Wednesday, October 10, 2012

UH HUH ? So??????

By the sounds of it there is something in the air 'up here',   that has a few of us down in the dumps.



Today Barney and I started discusing 'rules' and expectations and um, stuff, I guess for a lack of a better word.
It kind of went down like this...


Barney talking


                                                              ME.......

                     


 Then ( me again) ....


  <- with lots of sighing




and LOTS of this...



          

LOTS MORE OF THIS




Which ultimately resulted in Me doing this...






As predicted we are this famous duo



 

 Which brings me back to this again...



 So here is where I am at at the moment......( but her hair is much better)


 

And yes...



 






BTW...Internet restriction...at 'least there is some movement'...

14 comments:

  1. Awww, Wilma......be patient, Sweetie.
    Beware of the unsolicited advice below:

    Barney is processing. Men love to take time to consider all the ways this thing can go before they commit themselves to action.
    I think it is because they learn as young men, how serious their actions can be.
    For example, girls tiff back and forth with other girls and may even tell off a guy or two when they are in their late teens and starting to feel their power.
    Young men learn that having a verbal confrontation with another young man can result in a physical consequence, in the wrong time and the wrong place. As a result young men often learn to guard their reactions more carefully than young women who often show great bravado, but will pay no consequences.
    As the sole bread winner in your family, and Ian is in ours. Really, what I earn is very paltry. Sole bread winners have to be very careful how they conduct their business or do their job, because a rash move could have serious consequences for everyone depending on them.
    I think this caution translates itself to other areas of their lives. When something is important to them, like their relationship with their beloved - they move slow.....
    They test the water.....
    My advice, sweetie, be patient. He is taking it all in. What I did through this phase was try and be submissive to Ian without killing him, and once he got a taste for the life, it was motivational enough to keep him going and moving faster than I.
    Good luck, and hope you don't mind the unsolicited advice. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lillie, consider your advice always solicited!

      It is a little annoying how you always make valid points though! LOL. Finding it very difficult to be submissive at the moment. Not even sure anymore what that means.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Oh yes Bas, I know, all part of the process. It doesn't mean I have to like it though.

      Delete
  3. Ack! Ugh. Sorry. We need an emotional air filter to send north to our Canadian friends.Anybody have one?

    Meanwhile, breathe. Breathe some more. Pray if you're so inclined. Smile, and keep smiling - there really is a physiological response that makes us feel better. Breathe.

    Tell your man you love him. Apologize for whatever mood had you in its grip and him in the cross-sights, even if you can't explain it. Thank him for letting you stew, or vent, or whatever you did/do to let some of the poison out, and make sure he knows you appreciate having him there, for fielding that. Touch him, hug him, ask him to hug you. Do something for him - just some small, unexpected something you think he would like, just because you can.

    You know, sometimes they really, truly don't understand what we feel or why. Sometimes, this makes them say or do things (or not react at all) that seem thoughtless, unfeeling, uncaring, when all they are is oblivious. Even knowing that, sometimes we wonder how they can be so obtuse, so dense, so unaware. When our emotions are ruling us, that makes them look stupid, or like the bad guy, or ineffectual, or you name it, and it makes us angry, or sad, or frustrated, or cold and empty.

    Of course, I don't know any of this firsthand - I just read it somewhere. ;-)

    Thinking of you... Feel better soon.

    Irishey

    ReplyDelete
  4. At the moment Irishey, your third paragraph seems almost more difficult than originally asking Barney to accept this life.

    Your fourth paragraph is bang on. Trouble is, much like PMS, you know it is happening, you know WHY you are feeling it, and that it is unfair and irrational, but there doesn't seem to be a brake.

    I am trying...well trying to process. Weed out the facts that are actually buried under emotions at the moment. I am hurt, which becomes anger as a defence.

    Perhaps I'll run through the house with scissors yelling F#ck at the top of my lungs, because I'm allowed to do that! <- Sorry, I wouldn't really, but it feels good to say it, not productive though I know.

