Friday, May 16, 2014

I have something to Say to Men.. ( snicker not really)

I saw this on face book today.  Through various discussions this past week I KNOW that many if not ALL of us women ttwd or not desire the end of this 'meme'.  It is such a common topic of conversation among the women I know.  We believe that if we are strong as a couple, the kid issues, the financial woes, health problems, the dog barfing on the carpet will all be easier to handle as a united front.

A widely known fact, that generally speaking men are fixers, so their idea is to fix all the other issues first to alleviate our stress.  But men....I am here to address the masses ( GAH I hate that) the smelly garbage can wait.




If we want to put a ttwd spin on it- consistency is a sure fire way to help your 'woman' feel and see these things from you, and consistency can merely mean communication at times too.  Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows, " I just want to make the list" .  Well now I want to be at the top of it!  Not too demanding am I ?  LOL.  Ask and work, work,work, talk, talk, talk,...cry, scream, spank, and guess what...it can happen! 

 At the end of the day, who doesn't want to be seen? 
( Stepping down off of my soap box now)



31 comments:

  1. Amen sister! Lol.

    What is the historical meaning of soap box? Being up on it sounds dangerous and I think you could hurt yourself.

    I shall EMAIL the link to my husband.

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  2. Yes the soap box part of the post is the key component! I suppose to answer your question it would depend on whether the box was carrying multiple bars of soap, or just one bar.

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  3. Nice message! I'd take it a step further with "your priority" rather than "a priority". So could we flip it around and say that our men want the same thing from us? In my house at least, he'd want me to add 'your touch'?

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    1. I most definitely think it can be flipped, but ( toot, toot of my own horn here as I don't work outside of the house and our children are older) he does take my priority- for the most part . I mean we all slip and fall, and Momma bear comes out on occasion too. *wink*

      Yes the touch. I want the touch too!

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  4. All very true! (And I love your new decor) ;)

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  5. Hallelujah! Amen! Can I just be more important than Xbox? Just sayin:)

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  6. to be seen, heard, and loved...yep :-) Hugs

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    1. Sounds simple enough doesn't Terps? The thing is, I suppose the way we 'see' those things and the way they 'see' those things are totally different.

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  7. Yes, absolutely true! You take the time for the things that are important and what women (or man) doesn't want to feel important enough to have someone take time for you!

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    1. So true Cygnet. At the end of the day, carving out time with each other is the most important thing for both. I really believe that.

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  8. This is so true! And being in a relationship is more than just living in the same house. I think that there really has to be the willingness from both partners to spend time together, also to share and to have a very close look at what the partner needs, and then to make it happen.

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    1. I totally agree Nina. What I really do think is that men and women 'see' how time is spent on each other differently. I do honestly believe my husband repairs things around the house as acts of love towards me- but often I wish he'd just sit with me instead. Gifts are wonderful gestures but the gift of time is most important to me at least.

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  9. True, I want to be second only to God in his life. Ttwd, is opening both of our eyes to the importance of each other. :-)

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    1. Ttwd- especially the communication portion is wonderful for that Sass. At least it has been for us. Of course the communication portion doens't come without its difficulties! Like actually UNDERSTANDING each other!!! lol

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  10. I really like this post Willie :) I put hubby at the top of my list too.

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    1. I know Barney does put me at the top of his list- it is sometimes just a different type of list than I'd like!

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  11. Love this post Willie :) I especially like the one about time. None of the others are possible if they can't give you the gift of their time.

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    1. Well certainly none of the others are appreciated as much as time- at least not for me- therefore I don't always recognize the other things without the time

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  12. Hi Willie, I guess I will be brave and comment. First, you are correct about men being "fixers". We love to fix everything for our women from a broken light bulb to a cloudy day, it is just in our nature. I understand that women need to feel they are the number one priority in our lives, and they should be. Many times, and I think you are aware of this, we men are attempting to demonstrate that you our "numero uno" priority by fixing all your problems. What we don't understand is when you verbalize all your thoughts or problems, you are not always asking to have them fixed (even though it sounds that way). The trick is knowing when to just listen and be sympathetic and supportive, and when to know when you really do want us to fix the damn porch light!

