Friday, April 12, 2013

Results from Saying and Not Doing . . aka All H-ll Broke Loose



This is the tale of Wilma the Terrible. This is going to be a difficult post to write, for a couple of reasons. The first one being that this happened about 2 weeks ago. The second being that you are going to think me 'quite the handful'. I am well aware that I am an adult of well middle age,(eeeek, what a horrid expression THAT is. At least I hope I am only middle age!) Should I have more control over my emotions ?  Most likely. Here is the thing that I hope those of you who have never experienced this consider, for decades I have learned to 'control' my emotions. Ttwd is showing me that this really wasn't the answer either. That being said, there are ways to do it more respectfully with others, but for me THIS is my area of baby steps.

Okay then on with the show.....( disclaimer, sorry if this wasn't worth the 'wait' lol)

Back again to the Fiesty Fargone post. Barney knew, and he even said so in many jesting comments that I was distancing, and 'not feeling it' for lack of a better term. I suppose he had his reasons, ones he still hasn't shared with me, for his inaction. At first I believed it to be WWS, ( Wounded Wife Syndrome) but as time went on, I believe his reasons changed. Perhaps it was because of the fact that it has been so long? I am still unclear.

Regardless, a cold front move into Bedrock. You know the one, where you are polite. You still chat, but the feeling between you is not the same as it has been in the immediate past. It reverts back to the pre-ttwd phase of your relationship. Where the average observer would see nothing wrong- you know there is. 



 


Yes that is ice


In the interest of giving it the old college try, I walked to the grocery store while Barney was at work to pick up the things we would need for an impromptu Cook Together Night.  He was more than happy when he came home. The evening started off lovely, ( yes lovely?..good grief I am OLDER than middle age, before you know it I will be saying slacks ). I had a glass or two of Submission, and we were chatting about this and that. We cooked together ( Chicken Marsala if you are interested)and returned to the dining room.  We were playful and joking. At one point while standing by his chair, I poked him.

"Did you just poke me? "

" Yup" ( evil grin )

" Okay.  why ? "

" Just pokin' the bear " *giggle*

" Oh, okay, message received" ( chuckling)


Later Barney brought up our oldest son. We were discussing his school work. For those who don't know he has dyslexia, as do I. So Barney started to talk about Heir to the Throne's work ethic. To him, Heir to the Throne not succeeding in math, was a short walk to him having a horrible work ethic in the future ( or so I heard). I lost it. Like completely lost it.

Basically I went from this ( this is my intently listening to my husband face)





To This







In a matter of minutes. Oh yes, and I also 'wrestled' the cutlery basket of our dishwasher for good measure too. Take THAT inanimate object!


Initially I tried to explain to him why the two were not related.  Of course it is difficult to explain if you haven't had to live with a 'learning disability'.  As most of you are well aware by now Barney is a very understanding individual.  He tried to 'see' what I was saying, I wish now that I can say the same in return.  I became frustrated and angry.  I cleared the table of our long forgotten lovely dinner.  I slammed things around the kitchen and beat up the dishwasher.  When he tried to explain what he meant I shut him down.  I went upstairs, and violently brushed my teeth.  For some unknown reason I threw the blasted hanger on his side of the bed.  I had snapped!  I couldn't control the rage I had inside. 

I know now that this argument really probably didn't have anything to do with our son.  I do have a difficult time with him and his schooling since starting ttwd.  It is as if all those insecure emotions I had as a teen 'hiding' that I was different ( and at the time I didn't know why ) come rushing out now every time he struggles.  I felt judged for him with Barney's comments.  The fact that Barney was worried about our son not having a good work ethic is most likely something that all fathers think of their sons at one point or another during their teen years.  Did I think of that?  Nope. I snapped at him
" I  HAVE NEVER.  EVER IN MY LIFE BEEN ACCUSED OF HAVING A POOR WORK ETHIC.  LORD KNOWS I STRUGGLED IN MATH IN SCHOOL. "

So I grabbed a blanket off of our bed, and my pillow and headed to our couch in the living room.  After a while Barney entered the room, and said,

 " Wilma, I want you to come to bed."

