Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Living in Rachael's House

 When I was in high school I hung around with a group of girls.  We were by no means girlie girls.  I suppose to some degree the only way you could label us is that as a collective group, we could not be labeled.  Were we outcasts?  Some of the girls were.  Within that group was my best friend.  She and I actually socialized with various other cliques.  We were 'able' to move about the social ladder with ease.  We were however very different from each other.  Not polar opposites, just different.

Rachel had many different aspects to her personality, but athletic would be the dominant one.


                         Three guesses as to who this represents-the first two don't count .


 That was not our only difference.  The odd thing is how we were raised.  You see Sporty Spice up there was raised by these guys


And shy girl ( that would be me) grew up in a house with these two


My mother was one of those people who you swore had eyes on the back of her head.  Oh you had a Mom like her too?  I was the youngest of a thwack of kids.  She had been there done that.  My only saving grace was that she was getting tired of  'looking'.  My Dad's philosophy,  (much my to my older sister's chagrin) by the time I came around was " Well if it didn't kill the others, you might as well go ahead"  that and " If you get away with it, please NEVER feel the need to confess it to me when you get older"

Rachael's parents still had a whack of kids in the house.  Her Dad worked long hard hours.  Her Step Mom was young and was busy with Rachael's younger siblings.  Rachael was a responsible teen, so there really was no reason to watch over her like a hawk

HOWEVER, even responsible teens need to experiment a little bit.  Now there was never any way in H-LL that we were going to get away with stuff at my house.  NEVER.  I enjoyed life too much to even take the chance.  Rachael had no curfew.  Rachael had a bedroom in the basement with a HUGE window.  Rachael's parents were always busy or tired.  They let Rachael do her own thing.  Rachael's house was our go-to house when we wanted to get into mischief.

The thing is Rachael always wanted to be at my house.  Seriously, she lived at my house all throughout high school. Don't get me wrong, her house was chaotic, I really didn't want to hang out there often, but my house was so full of unsaid rules.  That is not too say I didn't have a lot of fun growing up in my house.  There was always music playing, lots of teasing and laughing.  You just knew your place and you stayed in it.  If you did that life was good.

I asked Rachael one day why she always wanted to hang out at my house, ( she was and still is to this day crazy about my Mother- I am now, as a teen, not so much).  She explained that having what I thought was freedom at her house, being able to come and go whenever she wanted, without repercussion  ( a teenagers version of heaven I thought) was so painful for her.  She wanted to have consequences if she came home late.  She wanted what I had. To her my parents cared. 

Her parents did care and love her very much, but they thought she was responsible enough to make the right choices I guess.  She interpreted it as they were too busy, or tired to notice her - that watching over her was too much work, when they had to focus on the little ones.  

We talked about this a couple of summers ago.  She confessed that when we were given our instructions from my parents when we went out for the evening, if she was spending the night, that she would pretend my parents were hers.  That she too would be in big trouble if she broke curfew ( she only had one at my house anyway).

Why bring this up?  Oh I think it is pretty obvious.  Only as an adult I am living in Rachael's house now.  I feel the way Rachael did back then---and let's just throw some guilt in there too.

25 comments:

  1. I am going to remind you of this post dear Willie when Barney gets all of his ducks in a row and you are standing to post and complaining about your bottom burning. ;D

    Hang in there sweetie - you two will work this out.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    Replies
    1. Ryan and I were both just saying this today to.....her time is a comin'!

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    2. So flattered you and Ryan were thinking of my BUM on his day off...touching ( no pun intended) really.

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    3. Well Cat

      I suppose it would help if I stopped playing Duck Hunt, everytime he starts to line them up

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  2. I know that theme and you write it so well - super blog!
    Thanks for sharing.
    Hugs
    Jack's Jill

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jill

      What can I say? I have a LOT of practice :)

      Willie

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  3. Wilma,

    I so understand what you are saying here. My bf's house was like your house....and I so envied her for that. To this day...I love her parents so much!

    Now, on to you.....I agree with Cat 100%....and I know you probably get tired of hearing me say it. It took Ryan 3 months to really do anything once we started our journey. I asked him why....hoping to gain some insight for ya....and he said it seemed life a very unnatural thing for me to want....that he didn't really believe that HIS wife truly wanted this....and he just felt it was flat out wrong. So yes...he would make rules...sort of....that had no repercussions and I was frustrated/sad for quite awhile. I swear to you I never thought he was going to get the hang of this....and we all know how that worked out ;)

    You all WILL get there!

