Saturday, August 17, 2013

I Refuse To Say It..even if he is right !

 
Shoot me.  Just shoot me now!  If 11 months ago you would have told me I would have agreed with this ^  HoH Dude, and his annoying adjective before the word spanking
I would have 'pffft' you!


Now, this is not to say that I haven't had thorough spankings before.  I've had countless ones.  One where I actually 'hit' subspace.  Although more than anything I think that had to do with Barney talking to me throughout it, so I couldn't drift away.  Funny how most of us need some sort of conversation to keep our mind off of the task at hand or on it- depending.  RIGHT,back to the thorough spanking thing.........

So now that our Summer of Suckiness seems to be in the rear view mirror and the RV put away, Dd/ttwd has resurfaced in the  house.  Only the house is now the house of mini spankings.  More frequently discussed, and more love taps and looks- but the spankings themselves-mini.  Stingy and mini- short.  Before the incident summer our spanking house was a mansion.

 
It had a huge floor plan that took forever to maneuver.  We never knew exactly which corridor we would end up down.  We never knew which door we'd eventually exit.  But nine times out of ten, I had been 'thoroughly' spanked.  And eventually, not always right after I felt a bit better.  NOT perfect-(aside from that subspace spanking- wow jelly like for days!)  But the anxiety was gone, the heaviness...the worry.  I wasn't spanked into submission, but with all those feelings removed the 'real' me was free to emerge.
 
Now however our Spanking Mansion is more like a place Polly Pocket could crush.
 
You open the doors, take a quick glance and then off you go again. 
 
 
So THIS is what you have chosen to whine about now Willie?  Is their no end to what you can whine about?  ~ Fair point...and NO...LOL
 
 
 
I was trying to explain to someone how to explain to our husbands why mini spankings without the Thorough one thrown in can be almost worse than none at all.  This was my first analogy.  Feel free to moan away at my analogy love...
 
 
 
Have you ever been on the Maid of the Mist?  I suppose mostly only North Americans can answer that.  It is a tour boat that takes people to the 'base' of Niagara Falls.
 
 
  Any tour boat will do for this analogy, but I am choosing this one.  Okay, so when you are about to get on the Maid of the Mist they give you these 'lovely' raincoats. (Raincoats, pfft, they are made out of the same plastic that you bag your apples in at the grocery store)
 
(this is not me...if it is you or someone you know I apologize)
 
Anyway these raincoats are a pain.  They stick to your exposed skin.  They don't breathe.  They blow around.  Generally until you get to the base of the falls they are an annoyance!  But they tell you this is what you need, so instead of waiting until you get on the boat, you put them on right away! You are eager after all.  Annoyed but you know soon it will be worth it.
 
 
 
You get over his lap on the tour boat and away you go.  Unfortunately you can feel you are moving towards the Falls where you will see and experience something spectacular, but at the moment there are way too many other blue raincoats in your way.  You now sense the Falls getting closer, and there is a break in the wall of plastic blue, picture taking, railing hogs so you catch a glimpse.  Oh yes this is why we put up with these stupid raincoats, there is going to be a mist that covers everything.  It will be refreshing and the view looks like it is going to be clear....Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, the crowd moves back, the boat doesn't turn so you get your chance it stops and backs up !  WHAT. THE.  Grrrr...
 
It would have almost been better to not have had a glimpse of the falls.  Now you are annoyed by more than just the discomfort of the stupid plastic, sweaty raincoats.  What a waste of time!  Sure you rationalize, it was a day out with the person you love.  You got to experience a bit of refreshing spray, and a tiny glimpse of the view you thought you were going to see....but mostly you are irritated. 
 
Your partner is confused.  He had a different jacket so didn't wear the raincoat.  He is a different height than you so in his travel's today, his need was fulfilled.  To him mission accomplished and can't for the life of himself figure out why you are not as content with this little trip as you should be.
 
