Sunday, November 18, 2012

Sunday Sex Talk

Alrighty then...nothing like a little sex talk on a Sunday to get your attention.  So  I've been talking with some of  the 'girls' here and the difference with sex since we started ttwd.  All have agreed that 'something' has changed.  So stepping outside the Wilma box ( mind out of the gutter Emma) I am going to talk about myself.

Many moons (pun intended) ago when Barney and I first got together we were like any other couple. (Vanilla),Hot and horney.  I was more the manhunter in this game.  Barney  used to accused me of trying to kill him :) .  Anyway as time went on,  I guess I just wore the poor guy out or b!tch slapped him too much outside of the bedroom.  I tried everything to gain his attention again. 

He'd come home from work and I'd only be wearing an apron. 

I got , " Are you sure that is sanitary cooking like that ?" not the point. 

One time I bought some see through lingerie and stood beside the t.v.  Apparently the sports highlights were more important at the time...sigh...

Black thigh high stilletto boots and garters...sure  that got his attention....sorta

We picked up our game here and there,  Egg whites on the whoowhoo, and we've had 3 children.  (By the way you just look at me and I get pregnant, ask Barney how disappointing THAT is.)  But I basically stopped trying, and just waited for attention.  Obviously it happened, but not as often as either one of would have liked.  There are many factors to consider, small children, Barney's erratic work in general.  I am sure many of us have been in the same position.  After a while the sex became a means to an individual end.  The meeting of two bodies, but not necessarily two minds.  I don't know how it works for men, but for women, this is less than satisfying.

I am sure if you and your husbands were in the same 'funk' as us, your husbands would say something about not wanting to initiate sex for fear of rejection, before ttwd.  When we started discussing Dd, I mentioned to Barney about the not saying no 'rule'.  He said, he couldn't imagine why we would need that.  PAH!!! THAT
 is the one  RULE  he is most consistent  So bring on the beginning of ttwd and sex.  Well  sure it was there, and was um, hot.  I suppose the fact that he knew I was not going to reject him helped.  Also I no longer wear bottoms to bed, so , well dinner is on the table when he gets home...(um, might have to come back and change that sentence.  )

After about a week or so...things started to change.  I can't say exactly what.  I get the attention I need to achieve the ultimate goal, but the results are different.  It takes much longer to achieve said goal, and well the while the reward is is different.  On the journey to the destination, I can see a place I really want to go, a place I have yet to venture is like I am reaching, and it is just out of reach.  So I stop/settle for the closer destination.

Fear not, I am not sharing here, what Barney and I haven't already talked about. He said he notices that he seems to be leaving me on the edge. you well know I seem to perch myself on the edge of everything lately.  Thanks for talking me back! 

Anyway back to Sunday Sex talk.

A wise  ( fellow pervert)  friend said to me yesterday that the brain is the biggest sex organ...mine being unusally

So I suppose when you factor in all that happens with ttwd, it is no wonder that  sometimes the ultimate destination and the reward when you get there alters for a bit. NATURALLY  I took the time to over think it.

Here are a few other factors, I believe.  Now that I am always at the ready, sometimes I feel detached.  I feel like there is a service needed and therefore provided.  Not that the driver of the car doesn't provide adequate upkeep, but sometimes due to the time of day/night, things have lagged.  I won't go into details because even though we are anonymous...ya know.  Suffice to say the connection is not made.  Odd really because we are starting to become more affectionate outside of the bedroom.  In addition, you know  I have been emotionally detached as of late, so that clearly doesn't help matters.  In truth the past 2 days, I have actually felt resentful.  How horrible is that?  Yesterday morning I just up and left right after, and this morning he eventually just stopped- it was like I wasn't even there. I suppose I have lost my ( covering up) coping modes of before ttwd.  Now it bothers me that we are not on the same page, whereas before I would just seek out my own satisfaction and his quick release so I could go back to sleep.

Man this is complicated stuff!  It is further complicated by the differences between men and women.  Men, apparently, crave the physical to support the emotional, while women crave the emotional to provide the physical.  So does this mean once I am out of my funk, things will resume the same? To answer that question I decided to perform a little solo experiment.  Yeah...still not the closer to the further destination...but nadda. So the biggest sex organ needs to exercise too?  Sigh.  Good grief!

His Point of View ( before reading my post)

The physical part of sex hasn't changed as I am a guy.  I think the mental/physical connection is more part of the female make up.  I do find more mental satisfaction now watching the physical reaction that happens from you. ( btw---his physical reaction has changed, I need to do very little at the moment....*wink* nor do I have the opportunity). 

