Friday, February 1, 2013

Paging Dr. Willie...oh no...Oh yes...

 This post was originally just written for Barney, but if you are reading it, that means he thought it was a good idea, or okay to share.  That being said some details have been left out for your viewing pleasure- ( basically so you won't be scarred for life).


Part One written Thursday- pre Barney um, awareness?


As you may or may not know we've had a bumpy go of it for a few days.  Actually as I am writing we still are in an okay place but not fantastic. We are making plans for his day off and the weekend. We have discussed options for those Horror Moan days when we can't physically connect.  I'll stop all do good- doers now, and I appreciate your efforts...but lets just say CSI would be called in ...'nuff said...so when we WON'T reconnect, on those days we've decided  on Mega Cook Together Days like making Chinese Food, wontons, springrolls, chicken balls...etc.  That is definitely a plan ahead thing- Barney said he likes the idea because he will be able to keep his eye on me and the knives at the same time...hardy har har.

Our lives have been a bit hectic since our last um...R/A that wasn't.  This has given me some time to think...I heard that " Oh God " people!  While I can't figure out so much the anger aspect of this entire chapter of the ongoing SAGA of Barney and Willie's Excellent Adventure ( not)  I think I've figured out the crying during sex, and the feeling that it was being done too me rather than with me.  None of this of course is Barney's fault.  The poor guy is yet again a victim of my poor past decisions I believe.



Disclaimer...this has been floating around in my head for a very long time.  I didn't go searching the 'net for Web MD and squeeze myself into this pretty little picture of dysfunction   Who knows next week I could think I was completely off of my rocker this week.

When I was a teenager,( feel free to click the little x at the top of the page, I won't blame you)  I made a poor decision.  A consensual, yet poor decision.  Not only did I make this poor decision, we got caught while acting upon it.  How did we know?  Well a camera flash in the bush isn't difficult to miss.  Being five foot nothing and my partner in crime 6 foot 3,  I was pretty much hidden from view.  WELL except that back in the day I wore pretty unique footwear...ahem.  He was the captain of the hockey team...(yeah I know so Canadian..and B-rated- Molly- Ringwald- type movie ish) so his last name was spay across his jersey.  Hey it was outside!!! Anyway NO denying who we were in the photo ( which to this day I have never seen).  It scares me for teenagers these days with instant messaging and face book...how quickly these things could spread.. As it was my final year of high school was marred by the knowledge that then entire senior class and anyone else who wanted to know...knew about my ....well my loss of virginity.  There were comments and snickers..but I handled that no problem.  I usually beat them at their game...except it wasn't fun.  It was a bit of a nerve racking year.  Even after the comments stopped I still wondered if they were looking at me.  My partner and crime could no longer be in the same room, let alone talk to each other without someone poking fun of us- we weren't dating.

Anyway.  I used to joke when people talk about their first time. I would bob my head back, saying that is what I remembered about it.  Sad isn't it.  If I could take it back I would, but I can't.  Things didn't get much better from there for a few years.  With the death of my Dad, and all sorts of things..well I"m not proud.  I mean I did have a couple of nice boyfriends, but I did have a few key boyfriends that turned out to be complete jerks.  I think I detached to get by....but I can't say for sure..I mean housewife over here not therapist.

The other day after my spanking and things moved on to a more fun way of reconnection...well things moved quickly.  I was still in my little nighty ( which btw I've never owned before.  I think I said I was a boxers and tank top girl, so typing nighty sounds weird...well it is a pink and brown leopard print at least..wink). So things moved along ...fast.  Then the tears started.  I felt like I wasn't there.  This has happened before in our marriage.  Without the tears AT the time.  I must state right here I do not mean this as a slight on Barney.  There was a very long time where I didn't feel 'part of the process' in my mind/heart.  I never let Barney know.

As usual I couldn't figure out the whole tears thing.  But I honestly didn't dwell on it.  Seriously I didn't.  I was too busy with my son who was recovering...( he's fine).  Last night a friend asked me a question, rather innocently, and all of this came flooding back into my mind.  I suppose it makes sense. I mean that little voice I talk about, it has always told me to say to Barney I don't like to be partially clothed when we have sex.  I like to be completely naked, and I like him to be too.  Sure there were times when were were first together and couldn't keep our hands off of each other that these thoughts never entered my mind.  However for a while now, I can't stand it.  I feel cheap.  Like any port in the storm.  I know this is not true with my husband, but all those feelings come rushing to me at the time.  I guess I might have figured out why.

