Friday, May 23, 2014

Barney~ The Man Behind Wilma ( usually with an implement)

Let's see this past week I have gone from posting a 'preachy' post, to seriously thinking about pulling my blog or going private- to writing well THIS.  Hormones/stress/anxiety anyone?

So here goes nothing, everything you don't want to know about the not so  Mysterious Barney Rubble

Barney never raises his voice.  Like never.  EVER...not even bang my thumb with a hammer EVER.  As you may have guessed he is generally a very patient man ( I hear ya , he'd have to be- preaching to the choir people!  Preaching to the choir). This is not to say he doesn't get angry.  But honestly he rarely does in the 'traditional' sense.  He does get frustrated.  Mostly with himself if he thinks he has somehow disappointed us.  Oh WAIT he does get frustrated with the teenage beast that is the Heir to the Throne.  Stomping around, or growling, not generally his style however.

People LOVE Barney.  Seriously- it is kinda annoying!  LOL.  I don't know anyone who doesn't.   I know what you are thinking, 'you are his wife- no one is going to tell you they don't like him'.  Years ago, like a couple of decades , we worked together.  Personally when he was stressed at work I thought he was a bit of a d*ck.  Yup you read that right, I called my husband a duck.  Naturally me being me, I used to tell him that.  He was basically  just short with people- but I didn't like it and I told him so.   I guess it didn't really bother him as we eventually started to date.  Anyway, people STILL liked him.  To this day people we used to work with meet up with me and say, " that Barney is a good guy.  I always liked him".  And you know what?  He is a great guy.



The man pretty much has no ego issues.  He doesn't have an inflated ego, nor does he have a fragile ego.   He is who he is, like it or lump it.   It doesn't matter to him- of course read the above paragraph and you see that he doesn't really have to deal with those NOT liking him....especially women.

Together we are a very average looking couple.  Little, but average.  No great abs.  No molded shoulders- no BIG WORKING MAN hands  on him or tight bubble butt for this girl.  We'd walk past you on the street and no one would be the wiser of our little dynamic.  Barney doesn't not exude ALPHA.  He doesn't sweat HoH ( fortunately for me and my super sense of smell, he doesn't really sweat much at all).  What he does have when he walks in the room is the respect from everyone it in.  Why?   Because he is a kind, caring, interesting and interested man.  And FUNNY!

Okay well he is also PUNNY which drives me insane!  But he is the guy with the dry humour, one-liners that will have you laughing for hours after when you think about it again.  He has said some of the most hilarious things with such a straight face.  No one, I mean NO ONE on this planet makes me laugh like he does.  I am generally a happy person but for me to actually laugh out loud, not giggle, laugh is a rarity.  Barney makes it happen.

Barney is very self effacing .  He can and does make fun of himself on a regular basis.  Not to put himself down. He doesn't take himself too seriously.  There are no parts of him that people can poke fun of and he would become upset.  His hair is thinning there is no doubt, but his mindset is...'nothing I can do about it'.  When people complain about their hair going grey he simply says, " Better grey than gone"  and means nothing more of it!


What Barney was before ttwd was a Sulker.  Yup ( I won't go into all the ways I contributed to this over the years- read The Surrendered Wife if you need insight as to why this might be).  I would bring up something that bothered me, and it wasn't worth it.  He would sulk and be down for days.  Doesn't sound like the man you have been reading about does it?  That is because I wasn't the woman I have been so desperately trying to bring out either.  I won't get into all that- you know it.  But it got to a point where I wouldn't bring things up.  Now?  Well now he gets frustrated with himself if I express my hurt or my feelings on matters that involve him, but he doesn't sulk.  He finds a way so that we can fix it together.  He discovers or tries to why this may be.  Perhaps we don't see things the same way ( okay that is actually a HUGE obstacle for us).

What Barney was before ttwd- SILENT.  Actually for almost the first year of Dd for us was about bringing Barney out of his communication shell....perhaps it should have been about me getting stuffed back into mine.  He didn't express concerns or feelings- yeah I get it, the 'guy way'.  Once it finally clicked for him, after many months of break downs and tears from both of us,  that I needed to be let in, just as much as he wanted me to let him it, he began to talk.  This was probably and still is our biggest challenge.  Often he fights the war within trying to decipher what he should share and what he doesn't.  Husband vs HoH.  To me they are one in the same.  He can and should come to me with everything he needs to talk about.  We are 100%/100% in our relationship.  There is no 'submissive' when it comes to our well being as a couple.  He's working on it !