Post post reading

I do feel like you are left on the edge at times, but that doesn't mean I felt for the most part you haven't enjoyed it.  There seems to be so many more levels in a woman's degree of satisfaction then that of a guy.  ( they have degrees too, as we all know)
*************** this is where I sort have, might have, gotten a bit curt.

" Just because it is more complicated with a woman, doesn't mean you can just fluff it off"  on and on...blah bitty blah blah...citing examples....ready, aim, fire---------->

To his credit, this was his reply
" That is an excellent point.  You should put those things down in your blog"

" I am not putting those things down in my blog, it is a little too personal"  Gah!  So exasperating at times.  LOL...

So this post really took a weird turn, one I certainly didn't expect, and I don't know how coherent it is at all..but there you have it

Please discuss amongst yourselves..Your comments are always way better than the post anyway *WINK*

Oh, I should note, I don't regret this not saying no rule...I go to bed every night craving his is just...well .........


  1. You are a hoot, even when you are trying to be serious you make me giggle. Living with you has to be challenging.

  2. Honestly Sunnygirl I'm sure I have NO idea what you are talking about!


  3. Your brain IS your biggest sex organ!! That friend of yours, the "fellow pervert", she very wise!! he he he

    I think if you are not quite reaching your goal it might be that your brain is working overtime, and not is a good way. As women we tend to over think things. We also have a hard time leaving the past in the past.
    You may feel like he wasn't noticing you once upon a time, but the great thing about ttwd is you can leave the past in the past and focus on the now. Because he is noticing you now!!!
    Maybe getting away for a night or two where you can focus on each other and clear your mind from the daily stresses of the house, kids, work ect. would help you get over this hump (ha ha)

    I hope you get feeling better my friend!!

    1. "Your brain IS your biggest sex organ!! That friend of yours, the "fellow pervert", she very wise!!" <- I never said it was a SHE * wink *

      Seriously Emma, you are most likely right. HOW to clear the mind will be the challenge. Oh no...I'll probably spend too much time thinking about that now too! GREAT


    2. I just assumed it was a "she" since it was such a brilliant statement *wink* *wink*

    3. I'm sure there is a joke in there about, men, the largest sex organ and brains- practically writes itself doesn't it?

  4. Bucko and I have our moments in this same funk. It's exceptionally frustrating and I complete understand. I agree about the thoughts. I find myself over thinking and as soon as that happens I'm done, but not in the good way. I have found that things are better when I focus on the moment and try to communicate with him what I'm thinking and feeling. Best of luck and let me know if you need to talk. :D

    1. Hey Welcome TL

      I am acheiving *A* moment, but it would appear there are greener pastures just over the hill. I have been known to be 'right' there and then, " I should really paint the bathroom", pops into my mind! WTheck?

      Barney has decided he's going to wait a little longer and then HoH command me- *wink* Hey I hear it works for some girls.

      Thanks for the advice and support!


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  6. Nothing like sex talk while you are sick.....count me in. DD increases the level of intimacy in a relationship and that is what it takes for women, usually....although tmi moment - I have a high sex drive also *blushing*. Ian is a pretty good sport, but he is middle aged, but he is also a pretty creative guy so.....things are good.
    My point is that there doesn't always have to be a flag flying over the ramparts for cannons to go off. If I am happy we both get a good nights sleep.
    love ya

  7. Hahahaa! TMI? entire post is about how different my orgasms are and that yesterday I masturbated...and you TMI you have a high sex drive! Oh Lillie I LOVE YOU!

    Yeah...I've got an old man on my hands too! lol But he's had that much more experience * wink*

    Love You!

  8. I'm a little high on cold drugs right now but I'll just add that ttwd and sex is so complicated that I have yet to write a word about it. It's like opening pandora's box. What??!! I have to learn how to talk and communicate about THIS too. Couldn't we just not talk about it?

    But, like nothing else, it's about intimacy and oneness and it correlates with ttwd so closely even if it isn't what charges spanking our house. We are learning how to pay attention to it.'s hard and consuming in wonderful and terrible ways.

    There, make sense of that Willikins! Heh.

  9. Gee thanks Susie!

    Well I guess it is still good to know we are not alone. I am actually anxious to see where this is going to lead. I know I am supposed to be patient, but even with THIS? LOL...

    I mean how can openess not be a good thing with sex...OMG! That was NOT intentional...but I'm still going to leave it as is!

    I guess as 'Barney' doesn't start calling me Willikins during sex, we should be OKAY!