Perhaps I am just grasping at straws.  I'm not sure.  It makes sense to me, for now.  Ttwd has brought so many feelings and memories to the surface.  It is all a bit much at times.  IT is certainly inconvient, and well frankly at times annoying.  Then again, maybe I'm more off balance than I thought I was. LOL.

Now for the anger.  I'm not sure.  I know I was okay right after the spanking, although I was in my own world that much I can tell you for sure.  Do the two have anything to do with each other?  I can't say.  I was raw and hurt.  Detatched.  I suppose it is possible that I went back to my old 'coping' ways of being angry instead of allowing my real feelings to come through. I have also heard about several stages of spanking, and perhaps I was left in the angry stage?



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Okay so it didn't really go like this at all....but after the above 'stuff'  - well I didn't really want another " Oh Willie" comment section.


 We did talk.  The beginning of the discussion, well the majority of the conversation was:  Barney talks.  Wilma silence.  Barney speaks.  Wilma " I don't understand what you mean by that" ( Turns out that even if you read the same post- you both take different things away from it - huh?  Imagine that! ) Barney talks...Wilma doodles.

 Then it is Wilma's turn.  ...well....um...no, no accusations I swear.  But somehow the conversation became more passionate.  Here I was going to write a post about the two of us being 'beige' - not passionate.  Anyway, Barney left for a moment.  And I burst out in laughter.

"What is so funny?"

" Oh I was just thinking how you probably want to spank me right about now"

" Oh trust me, I want to spank you often"

(I said what?....Clearly he DOES.  NOT.  KNOW... about my angelic reputation!  Gah)

" It is just I don't always feel comfortable doing that..but I guess I'm going to have to start stepping outside of my comfort zone and just do it.  I think we need more maintenance sessions".

"Right.  You said twice a week before December and have yet to get to that even" ( poke. poke)

" Yeah I know.  But hopefully that will change"


Anyway.  We came up with a few 'solutions'....No sex right after Maintenance.  Barney was concerned about mixed signals initially....then after a bit of discussion, it might have come out that perhaps, on occasion he cut the session short...to get to the 'good stuff'.

We also discussed how after the 'incident' on Saturday night ( see previous post) how the thought of reestablishing his 'position' via R/A might have helped.  He said he honestly thought about it, but dismissed it because he thought it didn't seem fair.  The discussion of fairness in ttwd came up.  So that 'air' was cleared for the moment anyway.

During our Reconnection Appointment today, I was told to be honest.  After a LONG while he asked me if I was 'done'..(.I would have been if we didn't have that no sex rule).  " No"  and off we went again.  Eventually he 'had' to stop, with the promise that we would be revisiting 'this' later.



Don't get me wrong, neither one of us believes I can be spanked into submission, or into connection.  We are busy dealing with the distancing issue...and I was very close to what I perceived to be my 'breaking point'  but my white Irish/British bum had other ideas....sigh.  There was a definite 'crack' put into the wall today.

We will be practicing submission exercises.- Mostly for Barney's sake.  Yes I said that with a straight face and a clear conscience.

He also said that he has to remember to not let me distance for so long in the future.  He initially thought it was harsh to give me a time limit to 'figure' out was wrong.  I told him that there isn't always a revelation waiting in the wings.  The time also brings on irrational, anxiety girl.





Barney and I did discuss the sex/clothes issue.  The feeling of disconnect - naturally he felt it was his fault. I reassured him it was in me, and that I didn't know why at the time.  He assured me that he will do everything he can to help me through these times if they occur, but I also have to tell him in the moment if I feel it happening again. Apparently some of the details of 'the night' I  hadn't  told him.  Which means I didn't tell him about later 'bad' experiences I had.  I suppose I didn't tell him for two reasons 1) I didn't realize the weight these things had and 2) What guy wants to hear about experiences that his wife has had with other men (boys) ?  Of course the latter is somewhat silly because we were both actively dating other people for the first 2 years that we knew each other before we dated each other...so stands to reason right?

 This week once again reminded me how much ttwd is just as much a personal journey as it is for couples.  The couples part comes in the sharing and communication, but there really is a great deal of 'figuring' and growing by oneself. At least that has been my experience so far.

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Crumb...crumb... I forgot to mention..I will answer all those who commented on my last post tomorrow ..I promise! 

