Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Um, Now What?

 A New Member to the Secret Society ?

  Well I suppose I should back it up a bit...

  Yesterday, as you may well know became D. Day.  While I was waiting for B. to cook dinner,( BBQ- which I made sure not to criticize, *wink*)  my OCDish tendency took over and I decided I should reread my prepared material now that I had it in its fancy cover and all.  I went to our room, lay on my stomach on the bed, while the sun was streaming through the window.  B. came in, and said, " Tanning your backside" ?  I mean seriously? If he only know WHAT I was reading about.  I tried to stifle my laugh.  We did, however laugh about that this morning.

  After our company left last night, I was feeling less than secure in 'allowing' B. to read my proposal. He came down the stairs to make his way into the basement to read it at 9:30. 

  Wilma "EEK!"

B.- "What ? I have to read this before bed.  You're driving me crazy.  My curiosity is high because you are so nervous."

" (exhale)  You were supposed to wait until I was in bed ! <- ( no lectures, I've just started practicing to be submissive, and he didn't know that at the time)."

B.  " But it is like 30 pages!" ( true, it would definitely thud if you dropped it on the ground)

 " Fine, but can you at least give me an hour? I promise, no more than an hour. Just long enough to take a couple of Gravol, have a drink and let them take affect".

B. ( chuckle) "Fine. I'm so curious as to what has you so worked up though.  It's not illegal or anything?"

" Hehehehe.  No but it's out there"

B. " Interesting........."
  So after downing a couple of Gravol, and a Blueberry Tea. I went off to bed, and left B. to his reading.  I was sleeping like a baby, ( I wonder why?) except I did hear him come upstairs.  Once he climbed in bed, he reached over, pulled me close, kissed my hair and said, " I love you"

  Druggie replied, " Mmmmmmmm Love you too"...snore

 Actually a big deal for us, because Barney often works late hours and climbs into bed well after me, with no recognition that he is home from either of us. He doesn't want to wake me.  Last night he was concerned that I wasn't sleeping, ( guess he forgot about my nightcap) and he wanted me to know we were alright.

  So flash forward to this morning.  Three kids, three different times to get out the door.  Did all that, well until kid #3 was due to leave, suddenly jumpy, nervous Wilma emerged again.  B. was still sleeping, which is unusual.  Thoughts started running through my head--  He couldn't sleep last night, he was so disturbed that his wife would ask for this.

  He found me putzing in the laundry room. Trying to pretend I was all good. He said,
" Well..."
-and I kid you not he took that time to look at my butt !- he claims he always is checking it out, but I beg to differ. Anyway, 

 " why don't we go and talk"

Wilma- "Sure, I'm just going to finish up here" ( again, I know already..)

This lead to me finishing up THERE, making the bed, having a bath...blah, blah.

Wilma entering the livingroom,- "( Exhale) Okay.  But can I do the dishes while we talk ?"

B- ( softly)" No.  I would like you right here".
  And then he began to talk, and talk and talk. By the way, this in itself is a miracle. He is a man of few words, and those don't usually involve talking about himself.   Although after about 40 minutes, I still didn't know where we stood with this DD thing.  He said that he wasn't surprised at what I had observed in myself. He said, that he did wish he had more control in our marriage. He said he felt the same as I did about becoming more like roomates. He commented on how he did notice me changing over the past few weeks.

  The real discussion came once I stopped focusing on my cuticles and started asking him questions.  Questions like, how he honestly felt when he read the words Domestic Discipline. He said he knows something has to change, but he was surprised at the platform on which I chose to bring about that change. He had never been physically corrected as a child, and while I had, it was more like a passing swat, not a, " Go to your" room thing. He initially was concerned that this could have a 'cult-like' status, until he read the numerous blog posts I printed off.  ( Side note Lillie and Ian, huge help that you are Canadian...I know you could literally be sipping wine in Pelee Island while we clean whale blubber in NWT, and have nothing in common, but he thought...well never mind - it helped). He focused on what I focused on, the chance for  relationship turn around, and the  chance for an amped up sex-life, he is male after all.

