Monday, October 22, 2012

One Small Step for Barney, One Giant Step Towards TTWD

What We’ve Been Up To...

Initially, (once again) was going to be a different post, perhaps tomorrow 

Bits of the contents of this post have been revealed in the comments section in my last post, so I apologize if it is repetitive.

Saturday, I wanted, ( naturally I asked, as opposed to informed Barney) the vehicle for the day.  So many things on my list of things to do.  I had to get groceries, but more importantly, because it is FUN, I wanted to pick up stuff for the 4 Halloween costumes I have to make by next Friday!  This meant that I had to drop him off at work first thing Saturday morning.

W: “Thank you for yesterday

B: “Well I wasn’t going to leave things as they were and go to work.  I have never seen you like that……………  So upset. “

W: “I can’t remember ever being that upset. ( long pause)

 You seemed like you were on the offensive for this twd.  Like you decided that you want it now too.”

B: “Yeah.  I guess you are right.  I was the one pushing it yesterday.  I couldn’t believe that you were just going to stop.  After all the changes already.”

W: “I didn’t want to, but I thought…well I guess it doesn’t matter.  I happy we are still going to try.”

So off I went…shopping, shopping, shopping.  Now don’t get me wrong, the THOUGHT of shopping is more of and ARGH-type thing with me, but when I get to let the old creative juices flowing- I LOVE IT !  Um, unfortunately I loved it too much.  I was out of the house for over 3 hours.  I did get my groceries done, but truth be told, that took like 40 minutes.

I came home with my treasure trove of goodies for our costumes.  My mind was racing with all the possibilities!  I was having a hard time focusing on OTHER things that needed to be done. So, I thought, just for a little bit, I’ll just try this ONE thing…uh huh. 

 ( Side note, mini submissive victory, I didn’t spend a thwack of money on something I so desperately need for one of my costumes, even though I knew Barney would most likely be okay with it.  I  waited and asked him later- he of course was okay with it ).

Now how it works around here is, I make my list of things to do for the day.  It is for my peace of mind, after all that these things get seen to.  Barney enjoys a clean house as much as the next guy, but he doesn’t notice if there is an entire herd of dust bunnies living under the couch.  You know the deal.  Anyway I have things I have to do everyday, and then I pick and choose the rest.  Some days,( as long as it shows up 5 times in a week) there is exercise on the list.  Barney has mentioned more then once that he thinks that I put too many things on my list.  PAH!  I am like a little bee when it comes to actually putting my mind to things.  I buzz around and have NO problem checking off the things on my list.  Truth be told, I could EASILY double my list, and still be well within my X amount of time doing housework/household chores for the day.

 I of course, didn’t do anything from my list on Friday, (well except scouring the bathroom through a flood of tears).  Not only was I given a pass, but Barney did offer to help me with everything on my Friday list that night.  It was decided I would just post-pone it to Saturday.
So here it was more then half way through Saturday and only the basics were covered for the day.  In addition, Saturday night, whenever possible, is ‘cook together’ night, so the house and kitchen have to be prepped for that too.

Distraction alert!  More fun on the horizon! A phone call from a friend.  Did I want to go to a thrift store to help HER with her costume?  YeS !  Yes I did.  I LIVE for that stuff.  Did I go? NO. ( Small personal victory for a very sad Wilma)

So I started ‘knocking’ things off of my list.  Did I do the best job possible?  Meh.  Would Barney care?  Not likely. 

Off to pick him up.  On the way home, I had to stop in at a friend’s house to drop something off.  I love these friends dearly.  They are not even LIKE family to me, they ARE family to me.  Let’s call them Rosanne and Dan.  <- yeah I know, I’ve skipped genres here, and they look NOTHING like them, but moving on--  Dan is a VERY dominant personality.  If any of our friends did ttwd, it would be them.  After our usual greetings, ( while Barney waited in the vehicle) Dan gave me an earful about loosing weight—( I haven’t, btw, it must have been the leggings I was wearing, which I was trying to explain). 

