and gumption to keep at it till I have a breakthrough. As much as I don't enjoy the spanking either, I don't envy them. They have a tough job and they love us so much.

    I'm really glad that anxiety girl is gone and I hope she stays far away so that you can enjoy your family these next days.

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    1. Good morning Susie!

      Sorry about your bum :( I hope it did the 'trick'.

      Practicing ttwd certainly does make one acknowledge the anxiety, and all the emotional things that comes with it. Blech...but at least I know I don't have to carry that heavy load alone anymore. I still have quite the tightness in my chest concerning a few things about life in general, but that feeling seems to be content to stay put in my chest, and be what it is- not ooozing into other areas to cause havoc.

      Yes the old 'view' comments. Um Barney mentioned that again yesterday too. How very difficult it can be at times to stay on task. LOL. I am very proud ( not sure that is the right word here) of how Barney dealt with things yesterday. Our conversation before hand ( much more than was posted on here) could have certainly dissuaded him from continuing the lengthy spanking, and gave him an excuse to stop, but he didn't . The general tone seemed a bit different yesterday, and that too has given me comfort ( just not in ALL areas..wink).

      I think later in the day, once he saw his 'handywork' he might have realized what I have been telling him all along- I can take it, and still come out the other side fine. He didn't seem horrified at all this time :)

      Much Love
      Willie

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    2. Glad you got anxiety girl kicked to the curb. She shows up here, too.
      Hugs, Elle :)

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    3. Don't answer the door elle :) She seems to travel from house to house, but the kind of 'gifts' she's handing out no one wants!

      Hugs back at ya!

      Anxiety free Willie

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  4. "tis the season and red is definitely the color. Glad things are better.

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    1. Hi Sunny

      lol well at the moment my backside it like a tacky 80's dress with a red, burgundy, purple, black and yellow pattern on it! Barney has never been known for his fashion sense- outfitting me this time is no different!

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    2. Your iron may be low if you bruise easily. Eat more leafy green vegetables, beef or take some B12.

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  5. Venn diagram...lol...love it. I know how that anxiety can just mount up and nothing YOU DO (giggle) seems to make it go away. I am glad that Barney, the Anxiety Slayer, was able to take care of you and give you what you needed.

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    1. Hey Cygnet!

      How's the hula going?

      As for the Venn diagram, I am seriously thinking I could replace Sally Field in the remake of Sybil. Er, I mean, I am a very complex individual. Too bad I could really do without all my complexities!

      Anxiety Slayer- I like it, but I'm afraid he's also Distancing Destroyer, Submissive Seeker, Defiant Demolisher...not sure his chest is big enough for all those. His superhero costume would look like a NASCAR driver's suit!

      Willie

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    2. Hey, Willie, Steve and Gibbs have been helping me through the hula! I have started kettle bells too.

      I am sure Barney would tell you that your complexities are what make you interesting and loveable.

      A man of many talent, I like it! I guess HOH just about covers everything, right?

      Have a Merry, Anxiety-free, Christmas!

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  6. I think I'm going to stop reading your blog the night before my 'weekly discussion'! Last week it was the dreaded belt and now all these other show-stoppers! And the description of your rear-end is amazing! And you are telling us all that this is just maintenance?!!! I'm simply speechless Willie! My tummy is doing backflips! If you see some smoke signals in the distance, it's me! I've run for the hills!

    Fearful hugs, Ami

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    1. Oh Ami

      Sorry. I am hard headed is all. Others I'm sure don't have this issue. My back end maybe a little coloured- and only in two spots Ami, about the size of a soft ball, but it didn't hurt for the majority of the time OTB yesterday, and it doesn't hurt at all today. I just bruise easily that's all.

      I'm good really. I might not want a spanking today. But I'm good. Don't fear.

      Love a Willie who can easily sit on a wooden chair today :)

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  7. So even Barney has to read your posts 3 times. Yes working out could provide Barney with be a long term solution for complicated girls.

    That Anxiety girl is a wimp. One spanking and she is gone. Just wait till her older sister comes along!

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    1. I thought you would find that tid bit of information interesting Bas...I'm not even going to comment on the working out bit...

      And what older sister?
      You aren't very inspirational today Bas...sheesh!

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    2. You feeling safe with that little Ocean in between? Sheesh!

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    3. BAS ! Is that a veiled threat? LOL..

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    4. Don't think there was anything 'veiled' about that one Willie. Better watch out - Bas may start giving Barney lessons and then you might be looking at a morning wake-up spanking every day! Yikes!!!!

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    5. Sheesh is right! I've already had someone elses HoH threaten to border jump to get the job done- I'm really getting international now!

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  8. Hey Willie - No, you didn't fool me. LOL The main thing is that anxiety girl has hit the road. So happy that Barney is feeling more comfortable and you two are settling in a bit more to TTWD.

