Sunday, November 4, 2012

Little Smiles

  I am just dropping a quick note ( believe or not!), mostly because I didn't want to see the words Weepy Willy on your Blog rolls anymore *wink*

Saturday as some of you know was going to be, I thought a difficult day.  All morning I tried to come up with reasonable excuses not to go to my friend's father's funeral.  In the end, 3rd In-Line-To-The-Throne and I made the hour long journey.  I was happy I went, as I was needed.  Not so much by my friend, she was happier to see my son, but by her 25 year old son.  We have always had a special relationship- I have literally held his hand through the aftermath of some really STUPID decisions he has made. This day, for many reasons was almost more than he could bare.  He clung to me for most of the reception after. Our time together was great - despite our surroundings, and  for the first time in a long time I felt relief after talking with him, and hope for his future as opposed to worry.

As for me, well I'll just re post my entry from my comment update from yesterday's post:

For the first time in my married life (17 years) I sat in a chapel of a funeral as a wife not a daughter. I listened as the Minister spoke of Ted, the father, but what really struck an emotional cord in me was Ted the husband. I thought of being the wife without a husband, no longer the daughter without a father.

Wow, this Dd thing sure does work in mysterious ways! 

For those of you who don't know, Saturday around here is ' Cook Together Night'.  I absolutely LOVE to cook- dinner, not so much supper, if you catch my drift.  I love every aspect of it.  I love to wander the produce section of the grocery store. It is literally beaming with every colour of the rainbow( <- hey, didn't mean to , but managed to get a rainbow in this post- doubtful there'll be a unicorn though).  I love all the textures- yes I man handle the produce, this is why you should WASH everything you buy *wink*.  I especially love when they have fresh dill to buy because the aroma fills the air and it reminds me of home, when my mother used to jar her own pickles.  I love planning our meal that we are going to cook together ( now with Barney's input- well most times- this time I wanted to suprise him with all his favourites).  I love the washing and chopping of the vegetables.  I actually find it very erotic.  I know...WEIRDO WILLIE. 

By the time Barney comes home, the sun is usually setting- yesterday it was barely out.  The house has more candles lit than a Catholic Church!  In my questionnaire to him, he said that was his favourite thing to come home to,  a candle lit home, and people happy to greet him at the door.  I oblige whenever I can.

I usually pick up some different type of craft, or microbrewery beer for him to try...and of course at a bottle of red wine....he loves his Cab!  We work side by side, yes practically only by candle light, with the help of some ambient under the counter lighting, to prepare our meal.  Usually we eat at our kitchen island together because it is more intimate than our dining room table.  Last night the boys were eating with us,  as we were having lobster, and they LOVE lobster so we ate in the dining room.

I had set the table using place mats and linen napkins we haven't seen in a while.  Naturally the boys, yes even Heir Apparent, were impressed.  We had a such a nice time together, the 5 of us.  The younger two eventually disappeared, but Heir Apparent stayed with us for quite sometime- okay his second lobster tail might have had something to do with it.  We discussed everything from China to Disneyland.  I remember sitting there feeling like I had a nice cozy blanket wrapped around me.  That feeling  was not of beaming happiness of my week's walk, but of contentment.  Yes there was still a sadness in there, but the over riding feeling was of contentment. Home.  Like all was right with the world for a couple of hours in our little bubble.

Heir Apparent eventually left to find his motley crew, and went to McDonalds<- seriously what is with teenage boys and food?  I cleaned the kitchen, as Barney sat at the island finishing off the wine, ( he dried and put everything away  after*wink*). 
                                          Ooops I forgot
Before dinner we talked about my portion of this Dd journey.  How my day went. He expressed again that he wished he could have been there with me today, but I explained that I wouldn't have been able to talk to _______ the same way if he had been with me- so it was probably for the best I was alone. It had worked out anyway.  He weaseled it out of me what sort of things I , ahem, did wrong over the past couple of days while he was at work...WHERE the heck did he get THAT look from?  I suppose he always had it, but it didn't have any affect before.

