Thursday, January 16, 2014

Out On the Ledge

So today I am sitting here, on the ledge. 




 I'm not precariously perched on a window ledge.  Just sitting out here.  As the wind licks at my skirt, I am concerned that one of my shoes will slip off and land on a passer by on the sidewalk below-but basically I am in no danger.  The ledge is wide enough to safely accommodate me.

So why am I out here?  I am not 100% sure.  I certainly have my theories.  The Christmas holidays while fantastic,( if we were to base it on low stress levels and no meltdowns) found both Barney and I working parallel but not side by side in our dynamic.  There actually was no dynamic if I were to be completely honest.  No active domination.  No active submission.  That is not to say we weren't mutually respectful.  We were, but the connection seemed to be lost or weak at its best.

Barney has tried since 'life' went back to normal in the past couple of weeks to 'bring me back', yet here I sit.  On a ledge, watching the goings on below and through the window behind me.  Several people have come to the window to ask if I needed help coming back inside.  " No I am fine"  This isn't a lie.  I am fine.  Detached- but fine.  I am not sad- although life does throw some very interesting things at you. Let's just say we've been bombed by a passing bird shall we?



One bird has made a direct hit while off on the horizon we can spot the potential for more.


But that is not what has me sitting out here.  In fact Barney has commented on how happy, albeit surprised, he was that I broke down and cried with the first hit instead of my former non coping mechanism usual angry outburst.  Together we have marvelled how we are stronger going through these challenges this time than we have in the past.  Not because experience has made us any wiser, but  because neither of us feel alone in our fears and worries.

No I am sitting out here because I won't get up and move back inside.  As I said Barney has tried to bring me back.  He is still trying.  Last week he tried for over 40 minutes.. ( good times).  He sits on the window sill and talks to me.  Asks me questions.  Demands I eat.  Tends to my needs.  I am grateful and each time I think, "Okay that should do it.  Time to get up and take his hand and go inside".  Yet I don't.

He is trying to reach me and yet I feel like I am barely inching over close enough to take his hand.  Months ago, heck probably even weeks ago, I would have sat on the ledge in righteous indignation.  " Why doesn't he come out here and GRAB me?  DRAG me back inside ?"  First off, it isn't really his style and secondly, physically I can go wherever I need to but mentally I would still be on the ledge.

I need to find it in myself to actively submit.  I have been doing all he asks of me, and well more. Is it helping?  Perhaps.  I am still sitting on the ledge, I haven't fallen off.  So I suppose he is keeping me grounded to it.

These acts of submission whether required or voluntary are like a lighter that has little fluid left in it. It sparks, giving hope of warmth

 
and light.  But often not much more.
 
 
Occasionally the  accelerant ( wink ) catches and the flame emerges for a bit.  A smaller, weaker flame but a flame nevertheless
 



This is what has been happening lately in our house.  I am only allowing the small flame to emerge.  It  does make me want to come off the ledge and back inside, but the draw is temporary.  I am realizing that the issue this time is mine and mine alone.

Barney and I have been communicating.  A lot actually.  It has been good.  He is still reading his The Control Book, but wherever he is in it at the moment is not 'speaking' to him.  I have been rereading Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham.  We decided that maybe reading separately isn't always such a good idea.  Lately I will read several chapters in my book, underlining as I go.  I will pause and when Barney has time he will read what I just finished.  We then have our Book Club meeting, just the two of us, no Oprah, to discuss what has been read and underlined by both of us.  It has been really helpful.  Many of the subjects have been discussed before between us, but it keeps Dd in the forefront of our minds and the lines of communication open.  Both of us have been far less frustrated lately and I am certain this is one of the many reasons why.

So why won't I come close enough to take Barney's hand and come inside?  I am not entirely sure. One of the issues we are facing right now in our lives has to be primarily taken care of by me.  I have said in the past that I am not great at multi-emotionalizing ( in case you are new, it is my made up word....meaning just that, feeling more than one emotion at a time).  If I have to remain strong and guarded to get through a situation I remain that way until the situation is over or has resolved itself.  I am in task mode.  This is not to say my mind is constantly engaged in the task, but my heart hardened to do so and stays that way. 

