Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Yup that is how I am feeling.  I have actually felt like this longer than I'd like to admit.  I feel like we are frauds.  I feel like we say we are living ttwd of lifestyle and yet if one were to examine it, I'd highly doubt we would qualify.  Yes I know ttwd means this thing WE do.  But it really doesn't often appear that WE are doing anything.  Oh sure I get spanked, but for any reason?  No not really.  For reset I suppose.  But the communication we started to build on is completely gone.  Barney no longer asks if I have written anything on my blog.  I seem to stop 'trying' so often now.   I really have never had a husband who is an HoH.  At least not longer than a few days. 

I often say, the key is falling down seven times getting up eight to others.  I really do mean it, only I don't know if after falling down the eighth time I have desire enough to get back up nine.  Don't get me wrong, our lives aren't falling apart around us.  We are not fighting.  Life really isn't getting in the way.  Barney is still in control of most things around here.  We have just fallen back into our old relationship ways.  Him doing his thing, me do mine.  Neither one of us doing our thing.  The worst part about that, I no longer sit and crave his attention anymore.  We really do seem to be 'apart' in the same house again. 

Sure a lot of it was going away by myself a couple of weeks ago, and then not being reconnected when we came back before heading out as a family again.  But if I am going to be honest, we aren't reconnecting like we used to after we've had our Reconnection Appointments.  Time and time again we have talked about bringing ttwd more into the forefront.  I don't know, it sure seems like it is never going to happen.   I have tried being the 'perfect' submissive wife, even though now I am not even sure what that is within these four walls.  The thing is, it doesn't really appear to matter.  Sure Barney is happy but he says he wasn't unhappy before.  I was.  Was I unhappy with my husband? NO .  He is a great guy.  I was and am unhappy with my feelings, or lack there of.  With the way we interact with each other.  Independent of each other. 

I know those of you who started out with us many months and months ago, ( thank you btw for those of you who decided to stick around) you have heard this from me more often than not.  This story of Weepy Willie Woe.  Each time it appears to get worse.  Each time the clawing back to where it was good seems so difficult. One would assume that it would be easier as  time goes on- that you establish a rhythm and you stumble and no matter how hard it is at the time, once you are 'right' together again, it is RIGHT, until the next time you stumble again.  As time goes on the stumbling happens less frequently, and then you write those wonderful posts that ttwd is just in your life now and you no longer think about it anymore.  Thankfully for many of you that is true.  I highly doubt that you will ever see that post penned by me.

So what was the catalyst for this tear fest?  Many things I believe.  The old comparing yourself to others, but admit it, it is difficult NOT to if you are not in the ' ttwd is just part of our lives' stage of your relationship.  Over the past few months, I have ( happily) witnessed women becoming fully TiH by their husbands.  Not 'just' women who started after us, but women whose husbands said they would NEVER do ttwd.  It does become very discouraging, when you have a husband who was on board from the start ( tentatively) and you are still in the starting stalls.

 Actually I don't feel like we are even in the starting stalls anymore. If we are, our jockey is missing.

 Wait that was me a little while ago.  Finding hurdles within myself and trying to jump them. I am more like this now,

wild, no saddle, or bridle to rein me in, yet no passion.  Alone, longing perhaps to run with other 'wild' horses, but no ability to do that either.

I can pretty much predict what will happen if Barney ever reads this post.  He will get frustrated ( with himself).  He will spank me, as a means to reconnect. I will sit gingerly for a couple of days, if he gets back to his old spanky self.  He will mention that he needs to pick things up, not just spanking me, and most likely we will be right back here again in a week or so.  I know, you are going to say that I should give up before it begins, but lets be honest, and call a spade a spade.  Reapplying THIS

constantly to this

isn't working.  Yet that is what we continually seem to be doing here.

There has been some (hopefully not fantasy) talk about a get together with a couple of ttwd couples in several months from now.  Last night as I 'listened' to them chat,  I couldn't help but wonder what 'lap' we would be in during our horse race that is ttwd.  Would we even be doing ttwd then?  Would I still be eating grass out in the field alone, no jockey in sight? 

 Would I still feel like a fraud?