  10. Hey Mrs. Perv - Sometimes I think you go way beyond over thinking things. It's like you bite into an apple and chew it so long it's not even applesauce but apple juice before you are done!

    Stare at a man's dangly bits for very long and many times they are no longer dangly but for most women, it all begins in the brain. Yes, you crave Barney's touch but you have this part of your brain that is saying 'ok, this is a rule' so rules mean obey or punish so body is craving but mind is subconsciously wandering. Look at Barney, really look - THINK of all the reasons you are craving his touch. THINK of what he is doing. VERBALIZE what you want more of. Throw the darn apple out of the window and enjoy the ride! Have FUN!

    I know you two will work this out. Especially with the 'openess' with sex. ROFL


    1. I'll certainly give you the over thinkig part...but the punishment part...nah...never enters my mine( probably because it is too full of other crap). I 100% believe that I would NEVER be punished for saying no. It is just an agreement we have. I gave him.

      Like I said, he informed me in the future he is going to start talking me through Sounds silly, but I bet if he is talking my mind won't wander to the paint in the bathroom.

      It is almost like my body/brain is too afraid to go there. Like it is getting to intense. Yet..part of me still LONGS for it *wink*

    2. um that would be thinking...not thin kig....guess I don't over think everything afterall!

    3. That's why I said that part was subconsciously - don't think you are actually thinking any of that.

      'thin kig'? Yea, you're thinking but you're mind is moving faster than your fingers. :)

    4. So I told Barney what you and all...He of course whole heartedly agreed. Then added this gem.

      " You do over think everything. You complicate the hell out of everything"...So any Dr.s out there in blog land who are willing to mail me a perscription?

  11. Well, if you ever need to break up a tension filled moment, you could always pull out "Barneykins" and see if it takes more than a full second for him to flip you over and find the closest implement. :)

    It's the drugs talking...really!

    1. ROFLMBO - that's her story and she's stickin' to it!

  12. Hmm...I'll take was she has please :)

  13. Fantasy is what gets us there along with the 'right touch.'
    Um....just for the record I would never turn down sex either.

    I thought I commented earlier from my phone!

  14. Okay Wilma, if Fred (remember him?) had come home and you were only wearing an an apron, he would have said "YABBA DABBA DOO!" I think you know what that translates to.


    1. I know Right!?

      Hey wait Kiki, are you trying to say I married the wrong caveman?

    2. OMG Wilma! What do mean married the wrong caveman? You were married to Fred! Rumer has it that Fred and Betty were consoling each other, and fell madly, passionately in love. They live in your neighborhood, so if you ever hear someone scream, "YABBA, DABBA, DOO," in a female voice, well, you know...


  15. God morning Wilma, Giggling here too. I don't even know what to say - you know I'm a shy girl - right?

    Brain biggest sex organ, over thinking - yep. Lets just say with the increased intimacy since ttwd, for us the fireworks have also increased :)

    BTW - thank you for the nomination :) I got a number of nominations today and my big meanie has told me I'm only allowed to answer one set of questions :(

    Love and Hugs

    1. Hey Roz

      Well I am gathering from your comment I got the brush off
      So how did the hairdo go over? Can you at least answer THAT question? Lol

      Love and feeling ignored

  16. I think your other comments all covered the bases but...

    You wore only an apron and his comment was that it wasn't sanitary? OMG! I think Barney's lucky that you don't do the spanking! :D

    1. THANK YOU ANA !!!

      I know right? And that was pre-kid body too! Sheesh, talk about a blow to the ego. He said " You're never going to let me live that down are you ? It was 16 years ago"


  17. We're going to revisit this topic, at length. The title caught my eye as I was moving back to your Liebster post, and I HAD to read. I think there are many more of us women who are always ON, or at least started out that way for many years, than anyone wants to acknowledge.

    I remember reading men think of sex approximately every 2 minutes, and another article that offered some number in the hundreds or thousands for the number of times they think about it. Same articles claim women rarely think of it, something like once or twice a week, or maybe once a day, or some other ridiculously low number, alleging it is in our nature and physiological make-up. Apparently, often the time spent thinking about sex isn't thinking about wanting it, but dreading it or wondering if they can get out of it because they have other, more important things to do. It's been several years since I read about this, so I have no idea if this is the currently accepted thinking from the medical/psychological fields.

    If these were the only criteria for establishing gender, they would classify me as a man. Sheesh.

    I know where you're coming from, Willie, about the strangeness of it all. Really, we'll have to pick at these things some more. Good post!