Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Gorillas, and Rulers, and Thighs~ Oh My!

( Forgot to mention, grab a snack and get comfortable- its long)

Almost 2 months ago now, I think, I decided to take a walk ( figuratively) to a different 'playground'.  It is still in our neighbourhood, but I have never ventured down this particular street before. Others have talked about this playground and the type of people playing there, so I thought I should check it out and decide for myself.   The people were quite welcoming and friendly.  I even saw some faces  I knew.

One night while chatting, some of the women were discussing 'melting' when their husbands gave them the look.  Well I am certainly not that type of woman.  Sure, I suppose I wish I was...I mean it all sounds so dreamy.   I went on to explain that when my husband gives me the 'look', I give him MY look.  As in trying to freeze him with my cold stare.  No luck yet- not for lack of trying.

Do you ever sit there and wonder, am I ever going to be that person?  Am I even capable of being that person?  I don't mean in a 'woe is me' moment.  I mean in a strictly  analytic moment.  Pondering what that person even looks like? I was in that moment when a chat window popped up.  I can't remember the exact wording and we did go back and forth for a moment, but paraphrasing the man on the other end " Don't worry about melting, I bet you your husband loves those moments where you stare before you submit" ( I did tell the room that eventually I give a giggle and do whatever I was required to do) " Watching that inner struggle is a turn on".  A few days later I asked Barney whether he preferred what this man calls Subconscious Submission or the failed freeze stare - hesitation Submission.  Without even stopping to think, he said " Oh well your struggle for sure".  Huh.  I am not sure a year and a half ago his answer would have been the same, but here and now, I'll take it!

I won't pretend this summer has been all sunshine and roses Dd wise.  We have been slugging along as kids and family vacations, still seem to throw a wrench in things. Boy, that makes me sound like a horrible mother. This summer is nothing compared to last summer.  The Summer of Suckiness.  

Internally this was me last year

The beginning of this week, brought on tears.  At the most inopportune moment, I'll have you know!  Okay, second most inopportune moment- right after an intimate moment.  I wish I could say this hasn't happened before.  It has.  What made this different was the fact that I didn't have a coherent thought or feeling coursing through me.  Barney returned to our bed to find me, tears streaming down my face.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him I had no clue.  He wiped away a tear and said, 

" I know we haven't been very connected lately.  I'm sorry that is my fault".
That explanation seemed as good as  any.  On to the rest of the week we went.  Things didn't change.  I was basically this girl.

                                       ( I envy her- she has no thighs!)

Tuesday night Barney and I went for a walk after dinner.  I wish I could say I was sweet and submissive-  that I dug deep, and was the person I want to be.  I wasn't.  I took the dog, and refused his offer to walk her. He frowned.  The walk I had mapped out in my mind. I did not discuss this with him. It was not our usual walk.  He would turn to go right, and I'd keep going straight.

" Oh so you are leading now? "

" Well you didn't communicate, that you wanted to go right.  I have an idea where I want to go" ( go ahead and sigh, shake your head, and FEEL SORRY FOR MY HUSBAND. In the moment I did too.)  I just couldn't 'lean into him'.  I was hurt, yet I didn't know why. I was stewing,  WHY?  Earlier he asked me, 

"What do you want to talk about?"

" Nothing" ( and everything )  I couldn't accuse him of anything.  I mean he did say on the Sunday morning that he recognized we were off......yet.....But so?  I mean I could have said/done something about that too.  I kept my mouth shut.

We sat by the river for a while.  

" I think we should get going before the bugs get too bad".  He stood up and made his way to the bank.  I sat staring at the water.  As difficult as this may seem to believe, I wasn't trying to be 'bratty'.  The water was soothing, and it was the calmest I had felt in days. Yet by no means was I settled.

" I am not ready"


" Okay, we'll stay for a bit longer"

On the walk home he seemed to be on a mission- trust me I am the fast walker in the household.  

" Could you walk a little faster please?"

"Why?  Do you have somewhere to be?"

" Yes I can't spank you arse out here" Ahhhhhhhhh that word!!!!!!!!! He knows it sends me!