Okay....so do the same thing next week and the week after and the week after that too.  What ends up happening is,  that little bit of annoyance that the view can't be seen becomes stronger and stronger.  We know that it isn't intentional and we try our darndest to hope that this time will be different. 
 
 
 
Maybe a better way would be for a man to understand it is like this... your wife brings you night after night to the brink of complete ecstasy and then walks away, thinking you were all good. BUT there was nothing you could do to help yourself get to that point after she leaves.
 
  Imagine your frustration? Once or twice you can handle, (maybe) but after a while it begins to grade on you.  You aren't angry with HER per say,just the situation. ( okay but just to be clear I am referring to a mental release from spankings, not the other kind...but I thought maybe some men might relate better this way).
 
Sometimes this happens from stopping too soon.  Sometimes this happens from it being too stingy, or too quick, or to hard right from the start.
 
  Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.  But almost always the end result is the same.....a frustrated wife, who may or may not have benefited from the 'experience' in a small way, but not the way everyone had hoped.   I think sometimes this is why we see women OTK more than one time in one day.  
 
 
This is what my summer has been like.  I know WHY our house of spanking is no longer a sprawling mansion at the moment.  Spankings have been mostly silent, which means stingy, because the kids are here more often and Barney is so fearful of injuring me.  More so than he was when we first started ttwd.  We will work through it, but part of me is saying...WHAT about what this is doing to my heartset?  
 
Before the summer Barney would look into my face and ask me if I was 'done'.  If I felt better.  Never once did I not tell the truth ( yeah, yeah goodie for you willie).  I hope he soon returns to that method, because it didn't take long before he started to judge on his own.  The issue with that was, when the accident happened it was me who said I wasn't done...so he continued- against his better judgement. I
 think he doesn't trust my judgement anymore...LOL. Okay so I didn't marry a dummy -my judgement is almost always impaired.
 
My point to all of this?  GAH, I am in need of a THOROUGH banana,(can't say spanking with that word in front of it). That ridiculous sentence is reserved for the HOH down the line!
 
 *********
 Update:  After I wrote this post I shared it with Barney.  He cleared the air that he is not hesitant about spanking me because of injury.  So that is definitely one hurdle jumped.  He then  proceeded to THOROUGLY spank the living day lights out of me!  LOL.  During the 'process' we talked about it.  He asked questions like he did at the start of our ttwd relationship.  I would tell him if an implement was working or not.  Yes, I had a degree of control over this spanking.  As this was a 'reset' and not a punishment Barney was okay with the process.
 
Barney said, while spanking I might add, " At the beginning when you used to tell me if things weren't working it used to bother me.  Then I thought, 'but if it isn't working for her, what is the point?'.  So I swallowed my pride and began to listen.  You need to tell me if things aren't working for you.  If you are left in a bad place, and how you think we can avoid that."
 
Anyway, multiple wood implements later, with leather thrown in in between, to allow a 'thaw' to occur, as wood numbs me-  a couple of switching directions, switching arms, a leg cramp for Barney,  and a brief pause as a child walked through the house we were done.  There wasn't a huge lecture or a great deal of talking on his part this time.  I had come very close to 'subspace' again.  I felt 'the white' creeping in, but he stopped.  I am fine with that.
I crawled up onto his chest and sobbed.  This is the first time EVER I have cried after a spanking.  It wasn't the pain, it was the release.  Thoughts that have been weighing heavily on my mind lately, came flooding into my brain, and the sobs escaped my lips.  Unfortunately, being the control monster that I am, I stopped my sobs after a minute or two- ( baby steps for everyone I suppose).
 
Barney: " That is good.  Let it all out.  I want you to feel comfortable crying in front of me.  I want you to share with me-everything......................  It is okay to cry Wilma".
 
