Friday, April 19, 2013

The End of Spanking in Bedrock?

 After reading my last post, you might have thought, it could be our swan song.  We would pop back in to mention a few things here and there, but of course if you live ttwd you know THAT doesn't usually happen :)  What happened next really threw both Barney and I for a loop.



Life was and is good.  We have become remarkably close.  I don't know if I have mentioned this publicly or not, but I have never been known as a snuggler, a cuddler, a 'please come in and invade my personal space' kind of girl.  This has been changing over the past few weeks.  We are reaping the benefits of this life.  For those who are new, and reading, ( but never comparing *wink*)  Barney isn't all HoHy.  He is still in a suggestion state.  I am constantly asking, but that is okay, because he is doing it his way.  Dipping his toe in the water.

One thing that has been somewhat consistent around here..(.okay who am I kidding...lol).  We pretty much only spank ( we? ) for r/a which for us means as a couple reconnection appointment.  We have had some interesting 'discussion' as of late as to why I need this more lately.  Bridge crossed.  Then we discussed how it helps me and us stay closer together.  Bridge crossed. 

This past week, we had a slip up.  Barney did not perform r/a when I thought he said he was going to.  A surprise  miscommunication.  HUGE blow up over that.  Once again it was concluded that merely communication over his thoughts would have been enough to stop the further backward slide.  In a moment of frustration he declared, rather curtly,

" Fine.  Tonight when I get home!"

" Oh yes because night time works out Soooooooooooo well for us!  We connect so well.  Works wonders for ME!"

" Tuesday and Thursday.  Before I go to work! "

" Fine"

And he left for work.  I felt horrible about the entire 'conversation' .  Of course there is the 'guilt' of needing to be reconnected so often.  For being so needy.  But I couldn't help but feel bad about the way the entire day had 'played' out.  In my defence, I was lead to believe the night before that "it would be dealt with " the next day.  All day, I was anxious, and as time approached rapidly for him to leave for work, the pressure valve was released.    That being said, I so desperately wished I could have held my emotions back and had a more grounded conversation.

All day I just wanted to fall into his arms and tell him how sorry I was.  When he came home from work, those feelings disappeared.  We had a somewhat tense but good discussion.  He said he hate days like ' today'.  He said it was his fault for not listening to me, and once again not communicating to me.  He said he felt like he failed me when I communicated to him, and promised that tomorrow would be different.

The next day was different.  He still took a while to approach me,  but came to me and said,

 " I haven't forgotten about you don't worry.  Okay? "

Flash forward to r/a.  It was very unusual. There wasn't much "Oomph in it"  and it lasted all of about 10 minutes!  Ten minutes...this is me marathon girl...Thick skull girl.  Great Wall of China girl!  Ten minutes????


 
 
 
 


After, he pulled me back up into his arms to cuddle.  Instead of his marshmallow wife....okay or at least a hint of the pre-thaw he was met with this 'girl'



He started to talk and rub my arm.  My arms were crossed.  I was left confused and in an angry phase after this 'spanking'.

" How are you?"

"Fine"

" That doesn't sound very convincing"

" Fine does not have to be convincing.  Fine is Fine.  GOOD- that is to be convincing.  I am FINE"

He mentioned that sometimes it is not easy to " pick up an implement and strike my wife".  He said that he knows that     need this.  There were a few other things he said.  Basically I felt like we were back at the beginning.  The feeling like I was a burden. A chore.  Something he had to do for ME, not for us.  Not for the benefits of our relationship.  I was so hurt.  I had become something to 'do'.  Alone in this.  If it wasn't for me, and my twisted 'need' that we wouldn't be doing this ttwd.  It held no benefit for him.   I redressed and left his side.

He followed me into the kitchen.  One good thing about hurt/ anger...I get a LOT of things accomplished!  As I violently chopped veggies for stew, he tried to explain that which he didn't understand himself.

Over and over again I said, " I don't understand.  You know it works.  You have seen how good things are.  Why? "

" I don't know!  Don't you think I wish I knew?  I know it works.  I like where we are.  I just don't know? I wish I had some emotion to follow through.  But I don't"

( serious discussion, but I can't pass up the opportunity to remind you all...no emotion behind the spanking because his wife......)