<eye role in the dark.  back turned to him> " Yeah well THAT is not going to happen"

He signed and left the room.  Okay ALL was not lost.  After less than 10 minutes I went upstairs to talk.  Here is what I discovered when I entered our room.........


I left again.  Ah but wait, you might recall my favourite 'dance' move..




He didn't even stir !!!  Back to my 'new' bed I went.  About an hour later he came back downstairs.

" Wilma please come to bed"

"why ???" I was hurt.  He fell asleep.  I was coming to talk.  To communicate.  To open up as I was bothered by my reaction.  He was sooooooooo bothered he fell asleep.

" Because I am asking you too"

I went.  No further words were exchanged that night.  Our polite but roommate like state stayed for days on end. About 4 days later, on his way out the door he said,

" Tomorrow before I go to work.  We are going to discuss things concerning ttwd.  We are going to start this back on track again"

"okay"

The next day I waited.  All day I waited.  About 40 minutes before his usual departure time, I heard him jump in the shower.  sigh .  Not going to happen again.  I was so hurt.  I could feel the tears choking my throat.  My eyes were burning, but there was NO way I was going to allow them to fall.  Contact lenses be damned.  Float out of my eyes, I refuse to blink! No tear shall run down my cheek this time.

Twenty minutes before  he left for work.  TWENTY.  Two Zero !  20 mins!! He sat down to talk.  excuse me? We have been down this road before, where I have expressed how hurtful this is to me.  To wait until the last possible moment in the day to talk.  That I was the last thing on his list.  Not too mention now we have a time limit!  Needless to say my mind was NOT in this discussion.

He said he wanted to discuss my post.  The unable to communicate post if you please.  Oh YES! Nothing says I am here for you to open up to like a timed conversation!!!





I couldn't say anything.  I honestly couldn't.  Did you ever notice how different your tears are shed from situation to situation? Some times they burn the outter corners of your eyes, and fall in a stream.  The ones silently shed this day were the huge drops that come individually.  I sat there and looked at my lap.  I could not believe this was happening.  I must say that throughout all of the week past, I never once thought we were not going to continue ttwd.  For now we have very much put that issue to bed.  I did wonder if we were ever going to 'get it right' - find a stride for a bit.  But I no longer worry about if  we are going to continue.



I honestly don't remember what Barney said to me as I sat on the couch anymore.  I do remember that I started to express how could we possibly start what I thought was a serious and in depth conversation in less than 20 minutes.  I then started talking about needing him to stop 'joking' about things.  To follow through, or communicate why or why not.  We volleyed around for a moment or two.  And now for the all hell broke loose part....

"  You aren't exactly approachable these days. I don't know how to lead you.  You are too much for me! "

direct hit.

" You!"  I stop to catch my breath as the tears picked up.  " You wanted to talk about my inability to open up???.   and then you deliever a 'gem' such as that?  I was trying to open up.  Starting to tell you how I feel when you do these things and with comments like that last one you found a way to SLAM the F***ing door shut again!!"  ( again, Fbomb isn't normally part of my vocabulary.  and certainly not directed to people)

" GOOD"

"Good? "

" Yes good.  I want you to open up to me. I don't care how right now.  Yell at me if you have to .  Just share with me"

Sweet right?  Well the rest of our conversation wasn't as fruitful.

He mentioned that there are no guidelines or road map for ttwd.  I had 'suggested' that perhaps he draw his own and we will follow it.  That is why it is referred to as This Thing We Do.  I also reminded him that a couple of HoH friends have offered an ear to him more than once.   Anyway..

The phone interrupted us- something about Heir to the Throne. ( Anyone interested in a brilliant and equally brilliantly frustrating teenage boy?) He then turned our conversation to that subject matter. Thus ending our 20 minute discussion.  Barney kissed me good-bye.  I did not look up to kiss him in return.  Before he left he pulled a Wilma, and did a Uturn.