49 comments:

  1. Ok, I am not going to say 'oh Willie' I am going to say...well done! Strange reading this and seeing The Silence so much in Barney. We took the fairness issue out of ttwd. It caused a few problems, so we just took it out completely.
    You will get things sorted out in your head eventually, of that I am sure.
    Surprises me that Barney often wants to spank you...so there goes your Angelic status in blogland I am afraid :)

    Love Ya Willie
    Hugs

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    1. Hi Hez.

      Well we always did think that Silence and Barney were similar didn't we? As for sorting out my head...boy oh boy...I'm not sure on that one. Just when I think I have it 'figured' out something new pops out !

      Now this business about Barney wanting to spank me..*might* not have anything to do with me NOT being an Angel you know...WHAT? It could be possible..

      Love ya too!
      Willie

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  2. Yes, Willie, I definitely agree.
    This is a growing experience personally, as well as one for a couple.
    Good luck to you and Barney,
    Ian.

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    1. Hi Ian ..Welcome back!

      Thanks for the good luck wishes, we're going to need it. Especially Barney I suppose.

      Taking the time to comment means so much to me

      Big Sloppy Smooches.
      Willie

      What? You didn't tell me to behave or be good this time. I had to run with it!

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  3. Willie,
    You are making some great progress, and having wonderful personal growth. Don't stop searching for the answers.
    hugs and love
    lillie :)

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    1. Thank you Lillie

      As always your support and encouragement means the world to me.

      Love
      Willie

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  4. I am happy to read this! You seem to understand what happened and are working through it all with Barney!

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    1. Thanks Minelle!

      I sure didn't feel like I deserved all the exclamation points you gave me last week. lol. It certainly isn't easy that is for sure. I don't know how I would manage without such an understanding, patient husband.

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  5. Spot on, Willie. The individual growth is one of the biggest factors contributing to the growth of the relationship. Dave and I are examples of that ourselves. The more I see each of us move forward in ourselves is when I notice the biggest strides in who we are as a couple. Additionally I've also seen the relationship between us and our children get stronger also. The rewards just keep going all the way around.
    I'm thrilled for the progress you and Barney made together, and as much so of the things you discovered in yourself and are able to deal with. Keep going with it, Willie.

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    1. Thank you Jacquie

      Your words are so encouraging. Your post a few days ago about how far you personally have come, really struck a cord in me. I knew there would be some growth with ttwd, I just had no clue what sort of things ( for lack of a better word) we'd have to go through to experience it.

      I have already noticed that our relationship with friends and family is a bit different too. I am more trusting now. Much like I was a million years ago when I was young.

      I aim to keep going with it- dragging you all, kicking and screaming with me :)

      Thank you
      Willie

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  6. Willie,
    Tears are so prominent because long-buried issues are surfacing and you are feeling enough trust in Barney to let them. At least, that is what I am receiving from all of your posts. Maybe you distance, but you are also moving forward.

    You two are doing so well, together. Barney married Wilma - I mean, who knew? ;) - for a reason. Because Wilma is awesome, and so is Barney.

    Elisa Xo

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    1. Oh Gosh Elisa, tears are so prominent..ALL THE TIME! lol

      But yes this issue seems to bring them up still even after we have talked about it. There is so much more to this than I shared, but it would appear it is going to take a bit to deal with. Barney has been great helping me through.

      Hmmm ? Awesome? not sure about that *wink*

      Willie

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  7. Willie...you and Barney are making progress and I applaud both of you for that.

    Barney...I could be wrong since I'm just reading a blog post but that conversation between you and Willie looked like a lot of distancing to me.

    Sorry Willie...I'm still reading distancing. I also have to wonder, again I could be very wrong, if the incident from high school is really behind the tears. If it was, and you didn't know why you were crying, then how can you tell Barney asap if it arises again? See my book on the previous post Willie. And yes, I know, you still wanna smack me in the head and maybe kick my tush as well.

    Love ya sweetie...

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Well ( trying to get me in trouble) Cat,
      Barney is not here at the moment, so I guess I'll have to answer..lol. Was I distancing during our discussion? I think it is safe to say the distance was continuing on from earlier yes. We hadn't found our way ...or I hadn't found my way back yet before our discussion began.

      I'm not sure I understand the second part of your comment. So you mean how will I be able to tell if Barney if I start to cry because I didn't have enough of a warning the last time, or because I didn't know the reason? I suppose our hope is that now that we have talked about it, I will vocalize the signs, which I was trying to suppress before, to him. He also has been good about asking me after the fact if I am okay. It isn't going to fix itself over night we know that. Like I said to someone above there is so much more to the story than I shared, and I don't know anything for sure...but this puzzle piece seems to fit.