Friday, May 24, 2013

Mocking and Venomous Vent

For those of you who didn't know, ( or notice, that hurts! lol) I was away for 6 glorious days!  No I wasn't on the beach, and I wasn't needing a vacation from the 'men' of my house, BUT I did get to visit family.  I LOVE my family.  I live a long enough journey away from them that  I don't usually venture North to visit over the winter months...easy - Canada is NOT like this where I live

It can however look like this at times
Right, back to my family.  I was visiting not one but 4 women in my family, ( and 2 'little' women).  What could possibly go wrong there?  I was given only one 'rule' to follow, which of course I did.  I know dream big Willie.  It is just that, well maybe my sassiness factor might have been super charged due to all the face time I had with like DNA. 
I did have a semi eventful journey home, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't that bad.  I was happy to be home with my men -even if Barney hadn't figured out what we were going to eat! lol.  A gourmet dinner of hotdogs fresh from the freezer it was, ( not even sure if you have to freeze wieners ?). I was informed in bed that night, two things 1) he missed my bum~ okay this is odd to me because unlike a lot of your men out there Barney doesn't smack, pat, grope, flick,  or even acknowledge that I have a bum outside of our bedroom and 2) that we were going to be reacquainted the next day.  ..( let me apologize in advance here for those who have 'heard' me rant about his choice of words already)...
~ Prelude to a Spanking~
 I was laying in bed with my HoH.  He had made some comment about missing my bum...pfft.  (Remember he NEVER touches it outside of the bedroom).   I do believe I might have made that sound.  Um, I did not my bum.  Anyway, he then said,
" Well tomorrow we shall have a "reacquaintance' session."  Now just what the heck kind of R is that for R/A?  I've heard of reset, reconnection, role affirmation ...never reacquaintance . Is that even a word? I mean my spell check says NO.  WHO is actually getting reacquainted anyway?   How is HE going to be reacquainted exactly???  I think I am going to be the only one being reacquainted...with the paddle, reacquainted with the Arnica Gel, reacquainted with a tender tooshie. I suppose he is going to become reacquainted with his wife's sassy comments otk, Perhaps his spanker shoulder pain?
  I said something to the effect of , " Well you can try to ease me back 'in' to it if you want".  I also mentioned something about remembering to print a picture off of the internet of this actor I find rather, yummy and taping it to the spot on the floor where I usually stare when getting spanked.
 ~ Sassy No Pants gets Spanked oops sorry Reacquainted ~
 The next morning, when I was due to be 'reacquainted' I slipped on my "good girl' undies, literally-they are even bedazzled.
Um same undies, pretty sure they don't LOOK the same on me!
  I got into postion, he looked down and  laughed. 
Oh they were a set", ( he's seen the bad girl ones already).  "I better take these off they are distracting me." ( he chuckled again and mumbled "good girl" in a mocking fashionThe nerve!) He asked me if I was indeed a good girl while I was away...Ohhhhhhhhh sure 5 women who share DNA with me, we were all perfect angels!  I calmly questioned how I couldn't I be?  ( insert eye roll) Actually I drank LESS than my daily allotment of wine ( did you know you could attend a fondue and NOT have a screaming headache the next day?  Me either!)

He then began to rub my bottom.  I did mention I was gone for 6 days right?  So he was rubbing away.  Finally, I looked back and said,
" I'm not a magic lamp you know? You aren't going to get 3 wishes by rubbing me so much"
(I too found it odd that he dug out his MC Hammer pants for my re acquaintance meeting- probably didn't do laundry while I was away.)
He laughed and made some comment about being in control here and not needing 3 wishes...pfft.  Anyway back to rubbing and then he sarcastically said,
" I wish............  I wish you weren't such a smart ass "  we both burst out laughing
So off to the races he went.  After a while I said,
  "You know I really should tape a picture of ( hot actor dude) down here, that way I won't notice all the dog hair on the bedroom floor"
" Well you should really vacuum" Options
" I just got home LAST night." ( spanking still going on at this point) " Clearly that fell under your duties while I was away for a week. I think we should discuss how you are not doing your chores"
To which I heard some sort of

" Oh my God you are SO sassy" followed by  
"Honestly? Why do you do this to me titanium butt?"
 Even though I was spanked with a brush and bath brush, well I could have spanked harder with a feather! He claimed that my back end looked 'awful' ( wait just a minute, I was assuming he was talking about my skin colouring back there!) so he said enough.
He said something about nothing now until next Tuesday? ( We are going away with the boys to a cottage for the weekend but this was days before that)  I mean HOW on earth are we going to manage summer vacation? The boys will be around forever.  Before I got up I said..." Sweet! I'm free" in reference to being preplanned spank free until a week from now.
After, and I wasn't in a bad mood before, and honestly he didn't leave me in an angry mood either,( he didn't even get me to that point) I started to notice things that irked me:

He said that he still has to change the tires on the van...GRRRR...I needed the van  the following 2 days, WHY didn't he do that earlier?