" I will be making guidelines this week and we will, YOU will be following them.  If you do not there will be consquences"

I didn't look up.

He left and I sat there.....angry?  How dare he!  Start a topic that clearly needs more than 20 minutes and then leave like HE is the injured party.  Oh I don't think so!! Only there wasn't a darned thing I could do about it.  I was alone.  Wait.  He wants communication.  I'll give him communication.  I started to write.  Mostly to expel my body of venom.  I often do this and then hit delete.  On occasion I will send it to a friend.  I suppose it has the same result as posting a post as opposed to just keeping it in your drafts folder.  That day I sent my letter to a friend.  She suggested I give it to Barney.  I sent it to his email ( he doesn't check it at work).  What did I say? Well the subject line was

 " Here is the communication you So desire"

I am so incredibly angry with you right now.  I can’t believe you did this to me AGAIN.  You say something 24 hours ahead of time, ( and I know you are probably not going to follow through) and then you wait until 20 minutes before you have to walk out the door before you bring it up.  THEN you have the nerve to get frustrated with me because I won’t open up.  Well let me tell you something… AGAIN, when you pull that ‘crap,’ all day I wait and wonder when you are going to bring up our conversation…remember,  I am not supposed to control anything.  Sure I can bring stuff up I want to talk about, but this was ‘your’ baby.


Let’s back it up a bit shall we ?  You were told about the difficulty of switching from daily maintenance to a sudden stop of nothing at all.  We discussed the need for some type of submissive exercises on our vacation.  I had no delusions that you were going to suddenly turn into ******, trust me.  Instead nothing…from 3 very intimate weeks…to nothing at all.  You underestimate the power of the physical part of  ttwd.  I understand you are a ‘wait and see’ kind of guy, but my understanding back when we started this is that you wanted to change too.  Instead the things you pick up on are my issues and focus on how “ I’m too much for you “  Nice touch by the way.


So back home…. you started hinting before we left *****, that you were going to make  me ‘sorry’ or you were keeping a tally of all my wrong doings…then when we get back home, you start with that again.  Telling me that you are watching.  Joking that things will be dealt with.  Which is it Barney.?  Is this a joke to you?  Because it isn’t to me.  You made a commitment and you say things all the time…LAST NIGHT as a matter of fact about ttwd, but you don’t.  I have talked to you about this before…time and time again.   ****has send you emails.  ***** has left you comments.  All the time you say you understand, and that their words really help it sink in for you.  Yet you leave me hanging in the breeze again.  Left to the end of the day…after everything  else was taken care of…and then fight…quick exit.


Things WERE starting to work before we went away.  But now I’m  ‘too much’ for you to lead?  Perhaps if you hadn’t stopped leading, then I wouldn’t have gotten so far away and became too much to begin with?  You are right, technically you cannot force me to talk to you…but I am constantly communicating my needs to you.  You would seriously have to be blind to not know when I need your ‘attention’ .  I know you see it.  You’ve told me.  So why not ?  You are doing neither one of us any favours by inaction and wait and see.  WHAT you are doing is confirming that whatever my issues are, I must go it alone.  Fix them myself.  Because you do have the ability to break down some of my walls, and I have not only given you permission, but ASKED you to in the past as well.  You saw for yourself what a difference it makes. So now when you don’t follow through-  When you brush me off.- When you give ( basically ) give me a time limit to open up, you are telling me that my needs aren’t that great.  That I should figure it out myself, and report back to you all happy and Mary Sunshine like.  _IF_ I could do that on my own, do you not think I would?


Yes I am not approachable as of late.  But don’t kid yourself, I didn’t get this way on my own.  

Later that night.  I wrote a second email ( after some of the venom was gone)

Basically I outlined things  I thought I was doing for our ttwd relationship. I asked him to tell me what else he thought he was doing.  Perhaps we both  thought we were outwardly projecting our 'roles' but we were failing to do so in the others eyes.

