Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Bad, The Very Ugly & The Good

 So when we last left each other, life was meh good.  As with most things around here that lasted for about 3 minutes ( infer what you will *wink* - ouch!).  Anyway the following week we started off well.  It was Sunday and I was sitting at our kitchen island.  Barney made some cheeky comment/request, and I responded with
" I'll think about it"~  ' The devil twinkling in my eyes'  as my girlfriend often says to me.

Barney looked directly into said eyes and said,
" I think we will be 'reconnecting' tomorrow" and kissed me good-bye.
" Okay. Suit yourself"
"Oh I KNOW we will be reconnecting tomorrow"
" Mmmhmmm"
Monday arrives.  Normally I am quite excited about Monday as I have the house to myself. 
Unfortunately something was brought to my attention on Sunday night.  While I don't really want to give this 'something' much weight, for a few days it did have me distracted. This had nothing to do with our family, or our relationship, either ttwd or vanilla wise.  In truth it later just became an annoyance but initially it brought forth a lot of old hurts and maybe even a trust issue.  It had me second guessing myself.  Monday morning, I decided to share this information with Barney.  He sat and listened to me attentively.  He could have just as easily dismissed this as 'woman drama' but he didn't.  He offered up his thoughts on the matter, which were mine, but in a little voice in my head, not the loudest one.  Essentially he told me the problem wasn't mine, and how he could understand how I would feel more hurt by this because of my past, not because of the person involved.  
I am mentioning this for two reasons.  First off, because before ttwd, I wouldn't have brought this to my husband.  I would have chatted to a few girlfriends and then brushed it under the carpet.  A couple of months ago I did go to Barney with something that was bothering me- after a couple of days.  Once again he offered up his perspective. It was vastly different than mine.  This made things easier to deal with.  This time it was only 24 hours ( and he had been working).  So yay me!  LOL..oh and secondly this delayed our r/a somewhat.  You see after talking about this for a while, Barney seemed less interested in r/a.

On to Tuesday....Barney didn't say anything about our 'reconnection appointment'- all day.  Not one word.  I wasn't going to pressure him or hound him.   He normally leaves for work around 2:45, but can leave later.  Our youngest son however, comes home at that time, everyday.  I was getting more and more anxious as the day wore on.  I can live without a spanking, I just become worried that we are going to slip into a bad place if he becomes inconsistent again.  Just after 2  I noticed he was dressed for work.  Well that was a pretty strong signal that he forgot.  He wasn't going to get wrinkled after all.  I decided a nap would be in order.  Our 'reconnection' spankings are usually around 30 to 40 minutes, so there was no longer any time.

Barney came into our room, took one look at me, took off his dress pants and said, " Let's go"
I lay over his lap and he WAILED away.

 I didn't flinch once.  NOT once.  I had already shut down when I went into our room.  After he was finished, I lay there across his lap.  He said nothing, with the exception of,  "I have to go to work".

I lay there for another moment or two and then curtly said,

" Let's examine why this didn't work shall we? First of all you ANNOUNCE r/a on Sunday for the following day.  Which didn't happen, but I can understand why.  Today you say nothing.  NOT one word.  As the time gets closer to when you are about to leave, I began to shut down.  We have talked so many times about waiting until the very last minute for NO reason to 'deal' with me.  I thought you forgot.  Then when you started, I kept thinking we weren't going to have enough time or that ( insert little prince's name) would walk in at any moment"

( Normally an interchange like this would not illicit this response from Barney).  He was livid

And basically I ended up like this...
  It was then MY turn to be livid.  I do believe things like, " See this is EXACTLY why I don't open up to you! " ( yeah so not fair to say, and actually untrue now.  It wasn't at the start of ttwd, but it is untrue now) were loudly said to him. 

I snatched a pile of loose dirty laundry and stormed out of our room.  Dropping thongs and boxer briefs as I went.  The first pair that fell I violently snatched  from the ground.  The next few pair lay where they fell as did the countless ones after.  My wayward laundry was making a mockery of my dramatic exit!

He came down into the laundry room to kiss me good-bye, but not much  more was exchanged.  ( Oh and for all you karma believers out there, one of my son's socks ended up in the laundry tub and flooded my laundry room).

The next morning when Barney was in the shower, I went and sat in the middle of our bed.