The next day, I was OTK again.  Not for misdeeds, but because while we had a break through, it was merely the tip of the iceburg.  It has been a long journey away from each other, and it is going to take a while for the walls to totally crumble.  Did I sob again? No.  Was I expecting too?  No not really.  I have come to accept that no two spankings are the same, and you can do everything 'text book' for yourself and still have a different result.  We did a great deal of talking between spankings.  I mentioned what seems to work, what I thought would help when.  I also said I was afraid this meant I was controlling the spanking .   He assured me, that we were having a constructive discussion, and he will still VERY much be in control of when, where, what position, what implements, how long.....He reiterated that we need to talk if things aren't working and that he no longer finds me challenging him when we do so.  In fact, he realizes now that I hadn't in the past, but  his insecurities at the time  perceived it as a criticism.  He then shook his head and commented about having ever to punish me.
 
" I mean, I was exhausted after spanking you for a reset. I suppose the emotions surrounding a punishment would be different.  I hope so, because MAN! "
 
My response?
 
" Pfft, as IF you would EVER have to (*cough* again *cough*)"
 
There you have it .....
 
Huh?  who would have thought?  
 
Communication!
 
 
 

45 comments:

  1. Yay for communication! :-) This sounds a very positive post and I am very happy for you. Hugs, Terps

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    1. Thanks Terps! Communication wins again...but easier said than done letting it step up to the plate and well, take a swing :)

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  2. Wow. I can relate on this on so many levels. First off, my first punishment was last week. I left it not feeling like I got the proper release that should have occurred. When I got the additional punishment the release I finally received was so therapeutic and so what I was seeking. The only way I got it though was communication! Having the additional punishment to finalize it all really helped that reset. I am happy to read by the end of your frustration that you are headed back on the right track. *hugs*

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    1. Thanks HS. We are heading back to the right track. Or a new track. I have learned enough after these 11 months to know that we aren't always going to reach me in a way that is needed. There are so many, many variables. We both are committed to talking about the whys and howcomes after the fact though, so that should help ease the future a bit. I HOPE! lol

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  3. I can relate to what you are saying. Summertime is a full house with no privacy and therefore we end up with short, silent spankings that are leaving me feeling just a bit frustrated. Although, I do know it is leaving him frustrate also.

    I'm glad you two are communicating through this and that he understands where you are coming from.
    Hugs,
    Kim

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    1. You are right about that KIM! I think Barney might have been a bit frustrated too, but because he didn't know what was wrong with me. I mentioned over and over again that mini spankings did very little for me, but it wasn't until he read this post that he could actually relate to what I was trying to tell him, ( in 30 words or less-lol).

      Smiles
      willie

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  4. Great post. So glad you're in a better place.
    The last word sums it up!

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    1. Ah, yes communication. But proper communication. Communication where the other person can relate to. It took a while to figure all this out. Mini spankings led to mini communication, which lead to frustration on my part. I just figured because this conversation was brought up in one way or another over the past months, that he wasn't remembering. He just wasn't relating. I also assumed some things on my part, that he claims are not an issue.

      Grrrrrrrrrrr....darn you communication, and your different ways! Finding an effective way when our needs keep changing makes this SO much fun! LOL

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  5. Observations?

    When I went on the Maid of the Mist circa 1957, I had a little bright yellow plastic mac and a matching souwester. We went much nearer to the Falls. We got completely wet through. The see-through blue macs look hilarious! Ours didn't stick, they rubbed!

    Blue balls?!!! Now what do they remind me of?!!!

    Barney is right. Until you let the emotion out, you will continue to feel cramps. Just think of me and howl for England. Well, you know what I mean, howl for Canada, or the North American continent of something!

    Talk about a Spankathon, Willie!

    Glad you survived and that you are headed back in the right direction.

    Hugs

    Ami

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    1. Actually that photo wasn't taken as close as you get, I don't think. Mind you the Great Lakes are down several CMs so we might no longer have the water to get as close as you did.

