I know right? Strangely this little angel has a slight resemblance to me as a young girl.... strictly coincidental
I have mentioned to some of you that our ttwd seems to resemble the movie Ground Hog Day, and it has been equally as enjoyable. We talk. Barney says 'xyz' is going to happen from now on. Reconnection Appointment happens ( spanking ) and then nothing until the following week. We talk, Barney agrees that 'xyz' didn't happen but it will from now on.spanking...Repeat
This week were were approaching day 8 AGAIN with no reconnection whatsoever- not even the kind vanilla couples have. Now normally I would gently remind my husband about how we were off schedule. The schedule that he laid out by the way. This time I didn't have in me. Nope not doing it. He'll do it or not. I'm not contributing to this aspect anymore. Sure there was no expectation, therefore I believed no hurt when things didn't progress as he said they would. What was then left? An empty shell of a ttwd wife. Numb. Fine. I sat in my self righteous anger... somewhat on simmer, but not quite a boil.
Barney had Thursday off. He informed me that his work was not going to be a distraction as he was finally caught up. Great. Although inside I still had reservations. The day came and went. No R/A no adult fun time. Two people in the same house. Sure we both were doing things, not actively avoiding each other. Not actively seeking each other out either. Oh well we did have Friday.
Friday came....guess what? SNOW DAY. Now I am not such a b*tch that I would blame a snow storm on my husband- only I suppose am. They predicted this storm. We knew it was a possibility. Barney is a bit of a weather geek, ( yes he keeps great company with at least ONE other HoH out there). This development seemed to scream at me about Thursday, " Oh sure why do today what you can put off until tomorrow".. So let us say the beginning of my fire was laid out..
Now before I continue delving into my major, um character assassination, I want to remind faithful readers, that week after week, Barney, not me has said things were going to change. He upped role affirmation as many here call it, to two times a week before Christmas....never happened. He has said since the beginning that we were going to chat alone every day about ttwd, or at least strive for it. A few minutes is not difficult to carve out in a day. Doesn't happen. He also upped our R/A to several times a week...still hasn't happen more than once every 8 days or so. I am just letting you know what was going through my mind- as all of these things were brought up last week- by him again. Silent implements were also brought up for night time spankings if he saw fit.....OKAY carrying on.
Our oldest was still sleeping and our younger two were going to walk to the store. He informed me not to bother getting dressed for the day as we needed to do ttwd...( Oh it has been 8 days already?) Life got in the way. The snow storm increased. We needed to get to the store to buy food for the hoard so they were satisfied for a few hours until they proclaimed,while staring into a packed refrigerator that there was nothing to eat. FINE. Off we go. ..( This wouldn't have been an issue YESTERDAY. Remember - Wilma you not in charge here )
Despite the blustery day. I was quite warm.Quietly smoldering. ( You have always reminded him, or written a post Wilma. He NEVER does this on his own. The only time was the Wilma has left the building day. Then we was desperate. WELL NO MORE. Pffft. If he wants ttwd, he can actually try being an HoH )
We arrived home just in time to see Heir to the Throne getting ready to vacate the castle. It was suggested that maybe Barney could drive him to his destination. One prince down. Two still wandering around in their pj's. Whatever. I have things to do anyway.
Normal life things pretty much completed, Barney approaches me in the kitchen.
"Second and third in line to the throne are going tobogganing. When they are gone, there are a few things we need to discuss"
(Whatever. I'll believe it when I see it. ) " Sigh. Okay. Sure"
So why, you might ask did his statement bring out the bellow and start providing more oxygen to my already lit fire? Well because....been there, heard that before. ( Huff, if they go. Wouldn't have been an issue yesterday...or the day before when you didn't work until later, and the kids were at school..Or heck, what about Monday at the court house when you said we had silent implements now? And nighttime spankings will be around if needed ) Oh yes the fire was burning quite nicely now. ( I mean honestly...no sex this week either? And no HoH stuff that you SAID you were going to 'try'. No talking about ttwd. GRRRR...Seems like you have the mechanical down packed though. Yup spanking on an 8 day cycle, and then we'll go back to me trying to remember we are a ttwd couple)
The kids left. We went upstairs. The phone rang, and he answered it . A friend of mine was on the other line- audibly upset. I listened for a few minutes and asked if I could call her back. Fortunately she is a TiH wife so she understood. I hung up and stood at the foot of the bed. Arms crossed.
" Well what? What do you want me to do?
"Take you bottoms off and get on the bed. On you hands and knees" ( Huh ...this is different. We haven't done this since the beginning.)
Into position I went. He began with his hand as usual. He started a bit of a lecture. I had used something that we agreed I wouldn't without discussion about first. I used it to help out a friend. He wasn't angry. I had told him in passing. I didn't really give it much thought as a rule because I've used it before too.
" I'm glad you told me about using______. I think it was a nice idea. I wouldn't have said no if you asked me. I know it is not always possible to ask me because I am at work..." (Well when I've asked you in the past you looked at me like I had 2 heads and gave me a response which made me feel like 'why would you even ask?--go ahead" So I didn't bother) At this point I interrupted him.
"No you were home when I used it." My voice came out more like this
" Oh ? "
The swatting continued. There was a great deal of silence. Then this angel showed up
" Ya know. This position is just not working for me!"
