Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Learning, Thinking, Thowing Out Hangers!

  I wasn't going to 'blog' today, ( what a funny little 'verb' when you think about it).  I was going to step back for a few days.  Writing my thoughts down, however, does seem to be somewhat of an excellent form of therapy, as most have said. In addition, a great deal of dd blogs start few months after their dd journey begins, (which I can understand now) but for those lurkers out there, who eventually find the courage to start dd, maybe  reading my mental/emotional turmoil  will help  in the future? lol
Last night I decided to take every one's advice and turn to Barney. Well I sort of half turned-  Or maybe looked over my shoulder.  I tried but I wasn't able to 'run to him' that's for sure.  I asked if he would rub my back.  For the record, I had stopped asking for a back messages, because it  basically consisted of running his hands down my back and then HELLO ! A difference of opinion I suppose :) .  Anyway I initiated the conversation while my back  and only my back was being rubbed.  It mostly went like this ":

 W-  " So how was your day" ( keep in mind we were together all day)

B- " It was a beautiful day out"

 ( mental sigh, sigh, sigh and double sigh!)

W- " That is not what I asked."
--At which point I would have to say, despite having my back rubbed in a most relaxing way, I felt anything but relaxed.  I am not entirely sure what I expected him to say, but I knew I didn't want to be the one asking the questions.  Hey, I'm not pretending I am being fair here.

B- " Well, everyone seemed a bit tired and grumpy.  But I guess I can understand that"

( sigh, sigh,- can't even be bothered to sigh again)

W-  " You know now that you don't have to put up with that"

B- " Well when people are tired they can get grumpy"

 ( like your wife is AGAIN- realizing I am in the wrong, but can't help it)

 I should have went on, again, to explain that much like we expect from the kids- it is not what you say, so much as it how you say it. That he should expect the same from me, as he does from everyone else. That even if he is tired, he rarely speaks to us like that, if ever, to be honest.  Unfortunately, I was getting too tired to bother.

 Back rubbing changed to bum squeezing.  Not sure if that was in direct relation to what we were talking about, or if he just wanted....
 Anyway, lets just say, that some of the tension was managed to be released.

 Last night I managed to get 6 full hours of sleep !!! YAY ME! ( and realistically you should say phew !- for poor Barney)

This morning he began reading, including my blog post yesterday.  He didn't really say much.  He did get quite a chuckle at the fact that our friend is now Gazoo in Blog Land.  He mentioned  he could see the  how interruptions could throw a wrench in things. He didn't comment, yet , on what I said about how I felt. Time will tell I guess.  He's not a huge talker.  You kind of have to drag things out of him. I am really hoping this form of torturous communication won't last forever.  I  could see myself becoming resentful if that is the case.  I suppose there is not need to know every little detail is there? This is a control freak area of my life that definitely needs to be curbed.


 After the kids left for school, with very little prodding from me, it was decided to experiment with household implements.  Not sure if any of you read my comment on Lucy's Lunacy blog but it basically went like this :

  Implement testing to find a quiet one, and apparently, ( although I didn't know this was on the agenda) one that is quick and efficient.( -I went on to mention to her to)-  Buy a coat rack,  sticky hooks,  hooks that go over the door,  hooks that you screw into the wall,  anything you can think of to hang things up in your house.  GET RID OF ALL CLOTHES HANGERS !

  Barney only tried a plastic one, but out of all the implements he tried today, (I'd say 5 or so) the freakin' hanger was the only one to have my feet kick back at one swat.  He of course, was impressed with the efficiency of  it !

  So today, thankfully I am no longer grumpy.  I am still exhausted, but hopefully by tomorrow I'll be all caught up.  Stupid hormones! I have to say that Barney is trying.  Well trying when GIVEN the tools, but that is still something. I shall learn to appreciate the effort.  Besides, I have no idea what is going on in his head.  I know he what he wants our relationship to be like. I just have to figure out what to give him, or how to give it to him, to help insure he feels comfortable in his new shoes.  Or perhaps I have to learn to step back- which is probably the case.  I guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and ask.-  Apparently though, I have to work on my asking not telling skills. lol


  1. Oh Wilma, I am still laughing about the hangers...I may not be later, but I digress....

    I know it is hard, but you have to be patient with Barney. They process things so much different than us. Keep talking....

    In the very beginning...and we are still only 6 months in....he would not even spank...and then only for things that were a clear violation of a black and white rule.

