Sunday, December 9, 2012

Refusing to Eat ?

I thought I would drop a quick note so that you weren't worried I was preparing to jump off of the refrigerator.  Last night was our Cook Together Night- yes we've still been doing that even if I haven't been writing about it.  Once the dust settled, the kids left the kitchen, we had a small window of opportunity to chat.

 Barney said he read my blog post about feeling invisible.  He mentioned how so many people commented and the multitude of wonderful ideas that were found there.  " Lots to think about".  Here is ( what I found to be) a funny exchange that happened between us ( Barney will be in bold font)

"Someone wrote about putting stuff together from a million pieces"

"That was Lillie"

(Her original comment


It is like putting together a thing that comes will a gazillion pieces - I reach for the instructions and Ian starts assembling in an intuitive kind of way. It is like the male animal needs to put it together as he understands it to work, not be lead through the process a piece at a time.....does that make any sense?
Or the cliche about men and women with maps..... women reach out and ask directions, men need to find the way themselves. It might take them longer, but they have really understood the entire area by the time they get, they have made their own reference points, and not relied on those of others )


"When I read that I thought, hey that is us. Only YOU are the one who refuses to look at the instructions and just does it"

"I KNOW  I told her that too!  But the analogy still works, just with a different twist."

"Then someone wrote about maps.."..

"Ah, yeah...STILL  Lillie" ( sigh and giggle)


( Mock horror)
"Oh God....  I'm married to IAN ! "

  LOTS OF Laughter.....

( we know that is not true Ian- just for Lillie's examples)
******************
He talked about the importance of instructions when putting something together, so he has all the facts in order to know how it works, etc...I said I understood  BUT  

"Sometimes it is just a simple book shelf from Ikea.  You know it's purpose.  Build it and let's use it."

"So true."

He also mentioned how I am one way, but also the other.

"Oh believe me I know...I am the perfect foil for, well .......... ME "( giggle)

"Yes!  That is it! - The perfect way to put it."

"Um, not helping your argument about listening, I've said that many times before"...( laughing)

"Oh"

Barney has been working a lot since my Pardon? Did You Say Something Post, but this has given me some time to think.  To put some distance between the events and the feelings they created to see things with a clearer head.  There are a few things I wish I could have done differently.  I wish I could have seen with his heart and not mine in a couple of the situations that day.  I hate that sometimes ( okay MOST times) my emotions cloud my judgement.

He didn't do what he said he was going to, that is still true, but what is also true, is that he thought he was going to 'reach' me another way.  He thought this is what I wanted.  Basically there is a buffet of  options on the table, and he took the freshest dishes- leaving the meat and potatoes.  There is a reason why meat and potatoes are on the table, because they are tried and true. But I understand his thought that perhaps I would like Banana Flambe for a change.  Just like a toddler ( if we must continue to use the baby steps analogy) I poked at the new dish with my little plastic spoon, slammed my mouth shut, and turned my head to the side.



It takes time to learn what this toddler wants to eat- but sometimes you have to make the spoon with the Banana Flambe choo choo towards the slammed shut mouth to get her to try it.  Oh well it is a learning process...this ADVENTURE ( better than journey?) we are on.





 Thank you once again for checking up on me/us everyone.  My heart swells whenever I think of all of you




Willie !

38 comments:

  1. Those connections you made were great.Just keep working together. Most men think differently. It makes sense when you think about evolving throughout history. We compliment each other and that is a great positive, yet communication is at times confusing.lol

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    Replies
    1. Well I'll certainly take confusing communication over no communication.

      As I've said to Ami on my Pardon post,it is taking less time for the turn around now, and it doesn't nearly 'smart' as much as it did at the beginning of this adventure. I suppose it is because we are realizing that what we see is not necessarily what the other sees.

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  2. Wilma, I'm getting more and more confused. First you were married to Fred, then you married Barney the husband of your friend Betty, and now you are married to Ian, who I thought was the husband of your friend Lillie?
    Or did I not understand it?

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    Replies
    1. You are indeed confused Bas...Barney was the one who was most ( mockingly) disturbed that HE had married IAN

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    2. This is soooooo good! I'm actually perking up and beginning to love the end to my Sunday, even if I am now totally and completely confused!!!

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    3. Oh, aha, I stand corrected. Now, everything is clear.
      Yeah, Barney and Ian, who would have thought?
      Now, what are we going to do with poor lonely Wilma and Lillie?

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  3. Connections that happen when both are open to listening are so important. As Minelle and other have said and I am sure you know, men are different creatures and we cannot expect the same reactions from them that you know you will get from our female persuasion. That's the fun of it.

    So what did you cook? I can't get my husband to cook anything, although he is in charge of the barbeue. Surprise, huh?

    Have a good day.