I was exhausted and really, really wanted to go to bed, but instead I lay my head on his lap, while he enjoyed an after dinner drink.  We discussed, well what can we say, we like to try out different types of wine and beer....OH and I. toot! Toot! even came up with a solution to something for his work!  Not that it was a huge issue, but I'm just so ingenious that this plan has to be implemented!  lol.   Where was I, oh yeah, so as I lay there he ran his hand up and down my arm

" I love this sweater'

" You bought it for me- of course I TOLD you at the time I wanted it for Christmas" giggle

" Yeah, but I like the way it feels.  I like how shapely it fits"

 There was a comfortable silence for a while, and then he said

  " I liked how you sat beside me at the table tonight, not at the other end."

A giggle from me

" Oh that is so I could be closer to the wine"

A chuckle from him

" Well I like you better there. Closer to me- whatever the reason"

Before ttwd, we had started Cook Together Saturday.  I was trying all kinds of things to reignite the spark in our marriage.  It was always a pleasant evening, filled with amazing food and wine, (sometimes too much wine, so we've since cut that back), that pretty much led to -
  Cirque du Soleil

adventures in the bedroom (  inhibitions abandoned due to the wine) that left me feeling alone.
The evening was always pleasant, but it felt like we were just two people working side by side before.  Not enjoying the other's presence.  Enjoying the evening together but alone.  This is no longer the case.

I'm pretty sure it is HorrorMoans at the moment, but there is still a sadness in me,  seemingly ready to pop out. 

That being said though, I'll take last night for the rest of my life please!

( unicorns)


  1. Hiya Wilma,
    I think I have read the posts I missed...and I'm glad to see you out on the other side. I agree wholeheartedly about the difference between supper and dinner and all the special touches that make it and even and not just 15 min of food. Love how Barney wants you close in so many different ways.

    That look on his face. I think they have always had it but now that they've opened their secret HoH manuals, it has special powers over us.

    I'm so glad you could be there for your friend and her son at the service and wow...what an epiphany to see yourself there as wife and not daughter. One more step down the road to healing.

    I hope your Sunday is as sweet as your Saturday night!

  2. Good morning Susie!

    I hope the weather is clear and calm where you are. We are apparently goin to hit a deep freeze soon, with possible snow. Like I said to someone else, snow banks might have a definite advantages this year if Barney runs with this HoH stuff!

    Yeah, I've turned a corner AGAIN...sheesh. I am seriously beginning to question my sanity! I am also wondering how freakin' big this emotional onion is I have! So many layers...

    As for my Sunday...gotta get caught up from yesterday and weepy willie Friday.

    Thanks for stopping by again Susie!

  3. Awww....Willie
    Enter the just keeps coming, my dear. I will agree whole heartedly with Susie above, there is something about their masculine energy that starts flowing when ttwd begins to work, and it is just .....wonderful. The looks, the touches, the sound of their voice, the knowledge of being possessed by your man, it is magic. I am so happy to see it working at your house, Willie.
    Give Barney a hug for me..... and a big big one for you.
    hugs and love,

  4. Thanks Lillie. Right back at chya ! Oh and of course hello to Ian.

  5. No, I didn't believe you about the "quick note", and obviously I was right.
    I like a post with "Little Smiles" even though it may start with a funaral. Life is strange. You don't want to go and still you are happy you went.
    I've Always stated that you need to be strong as the submissive wife in a DD relationship. And yes, you were strong at that funeral.
    And even there, as a wife you felt the connection to your husband.

    "Cook togheter Night" sounds great. Wish Lisa and I could do that. But working together is not an art we have mastered.
    Reception at the door, when coming and going, is a firm custom over here. I even dug out an overgrown shrub, because it interfered with waving at the person in the car, while driving away.
    All those HoH's are the same, they want their wives close to them, feeling good and looking great.
    I have no idea what you could mean with Cirque du Soleil adventures ;-).
    Maybe you want to tell us more about that, when you have a longer post planned.
    But I'm glad you're feeling alone any more.