      Love you too
      Willie

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  8. I am surprised to see that Barney admits to wanting to spank you more often... perhaps he has some secret spanko hidden deep inside?
    As far as distancing, I say it's ok because you may want to take a few steps back at times to move forward another. Plus, things are new and even well seasoned ttwd relationships hit on distancing. Like I've said before, maybe distancing is also time spent processing as it seems like emotional floodgates were opened and you need time - that's where you mat become distant, but working on personal growth inside!

    I think that all in all, it sounds like some progress here and any is better then none, even if you don't have it all figured out just yet.

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    1. Hmmmmmmm? Barney the spanko? Seems to make more sense than me not being an Angel...so we'll go with the closet spanko theory.

      Barney agrees that I do need time to process my thoughts. I *ahem* may be ruled by my emotions, so I need time for them to float away a bit to see what the real issue is. The question is, how long is too long? After a while I start to withdraw beyond just thinking and self discovery. Trouble is, I usually know when it is time to go back to him- I stubbornly don't. Sooooooooo does he come and get me? How do I make myself go to him? Things to work on.

      Thanks Emi
      Willie

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  9. Oh Willie, at least you are getting there, it does take time doesn't it. On a purely dramatic note, having sex with your nighty on , try and look at it that Barney is so hot for you he can't wait to take it off. There that puts a different light on it! You can't change the past and speaking as one who never had one, how exciting you are:)I am making some jolly interesting friends in blogland, love ya, hug to Barney,(he can't help not knowing what is in your head, he is a man YOU are a woman after all), Jan xx

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    1. Hey Jan!

      Didn't you notice the NO OH WILLIE comments in my post? LOL. Barney did confess that most times, especially after um, well reconnection...it is just that..wanting to get right at it. We have touched on this subject before. He said he remembers me saying my dislike of it. He felt bad when we talked about this issue this time, because of the history/reason behind my feelings. I reassured him that I didn't know why I felt this way in the past when I mentioned it before, so there is no reason to feel bad.

      I don't expect Barney to know what is going on in my head..heck I don't even know what is going on in there!
      Willie

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  10. I think that when we are the most vulerable, is when we are most honest and true in our feelings, if that makes sense. We have walls up, but they are too weak to hold. There is a crack in the dam, and it's just not going to hold anymore. All the sudden EVERYTHING that touches our emotions comes pouring out all at once. Many emotions don't have anything to do with the present situation, but it is somehow connected, because everything is connected. We try to analyze it, so that we can make sense of it. Sometimes the only way to fix it, is to go into the past, face our hurts, regrets, and fears, and just decide it was what it was, and it's the past. We must try to not let it control our present or future. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but it's impossible if we just shove it all back in, and patch the wall, or dam. I don't know if I made any sense. I know in my head what I am saying, but I don't know if I am voicing it right. I know that with God, all things are possible. When we give it to Him, especially if it's something we want to be forgiven about. The Bible says in Psalms 103:12 that God removes our sins as far as the east is from the west, and He remembers them no more. There are no East and West poles, so there is no place where the east and west meet. That means they are as far as possible. Unlike God, we hang on to things. We forgive others and let go, but we just hang on to all our baggage. I will be praying that God will help you let go of the past, and that you will live happily and joyfully in the present. I will pray that He will calm the hormones and haunting emotions, that are causing you distress. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

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    1. What a lovely thing to say Belle

      I understood what you were saying completely. I never did deal with these feelings in the present of the past. I would imagine now I have to work through them. I'm not entirely sure how to go about that, but we are trying.

      Forgiving myself is not a 'skill' I have acquired I'm afraid. In this I don't know if I have to forgive myself or just recognize it for what is was...and not give the memory the power to paralyze my present and future.

      Thank you Belle
      Willie

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  11. I totally get the needing to be naked. I'm the same. For some reason to me being naked together is one of the wonderful connections we can have... but I guess I feel to still be covered somewhat means we didn't fully share of ourselves. It took me a while to understand that and why I felt weird when we didn't fully disrobe. I am glad that you guys got to work out so much, and I really hope the submission exercises work. I just got the new BootCamp book for beginners, and my husband and I are excited to look at the submission exercises and start putting a few into practice. I can't wait to hear how yours go. :)

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    1. Thank you for your perspective on the nudity aspect. That makes complete sense to me too.