I left him a note saying I sent him 2 emails...I never heard about either one.

Once again we returned to this state.
 

 
 
 
There seemed to be no end in sight.  I mean what do I do with that?  " You are too much for me".  Once again it was my fault.  I am ruining things?  I can't soften up.  But I asked for help.  He has seen for himself how it has worked in the past.  Since I shared with him on our vacation my fears of not being able to open up,  he hasn't stepped into to 'help' me when I started to spin.  Why?  Then I started to spin further.
 
 There was no discussion about guidelines or road maps.  I didn't care about that.  I just longed for my husband and for me not to feel so, hurt?  lost? alone? out of control.  During the day there are plenty of distractions.  Plenty of things to focus on, and 'real' problems. But at night.  At night there is nothing of the sort.  There is merely the Great Divide in bed.  Screaming at us that there is something wrong.  Something broken.   I couldn't find it in me to turn to him.  He could pick that up, he didn't try.
 
 
Then something happened.  I wish I could say I found it in me to try again.  To fake it until I made it.  To turn to him on my own.  I really wish I could say that my husband turned into this guy over night too....
None of those things happened this time ( more to come about that later- wink ).  What happened seems odd really.  Looking back perhaps I could call it Divine Intervention?   I had a nightmare.  Not a serious nightmare like your child has gone missing.  Not one that has your heart racing when you wake up.  I had a nightmare that I haven't had in decades.  I used to have two reoccurring nightmares as a child.  One was about the ocean ~ anything you can imagine about the ocean.  That was the 'theme' of it.  The other one was this one.  This one is not scary anymore as an adult.  Well I should clarify, while I was dreaming it, it seemed so very real, but upon waking that fear was immediately gone.  I was however very unsettled as to why I had this dream.  Another ttwd couple was also in this dream.  Checking 'up' on us.  In my dream I was huddled into Barney. 


Barney lay beside me asleep.  His position was not conducive to cuddling.  I did it anyway.  Almost automatically, he turned into a better position and kissed my hair.  After a few minutes I was WAY too hot..lol.. So I rolled back over.  He followed- essentially spooning me.  He reached over my back and held my hand.

The next day, wasn't really that much different from the day before.  I didn't tell him about my nightmare.  We continued living in the same house, but not really together.   He worked late that night, and I was fast asleep when he came home.  This night however, he removed the Great Divide.  He climbed into bed, checked my pj bottoms ( he never does that! )  and then snuggled in behind me.  Later in the night my head found his chest.  Nothing was ever spoken. 


The following day things were different....


(I am not trying to make a cliff hanger, it is just that I want to give each 'episode' the attention it deserves, without having an extremely long post)
 


40 comments:

  1. Man do you sound so much like my Bobbie, twins maybe?

    You definitely have my attention and will be here for the next chapter.

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now Bob, just how should I take this ? LOL

      I'm going to go with, she's so sweet and gets easily hurt :)

      willie

      Delete
  2. You had me giggling with the 'slacks' comment and trying to remember the last time I actually heard somebody call them that:)

    Your frustration is palpable in this post...but the ending sounds so hopeful so I'm looking forward to hearing about how this all turned out.

    We had a couple frustrating starts and stops at the beginning and I remember saying to him once that if he ever came to me and told me that there was something I could do for him (to him?:) whenever I saw that he was struggling or in a bad place to turn things around and make it all better, that I would do it in a heart beat, probably more often than he'd ever imagined wanting or needing it. I think that helped him to think about how his initial reservations made me feel sometimes. Just some food for thought:) ((hugs)) Willie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a great idea Tess...I wish you would have thought to share that a while ago...lol

      As for the slacks, brutal...the thing that my Mom says that drives me crazy, brasier . I will throw myself off of the refrigerator if that would ever crosses my lips!

      hugs back Tess!

