I have been in several discussions over the past few months concerning the term ‘Natural Submissive’ It isn’t what I am about to write about but these discussions are where this realization came from.
I have heard the terms want vs needs and all sorts of explanations of what each means and where each falls in “the” diagram depending on what side of ‘the slash’ you fall on
….again not what I am referring too.
I discovered long ago the submissive in me. I know the NEED is there. I say NEED because in order to live my life in my authentic, and therefore most fulfilling form I need to be submissive. BUT…………..in all honesty I don’t NEED to be submissive. More like: Submissive to thrive but not survive.
I have come to the realization that what varies is my want..my WANT to work on my need. While trying to explain my view on the term “Natural Submissive” I decided to use a tangible talent as an example. Suppose one is born with the natural ability to draw for example. Early in life they stand out from the rest perhaps? Eventually though in order to thrive with their natural talent they are going to have to work on it and push themselves- learning and growing or I’d imagine they would hit the ceiling like anyone else. Talent can get you started but one generally has to work on that talent to advance themselves. So it was this line of thinking that had me realize the want/need perspective I have.
Let’s suppose I have this natural NEED to be submissive, or A submissive. While it got the ball rolling I still had/have to work on different aspects of my submission, what it looks like for B, what he wants, needs, desires…how they match up, do they match up…or on days when I just don’t feel like it- ‘acting’ the part until I feel something more authentic again.
So to me while the need is always there, the WANT is key to success or stumble. How much do I *want* to work to cultivate and embrace my need?
Back to my talent example. How many artists ‘peaked’ at a young age? How many artists are out there saying, “ I used to draw in high school and I wasn’t bad”. Perhaps the ‘used to’ was not because their talent disappeared but their wanting to develop it did or never existed to begin with. For me there are days when I don’t WANT to embrace my ‘need’. Days when I feel it is too much to feel that. Days when my want disappears, but there are not days when my need does.