      We aren't exactly sure when said exercises will take place...or rather Barney isn't...lol. I'll submissively wait I guess...Oh crumb, who am I trying to kid?

      Good luck trying to figure out your own way with submission exercises.
      Willie

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  12. Sometimes the lessons we learn about ourselves help us grow together. There are days when you think you are over something and the trauma hits out of nowhere and comes flooding back. You look for something that caused it and it makes sense at the time, so just go with it. Besides getting to see more of naked Barney can't be bad can it? I'm glad you are in a better place even if it isn't fantastic. Making changes is a long and hard process. Lean on Barney and us. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

    Lots of love and hugs,
    TL

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    1. Hi TL

      I am certainly learning a great deal about myself since starting ttwd. I am hopeful that these things will allow us to grow together. We are working- when life isn't busy getting in the way.

      Thank you for the offer, I appreciate it

      Love Willie

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  13. One tiny, stupid, annoying, really lovely baby step forward! I wish I could formulate what goes on in the stubborn, independent heads of us women but I can't. I do know that the soul searching we do pulls up the past and I'm proud of you for telling him. I did something like this recently with MM and it was really hard. I was sure I'd told him before and he had no memory of it and if it gives him a tiny bit of understanding I'm glad, but it was hard to do.

    I know I say this all the time Willie, but you are getting somewhere and as hard as it is, don't give up. It's sort of funny, we keep talking about how the men have to step outside of their comfort zones but we do too. We really would be more comfortable keeping the things we are discovering all bottled up. What if they don't understand? What if I tell him and he promptly forgets or doesn't "get it?" Very vulnerable, tear inducing stuff all around.

    Keep up the good work Willikins (and Barney too!)

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    1. Stepping outside of the comfort zone is not fun indeed. It certainly isn't pretty when it involves me stepping out of the 'zone'. What further complicates things is not knowing that you were hiding behind a wall for so long.

      It wasn't easy to discuss this with Barney although he knew a great deal of this story already. Once he read my post he understood completely about my issues.

      If I am to be completely honest here, I know when I am supposed to share things with my husband, it is just that sometimes I still don't. I am not entirely sure why that is. Habit I suppose.
      I hope I will become more comfortable sooner rather than later in doing so.

      Thanks for Cheering us on Susie!

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  14. Yeah Willie!
    You guys have come so far. Thanks for sharing this. It holds a little of what I think may be holding us up.
    The high school experience made me cry. I am sorry you had to experience that.
    Love and hugs,
    Blue Bird

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    1. Thank You Blue Bird- and thank you for encouraging me to write and post this.

      I'm sorry that my story made you cry. I don't think it made me cry back then. It was a very poor decision on my part that lead me to make many more after. While I can't change the past, I am learning, perhaps how it has affected how I view myself for so long. It certainly isn't easy, and as I sit here typing this, tears are still stinging my eyes.

      I hope you two can find a solution to what is holding you back.

      Much Love
      Willie

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  15. I do think that TTWD brings some stuff up to the surface... I read a blog that touched on this (http://roz-inhishands.blogspot.com/2013/01/peeling-back-layers.html?zx=6acd25b8e7a057f7) but I too have found that things, emotions, what have you, from the past crop up. It kind of makes sense, we develop layers of defense and as this process causes us to open up to our partners it also causes us to identify those "shields" we are breaking through - and what caused us to don those shields to begin with. I think you are wonderfully brave to be willing to share these intimate details with us. Thank you for being willing to share, your post helped me immensely...

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    1. Welcome Roxanne !

      I consider Roz a good friend of mine, and remember that post- but thank you for suggesting it for other to read !

      I am not sure how brave I am at all. I will admit it scared the living daylights out of me to post this. Our blogs start out anonymous but we still are known to each other even though we may not know each other 'off blog'. I didn't want to show how truly stupid ( for lack of a better word here) I was in my youth. If I helped one person though, the embarrassment will be more than tolerable.

      Thank you for commenting. It makes me feel better about my decision to share.
      Willie

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    2. Willie dear...not stupid...naive and young only. We have all done things in our youth that we, with the knowledge we later acquire, would never do now. Not a darn thing to be embarrassed about.

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  16. Oh yes, there's definitely a lot of personal growth to go along with the growth as a couple...one baby step at a time. Good for you! :)

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    1. Growth is not easy that is for sure :)

      Thank you Grace.