      HOWL? Hmmmmm, not sure that is in my make up. Wish it was. Barney seems to think it would make his job easier. I have no idea what my husband has going through his mind when he says things like that!

      Oh I survived. It was him I was worried about! LOL.

      Thanks Ami

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  6. I can't massively relate to the "thorough" thing because for me I'm fine with it as thorough after the first swat lol (not that I'm that lucky!). But I loved the analogies you used, I think a lot of HOH's will be able to read this post and understand this difficult to explain concept so much better. And I'm so happy for you that things are better and you're communicating! Great job! :)

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    1. Hey Kay!

      This post came out of a facebook chat I was having with another Dd wife. You know why I was frustrated. She was frustrated because while her spankings were painful, almost too much to process, that she stopped thinking about being there and just getting through. She felt she wasn't having a release. Another friend also said her husband always stopped when she was on the edge. I hang with some pretty stubborn women I guess *wink*. Anyway, this is what we started talking about. And they said, " You should write a post about this so my husband understands". I thought I should so MY husband understands! LOL. No word on whether they showed the post to their husbands though! LOL

      Things are getting better. Thanks! :)

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  7. Morning Willie :)

    I so understand the frustration of the mini spanking and not getting that release that you need.

    I'm so glad to read the update. I'm glad you shared this with Barney and that you got that release. Yay for communication :) I love that you crawled up onto his chest. It's such a good feeling afterwards isn't it?

    This sounds as though it was a great breakthrough for both of you and that you both realised some things and gained a better understand of each other's point of view. I'm happy for you! Oh, one more thing .. listen to Barney ... let it all out. Great baby steps :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Oh sure...listen to Barney....let it out! OKAY! LOL. I think this is the road to a break through, and not to rain on anyone's happiness parade, but we/I have a lot more work to do.

      This communication stuff gets difficult when other things cloud our ability to see that the other person isn't relating. Often, it would appear that Barney and I thought he knew what my needs were, but he didn't really. I would then think that he was dismissing my needs from stubbornness, or I would assume he was having an issue to not fulfill my needs, ( not just in this case). Hopefully this confusion will not be an issue continually in the future. LOL. I mean we know how these things can go!

      Smiles,
      willie

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  8. Woohoo! I'm in my back to school teacher head space, so gold stars for you and Barney! This sure sounds like forward progress to me! I'm happy for you both, and I hope you can keep going in this direction. Trust yourselves and listen to each other.

    I can relate to needing the release. There is something about stopping short that puts a person on edge. I'm glad Barney was able to take you where you needed to go. I'm sure you guys will benefit from all the extra potassium in your diet. ;)

    Love and hugs,
    TL

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    1. LOL...oh the Banana!

      Yes the hope of release, that is the intent isn't it? LOL. I know it isn't going to happen every time, but if the effort is there to understand the need and to try to get there- well that will have to do until the next time.

      Love
      willie

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  9. This is all HUGE!!! Like I told you....I went away, came back and Barney is a HOH! He is reading your moods, and deciding what you need. Now is when I think you guys will begin to see all the work you were doing (when you didn't think you were doing anything) come into use. Like I told you...once it clicks you guys will be light years ahead of us because of the communicating you have been doing, when you may not have been spanking.

    As far as getting to the subspace....never been there and can't say I want to endure what it might take to get me there! I just want it to end! But...I never say never (anymore anyway) ;)

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    1. Oh you just want to be RIGHT! You keep saying that EVERYTIME I post....Get some new material would ya? *wink* LOL

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  10. i am so glad you finally got what you deserved, i mean needed. total slip of the tongue there, girlie. :) i knew it was coming though, and i just WISH i could have the same...i'm pretty sure it's tomorrow night for me. communication huh? who knew!? i so missed that. ugh!!!

    hugs,
    m.

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    1. DESERVED? Clearly my reputation as an Angel got watered down during summer vacation. If that man of yours doesn't start swinging soon, I'm coming down to take care of it! Clearly your mean streak is resurfacing *wink*.