    Thanks for giving me more things to reflect upon.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Wilma. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. If I could offer any advice it would be...guys are just slow...especially with these kinds of big, huge changes. It makes for some rough times, especially when you felt like things were getting going. :(

    I would suggest that you keep treating Barney like a HoH...even though it might suck a little right now...or suck a lot. You guys have 15 years together. Its hard for for some guys to make changes when things have been going along the same way for so long. Moose is still getting on board...more some days than others. Give him time. He will like the changes...and don't be too hard on yourself. If you are like me then you are about 1/2 step from a meltdown or a blow up....the emotions are running wild.

    Nikki

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Nikki.

    I have to admit, I did the distance dance, ACTUALLY one of my rules- once we start. Then I became angry, as I said before a much easier emotion to feel than hurt.

    I will most likely blog parts of our discussion. I'm not sure what I expected, to be honest. I guess once I start typing, perhaps tomorrow, I'll figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. There are some wise ladies out here aren't there? I read of this stage that the majority of you got through that I didn't have to suffer in and I just hurt for you. The knowing what you want and need and feeling this deep disconnect because they don't quite get it yet. Then that love and respect that you want to so desperately show...to be that woman you are working towards being but the frustration stops you. I suppose I've experienced some of it in different places along the way, but not to this extent at the beginning.

    Lillie, Irishey and Nikki all make really good points. Find that gentle, quiet spot and connect. Let him keep processing. He will learn to hear you and he'll hear you best when you haven't pressed his "disrespect" button.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I believe your last point is beyond correct. I did eventually rein it in yesterday. Not sure if I supressed, but almost Sunny Wilma reimerged. I went downstairs to watch t.v. with the all my boys, Barney inluded. It only took me 2 hours to snuggle into him..lol. I suppose I'm going to have to work on shortening my reining in time! I have to say thank GOD for the t.v. show Modern Family! Boy did we howl together..well and I cried, but that is par for the course. Such a simple thing, watching t.v. together, yet we rarely do it. I usually find that time to 'do something else'.

    Anyway today is a different day. Time to pick myself up. Dust myself off, and start anew.

    Perhaps the first thing I should do is change my name to Wilma-y or Wilma-ie. You women with the names that end in the 'ie'/ 'y' sound make much more sense!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi, Wilma,
    I know this is a very tough stage you're going through right now. I just have one (unsolicited) advice for you. As difficult as it is to wait on this process, allow the rules to genuinely come from him. In other words, don't force it and try not to make suggestions based on what you know you need. It will be more difficult for him to enforce the rules unless they are things that he himself connects with on an emotionally level. By emotional level, I mean that he has to be bothered by it enough take action. Enforcing rules can become a chore for him unless he is fueled by conviction. And if he has difficulty enforcing them, it will only generate frustration and mistrust on your part.

    It may take a while for him to begin to connect to his new role and all it entails. Most men in our culture have spent so many years being denied of authority and respect in their homes, they have a hard time recognizing disrespect if it hit them in their faces. Like others have said, the more you show respect and submission (and have him acquainted with the feel of it) the easier it will become for him to step into that role.
    Wishing you the best!

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  10. Thanks for your advice Danielle. It makes sense. We have since talked about this. It seems in some areas his views and mine were different. An example would be doing dangerous things. Somthing he dismissed yesterday, at first. He was comparing me to others in blog land. While I have driven and do drive about 10 km over the speed limit on the HWY. It is not really an issue for us.
    He forgot the countless times, he has given me 'the talk' about going into the attic, when I am alone- we have to use a ladder, and I have to sort of , well drop down a few inches to make the top step, ( you know the one that they tell you NOT to stand on).

    Moving and carrying things that are not really in my weight class. I'm a little impatient when I want something done, I want it done yesterday.

    Or the times when one more it's just one more drink ( in truth though this doesn't happen much anymore) and I end up soooooooooo sick for over 24 hours.

    Or forgetting sunscreen. This one is a HUGE pet peeve of his. I make sure everyone else has it on. I have even had a mole removed, ( it was nothing fortunately)yet he forgot it.

    He, said after our talk this morning, that he really didn't give it the time to think about how these rules actually applied to me, or us.

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  11. O_o Ward says 'whatever' is disrespectful and means that I want him to spank me very long and very hard with 'whatever' he can get his hands on - yikes!

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  12. LOL...yes I thought of that after.

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