    Hugs...


    ~Lucy

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  4. I got nuffin. Just I'm there with ya and for ya. Stay strong, stay submissive.: )








    ;

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    1. I don't know if my liver can handle all of this submissiveness BB.

      Maybe you could bring over that bread board and we can put all kinds of cheese on it, and enjoy it with our multiple glasses of submissiveness. Oh wait, you don't drink...Well you can watch me and then listen to all the gems of wisdom I'll spew.

      Love

      Willie

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  5. Hang there Wilie. I agree with the others, it will happen, some men just take time..like a good wine :)

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  6. I completely understand where you're coming from. It's the moments of inconsistency that cause the majority of my meltdowns. John actually noticed the other day how it really makes me crazy. Not sure he understands why (but hey I don't quite understand it either).

    I hope we both can look back on these posts with burning bottoms and be grateful (and not kick ourselves in the burning bottom) we stuck it out!

    P

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    1. Hahaaaaa

      Odd how our 'wish' list has changed this season isn't it P ?

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  7. My belief is that the golden rule is the best rule to follow, anywhere, anytime, anyhow. To me that rule supersedes all rules and if it's followed, none other are needed.

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  8. This is interesting, comparing it to raising children.....Ian was always the disciplinarian in our family, and Mr. Law and Order. His philosophy was simple - when you put animals into a new pasture field, the first thing they do is walk the fence. They need to know where their boundaries are. Once they know, they will settle in and live with much fuss, but without a strong fence they will never be contented.
    I was a much flakier, live and let live girl, but he was adamant and because he seemed to know what he was doing, I stepped back and I can tell you now with 2 grown and successful chidden and one in high school - that he was right.
    Maybe it is the same for all types of relationships, marriages, etc.....maybe we need to know that someone loves us enough to close the gate.
    It will all work out, it just takes time. :)

    hugs
    lillie

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    Replies
    1. Well I was always the Law in this town...now there is a new Sheriff. Sometimes it seems like the inmates are running the asylum these days.

      BUT...I don't mind being removed from my position- I'll tell ya that.

      Love
      Willie

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  9. Wilma- Just take comfort in knowing you are many steps ahead of me......and are you the official president of the newbie club??

    You make me smile;)

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    1. Welcome Betsy.

      President? I sure hope not-They can get assassinated!

      Trust me I may have been here longer, but we are not further ahead...unless you aren't living Dd.

      I'm happy to make you smile :)

      Willie

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  10. Morning Wilma, I hope the coffee is good this morning. Hang in there my friend, you two will figure this out.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. The coffee was great! Mint Chocolate this week. The trees were covered in frost when I woke up, and a light dusting of snow on the ground. Not much, just enough to 'clean things up'.

      Love
      Willie

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  11. I am so in agreement with you Willie! I've had a horrible couple of days and I never knew I could be such a b***h to my husband. All I do is cry at the moment. I think I will get a wooden spoon and put a ribbon round it and put it in his hand soon! I just need a big 'de-stresser' and lots and lots of hugs afterwards! What doesn't he understand about this!!!

    Everything is frosty here too. The trees, the hedgerows, the grass, the wife....

    Hugs, Ami

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  12. Sometimes I like to comment backwards, from newer to older posts. Ha. I missed this one somehow yesterday.

    I've always found it interesting to note that the homes where the kids flock and just want to "be" tend to be the ones with the most consistent child raising methods and discipline. Makes good sense.

    Hang in there okay?

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  13. Oh Ami

    It is so very hard, especially at the beginning. The b-tchiness goes away I promise. I have a few posts near the beginning of this adventure where I talk about it too...actually picking a fight with B. Never did that before. All of your emotions come flooding to the surface.

    I think of it like a beaver dam on a river. There are pools behind each one,and a little water leaks through, wearing away at the dam, then ALL the emotions come through- and settle in the next pond, until the next dam on the river..and the process starts all over again.

    Good news, the grade of the river evens out closer to the lake :).

    If you get a google plus acount they have a chat window that 'we girls' use to communicate...I'd love to chat if you want some time...Or you can just email me- Use the top Wilma email.

    Lots of Good Vibes-warm ones to melt your frost!

    Willie

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