  Okay Kid, but I don’t want you loosing any more weight’  Ironic, my husband is trying to HoH and someone else has NO problem bossing me around!  Lol

Roseanne, well she uses the F word in the most creative ways.  Her usage of it would take up pages in a thesaurus.  It is such a versatile word in her hands.  Not only is it an adverb, adjective, and verb, it some how manages to become a noun as well.  After a most enlightening discussion about premenopausal symptoms, she’s 10 years older than I am, and ANOTHER  Kid “ lecture about going to the doctor from Dan, I had run.

I popped back into the vehicle with Barney.

 B: “How are Rosanne and Dan?”

Good.  Naturally they wanted us to stay for a drink.”

 B:( chuckles) “Naturally”

Then I continued to retell the goings on…and  sudenly F-BOMB!  Yep, right out of my mouth as casual as the word  -very-.  Instantly my hands went to my mouth, and my eyes flew open! 


B: “ You know you just swore ?”

W: ( this actually came out all as one sentence, VERY quickly)  Yeah.  Sorry about that.. I’m so sorry.  It is just that Roseanne, well you know how she uses it  I went on to explain the adjective stuff…..

B ( chuckles)  That she does

Now folks, I really don’t swear that often.  If I hurt myself, I can usually just growl.- Swearing internally.  Apparently, I can’t retell a story however without it slipping out!  I really wasn’t afraid of the repercussions of cussin’. I just couldn’t  believe I OUT in OUT broke a rule.  Just like that!  Sheesh Wilma!

Later at home: Barney was looking over my log.

B: “ So you didn’t get …X …done on your list today?

W: “Well no, because…” ( explains Halloween excitement, and NOT going to the thrift store with friend”

B: “ Don’t force my hand on this” ( tight smile)

W: “I wasn’t trying to.  Honest.  You know how I get with this stuff.  Besides, the day technically isn’t done yet” ( be quiet…that was NOT spin doctoring- was it?)

B: “Well that is true, and the house looks amazing.  The costume stuff looks so cool.”  ( change of subject)


B; “You didn’t fill out your food journal today.”

W: “ Yes I did

B: “ It only says coffee, and a cupcake

W: “ UH huh

B: “ Wilma! ( very disappointed toneNo wonder why your drink is going right to your head!”

 W : (sheepish smile)  I know it is not a defense, but I honestly forgot to eat.  I was just so excited to do the costume stuff

B: “Well you have to eat.  You’ll feel better after dinner” ( btw…I felt more than FINE after my apple cider cooler, and the wine with dinner—Sunday not so much).

We had a great evening cooking together-chatting with the kids.  Chatting with each other, about where we are going, and OTHER things besides ttwd.  We even read blogs together.

Sunday brought on a comment about lack of water in my diet, and me explaining how I’m just never thirsty.  The subject was dropped.

This morning was a reminder that we are busy this weekend, and that I have to exercise 5 times a week, so I might want to find time today.  I have borderline high blood pressure – a lovely hereditary gift from my dearly departed father, ( not from heart disease).  Here I thought I just GAVE others high blood pressure!   It is a little disconcerting, as I don't have any other factors, I'm not overweight, or under for that matter, I've never smoked, I'm fairly active, without the benefit of organized excercise, but yet....Barney has been monitoring my blood pressure with a home machine.  He reminded me this morning that exercise ‘can’t hurt’.

So yes, I did screw up a few times this weekend.  I wasn’t called up on the carpet for everything, ( I was very snippy  while working on ‘my grade 8 dragon project’ last night, but he said he knew I was very tired).  But things are beginning to be noticed.  A couple of things brought to my attention.  Baby steps forward.

Holy Smokes Wilma, learn to edit!  This is what happens when I don’t post for a couple of days?