      Delete
  3. Hi there Willie,

    I'm SO sorry that you went through all of this! It must have made you feel sad and unimportant to have Barney respond, or fail to respond in the ways that you describe. It looks like those emails to Barney were somewhat cathartic in many ways! You really got stuff out. Respectfully or not it must have felt good to do some unloading, right? I am sure that some of it made Barney think about everything. Keep talking Lady! You can do it! :).

    I have found that issues concerning our teens/young adults, and strong opinions regarding such in conversation with my husband can stomp out my submissiveness faster than a speeding bullet! Like you said (and your great pics showed), I can go from sweet docile cat to fiercely opinionated tiger in no time at all where the children are concerned. I completely understood what you described! It is difficult!

    I too am staying tuned and I hope that the outcome is positive for you both. I am rooting for you and sending warm thoughts and hope that things are so much better now. Big Hugs to you, Willie!

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barney got quite the chuckle out of my kitty pictures. " That about sums it up"

      Thanks Katie!

      Delete
  4. We can all turn into a Momma Bear where our kids are concerned, Willie. I don't often because it seems like, quite frankly Ian is a better parent with teenagers than I am. I think it might be from having all those brothers and sisters. He understands them better - although I will say that he was harder on our son than the girls......so I think there is something to what you say about the way men look at their sons, and worry about their futures.

    Really, Willie it seems like what happened between you and Barney was very natural. I loved the image of you coming back together through subtle touch and being in each other's presence.

    I can see that you feel you were really unreasonable, but honestly Willie I have said some terrible things to Ian when we were trying to work things out. There is a different tone to this post, a calmness that is very reassuring.

    Don't concentrate on what got you here, but just where you are now....this is a good place to shove off from, I'm thinking.

    hugs and much love
    lillie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right Lillie, it is normal, what we went through, just not easy. We are not used to fighting. That is the honest truth. I would just supress and paste a neutral face on. It is new to both of us. I am still shocked that I can 'let it out' like that. My next step, doing it a little more respectfully. What? a girl can dream :)

      much love willie

      Delete
  5. Okay, there is nothing worse than lying awake stewing while they are snoring....all I can think about is......Wow don't be too concerned. (<--this is why I don't give advice, what I would say is usually not helpful)

    Since you told me to say how wonderful you are I will mention that too. ;)

    Love ya,
    Betsy;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think your "don't be too concerned" is bad advice. BAD advice would be, " next time dump a pail of cold water on him!"

      You really must work on your compliments!

      love ya too, willie

      Delete
  6. Willie, I only have daughters, but I can totally relate to how you reacted to Barney's comment. I get alienated from Nina in a nanosecond when it involves an issue with the girls. I don't really understand why that is, because I know without a doubt that we both want the best for them, just as I am sure both you and Barney do. But I undertand exactly how you feel.

    I agree with KR that the emails were cathartic and with Lillie that there is a calmness about your post.

    I hope your next post will describe the beauty of the rainbow after the storm and calm seas with a gentle wind at your back sailing together into the proverbial sunset! (I am an incurable romantic I know, but that is just the way I am)

    Wishing you both a blessed day.

    George



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are an incurable romantic it seems...however you must have glossed over the part where I have nightmares about the OCEAN!!! Can my calm waters be on a lake. I'll even take frigid Lake Superior if I have too!

      Thanks again for your support George!
      willie

      Delete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As with many of your post I feel like I'm reading my life. Please hurry because I need to see if all ends well. Oh, if we could win the lottery that would be great too. ;-). Lucy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL...welcome Lucy!!

      I promise by Monday you'll know the answer! As for the lottery, I'd love to win too. Unfortunately I never play

      :o) willie

      Delete
  9. Oh Willie...sweetheart... I feel for ya. I really do. It will be okay. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HEY!! you didn't get the memo.....*NO* "oh willies" allowed..lol

      It is okay now LM. This was well in the past when I wrote this post. Not something I normally do, but I wanted to see where we ended up before sharing this time.

      huggin' back willie

      Delete
  10. I think it is just hard at times. You were both hurting. He just doesn't communicate it as well as you can. I sure hope the next post is how you continued the coming together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are absolutely right Minelle. Would you like me to repeat that? lol.