    As we go farther along, it progressed to being spanked for attitude, stress relief spankings...

    Last night we had a lovely conversation about the words I choose to use....whatever, fine, unfair....those are all spankable if I do them in a mean manner. He says if it is disrespectful I need to think before I speak.

    I hope you have a filter between your mouth and brain....I do not...and he is not buying that I was born this way. *sigh*

    Hang in there and be patient <~~~~~~~~Have I said that already? ;) It takes time, and you guys have made a ton of progress in a short amount of time!

  2. First off, no you WON'T be laughing if Ryan decides to add something as innocent looking as a chid's plastic hanger to his nightstand of torture drawer! BUT thinking of a hanger with Elmo's little face in with the spoons of doom, makes me kinda smile.

    Secondly, I want to make this perfectly clear, I AM NOT JONESING FOR A SPANKING! I am not hoping that Barney progresses to THIS particular stage. lol. Especially after this morning...Yeouch! I am more venting that I can't seem to wrap my head around this tennis match of emotions I've got going on in my head/heart. Truthfully I should be trying to apply patience to myself.

    As far as a filter for mouth and brain, I think my main issue is going to be my breathing, ( I may have a tendency to inhale/exhale rather loudly, or sigh) and body language - head rolling, not so gently placing things down, and definite eye rolling, ( perhaps it is time for some Stevie Wonder type glasses). The 'comment' I mostly use is "Mm Hm " with a side of attitude.

  3. Hi Wilma,
    Hangers? OMG, I never thought about those! Yikes!
    Talking to Ian about his experience when we first started dd, makes me appreciate just how confused he was...
    I have to agree with Lucy, they (HoHs) seem to have a completely different time table for dd, you will probably find that a few months from now, you will be wanting to back up a little and Barney will be the one wanting more.
    That was my experience, and it isn't an isolated one, I hear it from lots of women.
    Do lots of hugging. It helps.

    1. I have read enough to realize that you are correct in the HoH mindset. They seem to pick up speed once they start. I suppose time will tell in our case. Who knows? We pride ourselves on being unique ;)
      I suppose there is no need for Ian to actually use as hanger, unless you end up with Lucy-syndrome and you become immune to the belt<----sheesh just saying that word gives me the willies!
      Afer much reflection today, I think why I felt so needy, and closer to Barney last week, was because I made myself completely vulnerable with my proposal. In turn, whether he realized it or not, perhaps I became more approachable and feminine to him? So he reaching out to me became second nature like tending to a wounded bird.?..lol. OR NOT.

  4. Askin skills....so hard to come by. It is so much easier to just tell them what we want from them. :). I am working on this too.

    F.Y.I. Never mention the blind wand...you know that stick that makes the blinds tilt up or down. It is like a coat hanger X 2!!!!!!! Moose experimented on me with one and with a hanger. Both are quiet but boy howdy they are intense!! I hope I never do anything to warrant a real spanking with either of those!!

    Hope you have a good week!!


    1. Fortunately Nikki, we don't have any blinds ! Doesn't matter as we have tons of hangers ! If a never have to experience a hanger that way again, and he only tried it once, it will be too soon!

      Totally agree about the asking thing. - So used to telling. This is going to be so difficult. VERY difficult. Barney actually says I have a way of asking that sounds like telling, that is definitely telling!

      May you have much success with your diet this week !

  5. I need to go back and read more when I have time but I sure do understand not knowing what is going on in their heads. The good news is that mine opened up a lot more as we got further and further in to ttwd. While his personality is naturally quiet, he found his words. Hope yours does too!!!

  6. Thanks Susie! I am honoured that you are taking an interest. I mentioned to another blogger, Kevan, that it is really odd to have someone who I have been reading for months come and read my words. I blush everytime, one of you bloggers comment for the first time. LOL

    After Barney read this post last night, he said we are going to sit down and talk this morning. Thankfully, at this stage of the game, I KNOW he actually means TALK. lol

    I don't actually think of Barney reading my posts when I write them, and that is probably a good thing, or it might change the wording of my posts.

    1. I know...I remember how odd that felt. People that I felt like I already "knew" I was now interacting with. Blushing is cute...and it's a joy to be here reading your words.