I had asked him to check on something I knew we needed for this weekend, which he didn't do until I reminded him THAT then he had to go get THAT too

NO milk ....which he apparently knew about the day before.

On his way out for the day to see about all of the things that weren't done he noticed he left the door unlocked on the van over night and someone went through it. Fortunately nothing important was taken just  some change.
STILL....ARGH!!!! After he left I noticed a form that he and our oldest son were going to fill out last week was still sitting on the dining room table!!
Honestly!  Lead me fearless Leader!!!

Since I wrote this ( actually a venom releasing email, I'm sure you  know to who by now) The van tires have been changed.  I have a place to sleep this weekend ( that was the THING he was supposed to check on) .  We are starting to build up our ashtray of change again.  The milk? Well we probably need more again, but he did go buy some.  And the form? Still there.
I have no idea why I 'turned' on Barney- silently in my head.  I was okay after I composed my email of venomous venting,

 (btw the email I received back in response to this vent, SO WON the commiseration 'competition'
I still feel sassy and testing-like.  Example tonight after dinner, Barney was cleaning the kitchen, ( that is our thing, I cook,he cleans) I sat at the kitchen island  painting my toe nails.  Wait that sounds horrid. Get that visual out of your head.  I was in a chair at the island, feet no where NEAR the counter.  Barney bent down to put something away in the pantry, and I put my foot near him, (okay in his face) and jokingly commanded

(not my foot)


( yeah I should have known better than to say blow to a man!).

Monday, May 20, 2013

Past, Present or Future~ Never Taken For Granted

Disclaimer, this post was written with a 3 month Angel in my arms, if it doesn't flow...that is my excuse!

I like many of you 'out there' was a lurker for quite sometime before I delurked.  I believe the first blog I actually delurked on was Stormy's.  She was very kind when she responded to my first comment.  I even remember the post I commented on.  As time went on I began to comment on a more blogs.  Before I started to blog, and even before we started ttwd I had reached out to a blogger.  Over time we have become friends.  This blogger and her husband have been there supporting, advising and even chastising ( wink ) me and us along the way.  Soon after I began to blog, another blogger and I quickly became good friends, she too has been there every step of our process.  Her husband..well he's fun to tease! (wink).  I had many great commenters over that first month, and so many more since then.  About 3 weeks in, another close friendship began to form.  Once again, this blogger and her husband have been there 'helping' along the way.  Trust me when I tell you these 3 women, with occasional back up from their husbands have had a full time job 'helping' me for these past almost 9 months!  They even tag team ( virtually) behind my back- talking me back from the edge over and over again.

By Christmastime of last year my little circle of friends had grown!  It reminds me of the Inch Worm Song.  " Two and two are four. Four and four are eight.  Eight and eight are sixteen. Sixteen and sixteen are thirty-two..."  So many people, so much support, so many fantastic friends have emerged from blogging. For this very reason I cannot possibly pick just 10 people to nominate for an Inspirational Blogger Award.  I do feel very honoured and humbled, shocked and confused by my nominations from Minelle, Ami, Viola and Quiet Sara.  Two of you have been friends forever it seems, and two of you I am so looking forward to our blooming friendship. 

I'm putting a link here to an older post I wrote, because it really does sum up perfectly how I feel about this community.

 Whether you are in a Dd relationship or not:whether we've been friends forever, or whether we no longer find each other anymore, please know that you all have touched me in some positive way.  If you are new to blogging I hope that you are able to feel the amazing support this community has to offer.

Okay, useless facts about me ....

Favourite number: 2 or 3 ( why?  because visually I love the shape of those numbers)

Favourite Non Alcoholic drink:  There is such a thing?

Facebook or Twitter: Facebook.  I use it like an online photo album, and keep in touch with my family out of town through it

My passion:  Anything that gets my creative juices flowing.  Once my creative button is engaged it is like a drug, and OCD wrapped in one...I will work all hours of the day or night to perfect what I am creating.  Well creative juices..and little kids.  I LOVE little people ! and they love me. My brother says it is because I am close to the ground like them....yup loving and supportive !

Getting or Giving presents:  Giving definitely.  Although I just like to leave them behind, not be there when they open them.  I love picking things out for others but hate the awkwardness of being there when they open them. I usually 'make' Barney deliver gifts

Favourite Day.  Hands down Christmas Eve.  I love the energy, excitement and beauty of it.  There is just something about the anticipation of the next day.  I love the prep BEFORE more than the actual event.