This time around I am better with this issue, but I think the situation coupled with not being fully recovered connection wise from the holidays is a key factor on why I am out here.  All is not lost however.  This time last year I would have driven miles away from the building

 
 
As I have mentioned, I am not sad, or down, or even frustrated.  I think my sitting out here is going to come to an end soon.  I am actively trying to do some things to bring me close enough so Barney can grab my hand.  It will come in time.  I just feel like my backside seems to be stuck to the ledge at the moment because I have been out here far longer than I realized.  I suppose that happens when you leave the window open.  It gives you the illusion you are inside, when really you are not. The upside of that might be knowing that you can choose to go back in  THROUGH it as opposed to jumping and having to climb back UP the stairs again to be in the same room together.
 
 

No matter as long as we both keep trying, I'm certain we can get that lighter flame to last a little longer and keep those home fires burning so we feel strongly connected again.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
Or maybe its just....
 
 
 
 

50 comments:

  1. Ok, I'm going to stupidly admit, that when I first started reading, I really thought you were sitting on your window ledge and with me being afraid of heights, was horrified! Lol. (Shhh, that's the blonde in me coming out, don't tell anyone I actually thought that)

    Well I'm glad your not driving away but I do hope you are able to grab Barney's hand soon. Maybe the two of you just need a break, change it up a bit. Maybe you two could use a weekend away to just have some alone time, adventure to somewhere new and see and experience something different.
    Hugs
    Kim

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    1. Hi Kim.
      So you're blonde huh? I had envisioned you with long, thick dark brown hair. Not entirely sure why. Funny isn't it? I would love to have a time away with each other, but that isn't going to happen. Fortunately in a couple of weeks I am going to have time away on my own! The issues will still be here when I get back, but at least it is a break.
      Thanks
      willie

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  2. Sweetie, just a thought, but why not invite Barney out on the ledge with you? Then you can enjoy the sunsets and the sunrises, and all the inbetween times, and then you can hold his arm and you can climb back inside together? I know that there are times when a "hand" is not enough - an "arm" is better.

    This is only another of those blessed "bends" in the road. Believe me, as soon as you get around it, there will be someone else (probably me) who discovers she has her foot down too hard on the accelerator and is danger of sliding on the gravel.

    Hope you start to feel more connected soon.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Yeah, Barney doesn't even like to stand on a chair, so out on a window ledge- NOT going to happen.
      Things are working toward being better again. Thanks :)
      willie

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  3. Oh dear. I've been a horrible friend and I'm sorry. You definitely have NOT been your normal self and I've noticed. I want you to feel connected and for heaven's sake, get off that damn ledge. You know you're gonna fall off. You call off chairs and such, so just be careful out there. I like Ami's reply, bring Barney out there too, and then you two can talk and maybe sip some wine...not too much or you'll both be overboard. sending you hugs and a smooch! m.

    PS: i read this whole post. just sayin'.

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    1. Darn right! You suck!!! LOL....no you don't. You haven't been a bad friend. I didn't even notice you weren't around, because I haven't been around. As much as we'd all like to be here for each other in our times of need, if one isn't on our electronic devices, that is very difficult. Well and if ONE half of this relationship has such a sucky cell phone plan that *I* always have to phone, if I don't how are you to know?
      Things are building towards better now, but lets just over simplify I and say I jumped or he accidently pushed me off the ledge.

      So happy your attention span is getting better ;) I made lots of pictures for you. Did you notice? LOL

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  4. Well I loved the part at the end anyhow where the flames made the little heart. At least you are communicating. That part is good. And he did come to check on you. I really am not the best at advice
    giving but you know I love chatting with you.

    Love you
    sara :)

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    1. You know Sara, sometimes advice really isn't required. Sometimes there really is nothing to say. We all know steps we can take to get where we want, but if our heart isn't in it for whatever reason, you can't MAKE it happen.
      I love chatting with you too! Thanks for the support.
      Love
      willie

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  5. You'll come back inside when you're ready Willie. I'm not happy that you're out on the ledge, but I like that you're at least stuck fast to it. You're not thinking of jumping off and running away. I think maybe you're just "processing" and when you do climb back inside, you'll have grown so much more...once again. You've done an awful lot of that this past year. We'll keep looking up at you with a wave and a smile and a blown kiss. If you want any company on that ledge, you know you just have to say the word.