  1. Hi Wilma :)
    Great beginnings here for you and Barney!
    I think that happens often in dd, the wife brings it to the husband, they are reluctant but give it a try, and then the hubby become it's biggest proponent. That is how it happened with Ian and I.
    Baby steps is a good way to explain it - two steps forward, one back and you'll get there.
    Nice post - not too long at all :)

  2. Happy Monday Lillie!

    I suppose there wasn't anything really 'new' here for YOU to

    I can get glimpses of the winds of change coming. Very small, and very far in between. Sometimes I don't realize it at the moment. It is not until later when I am like, " Huh? Did he say that?" But there are some subtle changes.

    Being concious of submissiveness is challenging. Not so much once I am being it. Just REMEMBERING !

    Barney said the same thing, Two steps forward, one step back. If I could change my prediction of what is going to cause me to get in trouble the first time, I'd change it to something food journal realated I think. I know that should be something easy to deal with, so maybe once I get in that habit, I'll change my bet again :)

    ( psst, to those who had money on Gazoo...aside from jokingly turning on the blender when he was talking the other day, I've been VERY good- mind you so has he)

    1. Oh P.S.

      You know I love Ian, but I'm kinda hoping Barney doesn't pick up the ball and running with it as effectively as Ian seems to! *wink*

      No but seriously!

  3. Yeah Barney and Wilma!
    It is the small steps that count so much right now, from both of you. If you are like me be prepared, you will probably have another meltdown. When he really gets going it still will probably not be the way you want it or expect it to be, that will be the test for your submissive self.
    One post that I like to think about when trying to accept things that I disagree with is 49% "The story of tomorrow, today." Her husband gave her specific things to do as a consequence, she thought one of them was useless, I thought it was useless. But in the end, that one thing made her realize a life time of behavior that affected everyone in the house. They will have their own reasons...wisdom behind the consequences. We have to give up control and submissively follow. And see what happens!

    This is the link to 49% story;

    1. Thanks for your enthusiasm Blue Bird!

      I'm sure life will offer more challenges as we go along. So I'm good with baby steps for now :)

      I'll check out the link on 49%'s blog tonight ( sigh after 8).

      Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot....I didn't realize the time, stupid costumes! I've got to go eat lunch ! Stupid food log!

      Thanks BB !

    2. Okay I read it WHILE I ate my lunch ( yay me!) anyway. Holy smokes that guy is sure on his game!

      Time management has never been my friend...sigh. lol

  4. Sounds like a good weekend. Reminders are better than correction and neither one of you needs to be perfect, just trying to be respectful of each other is what it's supposed to all about anyway, isn't it.

  5. Thanks for your support Sunny.

    After all I've heard, and just a touch of ouchie from maitenance, I think I'd prefer to stay in the warning stage as long as possible! :)

    1. TTWD is what you make it - it's your and yours alone. You're the one who gives and takes away consent. Make it work for both of you and make changes when wanted or needed. If all you want is maintenance, then make that part of your plan; if you want do a 1 2 3 step program, 1 being a reminder, 2 being a warning and 3 being a correction, then make that part of the plan. Whatever works best for you - no two couples are alike.

  6. Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend. Things seem to be moving along huh? :)
    I LOVE love Halloween and getting costumes together as well as decorating. I've been on pinterest since august trying to find ideas for Halloween for my mantle.
    Thrifting is another love and I'm about to go out this week to finish finding things for a costume for my daughter.

    TTWD how Sunnygirl explained it is how we used to do things here. A 1,2,3 approach. Now it's sort of a - You should know better by now- thing and goes right to correction
    It's good to see your husband getting more involved. I don't have a journal, I bet my "H" would love for me to write down things, or what I ate, but I could be sure that I'd be spanked quite more often as I'd either forget to write, or have to admit to forgetting to eat. Both would probably end up with me and a sore behind.

