Friday, December 14, 2012

Distancing, Belts and Welts

No more discussions about super heroes or super villains. Time to get back to my blog's original roots---seriousness ( oh just go with it would ya?)

 The beginning of the week started off with much fun and frolicking, but not much submissiveness, or actual things accomplished at my house....ahem.. Why you ask ?  Well I was having too much fun, and I knew that getting the minimum done would still be okay over here.  TRUE not in the spirit of things.  Not going to help ttwd.  Anyway  as of late, I have felt like I was married to this guy

So doing 'enough' to get by was okay, just as long as he didn't trip over something.  Again, I KNOW.
The thing is, by doing this, I wasn't very happy with myself.  It isn't in the spirit of what I / we are trying to accomplish here.  Even if I am married to the guy in the picture above ( yes I am fully aware he is carrying a cane), I am to act accordingly if I want ttwd to flourish.  My sadness continued as I read/heard stories of others who were being 'called' up on the carpet for their lack of 'proper' priorities this week.  I wish I could elaborate, but they are not my stories to tell---the fact that my guilt was all consuming is all I suppose you really need to know .  This made me fall back on tried and true methods.  I did say tried and true, that does not mean helpful and healthy.

Yup.  I once again got in with Distancing Dixie.  We decided to head some where warm...emotional Hell.  Turns out it is actually cold there- stupid lying travel agents!  Barney eventually sought me out.  Yay Barney- yes, - a little obvious that I had 'left' but at least he found me.  He said that we were both too tired to talk right then, but we would the next day.   Wow colour me impressed!

  Only that talk never came.  Once again life got in the way-  not true actually, he PUT life in the way.  So as you can imagine things just got better from there.  I could describe it all, but you know, most have you have been on the highway to hell with your own version of Dixie.  A picture is worth a thousand words anyway

So life.  life.  life...tears, tears tears.  That brought us to Weds.  which was supposed to be Role Affirmation, Maintenance Day- target practic -whatever.  Only that didn't happen because our son was home from school  We actually knew this in advance, so there was no real shock there.  Once again we were supposed to talk- once again it didn't happen this is worse version of the 12 days of Christmas than the video I posted on my blog a few days ago.  Life was threatening to get in the way again.  Our son was going to be on TV so we waited for that to air.  Barney had to deliver boxes for the Christmas hampers for the church, I had a hair appointment.  All these things were spread out with just enough time in between to be annoying.  Finally we a managed to at least talk.

  The beginning of the conversation was getting us NO WHERE .  It seemed to be the same discussion AGAIN

Once again I shut down.  I KNOW already!  I mentioned that we should just stop if this is too much for him.  There was a lot of it is my fault...great now it is MY fault...Argh...

 I am not sure how it happened, but the conversation changed- for the better.  We did a little when you say *this*  I actually *hear* this.

In the interest of discussing how we felt, not necessarily the reality of the situation, I told him that I didn't feel like I was a priority in his life- therefore our relationship was not either.  That he chose to do a multitude of things the other day that were not important instead of having our discussion.  Heck we still haven't discussed the subject that was in 'the big reveal letter' yet.  There was a great deal of discussion about how and why I could feel this way.  We talked about reading blogs and how I am to come to him, show him the blog and tell him how reading it made me feel.  No we are not talking about comparing ourselves to another couple, but most of you out there know when things aren't quite where you want them to be, when you read someone's blog it can lead you in a direction you shouldn't go alone.

He in return told me how he felt when things were not done that I said were going to be.  How hard it is to address them, because I seem distracted when he tries to talk to me when he comes through the door.  I had mentioned that perhaps his timing is a little off to get the undivided attention that he wants, as he is 8 feet away at the door, and I am usually constructing dinner for 50, sorry 5, at the time.

We once again talked about him ACTUALLY noticing things- something that I didn't think he did, as he hardly speaks about it- in part due to the reason in the above paragraph.

 It was then time for the spanking portion of our little drama.  This time the belt was brought out..dun dun dun...or not..LOL...Barney did talk throughout most of this little adventure.  Granted it was the equivalent of discussing the weather, but later in the day we hashed that out too.....not right after the spanking because...well... I ended in giggles again. HEY he started it this time!  As he was whacking away, he asked how I was doing.  How the belt was working.  I said

"Well I am very warm",( I did actually have perspiration on my back) "..but probably not where you want me to be."

Barney then burst out into laughter, layed the belt down on my VERY swollen bum, and his head on my back.