  I was still confused at this point about the spanking aspect. He confessed that he  was concerned that he was going to 'mark me' . I said, oh you will. He looked horrified. I explained that I can bang into the coffee table and end up with a mark.  I bruise very easily.  I told him, he'd be more concerned about it than I would be, should the time come. We live in a town house so he was also concerned about the noise aspect. LOL.  Anyway, we talked and talked and got most of that worked out.  He wants me to leave some blogs on the computer for him to read when he comes home from work tonight.

  While we ate lunch B said he couldn't believe how things had already changed today.  We talked more about 'us' than we have in years. He is hesitant about the entire discipline aspect, but he understands the need  the intimacy of it, and the vulnerability of it.  All I have to say is THANK GOD for you out in Blog Land because you have been able to explain things that I could not!
  B. is having a hard time with the word 'submissive'. Although, he seemed to have no problem with HOH, or dominant. LOL! He wanted me to know that he doesn't expect me to wait on him- Hallelujah because THAT wasn't going to happen.

  So there you have it.  We have decided to move forward.  B. has admitted that the biggest change will be his to make. He actually craves this change.  We just really don't know where to go from here. Any, and all suggestions  are wanted and would be very helpful, ( um except the Internet time limit rule- not wanted).

  Thank you all for your words of encouragement.  Thank you also for posting your personal lives on blogs. Many of you ended up in my 'proposal' and many more in our after discussion. 

  I hope this turns out as well as we envision. I realize it is not going to be quick moving, or easy. But at the moment I can take comfort in the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders.

  So Secret Society of DDers, set another spot at the table.  You have a new...very chatty member. I haven't been 'initiated' yet but I still want to eat! Hey how come I'm the only one seated? 


  1. Wilma!!
    So happy everything went great! Barney sounds like a very caring, loving husband. I am so happy you were able to reach him with your sales pitch and you had a wonderful talk about changing your lives.
    Welcome aboard. It is going to hurt! I am sitting on a very sore bum right now and I don't mind telling you that almost every time it happens I think I must have been nuts for starting this thing.
    I will come back and comment more, but I have my marching orders, so I have to run, but I am so glad to have you onboard!
    Hugs hugs hugs

  2. Thanks Lillie...But I just _know_ I'll be so well behaved it won't be an issue. Um, until we get to the old finances...
    So diet related trouble again? Way to go by the way 4 pounds !! whoot whoot !

    1. Hi Wilma :(
      I got caught with a bag of liquorice in my purse :( I can't believe it did it.....I am weak - WEAK! Then I got an attitude because I was embarrassed about being caught like a 2 year old, and then I threw a bit of a tantrum because I really didn't want a spanking. I am struggling with submission today, mightily.
      Ian just makes me so .....irritaTED sometimes. Sorry.
      The good news is, here you are!
      How to get started, well a diet is a good way :(. Seriously, we started fooling around with erotic stuff, I like that... :D It is sexy and lots of fun! I am not saying that is of everyone but that is kind of what I thought dd would be like, sexy fun slap and tickle spanking all the time. :(
      I would just say, don't rush yourselves.
      Oh, it was now that Ian made his "rules" and that gave me some guidelines and we started to see our marriage get better and better, but it did lead to inevitable showdowns.

    2. Liquorice ? Heck some people use that as their treat when they are dieting ! Are you allowed sugar free gum? That is what I throw in everytime I get the urge. Or PC. diet sparkling lemonade. Oh well you've lost 4 lbs. with 2 spankings. 50% ? Please tell me you don't need to lose like 50 lbs, Ian's going to need a new belt.
      I think we will have to try a different kind of spanking first, as neither of us have experienced that before. Well not exactly true. A very dominant friend of ours gave me a smack one time when I was saying something about it not hurting. I believe his response was, " Oh I can make it hurt"..HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! It hurt alright! I think, although I have no doubt he'll work his way up to it, Barney will have to get used to that idea. So let's just ease into it.
      But first the rules. Hoping computer time is not going to be one of them. We do have to get our finances in order. So Barney isn't working into the grave, but I can't get in trouble for things before they became a rule can I ?
      Not entirely sure what he is going to come up with. He did seem keen on the not saying NO aspect of things!