  7. Hey Emi !

    Fortunately my youngest son is wearing a modified costume that Barney wore last year. The 4 costumes I have to make are all for Barney and I. I've been sewing all flippin' afternoon! I no longer have a sewing machine, in fact I can't remember how long it has been since I had one! Anyway, I can't believe I agreed to this silly costume. I mentioned it as a lark to Barney, long before he knew about ttwd, now I can't believe I'm going to put this darn thing on! Well I'll tell ya what, there'll be a few beverages had BEFORE I go out the door to this party! Barney thinks it is even MORE hilarious now!

    As far as the journal, it is helpful. I find myself looking at it and thinking, hmmmm? that's not good. Maybe you could keep a secret one for self help?

    Not sure about the 1 2 3 approach, Barney is not here that often. But I don't mind taking it slow :)

  8. Oh and as far as the mantel goes- Barney's brother was convinced that we got a fireplace just so I had something else to decorate ! :)

  9. Oh wow, Wilma, what a weekend. Phew! I am exhausted just reading it. At least you mostly managed to stay out of trouble, right? :) I am impressed you can make the costumes. And it is hard for me not to pick up language from people around me.

    I am late to the party, but welcome to blogland. :D

  10. Welcome Ana!

    Yeah, I'm a bit of a sponge, other people's language, their alert!.sigh.

    I did mostly stay out of trouble, but I was subtly reminded tonight at dinner that my excercise routine is to take priority over EVERYTHING. Five days a week. Blech. Here is is 9 o'clock and I have to go do my flippin' excercises. I originally was given a any 5 days- I believe I was informed MON-FRI. AND more computer restrictions...sheesh.

    As for the costumes, almost completely done mine, and minor stuff on Barney's! Um, for party #1. He was quite impressed. I told him ( well I mentioned that I would like) to only have costumes on my list tomorrow..I got a. "Good!" as a response, well that an EXCERCISE! sigh. Oh right, I wanted this!

    Thanks for the WELCOME

  11. Wonderful post Wilma - and no need to edit. I've always thought DD was like a dance - 2 steps forward, sidestep, sidestep, backstep, sidestep, 3 steps forward, spin! It's never static, that's for sure! Hope you stay out of trouble. :)


    PS What are your costumes - did I miss it?

  12. Hey Cat!

    If it's a dance, I'm gonna need those appletinis after all !

    I managed to get my excercising done! Yay Wilma! Thirty minutes climbing the stairs of my house. WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING! Sure shouldn't have bothered straightening my hair, that is for darn sure! Total calories burned=157 ? WTFrig? Argh, oh well doing it for health not for weight (btw going back to the weighted hula hoop, more fun, less sweat!) So anyway, no trouble for that one today.

    I almost dumped half of our gnocchi down the sink at dinner tonight, I chose my words, or lack of, very carefully. Barney just looked at me,
    " Very good self control" Like where did he come from? Sheesh. Time for a bell!

    So onward and upward tomorrow. Nothing but costumes and the must haves on my plate ! I'd email you what we are going to be, but you don't seem to have an email address on your blog. No I didn't post what we are going as.

    1. Hey Wilma - grrrr have no clue what is going on with blogger! My email is now back on my profile. At least for now. ;-)

      Bells on HoH's? Great idea - You could make a fortune! :-D

  13. You are exactly right. Noticing is great and Barney seems to have no trouble giving directions. LOL...I remember wanting to jump up and down at one point and demand that M stop paying so much attention.

    It is good...just takes a while to get used to.

    You've reminded me that we are out of hard cider and that is just wrong. :)

  14. Good morning Susie!

    Well Barney will be the first to admit, he's not normally that observent. Who knows if I didn't have my reaction to swearing in the van that I did if he would have noticed, but I'm not going to over think it.

    I tried so very hard to get out of excercising last night. No go. Sigh.

    I'd offer you a cider, but it is too early in the morning anyway :) I'll most likely think of you the next time I have one though!