* wink *
 
 
 
 
Well this seemed to be a major road block.  How can we do ttwd, when an HoH refuses to find it in him to spank his wife?  Yes, there are other methods out there, but we both agreed earlier on that for us it is the intimacy of the spanking that brings us closer.  I suggested that we stop then.  I mean I am not going to be constantly 'hurt' if he is indecisive about this.  I couldn't ride this roller coaster.  There were so many long pauses in this conversation. 
 
 The clock indicated that he was now late for work.  He disappeared with the phone, ( pretty sure he wasn't too specific as to why he was going to be late).  When he returned,
 
" I know you are in the middle of something , but when you get to a point that you can stop, I want to you join me upstairs." 
 
My back was turned to him, but an unintended smile crossed my face.  Don't misunderstand this was nothing to do with a 'victory', I just like our new life, our closeness and I didn't want to loose it.  I practically flew up the stairs.  He was propped up against the headboard when I entered our room.
 
" Are you sure about this?  I mean an hour and a half ago you 'didn't have it in you' "
 
" Let's just say I found my conviction.  Come here"
 
He found his conviction alright !  Yeouch.  I asked him after when I was curled up in his arms, if he was okay, and what changed.
 
" I knew I couldn't leave us in that place.  I wasn't going to let us down again.  I had to find my conviction, and that was it.  I think I need to start thinking of this as role affirmation now, not reconnection.  While over my lap is a good place for you to discuss your emotions and insecurities, it isn't the place for me to tell you mine"
 
" But you will still share them with me right?  Just not when I am there? "
 
" Yes"
 
He left for work..........later.  I was discussing this with a friend and she had a theory based on her own experience.  He had a difficult time spanking me BECAUSE we are so much closer now.  That, how did she say her husband put it? - " His button to chastise switched over to cherish" ...not exactly how she worded it, but meh...lol. ' Even though, he knows this tool works in your marriage, he is having conflicting emotions now when it comes to 'hurting' his wife, even if it beneficial'.
 
Things started to make more sense to me now.  Barney's odd wording..." Strike my wife". He has never used that term.  The reason that he couldn't do it anymore, even though he knew it worked.  He was deflecting onto me, that * I * was the one solely that required this.  Absolving himself .
 
Later in the afternoon I was talking to another Dd wife.  She too said it happened a few months 'in' with her husband.  " Urgh...why doesn't anyone talk about this???"
 
" Well I don't know, I wasn't blogging back then"
 
" Oh...lol "
 
Both agreed it was a very, very difficult time in their Dd relationships.  One of the women had thought the same as I did, that our husbands thought - we have arrived, or at the very least it was now time to coast.  There was a great deal of 'persevering ' for both the husband and wife with both couples.  I couldn't wait to discuss this with Barney.
 
 
We did discuss it the next day.  He said he thought it was a distinct possibility that this was happening with him too.  He found conviction the previous day because he couldn't let our new life slip away from us.  I was concerned about our next r/a session if it were going to happen again.  He teased that I could just misbehave and give him a reason ( if only there were more angel pictures on the Internet!).
 
Well yesterday we had r/a again. He made if through with flying colours. LOL..I did give him a little incentive during ...
 
 He was once again complaining about a sore shoulder, and saying how out of shape he realizes he is whenever he spanks me.
 
" Oh I feel for ya...I really do "  giggle
 
WHACK ! WHACK!
 
" Are you seriously sassing me in this position? "
 
" Maybe..." more giggles
 
" Seriously I can't believe you are being a Sassy Pants while I am spanking you"
 
"More like a Sassy NO  Pants"  I amused myself with that one...outburst of uncontrollable laughter...until
 
A smack storm blew in from the south! 
 
 Huh?  Who would have thought that poking the bear in that position would result in THAT.  But conviction found!  lol 
 
 I actually was discussing my reaction to yesterday's spanking with a friend.  I told her that twice during, I just wilted, not crying, but my body. I literally almost fell asleep DURING while seeing white.  She said she thinks that I was experiencing what they call Subspace.   I didn't feel a thing.  Barney immediately stopped asked first if I was crying and then if I was sleeping.  He then continued, and it happened once more.  So odd.  So very odd.  He ended the spanking after the second incident.
 