      Barney is learning that he has to work on his communication skills. I need to know where he is at, even if he is still thinking, because that will be enough to slow down my spiralling.

      Delete
  11. It's amazing to me how little things can make such a difference...for the better or not! It's the smallest gestures that speak the loudest and in a time if fear you were still able to turn to Barney and he showed his love and concern for you (without realizing it) in his small gesture.

    Hugs

    P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my blog Pocahontas. Nice to meet you!

      It is amazing how little things are no longer glossed over. Every interaction or lack of it between a husband and wife in a Dd relationship especially is noticeable but someone in the relationship. I guess in our case we just didn't notice...lol

      Please come by again some time...*wink*

      Delete
  12. I so hope that the third installment leads to a happier Wilma and Barney. I think it might from the tone of this post. Sorry you went through all this. Living in separate igloos is no fun at all. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would hazard a guess that living in ANY igloo would be no fun, at least not for me!

      The third installment was much easier to write that is for sure!

      hugs to you Zoe.

      Delete
  13. I like to slam cabinet doors myself. I believe I have mentioned before cracking my glass top stove after slamming down a spatula.
    Thanks for the offer of the brilliant and brilliantly frustrating teenage son, but I already have one.
    I totally recognize this couple in us before Dd. I recognized then that how I was handling things wasn't working and I KNEW that this lifestyle was right for us. He was taking a looonnng time to absorb everything so I focused on changing myself and waiting for him to catch up. Two things I worked on....patience and communication. Still want to bang my head against the wall at times! : )
    I would have snapped too.
    The twenty minutes thing, have you thought maybe this is his coping mechanism? Maybe he sets a limit to the time of the discussion because he is afraid of being overwhelmed. If it goes too long or he fears it will get to intense and he needs to get away to absorb it all.
    Anyway I can tell this is in the past and things are different now. Soooo get on with the story will ya?!
    Love,
    Blue Bird

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know the funny thing is Blue Bird, this was NOT us before ttwd. I didn't slam stuff around, and beat up appliances. It was shocking when I started to find Riled up Willie. I was reassured that it was just another phase of the uncontrollable emotions that come with Dd. I thought I had conquered it months ago, but it turns out with every new 'phase' comes different emotions, and the same old emotions. It is odd.

      A friend has said to me on more than one occasion, basically what Barney said when I snapped at him, " good feisty willie is honest. She shares how she feels" It wasn't pretty, and sure I wish I wasn't blinded by emotion, but it did get us to a better spot. And Barney does recognize that he played a part in the pent up emotion that was unleased on him.

      Oh as for the 20 minute thing...Nope he said. " I dropped the ball on that one" But we have moved on from that.

      By Monday at the latest, I promise!!

      love willie

      Delete
  14. I think that most Dads worry about their sons work ethic at times. My hubby sure has.
    So did he read the emails?
    Bea

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Bea he did read the emails. That was ANOTHER disagreement in the following week. But we recovered in a matter of 30 minutes from that one!

      willie

      Delete
  15. Hey willie :)

    Don't really have any advise as this sort of thing regarding the kids happen here daily lol we have two boys and two girls, and H is a lot stricter with the boys, specially the oldest one.
    We mums see our kids as our babies and would walk through fire for them, we would kill anyone who just looks at them wrong. But dads are different, they want their sons to grow up to be strong and confident men and archive the best they can. Again it's the male/female actions and reactions to life situations.

    As with him waiting to the last minute to discuss things, I think he might be scared of how the conversation might turn and he needs an escape route, men do t deal with emotions the way we do. Imagine a man throwing a fit like a woman, you would stand there dumb founded and stare at them, so they walk away to process, we can scream and cry and throw little hissy fits and then run to our girl friends and moan to them.