There are so many words to describe my husband.


But the one I like Best?  Wilma -Worshiper!  Yup.  Now hold on that is not as terrible as it makes me sound.  People who have spent any time with us will agree.  The man adores me.  What is even more amazing, is that he always, ALWAYS has-  even at my worst, my coldest, my most distant.

 He has always done everything he could think of to please me ( now he sees that some of those things were not necessary, or received in their intended way.  Again because we saw/see things differently).  For those who haven't heard this story, when I first brought the idea of Dd to my husband and I was nervous, he thought I was going to ask him for a reverse vasectomy ( our youngest was 10 at the time). Do you know what?  He had said he was seriously considering it too.  I suppose insane is also a word I should use to describe my husband!

The Wilma Worshiper was almost a commodity in our old life.  Not that I used it, but knowing I had it gave me a sense of control or power.  Don't get me wrong, I have always loved my husband, but worship?

I am mentioning this trait not because I want to say " Look at ME.  I am worship worthy"  because no one knows more than I do that I am not.  I am mentioning this because it is still currency in our relationship.  Only Barney now holds the balance.  You see I strive every day, okay well mostly every day,okay a few times a week at least, to be worthy of that kind of appreciation.

 Now don't get on me, I have my good points too.  I am aware of that.  But I also know my humble husband doesn't think he his worship worthy. ( Gosh that really is a strong word isn't it?  Okay well I used it for alliteration with Wilma, but adore is more accurate.)  When I don't want to do something - when I am being lazy or stubborn or want to blame him for things not going right the way I want -I think of my husband and everything he has done for us, for me.  How he does all of this out of love- even if I don't agree with his methods or order at times.  I think of him, and I want him to feel the way he makes me feel.  That and that alone more than any rule, or spanking pushes me forward.

It didn't take more that a day of discussion before Barney said yes to Dd.  It has taken a lot since then for him to move forward with it.  I know many people would say that you should just accept what you have, but in our case the day he said yes to Dd was the day I had to trust he meant it.  Because he will do anything for me.  And how can I possibly not to everything within my power for him?  I mean you just read about him.  He's pretty fantastic!



( Although NO angel like someone we know).




45 comments:

  1. I love, love.....loooove this!

    That is all :)

    -Lucy

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  2. I know I've told you about this before, but one of my favorite pictures of Barney is from one night last year. You were in a tough place and it was all you could do to allow yourself to lean over on his lap. From there he was able to watch you from one side without you being able to see him worrying over you. It was fascinating to observe b/c I could read all those characteristics on his face that you describe. He was concerned. He was clearly smitten, his wheels were turning and he was almost distracted from the conversation we were all having b/c he was so focused on your curly little head. Even though I hadn't spent much time with him, it was clear to me that I was watching a man who would do anything for you.

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    1. You know the way you worded this, "lean over on his lap" even I was confused and I was there! I was thinking there is NO WAY I was OTK in the presence of others! You mean lay my head on his lap. Or lean against him ..lol

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  3. He is pretty fantastic, I loved this post so much! Barney reminds me of my husband, so I know he must be amazing. My husband wouldn't come across as "HOH'y" either...if that's even a real thing. he's just a kind, nice person. We both worked together for awhile too, and everyone loved him and would refer to me at "R's wife" ...that was kinda annoying, I mean I do have a name, but I was happy that everyone liked him , that's always a good sign. I often think about how my husband agreed to Dd out of love, and all the other things he's done for me, sometimes I don't feel worthy of that kind of love. It can be a little overwhelming trying to live up that admiration lol :) Anyway, this is the sweetest post ever, and such a testament to your wonderful husband and your marriage. I loved reading about Barney, and I wish I could hear some of that dry sense of humor, it's my favorite!

    Big Hugs!!

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    1. Hey Jennelle! Yeah he's okay- I guess- on a good day! *wink*

      It is amazing what these men of ours will do for us isn't it? I mean they agreed to Dd even when we didn't have the connection we have now. Just imagine what we could ask for? I kid. I think you make a wonderful point, about how everyone loves them or refers to you as "R's wife" being a good thing. It is a good sign!
      As for hearing some of that dry sense of humour- he just went back to work after a few days off, I ended up hearing more punny humour than dry humour-SADLY! lol
      huggin' ya back!
      willie

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  4. This post makes me happy! Sounds like my man except for the sweat. And I think that G would be quiet jealous of Barney's hair.