So there you have it.  Spanking crisis averted?  Not sure.  But I thought I'd better share our experience in case this happens in your house too.  As for the Subspace thing?  NO clue. 
 
 
 
 

49 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness. I'm so glad to see things worked out! I'm also glad that you wrote about this common issue.
    I guess we all have a tendency to not talk about things. Like why did no one ever tell me about night sweats? Or how the phrase "sick and tired" came about because as you get older, you can actually be so tired you feel sick to your stomach? So many things...
    Your post title had me worried! I'm glad it's all worked out. (((hugs)))

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    1. Thanks LM,

      Since posting this I have heard more and more about both topics here in the comment section, in chat and in emails. I don' think they are taboo just that no one thinks to mention them. I credit the knowledge of my friend that got us past this hump faster than maybe we would have on our own. At the very least it started a dialog between us beyond...Why? I don't understand.

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  2. Hi there Willie! :)

    I'm glad that Barney seems to have found his groove with spanking you. Honestly Willie, it must be very difficult for these guys to get in there and like Barney said, "Strike" their wives at first. It all depends on everyone's circumstance and background and personalities, how readily they take to it, ya know? Rob seems to have had no problem once he got started, but he stops in his tracks when the bruises appear. They love us. They see the closeness that it brings and there is the incentive to get going/keep going. Once they get used to it I would imagine it is a whole new ball game! So now you are feeling like cuddling- which is fantastic!!! That will be even more incentive for Barney to keep it up, right? Good for you! I am proud of you!!! :)

    As for what you describe in the end, it does sound to me like subspace. I have never been there but I have done plenty of reading and it has been described in that way. Others who have experienced that will be more helpful there!

    Hugs to you both!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Well Katie I don't mean to disillusion you, but Barney has never had an issue spanking for r/a, even commenting on missing it when we were away, so it could still happen. I have heard from lots of other women since writing this post, that even their spanko husbands have encountered this, some more than once.

      However, knowledge is power, so perhaps if you find yourself in a similar situation ( but hopefully not) you will be able to set both your minds at ease faster :)

      :O) willie

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  3. What can I say, Willie...I'm constantly amazed and confounded by the adventure and the drama at your house. I shake my head at both of you as I read. Being myself a man who would take great pleasure in dealing out the kind of thing you need, I'm often dumbfounded at Barney. But I'm starting to get the feeling that you can be a difficult woman to handle—you think? Just a little demanding and unpredictable, maybe? Would intense be the right word? :)

    Anyway, I can't stop reading. It's like watching a series of train wrecks in which no one is seriously hurt (and I mean that in the nicest possible way). Very sincerely, though, I hope you know that if you are ever in real trouble or emotional pain, I and the many other friends you've made in blogland will be here for you. So please forgive my amused, bemused, possibly not very helpful remarks.

    Love,
    Kevan

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    1. Huh...not sure what to say here Kevan

      Barney wanted me to point out ( yay for me) that he wouldn't consider me difficult or 'demanding'....nothing on unpredictable or intense. He did add, sassy, and animated.

      As for myself, I chose just to read your second last sentence. *wink*

      love willie

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  4. Willie,
    We are going through this exact same thing! Thank you so much for sharing. I was really starting to think he wanted to quit or something as he is being so gentle.
    Bea

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    1. Hi Bea

      I hope you will be able to work this out between the two of you. Barney found his conviction the same day, but I am not sure what would have happened the next time if we didn't discuss it at length again.

      Good luck!
      willie

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  5. Life is so complicated sometimes...in my head I picture it and it is so easy...but then I remember we are working together as a couple so its not just my picture, my thoughts, my ideas...I have no advice to share but I wanted to say thank-you for sharing your process in such an honest way... Hugs, Terps

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    1. It certainly is complicated. The issue becomes emotions a great deal of the time I find. In the past it has been obviously mine, but when his come into play it further complicates things...I mean, how DARE he feel? lol

      Well thank you for reading our process...and always offering words of support Terps! It is much appreciated.

      willie

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  6. I think there may be some inspiration coming in the mail for Barney. Men like new toys.....