When he entered he looked at me and I said, " I think we need a do over"
" I think so too"
He then sat down on the bed and we talked.  He apologized for getting so angry with me.  I knew that the stress of feeling like we were failing as parents with our son had a lot to do with his reaction the previous day.  I later realized that my words of criticism to him meant he was further failing, not a means of communication.  I told him how I felt dismissed and unwanted when he pushed me away. I said to him that this was not the same situation.  We normally talk about these things so we can hopefully avoid them in the future. 
After some time, I also apologized. Apologized for raising my voice after he pushed me off of his lap, but I didn't apologize for what I had said before then.  He told me I was right to say what I did.   He agreed on a normal day, it wouldn't have mattered.
He then spanked me again.  I may not have flinched the day before, but he must have been VERY thorough, because when just his hand made contact I thought I was going to fly through the wall!   He has since decided that r/a will, whenever possible, take place over the course of two days! Something about my stubborn head
You see some HOH  friends of ours suggested to their wives, ( not to Barney thank goodness)  Barney give me corner time during a spanking . One HoH doesn't actually recall that TID bit of information,  he passed on.  I can only conclude it is because I am never naughty, so he can't fathom suggesting putting me in a corner!  Barney decided to just draw it out over a couple of days instead I guess????
Some other adjustments?  I am now supposed to write down my misdeeds, and bring them to Barney
Together we will read them and discuss them
The purpose of this is not for punishment.  It is so we are both on the same page.  Not for me to understand what he sees as disrespect etc..but for him to see what I consider I am doing that breaks the rules.  We are doing this because when I think I have done something wrong, and he doesn't say anything, I think he hasn't noticed.  Some times he has, and sometimes he hasn't.  But if I think he is not dealing with things, then resentment builds up, ( hey I didn't say it was a fair line of thinking) and then disappointment and then another block in the wall.  This way we can discuss each incident and see how the other felt about it at the time.   We actually started doing this two weeks ago.  It has been very helpful.  Sadly I am getting the short end of the stick on this one!  Every pun intended.  No seriously, he has only brought up one thing during r/a but we are getting to understand our relationship better.
Perhaps the biggest break through after this fiasco was Barney starting to read blogs again.  He said in our discussion that he too noticed,( I brought it up) he became disengaged this summer and not reading the odd post made it worse.  I sent him Zoe's post FREEDOM.  During this weeks r/a he said to me, 
" I now realize how me taking a casual attitude towards ttwd has been hurting us both.  It isn't helping you be all you want to be. Which in turn affects us. I am sorry about that. "
Has he tightened up the reins? No not really, not yet.  But he has held on to his back to back r/a sessions...and then another pre-emptive one before the weekend.  Not too mention he had already planned for one after the weekend.  Sheesh!   For those who aren't great at word problems, 3 spankings between Monday and Friday...and a promised 4th one the following Monday. Time will tell where this little adventure is going to take us next.
I wanted to leave you with a 'snippet' of our 'reconnection' from our :
  Fear not, even though there was a lot of light heartedness to our conversation,  there was a lot of 'contact' during and after!
So there I was, sitting on my side of the bed, (in only my underwear and bra, this is something new I started to soften myself, Barney seems not to mind)-filing my nails- being contrite
" Well it's a good thing you didn't require a list of misdeeds today, 'cause I've got nothin'" (  smiling and tossing my nail file back into the basket beside my bed)
Barney adjusting the pillows on the headboard,
" Well I was going to give you a list of accomplishments ...but........"
*SMACK* ( me hitting him) As I climbed over his lap, he continued
" But you know, our teenage son can be quite the distraction"
" Yes- Let's go with that shall we? " ( smack ON ME THIS TIME)

" Why are you so SASSY???" (continuing to warm me up)
 " Oh c'mon. you love it!" ( burying my face in the pillow)
Sigh-chuckle.--Oh you have never heard of it?  Barney has perfected it. It starts off as a sigh but ends in a disbelieving laugh.
 " Yes I do...most of the time" After a while and furious smacks he started talking again....
" Now I know that some of your tasks are mundane..."
" Oh I wouldn't call you mundane"
"Soooooo Sassy!...lets see if we can work on that"
And he did....*wink*


  1. I completely understand your frustration. It drives me up the wall when Steve tells me I have a spanking coming (for RA or otherwise) and then doesn't follow through or rushes it when he finally gets around to it.

    I'm glad to hear you two worked through it,

    1. Well we worked through it THAT time Dana. This is an entirely different week, and I'm afraid he's done it again!

      But thanks for your understand nonetheless.

