A New Member to the Secret Society ?Well I suppose I should back it up a bit...
Yesterday, as you may well know became D. Day. While I was waiting for B. to cook dinner,( BBQ- which I made sure not to criticize, *wink*) my OCDish tendency took over and I decided I should reread my prepared material now that I had it in its fancy cover and all. I went to our room, lay on my stomach on the bed, while the sun was streaming through the window. B. came in, and said, " Tanning your backside" ? I mean seriously? If he only know WHAT I was reading about. I tried to stifle my laugh. We did, however laugh about that this morning.
After our company left last night, I was feeling less than secure in 'allowing' B. to read my proposal. He came down the stairs to make his way into the basement to read it at 9:30.
B.- "What ? I have to read this before bed. You're driving me crazy. My curiosity is high because you are so nervous."
" (exhale) You were supposed to wait until I was in bed ! <- ( no lectures, I've just started practicing to be submissive, and he didn't know that at the time)."
B. " But it is like 30 pages!" ( true, it would definitely thud if you dropped it on the ground)
" Fine, but can you at least give me an hour? I promise, no more than an hour. Just long enough to take a couple of Gravol, have a drink and let them take affect".
B. ( chuckle) "Fine. I'm so curious as to what has you so worked up though. It's not illegal or anything?"
" Hehehehe. No but it's out there"
B. " Interesting........."
So after downing a couple of Gravol, and a Blueberry Tea. I went off to bed, and left B. to his reading. I was sleeping like a baby, ( I wonder why?) except I did hear him come upstairs. Once he climbed in bed, he reached over, pulled me close, kissed my hair and said, " I love you"
Druggie replied, " Mmmmmmmm Love you too"...snore
Actually a big deal for us, because Barney often works late hours and climbs into bed well after me, with no recognition that he is home from either of us. He doesn't want to wake me. Last night he was concerned that I wasn't sleeping, ( guess he forgot about my nightcap) and he wanted me to know we were alright.
So flash forward to this morning. Three kids, three different times to get out the door. Did all that, well until kid #3 was due to leave, suddenly jumpy, nervous Wilma emerged again. B. was still sleeping, which is unusual. Thoughts started running through my head-- He couldn't sleep last night, he was so disturbed that his wife would ask for this.
He found me putzing in the laundry room. Trying to pretend I was all good. He said,
-and I kid you not he took that time to look at my butt !- he claims he always is checking it out, but I beg to differ. Anyway,
" why don't we go and talk"
Wilma- "Sure, I'm just going to finish up here" ( again, I know already..)
This lead to me finishing up THERE, making the bed, having a bath...blah, blah.
Wilma entering the livingroom,- "( Exhale) Okay. But can I do the dishes while we talk ?"
B- ( softly)" No. I would like you right here".
And then he began to talk, and talk and talk. By the way, this in itself is a miracle. He is a man of few words, and those don't usually involve talking about himself. Although after about 40 minutes, I still didn't know where we stood with this DD thing. He said that he wasn't surprised at what I had observed in myself. He said, that he did wish he had more control in our marriage. He said he felt the same as I did about becoming more like roomates. He commented on how he did notice me changing over the past few weeks.
The real discussion came once I stopped focusing on my cuticles and started asking him questions. Questions like, how he honestly felt when he read the words Domestic Discipline. He said he knows something has to change, but he was surprised at the platform on which I chose to bring about that change. He had never been physically corrected as a child, and while I had, it was more like a passing swat, not a, " Go to your" room thing. He initially was concerned that this could have a 'cult-like' status, until he read the numerous blog posts I printed off. ( Side note Lillie and Ian, huge help that you are Canadian...I know you could literally be sipping wine in Pelee Island while we clean whale blubber in NWT, and have nothing in common, but he thought...well never mind - it helped). He focused on what I focused on, the chance for relationship turn around, and the chance for an amped up sex-life, he is male after all.
I was still confused at this point about the spanking aspect. He confessed that he was concerned that he was going to 'mark me' . I said, oh you will. He looked horrified. I explained that I can bang into the coffee table and end up with a mark. I bruise very easily. I told him, he'd be more concerned about it than I would be, should the time come. We live in a town house so he was also concerned about the noise aspect. LOL. Anyway, we talked and talked and got most of that worked out. He wants me to leave some blogs on the computer for him to read when he comes home from work tonight.
While we ate lunch B said he couldn't believe how things had already changed today. We talked more about 'us' than we have in years. He is hesitant about the entire discipline aspect, but he understands the need the intimacy of it, and the vulnerability of it. All I have to say is THANK GOD for you out in Blog Land because you have been able to explain things that I could not!
B. is having a hard time with the word 'submissive'. Although, he seemed to have no problem with HOH, or dominant. LOL! He wanted me to know that he doesn't expect me to wait on him- Hallelujah because THAT wasn't going to happen.
So there you have it. We have decided to move forward. B. has admitted that the biggest change will be his to make. He actually craves this change. We just really don't know where to go from here. Any, and all suggestions are wanted and would be very helpful, ( um except the Internet time limit rule- not wanted).
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Thank you also for posting your personal lives on blogs. Many of you ended up in my 'proposal' and many more in our after discussion.
I hope this turns out as well as we envision. I realize it is not going to be quick moving, or easy. But at the moment I can take comfort in the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders.
So Secret Society of DDers, set another spot at the table. You have a new...very chatty member. I haven't been 'initiated' yet but I still want to eat! Hey how come I'm the only one seated?