" Geezus!"

Well and that is all I am going to write about as far as that is concerned...wink ...wink...wink...

So yes while Christmas shopping and all day yesterday I had a definite reminder of my meeting with the belt. I needed MORE of a bubble butt!  Anyway, next time apparently is going to go a bit different according to my husband.

He also dropped this little gem on me yesterday.

" So I think we'll find time for maintenance over the holidays, even with the boys home- they can go to a movie or something.  You tend to get a little stressed around the dinner part of Christmas day- so we'll address that before the day, and hopefully that will help you remember to keep calm"

HUH?  Maybe I am married to this guy

Time to get you visually away from my rear, and onto Christmas Cheer!
The Crown of Roses Cocktail Photo 

The Crown of Roses


1 oz.  Crown Royal
1/2 oz. Amaretto 
1 oz.  Pineapple juice

1/4 oz. Cranberry Juice
3 dash(es)  Angostura Bitters


Fill a cocktail shaker two-thirds full of ice and add all of the ingredients. Shake for approximately 15 seconds. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry.
The Crown of Roses' deep color is inspired by the garland of roses presented in victory circle to the winner of the Kentucky Derby. The winningcombination of Crown Royal, amaretto, pineapple and cranberry juices allows the Crown of Roses to marry notes of cinnamon with refreshing fruit sweetness, which is rounded out by the classic taste of Crown Royal whisky

This is our pre-dinner Xmas drink around here.  Classy like we are, we  quadrupedal the ingredients and make it in a huge mason-type jar and shake it.  We rim the glasses with Demerara sugar.  

I don't like rye but I sure love this drink...Instant submission I'm certain!

Now for all of you out there still getting in the car with Distancing Dixie.  You know how horrible it feels, turn the darn car around!  
A hauntingly beautiful song, sung by another Canadian artist.  This song spoke to me while Dixie set the cruise control.  I didn't have a reason to feel the way the woman in the song felt, because I could reach out and touch my husband, if I just had the courage to do so.  Thankfully he came and 'grabbed' me 



  1. Wilma, you have a habit of making things complicated. Ever noticed? Sometimes you think you are married to Fred Flintstone, then Barney Rubble followed by The Riddler and now Mr Magoo.
    I'll help you: You're married to the guy with the belt! Simple as that!
    Love ya, too.

    1. Hi Bas,

      Excellent comment! Complicated indeed.
      And why am I always portrayed as one of these cartoon idiots?


    2. Poor Barney....Levi's a smart car and a pair of pants...if that makes you feel any better:)

    3. Oh and Kevan called him a pincushion when I compared myself to a cactus:)

    4. Hey! Pick a team and stick with it! Turncoat.

  2. Oh Bas, if Barney was here with you right now he would whole heartily agree with your first sentence. It exasperates him to no end! Poor guy. Poor belt wielding guy! sign off gave me the warm and fuzzies!


  3. Eeeeek! Good Lord, don't encourage him. I am telling you - one of these days you are going to wake up with Barney Von Spankenheimer. Once they get the belt out, it is all over.

  4. I couldn't help it- he asked! Then he said something about having 'more in him' if needed...sheesh. He seems quite comfortable with this particular implement.

    Well back to work- not worried ( today ) for punishment, but in the spirit of being the submissive wifey I am supposed to be, I better hop to it!

    I do believe he will be Baron Von Spankenheimer!

    Much Love

    1. Barney literally laughed out loud at your comment Lillie...but apparently ONE comment is his limit !


  5. All I can think about is the BELT!! A BELT!!! And you laughed!!! How could you laugh with a BELT!!!??? Oh boy you must be made of tough stuff! But at least Barney used something, not just his hand. I (stupidly) long for something other than Starman's hand. He just gets nervous and ignores all implements I lay strategically around the bedroom. How come you are so advanced all of a sudden? Have I been away and missed some great event taking place?!

    I do have to admit that submission is far more difficult than I had at first anticipated. We've had a real sparky time of it this week. I'll be writing about it never fear!

    Now to pour a glass of your submission wine - I wish.... Hugs, Ami

    1. Hey Ami!

      I giggled at the end after Barney laughed and shook his head. I don't have a tough hiney, just a very stubborn mind. Trust me, my back end is NOT very pretty at the moment!

      A wise friend said to me, " Once he gets that lecture down, you'll feel every swat trust me ". Barney did say that he could have used more ' energy' but it was his first time with the belt. Mind you he said that yesterday- after checking out my bum today, I don't know if he feels comfortable with that thought.