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    1. HONESTLY!!! You are MIA on my blog forever and THIS is your return comment? I happen to pick up the mail, so we shall 'see' if Barney gets a new toy or not.

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  7. Willie, you guys are like a twin-engine airplane flying across the sky. You are one engine and Barney is the other. Each engine is working towards the same goal of arriving at the destination and when both are running at the same RPM all is smooth sailing. However, if one engine is running at a little different speed they get out of sync. Although both engines are still working towards the same goal, when out of sync, the harmonious duo is transformed into an annoying pulsing sound. Gratefully, after a little adjustment the problem is corrected and both engines are once again in sync with each other and all is well.

    May all your journeys together be in-sync! Have a blessed day.

    George

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    1. Thanks George. I guess that will teach me to inspire a pilot by putting a plane photo first on my blog~! ~wink~

      willie

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  8. First of all, I keep meaning to say how much I like the new blog look! I'm a little jealous. :) So cute. :) Second... I have the same problems with the Duke right now... I have thought about blogging about it, but other topics keep coming up. And I guess a part of me is afraid of admitting it out loud, making it more real. Because of all this inconsistency, we are doing our first bootcamp next weekend. I really hope this helps. See, ten minutes has never happened for us, that I know of, and I know at times I need that, but the Duke always says before then that I've had enough, even if I'm not in the right frame of mind.

    I am so glad that Barney found his conviction! I can see your smile all the way over here. :) You know, it's one step at a time, sometimes forced, sometimes fought for with all we have, but as long as we keep stepping forward, we're getting to the life we want. :) Not always the same as everyone else, but stil, we're getting there. :)

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    1. Yes Es May one step in front of the other. YOU must find your words to explain to Duke what you believe you need or desire. At the start of all of this with Barney and myself, I had to regularly push him outside of his comfort zone when it came to spanking length and severity. Ultimately it is still his decision, but at the start, and even now sometimes we discuss our r/a spankings. How effective they were at reaching me. I hope between the two of you you can find the words.

      Thank you for complimenting my blog. Emi helped me find the site. I just love it! and it was so simple to do :)

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  9. Hey there Miss Willie,

    I'm glad Barney found his conviction. Maybe you should stop being such an angel... oh wait... :D This "transition" period from struggling to hitting (pun intended) your stride is often difficult. I know the feeling of not wanting to feel like a burden, because you need it so much. Bucko and I often have a hard time when we can't get to R/A as often as we'd like to. Keep talking and keep working on it. It's hard to feel out of sorts, but the end result is worth the trouble. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

    Love and hugs,
    TL

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    1. CRUMB!!! I had this HUGE comment typed out and urgh!

      Anyway, I wouldn't say we have hit a stride, or even would know what that will look like for us. But I do believe we are not struggling ( * at the moment *) anymore so that is something!

      The biggest change that has helped, aside from very regular r/a sessions is the fact that Barney will now tell me when our next session will be. This might not be for everyone, but for me it is a huge stress reliever, knowing that he is active, and isn't going to allow me to flap in the breeze. For him, he finds that he holds strong his plan of r/a. No excuses to skip it when 'it is out there' now .

      love willie

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  10. Wow this post sort of made me smile ;)

    You guys are getting there and I'm glad you're communicating, which ever way works for you guys. You have found what works and now it's just about keeping on the path and communicating your needs to each other. I have faith in you.

    But you really could help the poor guy by giving him a good enough reason to spank you, that halo needs to slip a little bit sometimes, look at me, I just take mine off so hubs has a good reason to roast my bum lol

    Seriously though you're getting there, keep it up x

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    1. Bwahahaa....I'm glad we 'sort of made' you smile!

      I'm not so sure about removing the halo. I mean it has happened *on the rare occasion* and Barney seems shell shocked! ~wink~

      love, willie

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  11. Look at me commenting here....don't die of shock or anything (ha!)

    But yes, I do remember very well that this happened to Ryan and I....well I remembered after talking to you about it. It was a very frustrating time...and one of those moments when I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole ugly mess! It seemed just as we were half way hitting a stride....he stopped or became conflicted about the whole thing....and I was screaming in my head! ugh! It was bad....