    Hey Barney - most mistakes are honest so maybe a punishment spanking would help Willie learn not to be 'careless'. ;)

    You two are doing very well, especially considering how stressful the holiday season is! Keep up the good work.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. CAT!

      Sheeesh. " Hey Barney most mistakes are honest so...." HONESTLY- how does one hush this kitten up?!

      grumble,grumble Love
      Willie

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    2. ROFL - Hey Willie - I'm just trying to help Barney be a better HoH - isn't that nice of me? LOL You would be more careful if you got punished for carelessness...am I wrong? :)

      Love you,
      Cat

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    3. Man...I'm sure glad you aren't MY HoH! Although sometimes I kinda feel that way.

      You are sooooooooooo helpful. Perhaps you could open a side business

      Cat- HoH Coach to the Stars

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    4. ROFLMBO - Ok Willie - since you asked so nicely, send Barney on over and I'll begin my business by coaching him. :D

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  9. Yeah!! I am happy for you Wilma...this still seems strange to me that I am saying that I am happy that your rear is a kaleidoscope of color...surreal. Anyway, I am happy that you are no longer anxious and hope this feeling lasts a little while for you. I am impressed that Barney read your post, not once, but three times:) Go Barney!
    Bea

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    1. Well Bea, like I said to Ami, ( although you were clearly reading while I was writing) my bum maybe colourful, but it certainly doesn't hurt anymore. I am not questioning the why of how it works, and I don't really care. Today is so much better than yesterday :)

      As for Barney reading my post- most impressive, the third time I hardly saw his lips move...LOL...

      Love
      Willie
      PS, Thanks again for the nomination thingie

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  10. From one Anxiety Girl to another (maybe our super heroine identities can be the anxiety twins, we can get matching rings and capes) congratulations! I know that breakthrough can be hard. I'm glad it happened for you. Good for Barney too. Once Bucko crossed the threshold there was no going back. Good luck, Willie.

    Love,
    TL

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    1. Sounds like there maybe more than twins in this family. Although at the moment I am not Anxiety Girl. I've hung up my cape, it makes me look too short anyway, and hides my best ASSet...which isn't saying much! I'm donning my house dress and mules with the feather tuft on the toe- hair in a french twist...bwhaahaaa! Time to feed the kids I was going to say Pogos, but you guys have no clue what those are...Corn Dogs..NOT!

      Love
      Willie!

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  11. Hey!
    Your not "Anxiety Girl", I am "Anxiety Girl"! and several others she had posted as well. LOL!

    I'm glad it worked for you. I am also glad Barney is starting to get a little more comfortable.

    By the way Barney, sometimes it is not just about punishing in a punishment spanking. It is sometimes just a process of forgiveness and a release of guilt. Look at me giving advise!

    Moving forward inch by inch. Yeah!

    Hugs!
    BB

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    1. Okay you can be Anxiety Girl if you insist. I am Procrastination Patty at the moment anyway. Add that to your Venn diagram Cygnet!

      You are right about the forgiveness part. Although knowing me I'd still be dragging myself through the mud, only with a sore bum.

      Hugs back atcha!
      Willie

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  12. Wilma, I sure hope one day I am in your shoes- anxiety girl, I think I need the reset I just don't think my man realizes it yet- I know one day I will regret saying that. Love your post.

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  13. HEY Cathie!

    Yay!

    Um, let me clarify. This was a scheduled event, just so happens I did need a reset yes. But Barney didn't actively seek me out to reset me. So don't be so hard on your situation. The timing happened to work THIS time.

    I am still at the stage where I still find it hard to believe that I am going to get to the point where I regret my words...although everyone apparently says that. At least the ones still blogging *wink*

    I'm happy you like my post. Remember to tell me when you post the first time!

    Willie

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    1. I am hoping to post this weekend as soon as it get thumbs ups. In the mean time I keep reading and enjoying.

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    2. Well I'll be excited to read whenever you decide to post..but you have to tell me as I can't follow you until you have your blog up..

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  14. Okay, now I get some of our conversation from earlier! LOL
    You are one tough 'cookie' Yes I did go there.
    I hear you on the anxiety darlin. You will make it through.

    I definitely have anxiety girl over here in the house. I actually am probably on the precipice.

    My hubby also has a hard time staying on task when presented the view from his perspective.

    Good luck tomorrow!

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  15. Minelle I am filled with shock and horror! Do you mean to tell me that your conversations with me this week were confusing?

    I hope your hubby gets over his distracted view of your hot bottom, and helps you ( your way ) with Anxiety Girl!

    Also here's hoping the quarantine sign is removed from your house soon!

    Much Love
    Willie

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