  2. Ok super sassy chick, glad things are going well. I have to know though...how does a sock flood your laundry room? So confused.
    Oh and I have decided that teenagers(although I don't have one as you know so this is pure speculation) give their parents a hard time so that we don't mind when it is time for them to move out:)

    1. Well boys have STINKY feet. The family room ( or Rec room as we call it) is in the basement. The boys had/have a habit of taking off their socks after school. They used to leave them all over the family room....YUCK, now they throw them in the laundry room. Our washer drains into the wash tub. One of the airborne socks must have found residence in said tub. IN my huff I didn't check the wash tub first.

      As for your theory....they have to survive for that plan to work!


  3. I do hate when a spanking is promised and then never happens. I even hate it more when they notice that you are upset by this and then just rush a spanking.

    Sorry about the flooded laundry room. What a mess that must have been.

    1. Thanks Kim

      Actually it could have been worse, water wise. I only had a couple of clean baskets in there and they are actually Rubbermaid containers( I like the size better), so no water in them. The drain in the floor isn't too far away from the washer. It was just one of those...REALLY? moments! LOL

  4. Oh we have had this problem more than once. He is a man of few word and I have told him that means he has to be very careful if he tells me something because I latch onto it and expect it to happen. If there is no follow through on a spanking he has told me we are going to do I get so frustrated.

    Thanks so much for the shout out. You know that made my day! Glad my post was helpful.

    1. Apparently we are *still* having this problem Zoe. No problem on the shout out, at the time it was very informative, or so he said ;)

  5. Hi Wilma,

    Wow, you are the sassy one! :0) My hubby decided not to establish corner time too... Which was just FINE with me. But we are starting reconnects, which is new for us as we have only done punishment spankings. I totally agree with New Bea's comment on teenagers, they are just getting us ready to shove them out the door into adulthood. HA! :0)

    Glad everything has smoothed out for you..
    Irish Lucky

    1. ME??? Sassy? Pffft ! LOL

      Please don't temp me with the SHOVING! As far as teenagers go.

      As par usual Irish, things didn't stay smooth for long. Same **** different colour over here again!

  6. Willie, oh my how I can relate to receiving criticism from Nina as a testament to failure on my part. We have had some pretty heated "discussions" as a result! I have finally arrived at a place in our relationship where I have stopped assuming that I know what she means whenever I start to get upset. I take a breath and then just tell her I don't understand, please clarify what you are telling me (then I may or may not get upset, ha! LOL). I think the writing down stuff is a great idea so Barney can see what you think and then compare it to his observations. We (men and women) most definitely can see the exact same scene and get an entirely different message.....big news huh!

    I had to smile at your description of you walking out of the room dropping laundry! I have seen that reaction more than a few times! The "making up" part afterwards is almost worth the initial angst *wink*!

    I've an idea! When your son comes home from school give him a big hug and tell him he is a great son and even though he can be a big PTIA at times, you still love him to death! He will probably think you have been drinking wine all day, but who cares, it is fun!

    Well miss feisty and non-compliant, sounds like things in Bedrock are moving along nicely. I wish you all a wonderful week!


    1. Yes George we do think differently ( psst sometimes we women wonder not only WHAT our men are thinking but IF our men are thinking!). Well the list thing was a good idea, only Barney keeps forgetting to ask me, and well I of course am an angel so it is not wonder he forgets. *wink*


  7. There is banging going on in my head. No not because of you, construction on my house. Sigh.
    Willie, I have to say there is a big difference in the tone of this post from the ones before the summer. Thing are addressed by you first a lot faster than they used to be, you are engaging faster, then he responds faster. Or so it seems to me.
    Barney if you don't have two days in a row JUST PUT HER IN THE CORNER! Think of it as a treat for you to enjoy the show.
    Luv ya Willie! : )

    1. New friends I tell ya! I really should get on that pursuit with more vigor than I have been! *wink*

      love ya too my HoHy friend!

  8. I agree with BLue Bird. Your post have a lot better feel to them. I think you both have come quite far.

    Glad this wasn't as bad as it could have been. :)

    1. I hope your siding with Blue Bird has NOTHING to do with her corner 'idea' Sarah, or you might be off my Christmas Card list!

  9. Now that we have established how feisty and non-compliant you are.....(yes, that makes me very happy to type), I am thinking you really may be a bad influence on me ;) I have to be very careful to only hang out with super submissive wives (SSW) like myself. I will check with my HoH to see if he approves.