Favourite Flower:  Daisy.  Yup the little weed that grows along the side of  a highway. They are hardy yet dainty.  They are simply beautiful and 'happy" and they can entertain children with the " He loves me, He loves me not". Although, I did tell Barney when I die, I want Gerbera Daisies on my coffin as they are vibrant and colourful. 

Favourite colour.  Well if I only could pick one, it would be yellow, preferably pale yellow. In truth though I love just about every colour and it would depend if I was wearing it or decorating with it.  If I was painting walls, I would have to take in to consideration many things before choosing the colour ( north or south facing room).  If I was decorating a cake many factors have to be taken into account because some colours taste AWFUL. As far as wearing it, well lets just say fuchsia and red are NOT my friends. So I'll just stick with pale yellow because it works in all those situations.

Once again I'd like to thank all of you for standing by us through our adventures in ttwd.  Your support over these 9 months has meant so much, even if you just started commenting- or if you have stopped. Every word typed in my comments section has beem greatly appreciated, and the time you took to read and comment never is taken for granted! 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The NewlyRed Game ! ( and suprisingly we are still speaking!)

Time to go back in Time and play a 'classic' game based on the American TV show The Newlywed Game.  There is a twist, some questions are ttwd related- Hence the new name.  Without further ado ...cue cheesy music.......

Of course being somewhat Dd related we needed to rename this puppy.  Thanks to Susie over at

( Anyone can play, just copy and paste into your blogger!!)


Answer the questions in your category first ( ie wife answer questions under wife)

Don't share your answers with your spouse. Next answer the questions in your spouse's category, BUT answer how you THINK he/she will answer.


Have your spouse repeat the process, with no interference from you! Make sure they know to answer your category questions as he/she would think YOU would answer the questions!




Questions for the Wife


What would your husband say was the last thing you did, that made him give you 'the look" ?

~ shocking I know, but most likely being sassy~

Barney's answer~  swear
(this is why I rarely get 'the look' )

 What part of his body does your husband discuss the most? 

~ his feet..good grief his feet! He finds them spectacular! I mean it is not like they DO anything spectacular, like pick things up off of the floor!

Barney's answer ~ my feet



If I could burn one ( non implement ) possession of my husbands and get off Scott free it would be?

~ URGH...his WHITE running shoes! I hate them!!

Barney's answer ~laughing ...Oh my white running shoes!

 What shape would shape would your HoH say your backside is? 1) an apple 2) a pear 3) a pancake 4) never noticed...too distracted

~ I guess an apple?  but maybe an apple that has been peeled and left on the counter to dry.. personally I guess I would say pear...but I think he'll say apple...definitely NOT a pancake

Barney's answer~ " Is heart shaped in there? " ( Such a good listener my husband is...LOL.)Ah...pear ?

Nothing makes me sassier than ( blank)

 ~ well I do do some of my best sassy work otk

Barney's answer~ A glass of wine?   ( pffft...clearly he doesn't know about glasses of submission! )


If my family knew we were in a Dd relationship they would  A) be mortified B) be intrigued and ask questions C) High five my HoH, and tell him/her it was about time !

~ A) clearly....who would want to spank an angel?
Barney's answer ( rather quickly I might add) " High-5" I think the coconscious would be that...It's about time.  ( honestly don't know what he is talking about) 


When my husband does (blank) I wish I could spank my mother in law!

~leaves his stuff laying around ...grrrrrrrrr....BUT my mother in law had to be the sweetest woman on the planet....just for the record
Barney's answer~ ( clearly he thinks he's perfect because this answer took forever!) What's that thing I do when I drink that you hate?  ( urgh...Chew when you drink!  why didn't I think of that...guess I never noticed that my MIL did that too...)

When making whoopee, my husband's theme song should be A) I Will Survive B) Dancing with Myself C) Wake Me Up Before You Go Go D) Shook Me All Night Long

~ I'd say E) all of the above..

Barney's answer...Guess it would depend on the night.  DANCING WITH MYSELF   ( he said it almost in a proud manner...sheesh)

If (blank) was an Olympic sport, my husband would take the gold.

~ sleeping

Barney's answer ~ sleeping

Two words that best describe my husband are _______ and _________.


~ funny and calm
Barney's answer ~  wise ( insert willie eye roll) and ( ten minutes later.........) forgetful


 Questions for the Husbands

What should your wife's theme song be?