  3. Um some how the newbie deleted your post it is

    Bas has left a new comment on your post "Um, Now What?":

    I would be honoured to take a seat at the table. Never have any problems with sitting.
    You may enjoy it while it lasts.
    I have this terrible urge to say: "didn't I tell you that this was how it was going to be?"
    But I am not going to say it. To polite to say this to the hostess
    BTW I hope there is no whale blubber at the menu. Not fond of it.
    Oh yes, new chatty member, I have another prophesy for you: "Your relation will go up and down, harder than ever before".

  4. ******************************************************************

    Well Bas, you have the 'honour' of having a male mind. That has given you the insight, apparently.
    Blubber on the menu not likely...blubbering at the table, highly probable !
    As for your last prophesy, you've got me all jumpy again. Way to go!

  5. Hey Wilma! Welcome, welcome! Consider me seated, lol. Do let us know once you've gone through the initiation. We'll share the secret handshake!

    Seriously, this is wonderful. Barney took it very well! You really did a great job with your presentation. I'll bet you got straight "A"s in school :) Everyone does things a little differently, I'm confident you two will find your own unique path. The only advice I really have is take it slow. There's no hurry! Again, congratulations!

  6. Straight A's not exactly...LOL...But I have a tendency to over-think things.
    As far as taking it slow goes, no worries, Barney is all about the slow. You know the old saying measure 20 times, cut once. What? Oh, measure twice, cut once. :-) I'm the one that flies around here at top speed. So I will be patient. I know it is only the 'honeymoon' stage, but seriously B. has been so sweet, telling me he loves me, brushing the hair out of my face. Just really tender things. I guess my discription of myself reminded him of the 19 year old he met? Or most likely, the fact that I was willing to go this extreme for us? So, I'll enjoy this time before I 'feel the burn'.

  7. I don't know how I missed this update!!!! I am so happy for you Wilma. As I was reading this, my heart was thundering in my chest....I so remember this night with Ryan and I.

    The good news? He didn't run away horrified....and he is willing to give it a try. Just be patient, and talk, talk, and talk some more.

    This has been the best thing that Ryan and I have done for our marriage. We are so much closer....that spark is back....and I have so much respect for the man I married.

    I just cannot wait to see how this all develops for you. Sooooo excited for you :D

  8. Thanks Lucy. I honestly don't think I would have been successful in persuading him if it wasn't for all the wonderful blog(ger)s out there.
    He is more concerned about the old hurting me aspect of it. I'll get to that later today in another post. We have been doing a LOT of talking.
    I am concerned about him 'stepping up to the plate'. I suppose time will tell.

  9. Hey Lucy, in one of your comments, that I didn't post, (LOL) you mentioned that Ryan didn't spank you for the first 3 months. Now I know, as I explained this to Barney, that this isn't all about the spanking, but how did you guys do it? I mean carry out the DD thing. I already said to B. that I am not really interested in writing lines, and the corner is going to be a hard limit for me. Nothing like Topping from the Bottom eh? Anyway, dispite the fact he feels uneasy about the spanking part, he wasn't interested in those two aspects either.

    1. Hi Wilma~

      It was a very sloooow process. Ryan saying forever that he could not spank me. I was very much doing well with being a "good listener" my word for submissive ;) Ryan and I knew that eventually the rubber would meet the road, and my good nature would wear off.

      So you have to imagine, for a good 2 months or so Ryan was very much in charge, and I was listening. I was doing well. He was much more attentive, we were talking, really connecting. When the whole craft thing exploded (that you read about) and I became disrespectful I think he felt this whole new way of life he had become used to was slipping away. He knew that spanking was on the table, and I think he saw that as an opportunity to use it.