    Love ya,
    Betsy SSW ;)

    1. I had to wipe off my computer screen before I could type. For some reason I spit all over it when I read your comment. If you are looking for SSWs to hang out with, you will be a very lonely woman. If you are looking for people yourself, you have plenty to choose from!

      Either way I'm sure Brice will approve of THIS friendship...or wait he already does. WHY because I am a SSW COMPARED to you!!!

      Sigh, love you too my delusional friend.

    2. * looking for people LIKE yourself ( guess there still was some stuff on the screen when I typed the above comment)

  10. I'm glad you worked through things..our post was very sweet to read and fun :)

    1. Yup..worked out that problem, just in time for another! LOL. Glad you enjoyed the post Daisy.

  11. Hey! What did you do to Bluebird to make her shout to Barney to corner you?! Sheesh.

    Gradual understanding and acceptance is a wonderful thing, but it's really great to make it over one of the humps toward realizing it's okay that it takes time, and effort, and mistakes, and a few steps back in order to go forward.

    "Let's examine why this didn't work, shall we?" Lol! Bwahahahaha! Omg! Mental images of Ms. Prim the prudish schoolmarm, spectacles perched on nose's end below a raised eyebrow, one hand on hip, pointy-finger of the other hand snapping a beat...


    1. I know right??? I shouldn't be surprised, Blue Bird has been offering such 'helpful' suggestions to Barney for almost a year now!

      LOL...your image is ALMOST spot on Irishey, except there is a swollen, bare butt in there too...LOL Wait, I guess you didn't NEED that in your mental image!

    2. Yes, hon, you are absolutely correct. I do not need that addition to my mental image. It would take all the formidable dignity from Ms. Prim's properly righteous countenance. I'll keep the "before" image, thank you very much! ;-)

  12. I'm still giggling at how you took your temper out on the poor laundry. Remember when we were younger and had things to actually throw around and make a statement with? Look what it has come to...doing housework in a fury.

    You make your point well though Willie. You guys are finding each other more and more quickly. Barney is recognizing how he triggers you more quickly and finding ways to fix it. In the middle of a lot of stress you are sticking together and I bet it feels good.

    Can I please have some tips on how to make MM love my sassiness as much as Barney loves yours?

    1. Do you know that nasty 'so and so' didn't interrupt me the other day to talk because he liked that I was cleaning out the storage room in a violent rage ??? Grrrrr.

      Hmmmm? Maybe we should get together and work on your delivery? Timing is everything you know...Oh wait, this is MM we are talking about...forget it. We'll just get together and eat copious amounts of chocolate instead !

  13. i loved this post and despite its :::coughcough::: LENGTH, i giggled all over the place, especially smacking his bum. you know i get looks for doing that in my house so i'm living through you on that one. :) hee hee

    your in such a good place right now and i'm so happy for you because i know how much it means to you to be in a good headspace. like most of us crazy dd'ers we feel off when we're OFF. i never realized before starting dd what that "off" feeling actually was, and boy, i wish i'd known then what i know now.

    i love that you're sassy. it makes you fun to be with and so darling. {insert bird with upward wing motion here}

    hugs to you AND to barney for taking care of things more quickly and keeping you on the straight and narrow---cuz, let's face it girlie, it's a tough job. m.

    1. Oh well about the smacking of Barney, it was actually his shoulder. Also at the start of ttwd, I put in The Cheese Factor Clause. If Barney says something cheesy ( and he does often) I reserve the right to react in a way that I feel is fitting, because he is baiting me and that is NOT allowed! LOL.

      I need a glowing with pride Plum Bird from Face book to insert here. I love that you love that I am sassy.... and you aren't so bad to hang around with either! Right now that everyone LOVES each other, (but mostly me) confession time...It didn't take too long to stumble again, but things are better again too...LOL ...

      Gah, wait what?? I am a tough job? Pfffft. Okay, fair enough, you can't really straighten a Slinky.

  14. Hi Willie I don't know if this is the second time I have posted this but Google is messing me about!! For Gods sake why can't these HOHs follow through when they say they are going to. It's so frustrating and I always behave much worse (to goad him into getting it over with I think). The spanking then turns from a little one to a flipping wooden paddle event ,Grr. I don't think you will ever stop the sassy and I don't think Barney would want you to so best he step up and be a teeny bit more consistent ;)
    I scratched the car with my keys yesterday ( he saw me do it too) I spent time in the corner FIRST, so it's coming my friend just you wait.
    love Jan.xxx

    1. Yes Jan it is VERY frustrating and much more detrimental to the heartset of the Dd wife then I believe our men realize. Barney told me the other day that I start putting on bad thought on top of another when I get to 'that place'. Well *ahem*, here's a thought, let's not let me get there shall we?