    Love ya, Queenie

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    1. Thank you for understanding Queenie. I hope you weren't looking up when I slipped off the edge. I was wearing a skirt that day! LOL
      Love ya back
      willie

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  6. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and go back inside because otherwise the window sill will start to feel comfortable and like the right place to be when in fact it is really a very dangerous place. You might feel quite safe but I bet you wouldn't let anyone else sit out there.
    Take care willie

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    1. I understand what you mean Janey about the window sill becoming too comfortable. I don't think that happened with me as once I was out there I really did want to come back inside I just didn't know how to do it.
      No you are right I wouldn't like anyone out on the window sill, but sometimes before we know it they are out there. There isn't 'one' specific thing that has them climbing out there, it is more a trance that they find themselves in and 'wake up ' there. I suppose all we can do is encourage them not to jump! Like you have done
      Thanks Janey

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  7. Oh do be careful Willie...ledges can be icy this time of year!

    So, there you are on the ledge, recognizing that you're feeling a bit distant...maybe a little adrift, but it doesn't sound like you are lost, at least not to this humble reader. On the contrary, you sound contemplative, like this ledge of yours is offering you an important observation point. From this vantage point you are able to see where you are and even how you maybe came to be there. You know that the distance you're feeling isn't ideal...but you know that you are working your way back and you know that Barney is trying to help you back too. From this ledge you are able to see where you have come from (and maybe, to a point, where you could be headed?) It seems like from this vantage point, you have a clear view of how you've gained a greater acceptance and confidence in the last year in yourself, in Barney and in how ttwd works best for you guys...your contemplation out there is allowing you to see how, a year ago, even months ago, you both would have handled this 'wilma in the ledge' situation much differently. No, he's not going to grab you and haul you back in...that's not his style, and I'm not sure it would get to the heart of you anyway...because being dragged anywhere isn't exactly your style:) But on the flip side, you KNOW that you aren't going to have to find your way off that ledge on your own either. Because Barney WILL keep trying to reach out to you...he will keep extending his hand in his own ways...ways that he has learned will really get to you...and when they do, you'll put your hand in his because your trust is already with him and the foundation you've built is strong. When you're ready, you will follow him inside because you know that even if you slip, he will be there to catch you before you fall.

    So there you sit on the ledge...and here I sit out of the loop:) Maybe just by writing this post, you've made those first steps down and toward your man...and maybe just by commenting I've made some first steps of my own.

    Thank you again for being there for me today...I wish I'd known you were out on a ledge while we were chatting though! I wouldn't have monopolized the conversation so much I swear. LOL I hope you know that I'm here for you as well.

    Love, Tess

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    1. Hiya Tess
      Let me address the last part of your comment first. You most certainly DID NOT monopolize the conversation that day. There was a great deal of give and take during that conversation. Besides I don't/didn't want to focus all of my attention on my position on the ledge. Gah, that is far too exhausting! Of course I know you are here for me- especially if Sesame Street is on!

      No on to ME! LOL. I was reflective. I do know and truly feel that even if I fell off of the ledge,( which I did) it would merely be a 'flesh wound'. At this stage of our Dd adventure I now know I have an emergency kit for all sorts of issues that might arise. This time a parachute. Okay so it didn't open up in time, but the truth of the matter is I was only a few floors up!
      I love that you are slowly, ( hopefully) sneaking back into our little community with comments Tess. I hope your process yields what you need. And well I selfishly hope that is US!
      Love
      willie

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  8. Oh for gosh sake's Wilma....get off the darn ledge....you are going to catch a cold out there! LOL

    No...no...seriously now....I think sometimes we have to be on the ledge just a bit....in order to sort things out in our own minds....right or wrong....I understand it. Kind of a little coping mechanism. But, I cannot help but think what this same scenario would have sounded like a year ago...heck six months ago. You guys have got this....you will find your way back inside....I have faith.

    Now really...go on in...there is nothing good out here...birdie doo...ice....and honking horns.

    Love ya....

    Lucy

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    1. Oh good grief! You people south of the border. I'm made of thicker stock than that. Catch a cold. Pfft. Plus I brought a wine skin ( google it)

      Oh no. Are we really in the 'you've got this camp' now? You know us better than just about anyone. We don't GOT anything! LOL. It is like we are tossing Jell-O back an forth over here! Only a little bit sticks! Hopefully over time though.

      Honking horns? Oh I didn't see your van down there. ;)
      love ya too
      willie

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  9. Willie, I must admit that I love sitting on that ledge! How I enjoy watching the world pass by below while contemplating love and life as the wind licks at my skirt (figuratively in my case :-).

    I understand why you are not ready to come inside! I actually got a little envious and felt a desire to occupy the ledge across the street and smile and wave hello. But alas, all good things must come to an end, and eventually you will want make your way back, albeit in a much better frame of mind.