( Let's back it up a bit)

A week and a half earlier, I was visiting the other neighbourhood park, chatting away with one of the men there.  I had inadvertently disobeyed Barney. I went on to explain this in our chat.
 See Barney is more the 'ask-tell' kind of guy.  He said " Don't worry about the caulking the bath tub. I'll do it".  I had time after I painted the bathroom, so I thought 'Well I'll just do it now so he won't have to'. ( At this point in the chat I was 'interrupted with a "YOU ARE IMPATIENT".  Pfft- okay so yeah he was right but still! lol) Problem being, while my arm is now at about 90% , apparently using a caulking gun is still NOT a great idea.
After I presented my 'case', this was his response,

"He's going to paddle your arse"

  I laughed. Oh if he only knew my husband!  We talked for several hours.  He asked me many questions publicly and a few privately that had and still have me thinking.  Mostly surrounding pain. I think I am beginning to understand myself a bit better in that regard.  Time will tell I suppose.  

He also came up with some 'solutions'- after we discussed the constant blistering of my bum. He said that my arse gets leathery because Barney doesn't move around much.  ( Barney will use the excuse he doesn't have a lot of territory to cover- I  STRONGLY disagree).  This is not what Gorilla meant (  he goes by the name, I'm not being snarky).  He informed me Barney needs to venture all the way down my legs to the back of my knees, and my inner thighs.  YIKES.  Yet the idea intrigued me.  I have had my sit spots spanked plenty.  The odd arrant paddle on my thighs but nothing serious.  Maybe THIS might get through my stubborn head of control.

Later that night Barney came home while we were still talking. Gorilla dared me to hand over the computer to B.  What the heck- I knew what he was going to say.  I wasn't prepared for the EVIL chuckles from my husband however!  ( apparently I am "an Amazing Pain in the Arse" ) sheesh.  Word obviously hasn't reached Australia that I am

So other than their apparently AMAZING wives ( I edited his comment to suit me), what did they talk about.? Why spanking inner thighs.  The ins and outs...okay mostly the ins of it. 

 Did Barney spank me for the tub?  Nope. Well yes.  Initially he didn't click into what I had done that was wrong.  I told him, in a playful manner, " Well I showed  I told Gorilla you wouldn't think I disobeyed you"  The next day after talking it clicked for him.  That night he told me he was going to spank me.  But it wasn't a punishment.

I pretty much sat on our bed like this.

I don't like being an experiment- yet I know at times it is necessary. Barney looked at me for a few moments.

"Okay, wow I guess I am really sending you mixed signals after all our discussions last week. I said I need to step up.  I need to make sure you take care of yourself and do what *I* think is best for you.  Of course this should be a punishment".  Don't get me wrong here people, my mind was not like this

I just need to have my ducks in a row.  Yeah, yeah, CONTROL...sigh .  After a quick caning ( lexan not actual cane) he moved on to the thigh area. 

 For our first time out, he used a short plastic ruler that he basically flicked.  Yeah, so not a pain I was used to, therefore I couldn't wrap my head around it.  I may be able to, but I am trying NOT to.  I am going to tell you it was more the awkwardness of this particular position he chose that had my mind swimming.  Like a gynecological nightmare appointment.

After he examined his 'handy'work'

"Oh, this leaves some interesting markings"  

MARKINGS????? Who is this man and what have you done with my husband?  After I took care of some pressing business ( he liked the markings apparently) I went to examine myself.

" I look like I have hickeys on my inner thighs!  Oh well I guess those will be more acceptable to explain if they are seen"

Let's just say I do believe there were two men who looked like 'the cat that swallowed the canary that week'.  One in the Northern and the other in the Southern Hemisphere.  But it gets 'worse' - better?  Not sure.  Better I guess if I am honest.

That night after our basically silent river walk, nothing happened.  I was grateful as I still wasn't sure what was going on inside of me.  The next day I did feel better.  Less unsettled.  Barney told me to go downstairs and come back to the bedroom in 5 minutes.  When I returned it was obvious that he was going to restrain me.

(I'll give you this visual to refer back to, because I am classy like that.)

 For whatever reason my heart sunk. SEX.  It is not that I don't enjoy sex with my husband. It was just the last time had me in tears, and I didn't feel like we moved that much closer to reconnecting. I had my doubts, but again I kept them to myself.  

