Friday, May 23, 2014

Barney~ The Man Behind Wilma ( usually with an implement)

Let's see this past week I have gone from posting a 'preachy' post, to seriously thinking about pulling my blog or going private- to writing well THIS.  Hormones/stress/anxiety anyone?

So here goes nothing, everything you don't want to know about the not so  Mysterious Barney Rubble

Barney never raises his voice.  Like never.  EVER...not even bang my thumb with a hammer EVER.  As you may have guessed he is generally a very patient man ( I hear ya , he'd have to be- preaching to the choir people!  Preaching to the choir). This is not to say he doesn't get angry.  But honestly he rarely does in the 'traditional' sense.  He does get frustrated.  Mostly with himself if he thinks he has somehow disappointed us.  Oh WAIT he does get frustrated with the teenage beast that is the Heir to the Throne.  Stomping around, or growling, not generally his style however.

People LOVE Barney.  Seriously- it is kinda annoying!  LOL.  I don't know anyone who doesn't.   I know what you are thinking, 'you are his wife- no one is going to tell you they don't like him'.  Years ago, like a couple of decades , we worked together.  Personally when he was stressed at work I thought he was a bit of a d*ck.  Yup you read that right, I called my husband a duck.  Naturally me being me, I used to tell him that.  He was basically  just short with people- but I didn't like it and I told him so.   I guess it didn't really bother him as we eventually started to date.  Anyway, people STILL liked him.  To this day people we used to work with meet up with me and say, " that Barney is a good guy.  I always liked him".  And you know what?  He is a great guy.

The man pretty much has no ego issues.  He doesn't have an inflated ego, nor does he have a fragile ego.   He is who he is, like it or lump it.   It doesn't matter to him- of course read the above paragraph and you see that he doesn't really have to deal with those NOT liking him....especially women.

Together we are a very average looking couple.  Little, but average.  No great abs.  No molded shoulders- no BIG WORKING MAN hands  on him or tight bubble butt for this girl.  We'd walk past you on the street and no one would be the wiser of our little dynamic.  Barney doesn't not exude ALPHA.  He doesn't sweat HoH ( fortunately for me and my super sense of smell, he doesn't really sweat much at all).  What he does have when he walks in the room is the respect from everyone it in.  Why?   Because he is a kind, caring, interesting and interested man.  And FUNNY!

Okay well he is also PUNNY which drives me insane!  But he is the guy with the dry humour, one-liners that will have you laughing for hours after when you think about it again.  He has said some of the most hilarious things with such a straight face.  No one, I mean NO ONE on this planet makes me laugh like he does.  I am generally a happy person but for me to actually laugh out loud, not giggle, laugh is a rarity.  Barney makes it happen.

Barney is very self effacing .  He can and does make fun of himself on a regular basis.  Not to put himself down. He doesn't take himself too seriously.  There are no parts of him that people can poke fun of and he would become upset.  His hair is thinning there is no doubt, but his mindset is...'nothing I can do about it'.  When people complain about their hair going grey he simply says, " Better grey than gone"  and means nothing more of it!

What Barney was before ttwd was a Sulker.  Yup ( I won't go into all the ways I contributed to this over the years- read The Surrendered Wife if you need insight as to why this might be).  I would bring up something that bothered me, and it wasn't worth it.  He would sulk and be down for days.  Doesn't sound like the man you have been reading about does it?  That is because I wasn't the woman I have been so desperately trying to bring out either.  I won't get into all that- you know it.  But it got to a point where I wouldn't bring things up.  Now?  Well now he gets frustrated with himself if I express my hurt or my feelings on matters that involve him, but he doesn't sulk.  He finds a way so that we can fix it together.  He discovers or tries to why this may be.  Perhaps we don't see things the same way ( okay that is actually a HUGE obstacle for us).

What Barney was before ttwd- SILENT.  Actually for almost the first year of Dd for us was about bringing Barney out of his communication shell....perhaps it should have been about me getting stuffed back into mine.  He didn't express concerns or feelings- yeah I get it, the 'guy way'.  Once it finally clicked for him, after many months of break downs and tears from both of us,  that I needed to be let in, just as much as he wanted me to let him it, he began to talk.  This was probably and still is our biggest challenge.  Often he fights the war within trying to decipher what he should share and what he doesn't.  Husband vs HoH.  To me they are one in the same.  He can and should come to me with everything he needs to talk about.  We are 100%/100% in our relationship.  There is no 'submissive' when it comes to our well being as a couple.  He's working on it !

There are so many words to describe my husband.

But the one I like Best?  Wilma -Worshiper!  Yup.  Now hold on that is not as terrible as it makes me sound.  People who have spent any time with us will agree.  The man adores me.  What is even more amazing, is that he always, ALWAYS has-  even at my worst, my coldest, my most distant.

 He has always done everything he could think of to please me ( now he sees that some of those things were not necessary, or received in their intended way.  Again because we saw/see things differently).  For those who haven't heard this story, when I first brought the idea of Dd to my husband and I was nervous, he thought I was going to ask him for a reverse vasectomy ( our youngest was 10 at the time). Do you know what?  He had said he was seriously considering it too.  I suppose insane is also a word I should use to describe my husband!

The Wilma Worshiper was almost a commodity in our old life.  Not that I used it, but knowing I had it gave me a sense of control or power.  Don't get me wrong, I have always loved my husband, but worship?

I am mentioning this trait not because I want to say " Look at ME.  I am worship worthy"  because no one knows more than I do that I am not.  I am mentioning this because it is still currency in our relationship.  Only Barney now holds the balance.  You see I strive every day, okay well mostly every day,okay a few times a week at least, to be worthy of that kind of appreciation.

 Now don't get on me, I have my good points too.  I am aware of that.  But I also know my humble husband doesn't think he his worship worthy. ( Gosh that really is a strong word isn't it?  Okay well I used it for alliteration with Wilma, but adore is more accurate.)  When I don't want to do something - when I am being lazy or stubborn or want to blame him for things not going right the way I want -I think of my husband and everything he has done for us, for me.  How he does all of this out of love- even if I don't agree with his methods or order at times.  I think of him, and I want him to feel the way he makes me feel.  That and that alone more than any rule, or spanking pushes me forward.

It didn't take more that a day of discussion before Barney said yes to Dd.  It has taken a lot since then for him to move forward with it.  I know many people would say that you should just accept what you have, but in our case the day he said yes to Dd was the day I had to trust he meant it.  Because he will do anything for me.  And how can I possibly not to everything within my power for him?  I mean you just read about him.  He's pretty fantastic!

( Although NO angel like someone we know).

Friday, May 16, 2014

I have something to Say to Men.. ( snicker not really)

I saw this on face book today.  Through various discussions this past week I KNOW that many if not ALL of us women ttwd or not desire the end of this 'meme'.  It is such a common topic of conversation among the women I know.  We believe that if we are strong as a couple, the kid issues, the financial woes, health problems, the dog barfing on the carpet will all be easier to handle as a united front.

A widely known fact, that generally speaking men are fixers, so their idea is to fix all the other issues first to alleviate our stress.  But men....I am here to address the masses ( GAH I hate that) the smelly garbage can wait.

If we want to put a ttwd spin on it- consistency is a sure fire way to help your 'woman' feel and see these things from you, and consistency can merely mean communication at times too.  Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows, " I just want to make the list" .  Well now I want to be at the top of it!  Not too demanding am I ?  LOL.  Ask and work, work,work, talk, talk, talk,...cry, scream, spank, and guess can happen! 

 At the end of the day, who doesn't want to be seen? 
( Stepping down off of my soap box now)