    Talking to help solve problems is intuitive to women, but men only talk long enough to formulate a plan for what is necessary to fix the problem and then we take action! Ever wonder why a dinner date is so popular with couples? Because it gives the couple the opportunity to talk (womens need) but also gives the guy something to do while talking (eat).

    We really are putting you at the top of the list when we are fixing stuff for you. Like you have been saying forever, communication, communication, communication! However, I will tell you that after having been together for 37+ years I understand a lot of the time when Nina wants a sympathetic ear and when she wants action, but I still sometimes get it wrong.

    I wish I had a really wise summary, but all I can say is men and women who are part of a couple in a committed relationship must learn what makes the other feel special and act repeatedly to reinforce that feeling. Over time, that creates a history of good feelings to fall back on during the times when the kid issues, the financial woes, health problems, and the dog barfing on the carpet happen.

    Marriage is hard work and not at all like the romantic comedies Hollywood conjurs up. I will say again to all of the ladies MEN DON"T TAKE HINTS! If you want him to be a sympathetic and understanding listener, look him straight in the eye and tell him, "right now I don't want you to fix anything, just listen and talk with me". I promise he will be happy to do that, and after time, he will get the idea and then sometimes (not always) he will actually do it on his own!

    love,
    George

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    1. I understand what you are saying George, ( or at least I think I do) but honestly this meme - as shown by the women who responded here is really quite simple. As much as we appreciate all the things you do for us, to fix problems, or light bulbs, what most of us really want is your physical attention. For men to be present in the room. I think for many that is way harder to do or comprehend than changing a light bulb.

      For many asking if we want to go for a walk together, despite the fact that the leg on the couch is loose and needs attention, is more touching. To carve out time for the woman in your life. I know you and many will argue that fixing that leg on the couch *IS* carving time out for us- and you are right, but I am just letting you see a glimpse inside of our heads/hearts. If we spend time together, nonstressful time, than the leg on the couch is NOT a big deal. If we don't, well then it is added to the things not done around here! But the truth is the aggravation of 'chores' incomplete is really more about the aggravation about us being feeling incomplete.

      So to summarize from a woman's perspective if we feel like a priority, then all those 'fixing' things you do will be seen more in the light you mean them to be. We will can get through tougher times or times when you are preoccupied fixing things, when our 'glass has been filled' by you emotionally.

      love
      willie

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    2. *then not THAN...gosh some days I hate being me! lol

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  13. Sigh... yes willie, definitely so. A little time goes a long way.

    LOL I'm having a blah difficult afternoon and got on here thinking I needed a willie post. And there it was.

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    1. I hear ya Chickie- and fortunately Barney is starting to hear me too. The trouble is fighting his first nature which is to fix everything around me first to make life more peaceful. Oh well baby steps

      I am sorry you are having a blah and difficult time. You can shoot me an email anytime. I can't guarantee I'll post often, but I will answer any emails in a cheery type manner if that is what you require ;)

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  14. I love this Willie, so true. We want to be top of the list, to be seen, heard and loved.

    Love and Hugs
    Roz

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    1. We most certainly do Roz. Like George said though, they are seeing us by doing things for us- but the point of my post was for *US* being seen is different than having things done for us. I appreciate all my husband does for me I truly do, but somedays I'd just wish the fixing could wait, and we could SEE each other.

      love
      wilile

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  15. I don't think you're too demanding at all, I think we all want to be at the top of the list! I hope you feel like you are his center, because I think you're pretty awesome :) Time together is so important, I love this post.

    Hugs!!
    Jennelle

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    1. Aww Jennelle you are such a sweetie. To answer your comment, yes I do (now) feel like I am at the top of his list and his centre. Did I always? No, but then again he probably didn't always feel he was at the top of my list either. Life often makes this feeling challenging, but we both strive to focus on that small dot in the middle of chaos that is us. After a while the small dot becomes bigger and it becomes easier to see it.

      Hugs to you too!
      willie

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