      Now go wait in that vehicle, and COMMUNICATE! There will always be reasons to not find the time. MAKE the time.

      hugs
      willie

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  11. Aw what a cool post, you two seem so much better . Talking , who knew that that would sort it out LOL. Glad you are okey doke now. love to both of you
    Jan.xx

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  12. Well you know I love the whole boat analogy. I know exactly what you are talking about. This is just one of those things about ttwd that I will never understand. At least over here....I love all parts of this....until we are headed to the closet...and it is happening...and I want it to stop. Only it does....and we have not reached our destination....and Grrrrr! Have you ever just thought this is my life....seriously?? Oh, I know you have ;)

    And can I just second what our friend Betsy said up there ^ ? Yes really, I would like to agree ;) When it all clicks with dear Barney you all are going to be golden...because of all of the talking you have done this entire time. I know this little ride has been difficult...and you have been thrown overboard a few times....but you keep trying....and that is what counts. I am beyond happy that you finally caught a glimpse of what you have been looking for. I hope and pray that it is a first of many! Well, you know what I mean *wink*!

    Love ya....

    ~Lucy

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    1. Agreeing with Betsy huh? SHOCKING! LOL

      And what do you mean you don't like the blue balls analogy?

      It is very frustrating when you finally submit to a BANANA, and then it only gets partially peeled. I could go on but I think we've had enough analogizes with this post. So when are you going to show Ryan this post anyway? Or would you rather I just email it to him for you you big chicken!?

      Love ya too!

      willie

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  13. Willie, so glad to see this post. You and Barney have certainly worked long and hard to get here. Here's to moving forward in your journey together!

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    1. Well I don't know how long and hard we worked toward a 'thorough' you know what....but we keep trying in other areas anyway. Still struggling along.

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  14. I had a nice huge big long comment typed up on my phone last night and then my phone went crazy and I totally noticed I never replied to your last post or wrote a post that I wanted to and I'm sooo sorry!!! My weekend was crazy and well pretty much my life has been crazy this summer!! I pretty much know how you feel.. All those swats here and there and those soo called spankings they just add up to frustration!! lol Well a good ole spanking will help to get ya going again!!

    Big Hugs and Stay tuned for my post or reply lol

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    1. Oh Daisy I know all about not 'getting' to what you wanted to, or having some stupid tech thing cut your comment short because you don't have the heart to type it in again!!! No worries.

      A good old spanking...LOL!

      I look forward to reading something from you either way!

      hugs
      willie

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  15. Well, I for one am glad you kept getting on the boat! May you and Barney, together, see the falls many, many more times...

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    1. Thanks Cygnet. Putting that foot on the boat time after time is definitely a challenge. Thankfully the view was worth it, when we finally got there!

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  16. Thank you so much willie
    I showed this post to H. He doesn't normally read anything. He was intrigued. "It's really like me being brought to the point of ecstasy and then you walk away without finishing it?"
    "Yep, that's one way of thinking about it."
    "Ohh!" Thoughtful silence....
    We might be getting somewhere, you might have got him thinking!

    I'm glad you were able to keep going to sort it out and explain yourself properly and that you had some release.
    J

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    1. Janey you made my day with this comment! The two women that 'convinced' to publish this post said it would help someone, but I wasn't so sure. They by the way chickened out and DIDN'T show their husbands...LOL! Good for you!!!

      I hope things work out in a way that is beneficial for both of you. I have no doubt I will be referring to this post again with Barney, but the first time is the toughest right?

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  17. I so understand the need for the thorough spanking. Sometimes it just feels to me that if we are going to do this then we should DO this and that means a hard session. It's cathartic. It just is and without that catharsis every once in awhile the emotions just don't get released.

    So glad you are better!

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    1. I almost liken little spanking to a mosquito buzzing around, just land so I can take care of you! Sheeeh so annoying! Okay so maybe its time for another....grrrr....LOL.