"Please take off all of your clothes and get over the wedge" ( we have a cheap version of a sex wedge- I think its intended purpose is for acid reflux...not ASS, bare and up).  The wedge was in the middle of the bed.  Once I was in position, he put our leather blindfold on me and began to restrain my arms.

" I am removing your some of your senses, and restraining you in order that you might feel less in control before we talk".

( interesting) 

Next he attached my ankles to a spreader bar he had made months ago, but might have used twice.  After he attached that to other restraints.  Okay that ceiling fan is really strong!  HOLY.

Pretty sure there wasn't much pre-talk.  Just a whole lotta spanking.  Intermixed with a feather duster.  Yup you read that right.  Occasionally there was some moisturizer applied to my hind quarters, but basically a whole lotta spanking. 

I heard some of his words  
  • You are to graciously take a compliment when someone tells you you look beautiful.  Especially me, because you are.  ( naturally I was going to remember that one.)
  • Something about eating....
  • Something about letting go of control
  • Something about he is the one responsible for taking care of me and our family
He continued to talk .......and spank, and..................

I then turned into this caged animal!  It is a darn good thing he decided to restraint the spreader bar, because I was trying to figure out a way to knock him in the temple with the end of it at one point.  Those who have read here for a while have heard me talk about being silent, this time was no different with the exception of my snorting steam from my nasal passages.

I tried to embrace the pain.  I tried to focus on his words...nothing doing.  I bucked. I pulled against those damn restraints.  I snuffed .  I snorted.  Every once and a while I would relax.  Relaxed my hands. Relaxed my breathing.  My shoulders didn't seem to want to let go of the tension though.  There were two times where I was on the fringe of letting go completely.  I felt my white space moving in.  I was ready, but then BAM...something different.  HOLY HELL!   So close

It doesn't matter though, because he kept at it .  He spanked me past the anger.  Was I jelly for a couple of days after?  Nope, back to me without tears.  Maybe just a little of this happened

Someone does seem changed though.  BARNEY.  I mean aside from his new annoying arse term.  No he's not all bossy, bossy. Well maybe a little, but not really.  I can't exactly put my finger on the what.  I think he is maybe a little more confident?  Or secure?  LOL.. he did call me Brat today.  As in

" Are you almost ready to go Brat? "  that was never in his vocabulary before.  Not that way anyway.  More like " You are such a brat".

He also said he was pondering a no swearing rule, ( I had just banged my thumb!) because " It is not becoming of you"  ( come again????)

As for my thighs?

He actually was alarmed.  Why?  Because  he hasn't seen bruises in over a year. Blisters a plenty- aubergine bruises..not so much.  Meh.  I have long skirts!  LOL

And this guy?

Well he sent Barney a virtual high five.

Remember when I used to tease I needed new 'friends'? . 





  1. Goodness Willie.. what a story. I might have to re - read this a couple of times before truly commenting. Sounds as though Barney is making some serious changes that you are going to have to adjust to. The whole thing seems pretty intense.

    1. It was really long Annabelle. It might take you the rest of the week to reread it several times! I am not entirely sure if these serious changes will last in some ways- he has to keep changing to keep up, unfortunately.

      It was intense, but that is what was needed if I am to be honest. My intense and your intense and someone else's intense are most likely comparing apples, to oranges to zucchini ! LOL

  2. Good for Barney! You just gotta love the new friends you are making so helpful & all! LOL!

    1. Oh yes honey! Actually Steve has been more help to me than I am sure he even realizes. Yes he gave Barney and idea or two, but there have been words of encouragement to just be true to myself- my core ( basically he didn't actually say that- he is an Ape afterall) and Barney will deal with me, and it will be okay.

  3. Perhaps an odd piece to stick with me but it is very interesting how being restrained allowed you to fight it out. You didn't have to put your own restraints on...if that makes sense. You know who tells me all the time that whatever happens while over his knee is just fine. Fight, argue, holler, tell him's okay. That is actually part of giving up control and that elusive melty place is over-rated if it gets defined too closely, b/c here the softening piece doesn't always look the same. Maybe you let go in your own way by becoming that little bull.