      LOL...um, Jan, every event is a 3 paddle event over here. Two of which are wooden. But I can empathise with you nevertheless.

      Yeah, I think I am going to start putting things in every corner of our room, just to be safe.

      Wait? How/why did you scratch your car???

      Love willie
      Oh I hope he doesn't want me rid of my sassy. I have never heard of a zebra loosing its stripes! It would have more luck

    2. Hi Willie, I scratched the car when I tried to help him! He was carrying stuff (for me) and so I opened the car boot and as I did it I kept the keys in my hand and scratched the boot as I lifted it. He then realised that that was how the scratches had miraculously appeared near the door as well as the boot before. I had previously denied all knowledge ( and still am lying through my teeth so will not be showing him this blog ever). It didn't wash though so....

      Love Jan,xx

  15. Love your witty humor :) Perfect amount of Sass. Can't wait to read more of your blog.

    1. Welcome Coral!

      Thanks for the compliment. Not sure that all my posts contain humour, but it is a big part of our lives. Keeps us from strangling each other!

  16. Morning Willie :)

    I too giggled through reading this, especially at you taking out your frustrations at the laundry. I am also happy to read this because I see such positives. It's wonderful that you are opening up to Barney and sharing your feelings with him rather than stuffing them down. Also that you two seem to be communicating more, and quicker.

    I'm so glad you were able to deal with this little hiccup and put it behind you. I can understand your frustration with RA being 'promised' then not happening, then not thinking it would happen yet again due to lack of time. I so hope Barney doesn't let this happen again. R/A over 2 days? Sheesh!

    I love the conversation between you LoL. I'm sure Barney loves the sass :)

    I think writing down 'misdeeds' and discussing them so that you are on the same page is a good idea. One of the things I struggled with is realising that we don't perceive things the same way. There have been countless times there has been something I thought was an issue that he would act on and it turned out he didn't feel it warranted any action. It took me a while to figure out that as HoH, it is whether he sees it as an issue that matters. Having said that, that's not to say my opinion doesn't count of course.

    Love and hugs,

    1. You know it is a good thing you didn't comment a few days ago, or I would have held you responsible for jinxing us! LOL. We had a major..MAJOR melt down in communication, which may or may not be resolved.

      Oh well two steps forward one step back...sigh such is the 'beauty' of ttwd. At least here in Bedrock.

      You are right it is what they perceive that matters most, *however* there is the feeling, shared between the two of us that maybe he has been dealing with these 'misdeeds' for so long he is deadened to them. That perhaps the kitty has more bite behind her words<~ pfft.

      loving ya back

    2. I don't just live on your blog, you know. I saw Roz' comment in my email update. We had a melty day, too, so I wanted to commiserate and send a hug. We're all better - for that part. Miles to go before [we] sleep... on ALL of this. I hope you two are better, too? Big hugs.... :'( / :-) ?

    3. No but you live FOR my blog! *wink*

      I'm sorry things aren't perfect on your Irish Isle. WE are better...Me, to be determined :). I know the feeling about miles to go.

      You know where I am, I promise not to bring you down further.

      Hugs back

  17. I like the " Why are you so SASSY???" (continuing to warm me up)

    " Oh c'mon. you love it!" ( burying my face in the pillow)"

    Very funny. Humor is essential when tanning a wifey's hide, in my estimation.

    Oh! I started my own blog here: http://newmarriagedynamic.blogspot.com/ You and Barney should stop by sometime, I don't think there's too many of us male DD bloggers.

  18. Hey FHs!

    Yes, for our Teconnection appointment spankings, there is generally a great deal of humour/sass flying around...until there is not! LOL

    Thought you might be interested in this ebook that Barney is reading ( I have already read it so maybe Tori would like it too). I know with 3 little ones there isn't a lot of spare time, but it isn't a long book. Very interesting however!


  19. Very relate-able post! I have felt exactly the same during a delayed spanking.

  20. Welcome River! Sorry I took so long to respond. Yeah delayed spankings are NEVER any good for our relationship. A forgotten one, makes ME feel forgotten. My Dad once told me when I was younger, " You don't have a poker face" so Barney has experienced every emotion dripping off of me during these times....again NOT GOOD!