Monday, October 29, 2012

Oh He's Consistent Alright



 Yeah,  he's consistent alright

He is consistent about sending mixed signals.

He is consistent for his lack of communication.

He is consistent about procrastinating.  Yup.  You guessed it he decided to wait- wait until he had no choice but to abandon the idea.  I should have known.

I have gone through the entire gamut of emotions and back again.  ANGER..

Oh so much--hurt,

But that hurts too much so back to Anger! 

Resentment. 

Disappointment.

 Loss of hope- that this is ever going to work. 

The thought that I maybe I'm completely crazy to think that this would work for us.

 Anger that he has turned this around to be about him,  failing to see how difficult the past 2 days have been. 


He is consistently inconsistent.

 Today I feel like Barney actually helped Submissive Sally pack her bags, and called her a taxi.

Me on the other hand -consistently crying.

23 comments:

  1. Hugs. I know it's hard, but try to keep your eye on the goal. It takes time to get there, both for us and our HoHs.

    We've been at this almost 5 months now and we still have our ups and downs with consistency. When we first started out, there was hardly any consistency. We've had a few times where there was none. We talked about it, realized where we both messed up and tried again. Each time we come back, he gets a little more consistent. It's a process.

    The important thing is to keep talking. Talk to him about how you're feeling. Try to be respectful and not assign blame. Let him know that you need consistency so you know where the boundary is.

    Ask him what he's thinking and feeling. There may be something that he's trying to work out for himself and hasn't quite got there yet.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Dana.

      I went over to read your blog yesterday during my self exile.

      Wilma

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  2. Again, right there with you. He has taken some steps back from the discipline thing. Never asked to see my food journal. It feels like he thinks everything will be better controlled with him talking the points. But Im not giving up so don' t you either!

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    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement Blue Bird. You sound like such a little scrapper!

      I am not at the giving up stage that is for sure. Just the disappointed stage. Mostly in my reactions to the events of yesterday, but today is a new day :)

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  3. oh sweetheart i can hear the pain thru your post. i have nothing to offer. i now how confusing it can get sometimes... and the feelings are so raw and real. and because we feel like we've opened ourselves up like never before, it hurts twice as bad.

    i'm sending positive vibes your way... hope you manage to get some thinking space and talk it out with Barney. *hugs*

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    1. Thank you so much Fondles for you kind words. The pain does seem to hurt so much more. It is quite scary how vulnerablity can alter every thing.

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  4. I am so sorry Wilma. Don't give up. You knew what you wanted long before you came to him. He just has to catch up and he's probably trying to talk himself into something he just doesn't want to do. He married you not Submissive Sally.

    Have you tried just playing spanking? Maybe that's the answer for you.

    Just keep the lines of communication open and don't shut down.

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    1. Well unfortunately Sunny, I did shut down yesterday. Barney went into Mr. Mom mode dealing with all things Wilma, except for Wilma :)

      I'm sure he wondered WHO the Heck he married yesterday afternoon before I disappeared for hours into our room-because I sure as heck wondered who she was inhabitting my body.

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  5. I want to thank everyone for their comments, (past and present) on this post. I don't really feel like my chatty self today, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to respond on each individual comment like I normally would.

    Today became pretty ugly around here. Fight or flight(<-usually my normal poor choice of action) Fight was chosen. I believed I even yelled at Barney at one point, something I never do because "Louder doesn't mean more right".
    Our discussion wasn't very fruitful to say the least.

    I am not sure how to move on from here-from what was said, and the meanings behind the words.

    But thank you as always for your support.

    Wilma

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  6. You've had wonderful advice from some lovely and wise ladies. All I can add is lots of (((Hugs))) and prayers for you both to come through this snag in the road.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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  7. I tend to get mad and pitch a small "well I don't care fit" then cry then get mad again and then the lonely and "he just doesn't care about me feeling" sets in. If our HOHs only knew how inconsistency derails us. Is it unimportant to them and they are just humoring us or do they just not see how it affects us? IDK but I have talked, written letters, forwarded post, etc. If you find the answer; please share because so many bloggers seem to have it easy. Their HOHs just take up the reigns and run with it. Not giving up and I hope you aren't either. The positives are worth our efforts :-) Lucy

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  8. Sweetie, I can see how much you're hurting. I really feel for you, and I kinda want to spank Barney. I don't think that men always realize how much these disappointments hurt or how very important consistency is. If I had one little piece of advice it would be Bonnie's words from the post on submission the other day. I really think they were jewels.

    "True submission is a gift. It cannot be demanded or taken. It must be offered with free will and an open heart. The key is finding that giving mindset and holding onto it, even when the gift is not immediately recognized or accepted. A resilient love makes for a more patient lover.''

    I guess I am looking at her words and substituting "dominance" for the word submission. Just my thoughts, for what they are worth.


    Chin up, m'dearie.
    love and hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks again to both you and Ian for last night Lillie.

      I thought a lot about what he said, even after I emailed you back.