      Sad as it is for me, I do need that help releasing those emotions. As much as a spanking may not be wanted at times, if it is successful, it is worth it.

      Thank you Zoe. Things aren't perfect, but certainly liveable.

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  18. You know that I'm all for the mini spanking in my head...lol, I'm with Kay...one swat is enough, but if forced to be honest, they don't do any good. They just make me more feisty and stubborn so MM has learned that if he's gonna do it, do it "thoroughly." There...I used the word once and it will never happen again! LOL.

    My favorite part of this post was right at the end where Barney told you that he wants you to tell him everything and to go ahead and cry it out. You my friend are a handful on the best of days, but that man of yours can handle you just fine and I'm tickled that you are finding your safe place right there with him.

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    1. WHAT THE FLIP??? *I'M* a handful? PLEASE woman....remember *I* KNOW you!!!!!! ( pffft <- just sayin')

      Sounds like MM might need to redefine THOROUGH in his mind. Care to actually show him this post, as opposed to giving him the Cole's notes ( Cliff notes for you Americans) version?

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    2. Oh I did read him the whole thing the other night. He stopped me part way through and started pontificating about how so many of us women need to have all control taken away from us...and so on and so on. I told him to hold his horses b/c you were working very hard to NOT be controlling (which got me swatted...your fault!) and read the rest.

      He took it back (the control stuff) and said something to the effect of "Wow! Good for them...both of them. You go Barney." Yes, the virtual fist bump once again. I can't remember his exact words but he said that it seems like lots of us try to get "back" to a good place instead of finding a new, better place and we end up chasing our tails instead of taking steps forward. You and B definitely went forward. Something like that...lol.

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    3. OH...and I am NOT a handful and we do NOT use the word THOROUGH at our house. If he starts, I'm gonna...well...I'm not sure yet but I'll think of something and it might include some pffft'ing!

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    4. Control ??? How on earth did he get that from THIS post? Sheesh, you should really talking to him about jumping to conclusions before he has all the facts! Judgey, Judgey!

      And what is with the fist bumps and the 'you go' what is he in a episode of "Cops'?

      Yes we shall leave the Thorough word right where it belongs at the Mammoth Hand McSpanky Pants household !

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  19. Hi Willie, I am so glad to hear that y'all are doing better. I have been on the Maid of the Mist boat ride, and I get the point, but the analogy you made about getting to the brink and stopping short really did put an exclamation point on it! lol You have a very "creative" imagination!

    Hugs,
    George

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    1. Well I'm not sure about 'creative' just trying to see it in a way that a man could understand. I wish the latter analogy came to me first! Would have saved me some time!

      hugs
      willie

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  20. Wow a great way to analyze it all. And it sounds like you guys are in such a good place. :) I loved it when he told you to just let it all out. I could feel his love for you in that one sentence alone. :) Communication, we're learning about it's importance too. :)

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  21. Oh well we already knew about the communication thing....most of the time that is all we've got. BUT the depth of communication keeps changing. Then again sometimes it circles back to basic again. LOL.

    The difference in our communication is that it is finally sinking in. Or I have found a way to verbalize things so Barney understands my points without feeling like it is a criticism on my part. NOW if we could only have better communication skills with our 15 year old, our lives would be golden!

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  22. That communication stuff is hard Willie, but so worthwhile. Baby steps indeed, that's how it's done!

    Sara

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    1. Communication, ( shakes fist in the air at nothing in particular). It is difficult. I mean, not the topical, surface stuff, but the weighing on your heart stuff, is extremely difficult. What further complicates things, is the fact that you think you've past the communication hurdle, and the 'rules' change and the communication level deepens. Sheesh, why didn't anyone tell us! LOL

      Baby steps.....oh boy do I know about them!

      Thanks for stopping by Sara. I hope you are around for a while. I know I'm not the only one who missed you!

      willie

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