  6. Oh Bas, you actually made me laugh out loud, " When you have a longer post planned"...What can I say, I'm a chatty patty. I tried to warn you over a month ago! lol

    Barney and I met when we actually WORKED together. So we mastered working together as friends before lovers. Of course my style is usually more whirlwind, and sweep after, he is more slow and methodical-- his methods do have benefits in the circus world though *wink*

    I still give the directions, repectfully though, as to what needs to be done in the kitchen. Well more like -this and this needs to be done for the recipe, would you like to do one of those? Mostly he just come in after I have his drink ready, and says " Okay put me to work. What do you want me to do"

    When the kids were little they replaced me running to the door to greet their Dad, once they stopped, the dog took over, but I never picked up the habit again. It is a custom here we just let drop, until recently that is.

    I'm not feeling alone anymore, thank you. I tell ya this is one eye opening journey. I honestly can't tell you how bizzare it was having a total mind switch sitting in that funeral home.

    Hey speaking of food, and such, I have a friend from Utrecht coming over at the end of the month, are ya craving anything Canadian? I can send it back with him...myself, unfortunately not included.

  7. I have a big smile on my face after reading this post Wilma. You did very well Saturday and I'm sure Roseanne and her son very much appreciated your presence.

    Barney broke out the HoH look and interrogation methods did he? Could get interesting around there. ;)

    It is lovely the way he wants you close to him now - gives such a feeling of contentment.

    Yes dear, there will still be ups and downs (some mountains - some bumps) but you two will be fine. Hope you have a great Sunday.


    1. Well Cat, I have to confess, he doesn't really need to employ a very strong interrogation method- my Dad always told me I had a terrible poker face ;) I was just kind of surprised. I was sautéing mushrooms, not really looking at him while we were talking, and he was tending to the lobster tails, when he asked me a question about the past couple of days. I stopped,looked at him , and sheepishly smiled. He stopped what he was doing, and peered over his ( old man <- threw that one in there for you honey) reading glasses, waiting for an answer.. " Oh you are serious!"...nervous giggle ( <- where she came from I don't know either) And then I studdered out an answer... he explained how he could understand how this, that and the other thing could happen especially in the past few days.

      All ended well<- even for my end ! whoo hoo!

      Thanks as alway Cat :)

  8. Go with that thought and focus on how lovely you feel. The highs and lows are a natural part of life but when the highs are so great, how can you stay low for long.

    Enjoy your Sunday.

    1. Thanks Sunny.

      You are right the highs are SO very high, unfortunately the lows seem so very low as well.

      The thing I liked about last night was that it was a calm high. A 'normal' feeling if you will. I have to say, nothing has seemed 'normal' in the past month. In truth, I suppose that is a good thing, because if I wanted to continue on in 'normal' we wouldn't have started ttwd. But even the highs can appear scary, because they are so foriegn, AND because the fall is so great. I hit middle ground, and I liked it!

      My Sunday became so busy, not taking care of my house though. Roseanne dropped by with a bottle of wine to thank me, that ended up being an afternoon affair. Well life is about family and friends, that is all the wealth I need ( I'll just be up all night doing laundry LOL).

      Thanks Sunny!

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  10. Wilma...I love your Cook Together taking that idea and running with it. My hubby and I don't get much time together with three little ones running around...someday when I tell him what I am doing, I shall give you thy credit:)

    1. I remember those days so well New Bea. I tried to carve out some times for Barney and I when the boys were little. It usually only happened once a month, but I tried.

      No need to give me the credit. I don't require the shout out. Take it and make it your own!

  11. The cooking together with mostly candle light sounds so romantic. Taking time, talking, drinking wine. I love it. My husband is great when he chops for me. However as a cook... never. He once burned noodles so badly we had to throw out the pan.
    It is such a peaceful feeling to be treasured, that's what your interaction sounded like to me.

    BTW loved the Catholic church candle comment! Much better than the fake candles some employ!