He better have said Angel in the Morning, by Juice Newton

Barney's answer ~ " I don't know something by Sass Jordan? "  (she's a Canadian singer from the 80s )

Finish this sentence, even before ttwd I wanted to spank my wife when she did (blank)

~  pffft..HELLO?  See answer above.  NOTE theme song.
Barney's answer~ rolled her eyes at me

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought a (blank) would be something I'd spank with

 ~ well I 'spank' Barney with all kinds of things...or try to.  Oh him?  I guess a plastic coat hanger. 
Barney's answer ~ a silicone spatula  (cupcake one...willie here...this one merely biggie)

My wife is so adorable when she ( blanks)

BREATHES!  I'm in a constant state of adorable.  pfft
Barney's answer ~ Gee there is so many occasions when you're adorable. (  I'll just put that down) Well I can't just settle on one.

If my wife never makes (blank) again for dinner, it would be too soon.

Oh tough one.  Barney never really says he dislikes anything.  If I ask he may say, 'well its not my favourite" but I can't honestly think of anything.
Barney's answer ~ That's a tough one. ( many groans ) Nothing really that I don't really like.  I can't really answer that question.  Trying to think of something maybe years ago...but...( scratches his head)  Nothing I can think of in all honesty....(SHEESH okay we get it I'm a great cook- even with all my kitchen utensils relocated to the bedroom..! Moving on)

Pick a bird to represent your wife.  What type of bird do you see yourself as?

Um being the creative guy that he is, he'd probably think of my last post and say Tweety Bird.  He SHOULD say the bald eagle for himself
 Barney's answer~  (OMG!!<- willie)  A woodpecker...bwahahaa ( suppose I should be grateful he didn't say the dunking bird from chemistry class )
Second answer ~ ( seriously snorting here ) I don't know,  a duck.  willie- "  Awhat?? why? ". 
" I don't know, I like ducks.  They are pretty quiet. NOW geese, they are loud !" ( about a minute later as I am still laughing/snorting..)." plus I like to swim...OH but not a LAME duck".  He's killing me!

 When I give my wife the 'look' often I am thinking (blank)

~ did she just say that?
Barney's answer~ she needs a good spanking.(  <- ack?  say what??? When did he mentally turn into Ian??? Well he hasn't morphed into Spanky Hands thank the Lord ....because I get 'the look' quite often.) Well I said I am THINKING it... I just don't do it.  ( good grief!)

The two words that sum up my wife are _______ and _______.

super angelic, no need for the 'and' in there!

Barney's answer~ persistent and passionate ( angels can be those too right? )

If there was NO chance of getting caught, where is one place you would like to make whoopee?

~ the 50th yard line in Giants Stadium- hopefully the play clock isn't on

Barney's ( so not creative) answer.  Our back patio...
willie..." What??? seriously?  WE have already done that!"
Barney..." Well that was in a hot tub" 

After reading my answer " Oh I thought of Giant's stadium, but I didn't think that would put you in the mood.  Oh, but the question is where *I*  like....I misinterpreted it"..(.SEE what I have to deal with. ?)
 Barney...can I change my answer?  I'll go with Giants Stadium, so from now on when I watch a game I can think of 'that'.                    (sigh)

The fireworks can stay....the people have got to go!

Aside from her bottom, what is your wife's greatest asset ?

~ her halo



Barney's answer~ " Well really its your toes"...(.I think I am going to go back under the bridge I

apparently should reside under!  Good grief!)  Ooops...sorry he mumbled.  He said " I'd rule out your toes"

"Oh there are so many to choose from.  I guess I'd go with your legs." My legs?  " or you lower back, or your ears"...MY EARS?  Yeah...they are nice to nibble on....

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I Need

  • I need to find my words
  • I need to turn to you
  • I need to know that you are there
  • I need to know you are strong
  • I need you to find me when I start to wander
  • I need you not to wait until it is too late, and then start the search

  • I need you to make me come to you
  • I need you to not to take no for an answer
  • I need you to tell and not ask
  • I need you to make me tell you what is wrong- to out stubborn me
  • I need you not to run when I choose to
  • I need for you to tell me, when I place myself over your lap to let go
  • I need you to tell me how you are in control not me
  • I need you to show me you are in control, not me
  • I need you to be 'strong' when I make myself vulnerable to you
  • I need you to act, not only react
  • I need to feel important ( I know I am)
  • I need, and so desire to feel safe, and at home in your arms
  • I need these things to keep the control monster at bay
  • I need these things because when I feel I am 'going it alone' I harden up
  • I need these things so I can allow myself to feel free to be me
  • I need these things because I struggle so often to let go, and these things seem to be the only way to allow me to do that
  • I need these things, and others may not, and for that I am sorry
  • I need these things because inside, buried behind those walls is someone who really wants to be all those things that you need