    Men don't process like we do, they also don't tend to run to their friends or other men for advise, hey don't even like asking for directions and rather drive round for hours, than to stop and ask for the right way. I know my H would never go to another man and discuss our life and or how he should treat me In a given situation.

    Ok I ramble and give no advise. I'm thinking your past this situation and have moved on, to what I'm not sure as you left another cliff hanger lol so ill come back and read the next chapter ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well as to the guys not asking for advice thing, I knew that long ago. However if you are looking at a piece of machinery that is in pieces and it isn't working, and the mechanic lives next door, you don't get to 'play the guy card' and say...I just don't know what to do. Life doesn't work that way. If you need it, you figure out a way to fix it, or you get the help you need. Barney and I are looking at how to fix it together. But he will turn to the mechanics for suggestions if he needs to. He has said so :) Mostly that comment in the post was based on 'a little effort here please'.

      SO you mean to say if there was no cliff hanger you might not be back to read? Sheesh..the next part is the conclusion. Does that mean I'm in danger of loosing you?

      Delete
  16. Willie, please please post the next part soon. I truly feel your frustration and think alot of us TiH have felt the same as you are feeling. Would love to know how things are right now in Bedrock.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunday night or Monday Cathie. I promise. I actually have just finished writing it...a few minor tweaks :)

      Delete
  17. I hope you get that post finished today...I need to know that you can come back from the all h**l breaks loose stage cause I have a feeling that that is where I am headed. I am glad you cuddled:)
    Bea

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey Willie,

    I too am looking forward to the next instalment to this. Living in separate igloos is definitely no fun, but I see hope at the end of this post. It looks as though the ice is starting to thaw. I love how you cuddled into him after the nightmare and his response ... and checking your pj bottoms LoL.

    This stuff can be so hard and I can feel your frustration in this post. The emails were a good way to get your feelings out. I like Tess's idea too. Asking him what he needs from you.

    Love and Hugs,
    Roz

    love the 'slacks' comment btw :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Roz

      It was a frustrating time for sure! I actually have asked several times over the past 7 months what Barney requires from me. But like everything with ttwd, it seems like things need to be revisited from time to time :)

      love, willie

      Delete
  19. Lovely! Slacks! LOL! Brassiere! LOL! I am looking forward to how you and your dapper (lol) husband have figured this out. Your writing does sound calmer and I am looking for a happy ending when you write about how smitten (lol) your are with each other and how you are once again in each others good graces. By the way, be glad you aren't in your dotage! I have heard dotage is bad...although doting is good...hmmm...

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL...feeling playful last night were ya Cygnet?

      Slacks, brassiers, trousers...yup its all the same, has me thinking of polyester!

      hugs willie

      Delete
  20. OK, so I need to see how this all works out.
    I tried to get a bit of time to stop by, but busy weekend here.
    I think this all sounds like something familiar.. ha ha - of course i would never slam things (who me?)
    I do understand getting so worked up, i mean, quite honestly.. it's ALL so frustrating! Did you ever read my post about shaking a soda can? That image comes to mind and it's no wonder it explodes when opened!

    Ghost emails as I call them are ever so helpful aren't they? for letting things out..it's like.. oh, I could send this for real and they could see it.. but then, it's ok to just let it go without them seeing it.

    So anyways - without rambling on I'd better go, but I'll check back for the rest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OF course I read your soda can post! Sheesh, I read all your posts! I remember relating to it at the time, and I still do :)

      Ghost emails, interesting label. Well I do believe you have been a ghost reader for me *wink*.

      love, willie

      Delete
  21. Oh Willie, my heart just broke for you when I read that email. It is so close to words I have said to the Duke before, and I could feel every ounce of your pain. {{{HUGS}}} And because we seem to be sinking back, and worried this will happen again, it really touched me. Off to see what you wrote next as I'm way behind!

    ReplyDelete