  12. Well cooking by candle light makes us both look better Minelle! lol

    Trust me it does take some time getting used to sharing the kitchen, the wine helps. Barney isn't 'allowed' to *cook* lol. I usually choose something that requires a great deal of prep work, but very simply cooked.

    I have almost known that Barney has treasured me- unfortunately I suppose at some point in our marriage that became the wrong kind of comnodity. This new type of feeling treasured is nice, and gives me the right kind of empowerment- if that makes any sense.

    As for the candles, it is a good thing I don't have asthma, because blowing out all those candles can be quite the feat! No fake candles, no scented candles at our house.

  13. loved reading your posts as usual Wilma. So glad that you made it through Saturday too. Not sure about the 'cook together night' working in our house...I think I would end up OTB in frustration! So well done to you both :)
    Interrogation methods aye...hmm, they seem to pick that up rather quickly. I cannot look at The Silence when he asks me something now...used to be able to look him in the eye! Hope your week goes well, and that it snows soon....(just in case) :)

    1. Hey M3!

      I'm happy that you read my posts too! Maybe you could just cook and Silence could drink wine and keep you company, as a start?

      And about the interrogation---yeah. I was going to say it wasn't a big deal, but I suppose it was. If I had to lay money on it, I'd say IF Barney was going to start swinging again it would be for this. sigh. Not disrespect, or anything in reaction to him, but this Blasted Food/excercise journal! The chore list seems to get shuffled around, and he is right about the past few days being all wonky so things couldn't get done, but he was closely examining the FOOD intake part..Grrrr!

      Oh well, no one's fault but my own===well and who ever invented Halloween! Oh and PMS!

      Bite your tongue about the snow!!! Although November is much prettier with snow, and we just turned our clocks back, so it gets dark so much earlier now without snow- but still. December 1 st is an acceptable time frame! I can be 'good' until then ;)

  14. Ooops " I have almost ALWAYS known that Barney has treasured me"

  15. Hi Wilma, I am so glad to read this 'little note' lol. I thinking about you and funeral and wondering how you were.

    Glad you were able to be there for Roseanne and her son and glad you were able to be there for him and connect with him.

    I am so glad to hear the day ended with cook night. How lovely, cooking together by candlelight, wine - Ahh, how romantic. Yes the look - it certainly has a different meaning now doesn't it Lol

    Love Barney's comment about you sitting next to him at the table and how he wants you close to him. Don't you love that part of ttwd, it makes me feel so loved and cared for.

    Love and Hugs

    1. Good morning my coffee buddy!

      Makes me kind of sad I have nothing planned to post today, so I won't be having coffee with you tomorrow morning :(

      I KNOW right? About the 'little note' . I was supposed to remove that part lol. Oh well, those who come here often know better!

      Roseanne dropped by yesterday for a visit- something she hasn't done since she moved. I told her how impressed I was with her son seemling getting his life together. We chatted quite a bit about that and her feelings. She was concerned she had no compassion left in her, ( I can't BEGIN to tell you what my poor friend has been through in the last while- she is one of those people, who can't seem to catch a break for very long). Anyway, by the end of our afternoon she kissed me MULTIPLE times, and told me I made her feel so much better,( and that the world needed more people like me in it).

      I think ttwd, really has allowed me to open up myself (again) and in turn I was able to be insightful and ease her insecurities. Of course everyone here has helped so much in this. So in a way, all of you helped Roseanne too! If only she knew that the world is FULL of people like me/YOU!

      It is funny you know, reading what Barney and I do in print- actually reading what we say to each other. I don't change the facts, or the words, but in print, reading it back, I'm like HEY that was romantic, or sweet, or YIKES he really does sound like an HoH. I don't always think of it like that when we are living the moment though. :)

      I very much love how ttwd makes me feel. I know Barney does too. Every night now when I scoot across the Great Divide in bed and put my head on his chest, he lets out a " Mmmmm ". I wouldn't take back one single tear shed- ( although I can't honestly say that I wouldn't take back the implement he used for my first discipline spanking!). I now understand why everyone congratulated me when Barney said yes to TTWD!