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  17. I've been peeling layers slowly but surely and I/we are better for it. It takes time, but we do grow through this and become stronger.

    I have to admire your honesty during a spanking. When JJ asks me if I'm done, there's a war within myself and usually my butt speaks. It's hard to be honest when there's a flame that needs to be put out!

    Hugs,
    Kady

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    1. Hello Kady

      Barney and I are still so very new at this spanking thing. There is still many discussions surrounding the nuts and bolts of the matter. How he feels. What I think might reach me. He is very concerned about hurting me. I am very stubborn. It is like my head is complete control of my backside during a spanking. Once again in the interest of honesty, I don't feel much during a spanking. So to say I am done or not is not difficult. Barney does not want to leave me in a 'bad' place if possible after a spanking so that is why he asked me. Often he stops because he thinks I * have * to be finished by now. lol. ( Side note...I do feel it later)

      I suppose I am saying while I am flattered that you admire my honesty in this situation- I really don't deserve the admiration.

      Thanks Kady
      Willie

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  18. Hi Willie, you are so right. There is alot of personal growth that drives the growth we experience as a couple. With that growth a lot of past issues do come to the surface.

    I'm so glad you figured out what happened and told Barney. Good for you! Glad you have done some more talking and have come up with some plans going forward.

    You are moving forward. One step at a time.

    Love and Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz !

      I really like this sentence from you * you are so right* can I just leave it at that?

      It has been a struggle for a while around here. I am hoping for some smoother days soon. We have been known to make plans in the past too. Here's hoping we both find the strength to do what is beneficial this time.

      Much Love
      Willie

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  19. Hi Willie,

    The very first thing that came to mind was "How many couples can say that they talk about those things with each other?" I know you probably won't agree, but there was something touching and lovely about the conversation you related in your post. It is very brave to ask for what you need and I'm taking notes.

    Cygnet

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    1. Awww..Thank you so much Cygnet

      I wasn't so much afraid maybe as much as I felt silly. I felt silly for once again bringing things up that are ruling me from over 20 years ago. I was examining this again the other night. There were about 5 really bad years in there- that started before this incident. Who knows what is going to show up next....sigh
      As for our conversation, I still guarded myself. I sat away from Barney although all I really wanted to do was fall into his arms and sob. So I do have a long way to go yet.

      Willie

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    1. thank you once again for the hugs trazuredpet

      Willie

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  21. Willie, you went through some true emotional trauma in your formative years and when DD makes us vulnerable, when we let walls down, the stuff we have unresolved comes up. It does for all of us, and although we all have different "stuff" we all have some, and the great thing is we can begin to work through it within the safety net of a secure marriage with a man who is there to protect us, to make it safe. Good for you for beginning to work things through!


    Sara

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    1. Thank you Sara.

      Your comment somehow validates my feelings on this. I am hoping I don't find too many more unresolved issues. :)

      Willie

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  22. It is a very personal journey. Emotions often come up for me, especially in the form of tears for a variety of reasons...and is great that you are making self-discoveries and appreciating the growth. Hugs, terps

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    1. This is so very personal and emotional. As I move further away from last week I can see more of the benefits of it. While I was living it, it scared me. Finding out more about myself was more than I had envisioned when we began this lifestyle.

      Thanks Terps!
      Willie

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  23. Glad that you have made some steps toward reconnecting and that you are able to start focusing on what you have now. It is a tough journey. I'm delighted that your son is okay. :) Focus on the positive and what you have...not everything will fall into place the way you might hope. You will find a way to move forward anyway.

    Hugs.

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    1. Thank you Ana. Falling is a key theme in ttwd. Landing is different all together.

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  24. Oh willie
    LOl only kidding.
    I've got no advise in opening up, I think we all know how much I struggle with it myself, hello I hid my blog so he wouldn't know how I feel. Weird isn't it. We want them to understand us, then we go and hide our feelings.
    Well good on you for opening up to him. Great job and as others have said, baby steps, but eventually you get there.
    Chin up babe, and hope barny comes out of his spanking closet.
    By the way I'm risking my back side replying here so you better be feeling good about yourself ;)

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    1. MBC don't ever risk your backside for me...eeeek..! Sheesh talk about pressure!

      I think a great deal of us have issues opening up to our husbands. You are correct. How will they ever have a hope of understanding us if we don't give them more than a peek ?

      Smiles
      Willie

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