      I think the belt thing is a mentally scary thing for people. The silicone spreader from my kitchen drawer and the plastic hanger ( only tried when we were testing stuff out- never used it beyond one swat) hurt WAY more.

      It took Barney forever to try new implements. Hold on. Don't scare Starman. It is hard enough for them to even think about spanking let alone 'using' something.

      We are not any further than last week really. In fact during yesterday's discussion, I was ready to give up. (yes AGAIN-) I said that I thought we were back to square one. I felt like the last thing on his list of priorities and I could feel that way without the pressures of Dd. THAT was apparently not an option. He felt that at the very least our communication was better.

      Yesterday was merely Maintenance. Barney is still having a really hard time with the whole punishment aspect. Apparently spanking me for NO reason is easier than doing it FOR a reason- What can I say? We're quirky!

      I'd love a glass of submission, but I have to get back to my 'list'.

      Chin up :)


  6. Interesting... you know.. it starts out small.... then all of a sudden.. you've got a HOH on your hands!!!


    Can't wait to read more!

    1. " Misery loves company "....Can't wait to read more !< with exclamation point? If I've said it once I've said it a million times, I need new friends!

    2. Lol! I'm sorry this made me laugh out loud and everyone in the room is looking at me funny! ' I need new friends' priceless!

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  8. Congratulations to you both!
    You know I can't tell you all of the articles I read before we started about the most important aspects of Dd being trust and communication. I knew that, I acknowledged it, but it took six months for me to really understand what that meant. (eye roll)
    I am really glad you guys have made this really important step. Let's hope you remember it for next time. : )
    I know I sound crazy, but congratulations on a sore bum the next day! and with a belt! We are still only with a spoon and it only lasts for ten minutes! I'M NOT COMPARING! All you old timers stop shaking your heads at us, I think you have forgotten what it feels like when you start this thing.
    My guy refuses so far to do maintenance or role affirmation or whatever you want to call it. He can't do it if there has been no rules broken. We have a safe word now. Really it is for him to feel comfortable.
    Anyway, watch out Wilma, the next thing you know you are going to face consequences when Distancing Dixie shows up.
    Love and hugs,

    1. Oh Blue Bird you make me giggle!

      I'M NOT COMPARING! We need shirts.

      I know we need to communicate. I was back in my typical passive aggressive way of doing things this week. Not so passive :). But this was the first time Barney actually came looking for me. He told me he knew that I said I was fine, but he knew I wasn't. He also is a very patient man- so he said we'd talk about it when we had more energy. I know in the future that that situation might not work out the same way.

      As for the Maintenance thing, Barney still can't get his head wrapped around action-consequences yet. He figured the M thing would help him get used to it- and it does help me *blush- embarrassed that a spanking makes me more submissive the next day* at least THIS one did.

      When he was looking at my back end this morning ( actually it is my sit spots) he shook his head and said, " You know, your pain tolerance, and your 'ability' to bruise- isn't a good combination"..I just poked at my huge bruise.." But it doesn't hurt anymore"

      ( No I am not abused- as I reassure my husband...AGAIN I will state I can walk into a coffee table and get a bruise that will look nasty and last a week- and I can't for the life of me remember how I got it)

      I think that is all the disclaimers I need to make :)

      Love and a BIG hug

  9. Beautiful song Wilma! How hard is it to run the stairs when your rear hurts?
    Love ya sweetie!

    1. Actually my bum doesn't hurt anymore- but do you think Barney will buy that as an excuse as I didn't exercise today...he's NOT going to be impressed. Long story full of somewhat lame excuses, ( although they did seem good this afternoon)

      I'm glad you liked the song! The drink is REALLY good!

      Thanks for the LOVIN'


  10. Hang in there, Willie. Sounds like things are on a good track right now. Careful what you wish for... you just might get it. Those guys with the belts can be real pains in the butt.


    1. Hmmmmmmmmmmm? What DID I wish for?

      Hugs back

  11. Glad you guys are moving forward in the communication department... Even if it's just baby steps ;)

    Sorry about your sure bum, but must you be so stubborn! (That would be the pot calling the kettle black) lol! Glad your sitting better today though.


    1. I may be a tad, um, ( this doesn't count as a confession if there is no signature right) stubborn :)

      Sitting pretty, and submissively content today thanks P !