    So I say, it's ok. Enjoy your ledge-time, and whenever you are good and ready, comeback inside with a renewed fire in your soul and take on the day with a vengeance!

    love,
    George

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    1. Hi George. Envious huh? Yes sometimes it can be quite loud inside and the ledge is a great place to get away from it all but not too far away. Sadly, but I suppose not really, I wasn't able to simply crawl back inside, but I guess that was almost predictable. Oh well maybe the stairs will do me some good :)
      love willie

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  10. I don't know that I can add much to what everyone else has said, Willie. I think Tess is right. You're processing while out on the ledge, and you do allow yourself to contemplate coming back inside, even if you're not yet ready. With Barney's help, I know the answers will eventually come. So hard to wait for them, though, isn't it?

    Love,
    Sadie

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    1. p.s. Love what you've done with your blog!

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    2. Um, yeah...as you know, we went over! LOL. We both did however and are now climbing the stairs together to return to 'the party' . Man I detest exercise! LOL
      Love
      willie

      PS thanks...but I will be changing it again soon. What can I say? I get bored easily!

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  11. It seems like there is something in the air - for lack of a better word "blahs" I have nothing to offer than good wishes, an empathetic listening ear, and hugs. Take care, Terps

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    1. Hey Terps.
      There is certainly something to be said about January blah's that is for sure. Especially this year. Good grief it is stinking cold, and when it isn't cold we are getting dumped on with snow. Oh well at least it is pretty and the sky, is a beautiful colour of blue. :)
      Thanks Terps!
      willie

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  12. Hi Willie, gosh I am sorry but I don't really have any advice, apart from the fact that you need to get in and close the flipping window, it's blooming freezing!! If you want to sit on the ledge at least sit out there in summer ( and yes take Barney with you for a spell). I hope you get back together soon, sounds like Barney is trying as hard as he has ever been so maybe soon you will be able to come back inside
    love Jan.xx

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    1. OH you are so right about it being cold out there. Both literally ( at the moment it is -31 C with the windchill) and figuratively.
      Barney did come out. We tried to go back through the window but then pretty much plummeted to the ground. Thankfully we were only a few flights up, and after assessing everything, no broken bones only bruises and flesh wounds.
      love,
      willie

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  13. Oh Wilma, I am so sorry you are on that ledge.... :0(

    I hope you and Barney get you off that ledge and back inside very soon! It could be a combination of things holding you out there, but the really good news is that you not only know you are there but that you want to get back inside!! I would say hang in there, but since you are on a ledge... Hanging is not sounding good. :0)

    Hugs and positive thoughts heading your way,
    Irish Lucky

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    1. Thanks Irish.
      Yes knowing where you 'are' is certainly a plus. There is nothing worse than waking up falling from your perch.
      There wasn't one specific thing that had me seek out the ledge. My being out there was not a case of being stubborn ( I wish it was actually that is easier to overcome for me). I suppose we both hoped we wouldn't fall, but weren't totally caught off guard that we did. Soooooo basically no hanging...just sitting, and falling! LOL

      Thanks Irish!

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  14. I agree with Ami, why not invite Barney out on the ledge with you? If you can not mentally go where he wants/needs you to, why not bring him into your mindset and try to enjoy the little things in life together. I know it is easy to keep your guard up and not feel as though you are giving in to things or losing control, but sometimes its nice to know someone is there to catch us if/when we do.

    Hang in there :)

    ~Tasha

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    1. Well hello Tasha. Fancy seeing you 'here'

      Keeping my guard up this time wasn't really about control in the sense maybe you meant ( or not..LOL) It was/is about having the emotional fortitude to stay on task and get 'dirty' if I had to.
      As I mentioned in my earlier comments, Barney did eventually come out on the ledge. I'd like to say we gracefully climbed back through the window, but it didn't quite work out that way. I'd say we are approaching the last set of stairs before reaching the room again, but we did have to climb those darned flights AGAIN. Oh well, at least we are doing it together. More ttwd/Dd muscle building!
      Thanks Tasha!
      willie

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  15. Inthunk I am going through horror moans myself. :( Hope that that isn't what it is for you, then again, if it was, we always know our hormones will reveer back to normal on their own. But wanting to sit outside instead of inside is not always such an easy fix. It is good though to hear that you are both still talking, and trying to work things out, and I hope that leads you to a resolution soon.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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    1. Yes EsMay, horror moans are just that...so VERY evil. If you feel yourself edging toward the ledge they certainly are a first class ticket out the window! It is hit an miss now whether or not hormones send me spinning. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. Which actually is a lot better than originally in this adventure we are in.
      :) willie

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  16. Willie,
    The ledge is a risky place to be. It leaves you vulnerable, not to mention COLD!!!!!! While it does take time, our emotions do follow our choices, so get back inside and let him take your hand! Your heart will warm MUCH faster!