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    1. Well we'll have to get our men side by side and see if Barney's 5 strands blow in the wind to overshadow G's!

      Happy my post made you happy!

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  5. This is really such a lovely post Willie. You two sound like such a perfect match!
    It is so lovely to read all the background bits that make you husband and you into the people you are.

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    1. Awww thanks Janey. We might just be a perfect match because no one else could stand either one of us for any great length of time! LOL

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  6. Awwww such a great post, i often think i spend so much time focused on our problems and everything we do wrong, it's wonderful to be reminded that our guys do so many things right! i'm so happy for you Willie, i guess he's a keeper!

    Hugs,
    Lexi

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    1. Hey Lexi

      Yeah it is a difficult rut to get out of. Driving on the road of complaint for so many years, it is difficult to jerk the wheel and hold steady for any length of time to keep the marriage vehicle from falling back into the worn in ruts- 'you don't do this' , ' you always do this'. Trust me on rough days I still fall into those ruts at times too.
      Yup, even on our worst days before Dd, I always knew he was a keeper :)

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  7. Aw, Willie, he really does sound like such a great guy...and more importantly, he sounds really great for you. Actually, you two sound really great for each other...and I'm guessing that the people you used to work with were happy to see you two end up together for just that reason (and if any of them weren't, well, then, they were probably just jealous because they could clearly see how great you were together;)

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    1. Hey pretty lady!

      You know a few years ago tragedy hit a group of friends of ours. We were brought back together after many years apart from these friends. At an annual party ( for 2 consecutive years in a row) from different people came the same story, " We knew Barney and Wilma years ago before they started dating- Once they started finally after 2 years we all breathed a sigh of relief and said "FINALLY YOU TWO" "...LOL. One was from a woman explaining how she knew us to a friend of her's and the other was from a former room mate of mine talking to his wife. Of course the roommate went ON and ON about how annoying it was that we just wouldn't date as he ALWAYS knew! LOL So no jealousy from our friends/co workers.

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  8. The more I learn about Barney the more he sounds like Bucko. They should hang out. Then WE could hang out too. Anyhoo, he does sound like a great guy. It's wonderful to feel adored by your husband. You two sound like you are a good balance for each other and able to bring out the best in each other. There is something to be said for that kind of awesome.

    Love ya!
    TL

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    1. Sure they can hang out. Barney will pick out his favourite Hawaiian shirt and argyle socks for th occasion!

      I'm not sure Barney always brings out the best in me or vice versa- but now he does have some pretty sure fire ways to makes sure he sees a better me *wink*
      Love ya too!
      W

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  9. I actually have a long ago memory of one of your early posts--- when you talked about cooking together. I always picture that.
    He certainly sounds like an awesome guy

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    1. We do 'cook' well together Minelle! *wink*. He is a very patient and indulgent man that is for certain!

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  10. Willie, this is a great post, and I hope Barney gets to read it. One thing I've always noticed about your posts: you know how lucky you are to be with him and you appreciate him. This is just wonderful. He may not be what you thought an Hoh would look like, but its obvious that he's the only one for you and that you are good for each other. I do hope you keep your blog :-)

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    1. Hi River

      I don't suppose you were around reading when I first started my blog a million posts ago- but I can honestly, HONESTLY say I did not have a preconceived notion of what my Dd life would look like. I didn't thing Barney would actually ever turn into an HoH that I read about in stories or on blogs. That is just not his nature. He does the 'ask tell' as I like to call it. I am expected to do it, but he words his 'demands' as requests. Basically it isn't a rhetorical question! LOL

      I do feel very lucky to have Barney in my life. I can't imagine many that would have put up or could keep up with me for so many years- and then not only do that, but say HE is the lucky one!!!

      Thanks River! You are too sweet

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  11. Willie, I love what you wrote, and your husband must be absolutely lovely and adorable. And from what you shared, you do know what a fantastic husband you have and appreciate him as such. This is lovely. I especially enjoyed the worshipper part you wrote about. I think that hubby is similar when it comes to that. He loves spoiling me and lets me feel that I am special to him, though I do not really always feel worthy of that, either. But he does it anyway, and if anything, this way of doing things without expecting anything in return, just out of love, is fantastic and the biggest reason to do the same for him. If I did not misunderstand you completely, you have this incentive to do things for Barney, too. This is lovely. Enjoy your weekend.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Hmmmm. Maybe our husbands do things for us not only out of love but BECAUSE we feel we aren't worthy of that type of attention. I mean who wants to do things for those who FEEL they deserve it as a right? LOL.