    2. You signed it! Now it counts! What wee you thinking? Lol

    3. Crumb! Times like these makes me wish I still swore.

      Well no matter. I'm sure B. would be able to gather enough witnesses to convict me anyway :)

  12. All I can say is you are way tougher than me girl. That sounds seriously ouchy.
    You are moving in the direction you want so all is good!

    And....I am seriously on that drink! Maybe I will bring it to an adult party I am going to....Oh wait hubby won't be there. Hmmmmm does it pack a wallop?

    1. It wasn't that worries :) seriously

      The drink packs a wallop because they are easy drinking. Personally I like the sugared rim, but I could eat a sugar cube, so you don't need it.

      TRY THE DRINK YOU WON'T REGRET IT! <-man from apparent spanko to alcohol pusher, what has my life become..oh wait I've always pushed the booze! No honestly I have served this drink to many people rye lovers and haters and I haven't had one complaint.


  13. Ooops I forgot to sign Barney out. I suppose the info is the same.. OH except Barney would look like quite the jerk commenting on my bum not being that ouchy! lol

  14. Willie me darlin' - you do have a tendency to over-think and complicate things. As I've said before, when Barney gets a bit more comfortable with lecturing (and he will) you are going to have to rename his login to Lillie's suggestion "Baron Barney Von Spankenheimer" and yours will need to be renamed to "Walloped Willie Von RedBum".

    I also bruise very easily - just saw a bruise today and can't remember how I got it. Two things that will help - a good hand warm-up and work Arnica gel into the bruises 2-3 times a day.

    Hey Baron Barney Von Spankenheimer - hope you figure out your lecture style soon - Willie needs a good walloping. :D


  15. Honestly? A GOOD walloping? Sheesh...See Pocahontas why I say I need new friends?

    Thanks for the tip about the gel. Barney spends a long time on the warm up- I can't imagine what it would be like without one if this is the result with one.

    As for over-thinking things, meh. I highly doubt that is ever going to change.


    P.S. I saw you trash talkin' me over on TL's blog this morning!

    1. Since when is telling the truth trash talkin'? LOL

      Love you Willie!

    2. Sigh...fine...Ms. Always-Has-A-Valid-Point

      Love you too Cat.


  16. Oh honey, I love you. And Barney, too, though I don't "know" him. And I needed to read this, as you well know after our talk (thank you thank you).

    Hey, you and Barney are doing so well. I'm envious of your progress, frankly.

  17. Elisa,

    Don't be envious...this is a step in the right direction, but you know as well as anyone, this is just our turn this week. TTWD moves in small increments at best, and slides a little backwards on the worst days. The good news is the slide back doesn't seem as far anymore. ( or maybe I'm just a pro at the slideback

    Communication really is key- even if it takes everything in us to 'give in' to it. Someone HAS to move first...(grrrr )

    Love you too!

  18. Hi Willie, it sounds like you guys are heading in the right direction and that you are communicating well and getting some idea of how each other are feeling/thinking. Yay for Barney seeking you out. Kick Distancing Dixie to the curb and keep her there.

    Seriously, you giggled? I've never done that Lol

    You better watch out. Sounds like Barney is embracing his inner HoH more ... the lecturing will come, believe me!


  19. Good day Roz!

    ( snow storm in the forecast! Whoo hooo!)

    We're trying up here that is all I can say :) Yes I giggled ( second time for those who are keeping track)But I still claim it is his fault! Asking me questions that lead me to giggle ( okay the question wasn't supposed to make me giggle- but he laughed FIRST !)

    Busy, busy, busy work week for Barney this week...hoping to hold on to Submissive Sally with all my might,(on to her cute pony tail if I have too)


  20. What can I say Willie! I went to tell MM about the contents of this post and asked him if he remembered who Mr. Magoo was and he started singing me a song and doing the voice.

    We don't want Barney to be thought of this way!

    For the record B, he tells me that the lecturing deal is actually really hard to do, so good for you for giving it a try. I think it does get easier b/c he's a lot better at it than he used to be.

    Hope you guys had a good weekend.

    1. For the record the only reason why I know who Mr. Magoo is is because my mother used to reference him all the time- so we bought the kids the DVDs..but I digress

      We had a good weekend thanks...Busy,busy,busy week for B this week and possible snow day for the kids on the only possible R/A day this week, and then the boys holidays start...Guess I'll just have to try to be extra Submissive Sally...crumb...the future doesn't look bright! LOL

      Thanks for the encouragement M for B...sorry M put you through the Mr. Magoo walk down memory lane Susie.

      Love Willie