    Kady

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    1. You are right Kady. So right! My emotions did follow my choices. Even if I didn't know I chose a particular 'thing'. I have since warmed up, but it wasn't without great difficulty and a little tumble.

      *wink* willie

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  17. I'm sorry you're hanging out there. I wish I were close enough to deliver wine or brownies or whatever. There's some good advice above but remember that your friends are there for you.

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    1. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish you were close enough to deliver those things too Leah! I do know my friends are here for me. Sometimes though, you do have to just 'go it alone'

      Thanks Leah!

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  18. I totally know that ledge, I think I was occupying it last week. I would've waited if I knew you were coming out to join me, but I got bored. I don't know about the ledge...sometimes it's nice to have a place to contemplate, and you're close enough to the window, but I don't want you to be out there alone. I don't know the words, but I know what your feeling. I think we struggle a lot between what's just contemplating and what's distancing. I'm sure Barney will pull you back in if you're out there too long :)

    Hugs!!

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    1. Yes my spot on the ledge did seem a little warm Jennelle. Like it hadn't been vacant for too long ;)
      A few months ago I came to the conclusion- for me anyway- that processing or contemplating is fine, and there is no harm done. Distancing is the act that comes after you figure out what is wrong. Or to purposely do it to prove a point, be a b*tch...not want to communicate. Take your pick.
      I suppose I have to subscribe to the thought that everything happens for a reason. Even though things became 'messy' not too long after this post, we are building again and it feels like we are on a more solid ground'
      hugs back
      willie

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  19. You have been out there longer than usual, but I think when you get hit from a few sides, it can happen. It's just a thought that popped into my head right after reading but maybe in the middle of taking care of all the tasks that ledge is a pretty safe place. It's not hiding from Barney so much. He's right there in your corner . Humm...maybe he's right at your back is a better picture with the ledge but either way, it makes it safer for you to be out there, to give yourself permission to take whatever time it takes.

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    1. Oh yeah he was right there at my back, and then he inadvertently knocked me over, but not before I could grab on to him and pull him down with me. We lay there for a while in the street below ( no innocents were severely harmed by us landing on them) in a mangled mess. Limbs everywhere, hair in knots, blood not sure from where. After we assessed the damage, not giving too much away here but ONE of us seems to be a bit of a DRAMA QUEEN when it comes to a scraped knee *cough, not me cough* we realized things were not too bad and have been working on fixing what caused us to fall in the first place.

      Nothing like flexing those Dd muscles on yet another climb

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  20. Hi Wilma :)
    I can totally relate. I love the made up word, and I have never been great at the multi-emotionalizing either. There is something about breaking from normal routine (aka holidays) that makes it a bit harder than usual to get back to where we want to be. But.....you know where you are and where you need to be. When you are really ready, I'm sure you'll just calmly get up and walk back on in. Or beg Barney to come carry you away!

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    1. Calmly? Bwhahaaaa! Are you NEW HERE? Sorry River! We are indeed coming back to where we need to be, but calmly is NOT how I would describe how we charted that course. Of course we have been way messier in the past and taken longer, but it seems like we need a little 'fire' in us to get to the root of the matter.

      Oh and so sorry you can relate to this post AND not being able to multi-emotionalize. Here' s hoping these commonalities between us will be a thing of the past for both of us sooner rather than later!

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  21. Hey Willie, you know, much as I don't like the thought of you being out there on that ledge and would much prefer you to take Barney's hand and come inside, I think perhaps it is where you need to be right now. You will take his hand when you are ready.

    I'm sorry you are feeling disconnected and as Susie said, Barney is there. It doesn't sound as though you are totally disconnected.

    There are a lot of positives in this post. You two are communicating well and you are taking small steps to come back inside. I love the lighter flame analogy.

    It is wonderful that you are so much stronger going through these challenges than in the past because neither of you feel alone in your fears. That's a great testament to how far you have come. Also, you are not as far away from Barney as you previously would have been.