    I am glad you blogged about it, because honestly, just because it hasn't happened to someone reading...it may very well, and they need to know....that it does not mean ttwd is dead in the water. There are always ways to bring it back to life :)

    Love ya....

    ~Lucy

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    1. Yes it is ALL about YOU

      Well talking to you on the phone that day after Barney left for work, was a huge relief that you too had experienced what our friend had as well. It gave me a sigh of relief, that perhaps things were going to be okay. (Mind you my burning bum could have told me that too!)

      I don't know how many people read here, but if it helps just a few that would be great. That is the point of sharing right?

      Dead in the water. I should have posted a picture of a defibrillator or that CPR dummy . Oh well NEXT time! lol

      love ya too...

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  12. Well, I just think this is beautiful. Lately when I read your posts, I feel like a big momma bird proudly watching how well her little one can fly. :) You know that I think you and Barney are making this two completely your own and I am so proud.
    Keep your second toe under control and I will do the same - it will all be good.
    hugs and love
    lillie

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    1. Awwwwwww, you are so sweet. Flip side of the coin, I can't help but picture Ian throwing this little bird from the nest and saying, " Just fly willie" LOL

      As for the toe thing, do you thing that if we have cosmetic surgery, it will fix the attitude too?

      love back, willie

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  13. I loved this post....And it's true I have not read anything about this. Brice and I had a similar situation recently, as you know, where he couldn't spank because he felt he was too angry and then couldn't spank the next day, because he was over it.

    This is crazy stuff!

    Love ya,
    Betsy;)

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    1. Um, *my* post was about Barney not being able to spank me now because I was too sweet....okay so maybe I am paraphrasing a tad :)

      Perhaps if he looses incentive again, I'll ' pull a Betsy ' to give him some :)

      Love ya!

      willie

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  14. I think my Hoh is going through this.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that Tiffany. It isn't much fun. Hopefully you can talk it out and have similar results to us at the moment. I was warned that it can happen time and time again with our men too.

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  15. Morning Willie - Sassy no pants LoL How is your Sunday morning Coffee?

    I am happy and proud of you both reading this. You hit a road block but you worked through it. Barney took action to ensure you wouldn't remain at odds with each other. That is wonderful, this wouldn't have been resolved so quickly not so long ago. We all hit road blocks from time to time but what is important is how we handle it and move forward.

    I'm loving reading here now and watching your journey. You guys are making great strides and making ttwd your own.

    I think we went through the same thing here early on too. However, in our case anyway, Rick started to see the 'bigger picture' and realised that the discipline, spankings, RA etc are all a part of the package and are ALL part of the reason for the closeness we have and the necessity to maintain those things in order to maintain the dynamic and the benefits.

    Love and Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Wait. What? You love reading here *NOW* ? Like you didn't before? You were just tolerating us???? LOL

      Thanks Roz, I hesitate to say we are in a comfortable place right now. A place where if 'nothing' appears to be 'happening' that is okay. The speedier resolution to road blocks are so comforting! I hope this doesn't change.

      I like your last Paragraph I think that is very important to remember.

      love willie

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  16. It seems like there will be no stopping Barney now! I'm glad to hear that everything is working out so well for you.

    Hugs

    Ami

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    1. Ah well Ami, I've read enough to see, I'm not sure if that comment is correct. :) For now things are good.

      Hugs back,

      willie

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  17. Hi friend! I'm with Kevan, who made me laugh haartily...:)...you are a handful and Barney has his work cut out for him. You are also seriously stubborn, as is your husband and in these moments of commitment where you are both ready to keep working at this, stubbornness is your best friend b/c you have shown that you will not give up on each other. As usual, I'm pretty stinking proud of you guys and MM sends more fist bumps. It was a hard hurdle for us too.

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  18. Oh you are with Kevan alright, right OFF my Christmas card list!

    AS for MM, he can keep his HoHy hands to himself...wink.

    Thanks for your help through all of this. It would have been so much more difficult without some direction.

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  19. Wilma and Barney,
    I am very happy that you got your groove back:)
    Love,
    Bea

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    1. Oh yes that is us Bea....*G*R*O*O*V*Y* ! ~wink~

      love, willie

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  20. What a great post. What stands out to me is the communication you waded through, successfully, to progress. This is messy stuff,and I guess I'd just say to EXPECT the unexpected.