A very calm
" Pardon ?" came from behind me. Not a pardon like I can't believe you just snapped at me, but more one that 'I couldn't hear you as I was whacking away on your butt'
" Yeah, well this is like impossible to hold for any length of time. It is hard on the arms you know?!"
" Okay, well you can go down on your arms if you want. I have no problem with that"
So I did, and basically looked like this for the next portion of our session. Sorry I used a photo of a child, but apparently grown women
shouldn't don't make this face.
I can hear you gasping from here. Yup. This was my posture and my facial expression as my backside was getting busted. Keep in mind, this was merely an R/A. I know...by this point it probably shouldn't have been- but hey, I'm not the HoH. *wink*.
A while later.
" Yeah this isn't much better if we are going to keep doing this"
" Alright. Well where do you find it easiest?"
Over the back of the loveseat I went. The bath brush came out. Things were getting 'heated'. The lecture continued. It focused around me apologizing for my curt tone of voice the day of the courthouse...still haven't officially done that. ( I hear you out there- life got in the way- what? it works as a valid excuse for ttwd discussions). I was unmoved, well aside from my now crossed ankles, and slightly curling toes.
He brought up the way I talked to our son that morning ( I had asked him to remind me not to be so short with my answers to him.) Well that made my heart hitch.
Any other R/A I might have let go at this point. I just hardened myself. My butt was on fire, but I knew about 10 more and I would be numb. I was right. Barney eventally threw the bathbrush across the room and finished with his hand. Of which I felt nothing. Normally, in the interest of honesty, I would have told him. This day I didn't. He stopped an rubbed my back and hot backside. Finally he told me we were done. I jumped up, grabbed my panties, squirted a big gob of Arnica in my hands.
" I can do that for you" It is normally 'his job'. In fact I didn't even know it was yellow in colour. By this point I had the double cheek rub down going on.
" Nope. I've got it- thanks" and with that I left the room to dial my friend.
" Are you okay? "
I did have to walk around in pj bottoms for the rest of the day mind you. And it is Sunday, and I still feel it..to a small degree. Arnica gel is worth its weight in gold I'll tell you what ! We made dinner together that night and watched a movie. There was no anger between us after.
The next day, I lay in bed while Barney left early for work. I am normally an early riser. I couldn't sleep Friday night. No I wasn't thinking of the day, just that blessed over 40 our body doesn't apparently need sleep thing. I usually bring him his dress shirt, make his coffee, and breakfast when he works during the day. Part of me was justifying staying in bed, ( he NEVER gets up with you in the morning, regardless if he has worked or not....pffft-- you've even mentioned many times over the years how at least once a week it would be nice to have company- he has always agreed and never did that) When I did get up. He just asked me if I slept well. I know right? The nerve!
As the day went on ....the crab began to vacate the shell
I started to 'see' - if I squinted, all the little things Barney had done or said this week. Alone they wouldn't seem like much, but together amounted to a little forward progress. Barney, I think we established a long time ago, has the patience of a saint. He is also a pretty soft spoken guy. When I read his words in print, well they seem so different. I mean, they are his words, but usually at the time, with the tone, I don't see it the way I do after I read them.
Some things from last week...you know when we were 'just' vanilla and waiting for the R/A cycle to begin again.
" You are falling asleep. Go and take your contacts out" Okay this one I did notice at the time because he has never TOLD me to do anything really. Normally it would have been " Do you still have your contacts in?"
" I like this nighty better" ( again never mentions my night clothes)
"What did you do today?"..." Um not too much actually, come to think of it". " Well that is not good. Not good at all"...followed by no further discussion, but still.
" I would appreciate if....."
Me, " Argh, my I think my bum is sore from sitting down to long if that is possible"
" Yeah, that is not the reason why it should be" ( no wink or joke in that tone)...GRANTED this comment ticked me off at the time.
" We need to go out now. Before the weather gets any worse" Now normally, he would ask me if I thought we should go now..
" You don't have to like the movie we pick, just as long as you are on the couch with me while we watch it"
Then there was the usual, " How's your bum today? Do you need more cream?." I honestly think this is his favourite part of ttwd-applying Arnica Gel.
He also brought our dog- well MY dog to the Vet. When we first got her he told me under no certain circumstances was he doing vet duty. If I wanted a dog, I was going to have to bring her. This time I was afraid there was something seriously wrong with her. I didn't want to go. ( She will be fine, eventually, she just needs hormones.. Barney has been comparing our hormonal dog and me to anyone who will listen all week).
Then there was the lecture during the spanking...Heck the spanking itself. He normally NEVER arranges the circumstances to be in our favour for R/A or even punishment. He did this week. His lecture was staggered and short, but it was definitely there. He also informed me that he is STILL waiting for me to apologize and that he intended for this spanking to help me get in the right frame of mind to feel like it wasn't forced.
This week, I walked upstream to rushing water
When what I should have done, was stay put. Stay where Barney could easily find me. Stay in the calm shallow water
Because you see, in the calm water, you can see the where to place your foot. There is no fear of being washed away. Sure your foot may sink a bit. That is normal. The most important thing about the calm, shallow water is it is generally clear. You can pick out small details under the surface.
In the right circumstances, you can pan for gold. The nuggets might not be huge, but they are there nonetheless. If you are willing to look you can see them
Some people see their gold nuggets right away. Some of us have to squint. Regardless the value is still the same.