      Love Willie

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  9. Oh Wilma, I am so sorry, I can feel you pain in this post and know how confusing it is when consistency is lacking.

    Don't send Submissive Sally packing and give up on the goal. Try to remember you are in it for the long run and for the amazing benefits it will eventually give you. TTWD is a constant journey with ups and downs and blips in the road.

    Just as it takes us time to adjust to our new role, It takes some time for an HoH to adjust to his new role and to truly get his head around just the idea of disciplining his wife, let alone actually doing it! I wonder too whether in the beginning some men may be hesitant to discipline wondering does she really want this? How can she possible really want this? and may possibly be hesitant fearing our reaction if they were to proceed.

    Talk to him, let him know how you are feeling. Communication is vital.

    (((Hugs)))

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    1. I know this takes some time to get used to. It is the fact that he says one thing and does another. To think I spent the entire day Sunday worrying about HIM concerning Monday. I suppose I always knew deep down that Monday wasn't going to be.
      I have mentioned to others via personal email, that it was his reaction to not following through that hurt more than actually not following through with it. That it was no big deal. I told him it was cruel and hurtful to say something 2 days prior, hint at it through those 2 days and then not give a resolution.

      A learning curve I suppose.

      Thanks for the hugs and kind words.

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  10. You can join our club of wives with slow husbands. For some reason, I think that wives get the idea faster than the men. So many reasons that they struggle. And when they don't follow through, it really hurts. It feels like they are telling you that you are not important. Can I be honest and tell you that it's not that. You are important to him. Men have to change their way of thinking, becoming the HoH after sharing everything, spanking when he has never laid a hand on you and he is probably really confused. If you want another option, maybe try some other types of consequences till he truly believes that this new dynamic is something you want. It takes time. Took my husband a good six months to get into it and we were already spankos. There are times that he doesn't follow through and it still hurts. Just remember to keep talking and listening. The greatest thing I have found with this lifestyle is how we have become really good at communicating. So much more honesty and listening. Be patient.
    I am so sorry that you are hurting and are angry. Hang in there and know that you have a lot of support here in blogland. Sending hugs your way.

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    1. Hi Blondie. When I read your comments 2 days ago on A Promissed Spanking, I thought, he's not going to follow through. I hate being right sometimes :)

      " It feels like they are telling you that you are not important. " That is exactly how I felt. I know this is difficult for them, perhaps not to the degree that it actually is, but I know.

      I was such a pill yesterday, I can't believe it. In the middle of the night when I was ironing, Barney came and sot me out. He apologized to me. Only I felt like I wasn't deserving of it. Sure he didn't do what he said he was going to, but that was still no excuse for me to turn into Wilmazilla. Hurt or not.

      Anyway communication has improved greatly since we started. We both still have a long way to go in that department too. He needs to communicate without me poking, and I need to communicate more quickly instead of retreating- although THAT didn't work yesterday either. lol


      Thanks again Blondie, it is nice to hear that someone understands.

      Wilma

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  11. Hi Wilma, I have been reading your blogs for a little while. We too are just starting the journey. I cried for you today. I have wanted this for ages and have realised how lucky I am that we are a bit further along than you. My husband was just like Barney but after reading a few of Lillie's blogs he has now come on board. Will your other half maybe do the same and perhaps it will kick start him . We play spanked for months before so I agree with sunnygirl that could be a starting point. am thinking of you today, love jan

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    1. Welcome Jan ! Thanks for commenting. I've read your 'story' on Lillie's blog.

      As for reading Lillie's blog...hahahaha<- sorry laughing at us not your comment. Poor Lillie and Ian have been saddled with both of us since we started ttwd! I think they might want to hit _me_ upside of the head with a fry pan every once and a while- Ian being a guy, probably more than just once and a while!

      Barney has been very good about play spanking, and reading blogs. He really is a very understanding and giving man...just stuck I guess. He has differed to me on so many things over the years that this is really a rethinking process for him.

      That being said, it doesn't make it any easier or less confusing for me :)

      I hope you stop by and comment more often now Jan.

      Good luck in your journey

      Wilma

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  12. Oh Wilma... (((hugs))) I heard it all when I was going through a similar thing. I had a couple meltdowns, one just a few weekends ago. Hubby is committed, and yet still not doing what I think he should. He likes play spanking too. But one thing that he has let me know over and over is that he will do this thing how he sees fit, even if it's not what I wanted. I'm not sure if I've given up or just am working on accepting that he is not as dominant as I think I need him to be. But he is the HoH. I'm not fighting him on it for now. I hope things get better for you.

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  13. Thanks for the hugs LM..and I send them back tenfold!

    Things are better today. He did follow through. Now I just have to deal with my guilt. I am doing a reserved happy dance, and not just because my left cheek is compromised, but because I know this is just the first step. I know there will be many challenges and stumbles ahead of us.

    You've come through so many already. Trust that this will eventually work out. What choice do we have?

    Love Wilma

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