I am just dropping a quick note ( believe or not!), mostly because I didn't want to see the words Weepy Willy on your Blog rolls anymore *wink*
Saturday as some of you know was going to be, I thought a difficult day. All morning I tried to come up with reasonable excuses not to go to my friend's father's funeral. In the end, 3rd In-Line-To-The-Throne and I made the hour long journey. I was happy I went, as I was needed. Not so much by my friend, she was happier to see my son, but by her 25 year old son. We have always had a special relationship- I have literally held his hand through the aftermath of some really STUPID decisions he has made. This day, for many reasons was almost more than he could bare. He clung to me for most of the reception after. Our time together was great - despite our surroundings, and for the first time in a long time I felt relief after talking with him, and hope for his future as opposed to worry.
As for me, well I'll just re post my entry from my comment update from yesterday's post:
For the first time in my married life (17 years) I sat in a chapel of a funeral as a wife not a daughter. I listened as the Minister spoke of Ted, the father, but what really struck an emotional cord in me was Ted the husband. I thought of being the wife without a husband, no longer the daughter without a father.
Wow, this Dd thing sure does work in mysterious ways!
For those of you who don't know, Saturday around here is ' Cook Together Night'. I absolutely LOVE to cook- dinner, not so much supper, if you catch my drift. I love every aspect of it. I love to wander the produce section of the grocery store. It is literally beaming with every colour of the rainbow( <- hey, didn't mean to , but managed to get a rainbow in this post- doubtful there'll be a unicorn though). I love all the textures- yes I man handle the produce, this is why you should WASH everything you buy *wink*. I especially love when they have fresh dill to buy because the aroma fills the air and it reminds me of home, when my mother used to jar her own pickles. I love planning our meal that we are going to cook together ( now with Barney's input- well most times- this time I wanted to suprise him with all his favourites). I love the washing and chopping of the vegetables. I actually find it very erotic. I know...WEIRDO WILLIE.
By the time Barney comes home, the sun is usually setting- yesterday it was barely out. The house has more candles lit than a Catholic Church! In my questionnaire to him, he said that was his favourite thing to come home to, a candle lit home, and people happy to greet him at the door. I oblige whenever I can.
I usually pick up some different type of craft, or microbrewery beer for him to try...and of course at a bottle of red wine....he loves his Cab! We work side by side, yes practically only by candle light, with the help of some ambient under the counter lighting, to prepare our meal. Usually we eat at our kitchen island together because it is more intimate than our dining room table. Last night the boys were eating with us, as we were having lobster, and they LOVE lobster so we ate in the dining room.
I had set the table using place mats and linen napkins we haven't seen in a while. Naturally the boys, yes even Heir Apparent, were impressed. We had a such a nice time together, the 5 of us. The younger two eventually disappeared, but Heir Apparent stayed with us for quite sometime- okay his second lobster tail might have had something to do with it. We discussed everything from China to Disneyland. I remember sitting there feeling like I had a nice cozy blanket wrapped around me. That feeling was not of beaming happiness of my week's walk, but of contentment. Yes there was still a sadness in there, but the over riding feeling was of contentment. Home. Like all was right with the world for a couple of hours in our little bubble.
Heir Apparent eventually left to find his motley crew, and went to McDonalds<- seriously what is with teenage boys and food? I cleaned the kitchen, as Barney sat at the island finishing off the wine, ( he dried and put everything away after*wink*).
Ooops I forgot
Before dinner we talked about my portion of this Dd journey. How my day went. He expressed again that he wished he could have been there with me today, but I explained that I wouldn't have been able to talk to _______ the same way if he had been with me- so it was probably for the best I was alone. It had worked out anyway. He weaseled it out of me what sort of things I , ahem, did wrong over the past couple of days while he was at work...WHERE the heck did he get THAT look from? I suppose he always had it, but it didn't have any affect before.
I was exhausted and really, really wanted to go to bed, but instead I lay my head on his lap, while he enjoyed an after dinner drink. We discussed, well booze...lol..Hey what can we say, we like to try out different types of wine and beer....OH and I. toot! Toot! even came up with a solution to something for his work! Not that it was a huge issue, but I'm just so ingenious that this plan has to be implemented! lol. Where was I, oh yeah, so as I lay there he ran his hand up and down my arm
" I love this sweater'
" You bought it for me- of course I TOLD you at the time I wanted it for Christmas" giggle
" Yeah, but I like the way it feels. I like how shapely it fits"
There was a comfortable silence for a while, and then he said
" I liked how you sat beside me at the table tonight, not at the other end."
A giggle from me
" Oh that is so I could be closer to the wine"
A chuckle from him
" Well I like you better there. Closer to me- whatever the reason"
Before ttwd, we had started Cook Together Saturday. I was trying all kinds of things to reignite the spark in our marriage. It was always a pleasant evening, filled with amazing food and wine, (sometimes too much wine, so we've since cut that back), that pretty much led to -
adventures in the bedroom ( inhibitions abandoned due to the wine) that left me feeling alone.
I'm pretty sure it is HorrorMoans at the moment, but there is still a sadness in me, seemingly ready to pop out.
That being said though, I'll take last night for the rest of my life please!