    I cannot relate to a lot of this, as my husband has never thought I was too sweet to spank. I wish! But it's a good topic to touch on, and open up all of this important discussion. Gotta love blogland :)

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  21. Thanks Stormy, and may I say welcome back Vacation Barbie!

    As for the too sweet to spank thing, um, I may have put words in Barney's mouth/thoughts there? lol

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  22. Glad things are better in Bedrock! The question I have is how you are currently leaning on sassing when in "that" postion...yes or no?

    Happy hugs to you and Barney.

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    1. Well Cygnet I guess to answer your question...if the sassy is present it is going to come out, no matter where. It was playful sass. Fear not. Barney was laughing.

      Thanks for the hugs..back at ya
      willie

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  23. My guy went through this too. In fact, even though we've been doing this lifestyle for three years in August, he still does this pendulum swing where he goes from HOH-y to extremely hating to be the bad guy. Not as much as he did in the beginning, but it's still there. And part of it is, yeah, I am a handful. I'm in trouble ALL the time, wish I wasn't, but that's how it is. And I hate that burden feeling. It makes me blame myself, because I hate that he has to do it in the first place. Jay reminded me yesterday though that it's always about me. It's just sometimes hard for them. And we think we've got it bad, being on the receiving end, but the truth is I could never be an HOH, having to administer it (okay maybe once or twice, hee hee, but never on a regular basis). Our guys have a super hard job and they need our encouragement too. Especially when they're still learning and adjusting to their role. Don't expect this not to happen again, it's part of the process. You both are learning and growing. Just be sure to communicate and work through it together. And when he has those sudden growth spurts, don't complain, enjoy what you asked for, ha! ;)

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    1. Well Welcome Kay!

      So almost 3 years huh? And you are still a handful? I think we could easily be friends *wink*

      Yes I was warned that this may happen again. I am hoping that the communication will be there when it does. Just when we think we are strong in our communication skills, some new thing pops up and we, okay ..I revert back to my old style, which is not at all. Barney for the most part still isn't a huge communicator but he is working at it, and now in difficult times, HE is the better one at it than I. Where was I going with this? LOL oh ironically communication- I find it very difficult to communicate when struggling to Barney, and even more so if he is also struggling. I know we want strength from our men, and they try to deliver, but it is often difficult to remember they are 'human' too...lol.. With feelings and insecurities of their own. And just like us sometimes they don't know right off the bat what the issue is either. Thankfully I have Bossing Caring Friends to tell me LOL

      willie

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  24. willie

    I cried when it looked like Barney was going to go to work, and leave you in a not so good place. I'm so happy he spent a little more time, and that you got the spanking that you needed.

    Long time lurker
    Jodi

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    1. OMGosh how did I miss this comment. I am so sorry Jodi! Welcome!!

      I'm not normally this rude I promise. So did it sound as funny writing " I'm so happy............you got the spanking that you needed" ? as it was reading it, and then discovering that it wasn't an odd comment?

      You are sweet to empathize with my plight that day. I hope it is not because you have been there.

      Please don't go back in the lurker closet, because I missed your comment!
      willie

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  25. Well better late than never! I think it is so important to communicate our needs. It becomes difficult when layers need to be peeled away to access the problems. Then when the HOH feels like they cannot strike the TIH....well another fear/layer to filter. This lifestyle is complicated, and always changing. I am happy that you both were able to get to the root of the issues and leap over the obstacles.

    Now I am really giggling...just a bit about you being an Angel. I do thing Kevin may have hit upon some 'truths.' Are you just a tiny bit mischievous?

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    1. You giveth and you taketh away Minelle! Sheesh....I am so angelic that the glow from my halo blinded my computer screen and I didn't see this comment until May!

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  26. i loved this post, and needed a good laugh today! i'm sorry i was late to the party, willie. we're in the middle of a move and haven't had a lot of time... but i will make time this week to catch up on your posts! hugs to you, m.

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    1. Fashionably late darling! You are moving already? I thought you were building a house?

      I look forward to seeing you around more!

      hugs, willie

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