      I feel more and more lucky as the days go by. I always knew my husband was far too good for me- but then again he says the same thing to me. I guess that is how you manage to keep trying to be everything to each other. ?

      Hugs to you!
      willie

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  12. Mutual adoration society sounds like a great way to run a marriage! I figured Barney must be a great guy since you married him and I am sure you make excellent decisions. You are both very lucky to have found each other and it is wonderful that you recognize that.

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    1. Thanks Cygnet. After he read this post he was a little teary eyed- the big softy, and he said, " You know you do make me feel all of these things too. I just want you to know that"

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  13. a wonderful tribute to your man :-) Hugs

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  14. To now that we're heard ABOUT Barney, we want to hear FROM Barney.

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    1. Sure. Sure. Tell you what, right after G hits publish on his first post email me and I'm sure that will get Barney motivated to single finger type out a post!

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    2. He's written a few. I'll have him write something really deep and semtimental and I'm sure that will motivate Barney. Maybe a haiku about what dd means to him.

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  15. I loved this post!! Barnie sounds great!
    Congrats on your awesome hubby and partnership. I loved the 100% thing. That's cool! :)
    Thanks for sharing him!
    I agree with Leah!
    ;)

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    1. Oh hey Katherine! Welcome back to my neck of the woods.

      He is a pretty fantastic hubby. I'm glad you liked the 100% thing because I think sometimes in a Dd, power exchange what have you relationship, people get caught up in the 49%/51% ratio thing and think their husbands have to be it all. Barney was caught up in that for a while- it put so much hidden stress on him until we talked it over.

      As for agreeing with Leah- that is too powerful of a dangerous statement to explain here! LOL. I highly doubt we'll see Barney publish a post- but you never know!

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  16. This was a GREAT post!! I am certain I will be sending you back to re read it often! lol. ;)

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    1. Pfft to the second sentence. Thanks for the first

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  17. Aww, I love this post Willie, such lovely words and great to learn a little more about Barney and the two of you together. Barney sounds like Rick in many ways and yes, when they give us their best, why wouldn't we want to do the same :)

    Much love and Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz- I suppose there are a great number of similarities between our husbands. Not the least of which the fact that they married amazing women right? LOL

      Yes some days the only thing that gets me to 'behave' ( to steal Ian's favourite expression directed at me) is to remember that Barney would never do or treat me the way I FEEL like treating him at times....
      Much love to you my friend
      willie

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  18. Hi Willie, I guess I'm a little late to the party, but I'm glad I got to read this post. Loved reading more about Barney and the relationship between you two. Barney sounds like the perfect husband. He makes you laugh, he adores you and is willing to do anything to please you.....you married well!

    I agree with you, just wanting to make your hubby feel as loved as you do, is better incentive than any spanking could ever be.

    Love, Queenie

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    1. Whoa! Back up that runaway train! The perfect husband? !!! Okay fine, based on your top three criteria I suppose you are right. I shouldn't complain. LOL
      I did marry well and I see so many of my husbands traits in our boys and that makes my heart swell. People are always telling us how well behaved and polite our boys are. Inside I know that must be Barney's DNA! LOL

      Barney assured me that every day he feels every bit as loved as I do. That was very nice to hear.
      Love
      willie

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  19. Willie, what a great post about Barney. I must add that you are quite a special soul yourself, because like the saying goes,"it takes two to tango".

    Love,
    George

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    1. LOL! I always think of the saying takes to to tango as a reference to fighting! Thank you for your sweet words George.

      Love willie

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  20. Love, love, love your post. Too many responses to write down but I read and re-read what you wrote and once again I was proud to be your friend.

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    1. Awwwwwwww you are such a sweetheart! It is I who am honoured to call you a friend.

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  21. So endearing. Almost made me weep. Well I am a crybaby. Barney is a lucky man as well.

    My ex was a man who would get angry and stop talking for weeks. Was not a good for him or our marriage. I envy your communication. I know how difficult it can be for the best of them.

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    1. OH Good! Another cry baby in the bunch. I hate feeling alone in that group. As for lucky as well, Barney did tell me that after he read this post.

      We have come such a long way with our communication. ONE of us *ahem* still needs a bit of work in that department. Okay, fine TWO of do. But we are still trying and that is half the battle right there!

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