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    Replies
    1. We didn't cook anything fancy this week because we had to 'attack' the Xmas tree! LOL

      We just had escargot in mushroom caps, with Caesar salad, bread and of course a few glasses of submission---er RED WINE.

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  4. Great post Willie. Best of luck as you continue to figure it out.

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    1. Thanks TL

      I can use all the luck I can get some days :)

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  5. Hey Willie and Barney,
    You succeeded in rendering Ian speechless.....when he finally found words he said, "maybe it is Barney that needs to be spanked?"
    Very cute....within reason I followed my Mum's advice and fed my toddlers what they wanted - maybe that advice should be applied to ttwd?
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Whoo Hoo! Where do we collect our prize for rendering Ian speechless?

      And if Ian, is not campaigning for me to be spanked, I'm all for whatever he is suggesting!

      As for the toddler thing, I too did that, now the boys eat almost anything I put in front of them- although pre/teenaged boys are like human garbage disposals anyway.

      I do whole heartily agree with only serving me what I want LOL...but I guess that isn't always in my best interest in the long run.

      (Hmmm? what I wouldn't have been to be a fly on the wall when you read Ian this post..lol)

      Love to you both

      Willie

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  6. And.....oh, Barney - I know...I have been exactly where you have my friend - taking a nearly completed project apart because sometimes things have to be put together in a certain order, putting the left over pieces in a labelled ziplock bag because we might need them after all. Ian approaches every project like it was a boxed puzzle, and the picture on the cover is all you need - fine for a 500 piece polar sunset....not so good for an elliptical....
    We should have drink sometime and share war stories.
    hugs
    lillie

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    Replies
    1. Um? Ian...this is where you are supposed to step in and come to my defense! Clearly you didn't screw up the elliptical- a picture is all you need..pah!

      Lillie you two won't have time for a drink. You'll be too busy reading the manual. Ian and I will be tipsy by the time you are finished.

      ( Thanks for the back up Ian)

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    2. Oh and everyone knows, things come with extra parts.

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    3. I just got two new chairs to put together and there was actually a bag labeled 'extra parts'. :D It would have helped if the instructions had been written by someone a bit more familiar not only with English but with the correct way to write instructions. ;)

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    4. See if you had had either myself or Ian there, it wouldn't have mattered what language the instructions were in. Lillie and Barney could have pondered over them, as we threw a few more bolts into the extra parts bag.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. AMI!!! Somehow I managed to delete your comment! I am so sorry. The exercise thing is a Get Off Our Butts challenge. Each week we post what our goals are for the week and tell everyone on the weekend if we achieved said goals. You can 'click' on the denim on the right of my blog to see the original idea.

    That was all I read about your comment. Sorry I have this annoying add banner in my comments section that makes it difficult to see, so I usually publish the comment before I read it all. I must have hit delete instead of publish in your case.

    Willie

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  9. I never realised communication could get so complicated. Sometimes the words just come out wrong. You know what you want to say, and then you end up saying the exact opposite. But I was thinking about what you said about being on the same page - if you fold your page so the next page butts up to the page you are on, it means you can have different interpretations of how to get there, but share the same destination.

    Really? You have an HOH who cooks? My, my! What's gone wrong? Beloved still thinks of it as 'woman's work'! Although I am talking him into going on a cooking weekend for husbands who don't know how to cook. He hasn't said 'no' yet. And your recipes sound brilliant. I love escargots! Add them to the picnic!

    Hugs, Ami

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    Replies
    1. Barney likes to cook- provided I lay out everything. Nothing in our house is dubbed as woman's work or man's work- although we do play out certain roles. Due to the amount of hours Barney works though, I have to do double duty, and when he is off, he often returns the favour :)

      Get email linked to your blogger ID and we can share recipes. After all there is more to ttwd blogging than just " I got spanked" " Why didn't I get spanked" " You should be spanked" ...LOL

      Willie

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  10. I have to say...it is no wonder poor Barney doesn't know what to do with you....I read these two times and I am still confused ;)

    No, really this is good...truly. You all are communicating....and that is the biggest part of ttwd...well in my humble little opinion :)

    Good job kids! Keep going....you can do it!!!

    Love ya...

    Lucy

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  11. Of course you are confused, you have Preggo Brain. It is okay, I'll send you the Cliff Notes.

    LITTLE opinion? Pah? When did you start with that? LOL

    Love back at cha!

    Willie

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  12. Oh look..communication! That dreaded word again...you know the one that we think about after the fact....sigh..

    Sounds like you and Barney are starting to communicate more..good on you on both! Maybe you should have more than one cook night a week... :) followed of course by your Glasses of Submission..er Red Wine....LOL. (Have to try that one)

    Really am glad that you have had such a great talk.

    Males seem to think to much...and take such a long time (well S does, drives me batty!!) to do so.
    But we love them anyway.