      Leading up to that day we had just talked a lot. I gave him a lot of blogs to read. He really seemed to get a lot of what Mick over at Husbandly Touch had to say (another blog). He has a letter to HOHs in there that really resonated with Ryan. Getting through the first time was huge for us. He saw that it quickly corrected my mood and kind of reset us.

      Since then we have used spanking quite a bit. I have never written lines, but I have stood my stubborn butt in the corner quite a few times....btw he said he would never do that either ;)

      DD is constantly changing...that is one thing that I am learning. Just when I think we have this, something changes. I have also learned that is okay. Without become stagnant.

      I hope this helps. Feel free email me anytime. I am not all that experienced, but I would be willing to help you any way I can :)

      Have a good night Wilma

    2. Thanks Lucy! I may just take you up on your offer. I know Barney is concerned about the logistics of things. We are alone together a lot, and that isn't really when I have high stress situations. So basically it is 'easy' to behave, and think things through, unless of course I am being creative- in which case boys put on your helmets if you are coming into the WilmaZone !
      I explained that lots of 'the guys' go and work out of town, and they still manage. Unfortunately, maintainance maybe on the table...or perhaps fortunately if I get Lillie/Ian style? I think he thinks it will be more neccessary as role affirmation, because he won't be around to see me being disrepectful.
      Barney has read a great deal of Mick's stuff. He likes him, but at the moment relates more to the men who's wives brought this to them. Although Mick does have some excellent blogs on Not Wanting a Slave, and one about Spanking your wife is not like spanking a child.
      I had to explain that to Barney, that an adult would give way more warnings to a child before some sort of consequence. I don't think that is the point here. Of course I will be EATING those words soon enough, I think.

  10. Welcome, Wilma :) As for got the most important thing down- open honest communication, even when it's hard. Other than that, know that there is no 'one way', no 'right way', no 'one-size-fits-all' to TTWD. There is only the way that works for you and Barney. Every single one of us has our own particular twist, our own variation on the recipe.

    You do have a world full of cheerleaders, this is a warm and fantastic group of women! And if Barney has any questions, I'm sure my Ward, or any of the wonderful HoH's would be pleased to lend him an ear. Our email is


  11. Thanks for offering up Ward June. lol. The first time Barney was actually on this blog was this morning to read what Ian wrote. He recognized that the women were very supportive, and he has no issue with me being here. It may take him some time to actually reach out to some HoHs though. I will most certainly let him know you volunteered Ward's services though!
    Thanks for taking the time to comment. This community never ceases to amaze me!

  12. ******************************************************************************
    Alright this is twice now where I swear I hit publish, and the comment was deleted ! Sorry He's The Boss ! Here is her post via me.
    Message flagged Sunday, October 7, 2012 11:21:39 AM He's the Boss

    Hi Wilma!! I am a newbie too, so the best advice I can give you is go slow and try not to go crazy waiting for something to happen. :). ( I did get a little bent out of shape a few times.). Moose and I talked and talked about what we wanted and how things were going to work out. We talked more about our relationship in those few weeks than we did in our 18 years of marriage. I started to be more submissive and Moose definitely noticed. I also had a crying meltdown every weekend. ; I usually cry once or twice a year, so every weekend was crazy for us.). Moose told me at the start that he didn't want to hurt me. He still has only spanked me lightly, but its a good start for us. Better than I thought it would be. And let me tell you, wood will become your enemy!! ;). I am going order a leather paddle and try that. Lately I have asked Moose for a spanking if I needed one and he has obliged so that may be a way for you guys to start. It takes the pressure/ guilt off of Moose to spank me, but I still get what I need. Good luck!! I look forward to reading more about your journey!