    Love and hugs
    Roz

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    1. You know Roz, I was just saying to Sadie the other day, the thing about being disconnected the further along in ttwd/Dd is, not so much how far away you are, but the fact that 'normal' ( which is different for everyone) isn't good enough anymore. NOT to put too much pressure on us or our relationship. I still hope I have perspective, but realizing that we are not where we desire perhaps as a couple or in my case an individual is a tad scary. ONLY because we have seen how difficult it can be to 'come back' How emotionally taxing it can be.
      That being said, I am not an alarmist . I think I just stopped the madness that is my life right now and realized, " hey I walked away- I need to get back soon or things could be quite unpleasant "
      You are right a while ago I would have driven off, middle finger extended out the window, not checking my rear view mirror. Trust me I check everything concerning the rear now!
      love willie

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  22. This post totally hit home for me! I've been out on that ledge as well lately, and it's kind of difficult to come back in. You have SUCH a way with words!

    How about we both try to slowly but surely get off that ledge and head back inside? ;)

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    1. LOL. Kenzie Barney mentions my 'way with words' too. More like I have TOO many words. Huh?

      I like you idea! Sadly I just decided to jump. LOL. Oh well we are like the Jefferson's now ( oh you might be too young to remember their show) anyway we are 'movin' on up to the sky..." yup. climbing YET again! Too bad I didn't actually do this physically in real life. I would have buns of steel !

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  23. What a great post- you articulate so well what you are feeling.

    I have a ledge too, but I usually have an attitude that goes with it, so I'd probably get spanked and dragged back inside abruptly.

    I guess to be honest I wish I had more opportunity to just "be" as I sort things out for myself. But I have a "ledge dragger" who doesn't see it as a healthy place for me.

    I like your post very much. And I think you are on the "edge" of contentment, about to fall into a peaceful place for both of you.

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    1. Thanks Stormy

      I think I can certainly understand why you would have an attitude that went with your ledge perching. I think I would too if I felt I wasn't allowed to sit out there guilt free for even just a few minutes. Who knows though? I mean Barney didn't really observe that I had left the room. Maybe if he had then I wouldn't have had the chance to sit out there for longer than a moment too. Or maybe not so in the future.

      I like how you ended with belief that we are going to find contentment. I hope and think you could be on to something there.

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  24. Honey, I love this post. And I think...a ledge isn't a bad thing, really. Will and I have learned to talk through my need for 'ledge' moments - it is important and necessary for me to be able to decompress. My moments are every night after the kids go to bed. I need my two hours of reading time, on our lovely enclosed back porch. Me, a book and a glass of wine. He plays video games in the family room. Same thing, different ways of destressing.

    The issue was that if I wasn't in the same room with Will, he thought I didn't want to BE with him. Not so. I just wanted to BE. To think or not think, to get my mind sorted out and my stress levels down. Now, after talking about this (hey, communication, who knew?!) We realized that he needs me to come out and give him a few kisses and cuddles, and I need him to understand and support my 'ledge' time.

    Because it keeps me from jumping! ;)

    Not sure if this is exactly what you are going through but I really think that Barney knows that YOU know that you will climb back through that window when you are ready, and that he is there with open arms. And if he sees you teetering on the edge, he will be right there to pull you back to him.

    Seems that he always is, right? He gets you. He is patient and adores you.

    Elisa Xo

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    1. Hey stranger.

      I understand your version of a ledge. I too have many times where I need to decompress. Odd really as I am home often during the day very much alone. Ironically it is stress( that I don't think of while alone ) that has heading for the hills so as to piece myself back together again.

      This ledge was more of an emotional detachment. Perhaps I could better describe it as unplugging your router as opposed to rebooting your computer. While rebooting can be essential to removing unwanted spam in the final stages of your virus protection process, or saving your battery by letting it go into sleep mode, unplugging your router does not allow for any outside information to filter in. And you know what? Maybe that isn't so bad at times either.
      Let's just say we had a system crash when the router was plugged back in and the computer came back online. LOL! Running scans now, but I think things might be okay.( ACK that last sentence was FAR to MM like for my liking!!!).

      Analogies aside, Barney didn't know what exactly to 'do' with me, outside of what we have attempted over and over again. This recent fall, though not as great as many we have experienced in the past, will hopefully yield greater progress in the future.

      A girl can dream right?

      Love Willie.

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