    So glad you have not fallen off the fridge :)

    Hugs Willie

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    Replies
    1. Woah...let's not push the cook together night thing. There is only so many glasses of submission a girl can have in a week before getting a submission hangover.

      Things are better thank you M3. A lot has to deal with time too.

      Love
      Willie

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  13. So happy things seem to be much better even though Barney thinks he's married to Ian. LOL

    Hope you stocked up on your submission so you don't have to drink any more of Barney's beer. ;)

    Hang in there Barney - you will decide what works best for the two of you.

    When he does Willie, I'm gonna be laughing and referring you back to some of your earlier posts! teehee

    Blessings,
    Cat

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  14. Yes, yes, Cat...go stand over there with the rest of them, waiting to laugh at me.

    As for my submission. I made Homemade Irish Cream last night. I ended up with 2 -26 ers and a Micky- (how that for Canadiana) Should get me through to next week.

    Love
    Willie

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  15. Wilma and Barney, I am so glad that you guys can laugh with each other, where I am assuming before you would pull apart from each other. Would have loved to have seen Barney's mock horror face and Ian, speechless...bet that was a remarkable moment:)
    Love ya,
    Bea

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    1. I would imagine Bea that both men would much me be render speechless.

      Barney can attest to it happening only twice in our marriage. Neither time involving him, but men ...ya know what...forget it. It has happened let us leave it at that.

      As for Barney he is allllllllllll about Lillie now. Not that he wasn't before.( but men do tend to stick together) It is poor Lillie, I know how frustating that can be living with a person who..blah blah blah....hello I am right here!...*wink*

      Lots of Love
      Willie

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  16. Darn it, Bea! You just said what I was going to say! ;)

    The laughing together through the serious changes - I mean, it's priceless.

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  17. Hi Wilma, so great to hear things seem to be better and that you two communicated so well and made the connections. Glad too that you are able to laugh together while figuring it out.

    I love the analogy, very cute but good. I think if Barney wants to try banana flambe rather than meat and potatoes, he needs to communicate this change, and you need to be willing to give it a go. You never know, you like banana flambe :)

    Love the bit about Barney being married to Ian - what?? and Ian being left speechless Lol

    Hugs
    Roz

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  18. Hi Roz.

    Snow day here today, so this will be the only peaceful part of my morning. I am sitting here with only the lights from my Christmas tree, and the snow is pelting at my window. It is more like sleet than snow. The boys are going to be so excited! I'm feeling very Christmasy . I hope you are too!

    The trying Banana flambe thing without communication was the issue. I am willing to try, but in my mind, the timing was off. We talked about trust- and how I have to trust that he knows what is right, but he also has to earn that trust. I more than frustrated him that morning I could tell, but in the end he also understood where I was coming from.

    As for poor Ian. I really must put up another post soon. Yes it was funny, but laying in bed last night I was thinking how this was turning into a tease Ian comment post. I mean I was having as much fun as the next person.....but... Better change the subject :)

    Love

    Willie

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  19. Um, Wilma, have you ever thought about the fact that you give such great and insightful advice to everyone else,,,, that maybe you should take some of your own advice. Oh, I know, easier said than done. My advice is to be open to change and trust that you may not know exactly what you want. And give Barney time and encouragement. I think you are doing great and you have come so far in such a short time. YOU GO GIRL!

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  20. Hey Blondie! Welcome back. Long time no...speak?

    Thank you for your kind words- not sure how helpful my advice has been, but people still talk to me so I guess it's alright at least.

    I am trying to trust, it is very difficult when you are used to being in control. "Knowing" what is best for all concerned, and in someways I still am in control. You are right, I probably don't know exactly what I want. I'll just wait until Barney tells me :)

    Thanks for coming by again

    Willie

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    1. I am sure that we (women) all know what we want..... dang it, we want the men reading our minds so we don't have to spell everything out everytime our mind changes.
      Giving up control, espcially complete control, is probably impossible for me. Just telling my husband that he has the final say has made him listen more to me and actually look at my side.
      And yes, I have not been good at all with my time management. I read the blogs and never have time to comment. I need to stop pinteresting.
      Thanks

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  21. That Lillie...always throwing a magical wrench in to a conversation but come to think of it, Barney and Ian could have quite the conversation themselves if they happened to hang out for a beer or two. :)

    And you rendered Ian speechless! Sweet.

    About that getting what you want or perhaps think you might need...it doesn't seem to happen too often here either. Grrr.

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  22. Hi Susie.

    If I had a dollar every time Lillie came up in conversation...( that is a good thing btw) This time I was a little surprised how the conversation turned out.

    Ian and Barney having a beer huh? Does that mean Lillie and I can go off and have as many glasses of submission as we want?

    I'll keep you informed if I get what I want/ think I might need. lol

    Love
    Willie

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