  13. Thanks for your words of encouragement! And of course for stopping by.
    Barney and I were talking last night about many things, but for this point, I'll use the house as an example. Now it is always tidy, and for the most part clean, ( as clean as floors can be with 3 boys, a dog and a VERY clutsy woman). It is sparkling now, no dust on the baseboads, no clutter in MOST of the cupboards ect... Anyway he commented something like,
    " I really like this, the house. I mean it was fine before, but now WOW" . I suppose that can describe our relationship at the moment too.
    My response was basically, "Thank you, but you know, without help I can feel it is going to slip away again. I really don't want it to, but I can see it happening in the not so distant future". Again this can be applied to so many areas of our lives.
    He just smiled and said, " I know ".
    So I am willing to take it slow. I know he has a lot of reading to do before he decides what he wants as far as 'rules' and expectations. I should be glad he isn't just jumping in wielding some instrument of torture. Speaking of which we are going to try some out later this week again.

  14. You handled this so well, Wilma. I'm impressed! Barney sounds like someone you might want to stick with, too. :)

  15. I'm not sure if taking 2 Gravol, and downing it with a drink, basically 'passing out' while Barney read, primarily other people's words is handling it well- BUT I'll take it!
    I meant what I said in my post, this 'proposal' or presentation wouldn't have been successful if it wasn't for other bloggers. Particular importance, with this issue, was the posts I prinited off from you HoH(ers). Men relate so much better to each other, much like women. So basically what I am saying is, Keep up your writing!

    1. I'm learning a lot from your blog, including the words "Duo-Tang" and "Gravol." You Canadians are so exotic...

    2. That's what we are known for being I mean exotic !

      Wait 'til Lillie and I start talking about going to Timmy's for a Double Double, and then you'll REALLY be hearing some true Canadiana !

      So no Gravol there? What does one take for motion sickness? and no Duotangs? Seriously. It is such a fun word to say.

    3. Apparently the same drug is sold under the name "Dramamine" in the US. 'Cause we're all about the drama here, I guess, as opposed to you grave types.

      As for Duotangs, Wikipedia says the Duo-Tang company was "founded and headquartered" in the bustling urban center of Paw Paw, Michigan. So I think I'll start calling them "Paw Paw Paper Packets," what do you think?

  16. Well isn't blogging just so educational?
    As for Paw Paw Paper Packets, while I do like a good alliteration, I'm going to stick with the one word version of duotang. It makes feel like I am speaking some sort of a foreign language.

    1. OK. But to me, the word only brings up vague images of some sort of disreputable Asian thong.

  17. LM*O! Great, now I am not going to be able to put on my disreputable Asian thong without thinking of duotang and laughing.. Thanks for that!

  18. How in hell did I miss this...I thought I had gone back on yours and read from the beginning, but I guess I started around "We now return to our regularly...". I have some catch up reading...this is hysterical, nerve-racking, and about 20 other emotions...Sorry I missed this is very helpful:)

    1. Hey thanks for commenting Bea...It was actually good to go back and read this again.

  19. Wilma-
    We went through an almost exact replica of what you guys did! Also in October, but about two weeks later than you! My fireman had the same comment about wanting more control in the relationship. It's crazy how things happen!!
    Glad you have a good HoH who was willing to read all your info. I did the same thing! Except instead if hard copies, I gave blog addresses! Lol :)

  20. Any suggestions as to blogs to direct our husbands to? I have been trying to get my husband on board for six months.... he SAYS he is on board, but doesn't DO anything. I need him to step up. Looking for ways to inform him. Any suggestions you can provide would be most welcome and appreciated! Great blog, btw!

  21. LOL at the duotang! And I wondered what Graval was too, now I know! It is really interesting to read these very early days of how you and Barney started DD. You have come a long way! CeCe

    1. Yes we have CeCe! That is why I suggested you start from the beginning of our 'adventure' not from where you know us now. You will get there! It won't be pretty- and if you are like us, more times than it actually IS, but I will guarantee it is worth the effort/tears/pain/frustration!