Tuesday, April 27, 2021



I've seen it. I've lived it...or am living it, or am trying NOT to live it.  It's time to say it's okay to not be okay ๐Ÿ’—

It's okay, you don't have to say you're sorry I am feeling this way, or not. It's an observation many of us have talked about lately.  It is like we don't debate if the glass is half full or not, because no one wants to take a drink anyway. Or if we do, it isn't as refreshing as we once remembered. 

A new development in our home has brought a much needed lift and distraction. Spring is teasing us here, so that  helps as well, but the reality is a year partial living isn't living, it's often just existing.  Since starting Ttwd 9 years ago, I'm not accustomed to merely existing. Life had become about experiencing every moment to its fullest- embracing all it had to offer, from the magnificent to the horrendous.   There was no indifference. It was not allowed for a dynamic cannot flourish in indifference. Our lives prior seemed to circle that drain, and we pledged to never return there.

Are we indifferent to each other? Not in the sense we were before Ttwd.  The heavy atmosphere has had us (and those around us) walk on the surface of life for some time now.  And it is taking its toll. Surface walking, tends to lead to more surface walking and it spreads like its own virus.

 This past year has been like having a pebble in your shoe. It starts off as a mild irritant. In time it forms a painful blister. Eventually it bursts and should heal if the irritant is removed. In this case due to repetition, it had calloused over and has become almost unnoticeable. Yet there is damage. 

 We have accepted the new norm pain as some extreme example of 'walk it off'. "  Or

"It's not that bad. It could be worse"

"At least we're not..."

All coping mechanisms that don't really address what is happening to *us*. 

Positivity can go a long way in many situations. Life after all cannot be thoroughly enjoyed with a negative mindset. But when the words of positivity are expressed because we feel they should be not because we feel them, we deny ourselves authenticity. And this entire adventure with Ttwd has always been about authenticity of self for me.



  1. Languishing - I really like that term - cause I have been trying to identify and name what I am suffering from - it isn't really depression - I know what that looks like/feels like... it sure isn't contentment - though contentment visits fleetingly... languish describes it pretty well.

    I've been doing a lot of comparisons - mainly to why is THIS year different from last year.. cause it is (for me) .. last year I lived in fear .. this year it's not so much fear as helplessness? or maybe desperation?? I can't even see a light at the end of the tunnel you know?? I thought getting my first shot would help -- it did for maybe 48 hours then I went back to feeling...... ??? WHAT?? I don't know WHAT !!! and that frustrates me.. WHAT am I feeling??

    So yeah maybe languishing is what I am feeling.

    1. Hey Morningstar,

      Perhaps we are all feeling a little languished? I think I feel defeated. Or the same feeling that feels like 'what's the point'

      Sometimes I think back to before this all happened and it seems like those memories involve someone else- other times I feel like nothing has changed and then I remember it has.

      I'm hoping the warmer weather will add more spring in my step, but this really does feel like my life is somewhat out of my control on how I get to live it. I think my emotions just short circuited this past year and there isn't much to go on currently. I too don't believe I'm depressed....just flat lined.

  2. Willie,
    Blogger is being a bitch to me all over the place, my blog, MS's blog, your blog. Grrr!

    Yeah, languishing sucks, but it does sound like what a lot of us are going through. It's just a really weird and depressing time that is doing a number on us this past year. Not that it doesn't happen in other years, but this worldwide stuff has just been nuts. Of course, we're all feeling off.

    With you and the changes in your scheduling and not much time for you and B to fully live the daily lifestyle you want is really hard on you mentally and emotionally. When you can't be your authentic self because difficulties in life get in the way, it's even harder. I'm not trying to assume the way you feel, just trying to be empathetic that it's challenging right now.

    I am glad you have a happy new distraction at your house. That will help.

    I can't remember if you and B ever "planned" time together back in the beginning, but maybe you can talk openly about how much you both need some time together even if it can't be marathon sessions .... just something?

    Here if you need me.

    1. Hey Windy,

      Sorry blogger has been uncooperative with you lately. I understand how frustrating that can be!

      The odd thing about all of this, and feelings/emotions- I'm sort of fine. Like I'm resigned to it now. Que sera sera and all that jazz. Normally that would scare the hell out of me- being fine with it, but oddly I'm just rolling with it like everything else this past year. I think I've even stopped overthinking. Lol


  3. oh fuck yes, darn it I know he doesn't like me swearing but this post is spot on in so many ways.

    I use humour to mask times when I'm struggling, it is I suppose a coping mechanism, to try to make light of difficult situations, when sometimes all I want to do is scream. Languishing is a good way to describe it, because that is what it feels like, stuck in moments I cant get out of because it just feels like groundhog day.

    Always an email away, anytime


    1. claire - what a GREAT description 'Groundhog Day' YES YES YES!!

    2. And I enjoyed the "fuck, yes!" Laughing!

    3. Oh look Claire you've got the girls all fired up! Lol

      I have been known to use sarcasm in situations where things are getting too heavy for me. Come to think of it, I haven't been doing that either. Lol.

      I love that you emphatically agreed, though I've seen you be a bit colourful other places and my experience is that eventually that will come home to roost and you will roast for it! Lol. So you know, good luck with that!

      I wonder if there is a way we could collectively help each other out of our Languishing mindsets?

  4. Hi Willie,

    Languishing and groundhog day are good ways to describe it. Covid fatigue. I think we are all feeling it to various degrees and there seems no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

    We have been, and are so very fortunate here to be able to live life as normal (for the most part), but with the occasional blips, and now starting to enter into travel arrangements the fear is there. The whole thing is tough on the nerves, watching developments overseas and hoping our Government doesn't make any dumb moves (like, um, entering into travel arrangements) etc.

    Glad you have your happy distraction:)

    Much love

    1. Hi Roz,

      I have several friends who live in Australia and they talk and worry about this like you do. They however seem to add the disclaimer that they are aware it isn't like the rest of the world. And while both of your counties are fortunate you are still affected by it- and the fear that it could become like the rest of the world. In addition there is no real escaping the background noise of Covid.

      Often my friends will say they are having a hard time with xyz but they know it is harder here because of Covid. So we're either living with it or trying to show empathy for those who are and were not..lol. Either way it's exhausting'.

      And yes very much Groundhog Day. The hope from last year and containing this world wide in short order has disappeared. In some ways we've grown complacent here- like here we go again. Not disobeying but just shrugging and slugging along.

      Enjoy your freedom for all of us would ya?
      ๐Ÿ’• Love willie

  5. Nice to see your post Willie๐Ÿ’› this past few years has really been something else. No good pearls of wisdom- just pearl๐Ÿ’›

    1. Pearle! Oh how I've missed you. I hope you post soon (or email) to let us know how you and your Master are doing. I hope he's well into the road of recovery !๐Ÿ’•