      It is good for talk to still mean talk...:)

  7. I'm happy to say that Blue hasn't tried out a clothes hanger yet! I can imagine they're pretty painful. Probably very similar to that loopy johnny thing I've heard so much about. Mostly complaining and howls of pain! I have so many clothes, I don't think I'd have enough room to use hooks :) I'm with Nikki, be glad you don't have tilt wands! It seems like the guys are always slow at the start line, but they pick up speed very quickly once they do get going. Try to enjoy this interlude, lol! I know, it is really hard to *ask* instead of *tell* or worse *demand.* I still have a little trouble with the eye rolling thing too. And, yeah, those hormones can really cause a lot lof problems! Glad you're getting some sleep. That should help everything :)

  8. Thanks CG. Had another great(ish) night sleep again last night. No more 'tight skin' feelings. THANK GOODNESS.

    Not sure how long the interlude is going to last. Rule discussion day. I realize this is only a chat, so I should be good for a while yet ;)

  9. Hi, Wilma. I'm all caught up with your blog. Very nice. I really wish we could understand better, how these guys of ours think and process.

    My D says he is a simple man, but he is the most complicated person I've ever known. He, too, is very reticent about communicating his thoughts and feelings, and I don't like trying to drag things out of him - it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I want him to want to share himself with me, I don't want to feel I am prying it from him.

    I could go on and on about our opposing views about what is worthy of communication and why, but I'll spare you!

    Thank you, for putting your thoughts and emotions out here, and sharing what you are able of Barney's thoughts, as the two of you work your way into ttwd (yes, you can day that!). Every post resonates in some way, and I'm sure many lurker newbies will appreciate what you write as much as those of us well into our ttwd PhD educations! ;-)


  10. I wanted to start at the beginning, even if we didn't end up going anywhere. I mostly wanted to figure things out for myself, but I could have just written in Microsoft Word for that. I am so grateful, that so many have shared their stories, although I was trying to see how to start off. How people felt at the beginning, not looking back and reflecting. Since I have begun this journey, I found others out there like me. It helps to know it can get VERY messy, and frustrating at the beginning, and I/we are not alone. I say we because HoH's, like Ian have offered some great private support to Barney during this time also.

    Well thanks again Irishey! I look forward to your comments in the future concerning ttwd.

  11. *whistles, kicking her feet in the dirt, pondering if her friends will hate her if she shares....knowing that their men read the blogs sometimes - chants veeeeeeeeery quietly, in a singsong voice*

    clothes hangers, fish tank tubing+, window screen spline+ (YEOUCH!), wooden dowels, silicone spatulas (not very impressive in my book at least), switches, fly swatters (the swatty part of course), coax cable+, tilt wands (from the blinds). The ones with +s can be fashioned into inexpensive loopy johnnys,or tri-tail type toys - er implements - or floggers. Stands close to the door in case my friends start throwing stuff at me.

  12. June hahaaa! But NOT! I thought, that if Barney, gave it a whirl with a few more quiet things, he'd feel less concerned about the noise and the neighbours. Insert convert... when he was using his hand that day, he commented.
    " Oh this isn't as loud as I thought it was."...Great.

    NOW he keeps teasing me. Today he was reading some comment, or some blog, I'm not sure,I was in kitchen, he was in the dining room. He came in the kitchen and said,
    " I think we need more blinds in this house"...WHaaaaaaaaat? Not funny! Freakin' hanger was bad enough.

    We tried the coax cable, looped around as well- the dowel, as we heard it couldn't be heard- a ruler, a wooden spatula...stingie,- the belt. They all hurt, but NOTHING like this blasted hanger.

    1. We're partial to wood. I like the spoon unless I'm in trouble. And Daddy's signature implement is a solid wood hairbrush that makes its way into every spanking. But we have this yummy 4-fingered double-layered tawsey kind of strap that is a good-girl/maintenance toy . And nothing beats his hand of course. You didn't think the coax cable hurt? Whoopie Sally you got some tough hide, lol.

    2. Whoa! Let's back it up. <- okay, poor choice of words. I don't know if I have a tough hide. Perhaps because it looked more menancing than an innocent looking plastic hanger, he held back with the coax. To be truthful, I think he only hit me once with that. Although I wasn't really looking.

  13. Starting to read your blog from the beginning to get to know more friends out here in Blogland. :-) Communication is so important...on my journey of TTWD we have become better at communicating but it is still sometimes like pulling teeth...my husband is quiet and it is usually me leading which as you know is sometimes challenging...

    1. Oh gosh Terps you are going to read THIS from the beginning? Lord help you...I see you in July I guess!