    I'm not surprised at all that Barney is standing a little taller. This took a lot of thought and chutzpah on his part...which is exactly what you perhaps need at times...the surprise element that happens before you have all your ducks lined up.

    1. Well it would be nice to think that analogy was it and tie it up ( pun intended) in a nice little package- but you know with me things are never quite as simple and straight forward. Or literal! LOL.

      I was fighting it out as you put it because IT HURT! Not emotionally.

    2. Oh I never tie any neat little bows with you. :)

      You have a very complicated relationship with pain. It's more than an unusually high tolerance. I know you didn't fight it out emotionally but is there something to being in a place where you felt it? Maybe...maybe not.

      I'll stop typing now.

  4. Well good for Barney! You and I both know that once we give up that control you feel so much more calmer. I think Susie is right, turning into a fighting bull will help you give up your control. It sounds like Barney is putting a lot of thought into this and is becoming more confident.

    Ouch! The inner thighs. Please don't ever let Barney talk to Rog!

    1. Well Kim, I think it is safe to say that if the time comes when Barney and Rog ever talk, he won't be talking about inner thigh spankings! That just isn't his thing- and exhale now! LOL

      I mean doing it is, talking about it isn't. He isn't the 'adviser' type.

      I honestly don't think turning into a fighting bull will help me give up control. I do think it helps Barney and in the long run will benefit us. But the fighting bull brings adrenaline and anger to fight the pain off. NOT really conducive to letting go of control. Spanking me through that stage, well that is a different situation ;)

      Love w

  5. Wow, Willie! You've been trying to find some men to give Barney some advice that he would take for a while now and it seems that you've found someone (yikes!) This story also shows that Barney is still working things things out for himself.

    I like what Susie said about having external restraints allows you to let go of your internal restraints.

    It sounds like you rather like the "new" Barney ;-) It also sounds like if he were to take this tact again, you would be pretty "okay" with it. :-) So, good for Barney and huzzah...and good for you too, I think... :-)

    1. Hey Cygnet.

      I don't think I was trying to find some men to give Barney some advice. I was hoping he would find something that spoke to him however. Like most things in life, Dd-wise or not, the timing has to be right for the advice to not only be heard but taken. I think it is safe to say The Timing Was Right! LOL

      Well I'm happy you all agree with Susie's assessment, but at the moment and the risk of being contrary, I don't think the symbolism really applies ...LOL

      As for the new Barney, he'll do. I am not sure how often things can be repeated here if they are to remain effective. He hasn't tried this again since, and that is okay by me!

  6. Now that I have adjusted myself and clamped my legs together so that there is no possible way that anyone could get to my inner thighs...ouch...I am however intrigued. How do you make a spreader bar? Sorry, off topic. You have to be one of the most stubborn women I know, yes, it takes one to know one:) I am however impressed with both of you for working through y'all's stuff and trying new ways to do it. Restraints...sigh...a girl can dream, right? Wish Levi would contemplate that...may help my control freak to let go. Hope your summer continues to improve:)

    1. Well Stubborn Bea, ( I think that this should be your new name, I mean you are hardly NEW anymore *wink*)

      Half of the battle is recognizing your needs/desires/wants. Sounds like you have that covered. Now the other part? Bringing it to Levi. May I suggest copious amounts of wine before doing so?

      In truth it was a friend of mine last year that told me how she didn't truly let go for the 'main event' during sex, until her husband restrained her. I discussed this at the time with Barney- I think we had our under the bed restraints for months collecting dust at this time. A few weeks ago, he was reading The Loving Dominant, and read an excerpt from a psychologist. She discovered she was the same way and decided to find out why. He read it to me like this was the first time he had heard of such a thing. SIGH. In truth I was quite upset, and rolled over to cry in bed. It had taken everything for me to tell him about my 'inner demons' in this situation and I had done it more than once, only for him to not remember. I think he is finally getting it now, but boy this has been discussed for over a year.

      All that being said, I still disagree with Susie's assessment! As far as spanking goes. LOL.

  7. Wow your life sounds a lot like mine.. I think we both have a little monster control problem lol.. where do you chat at? I'm always looking for a good chat room but can't find one

    1. Oh I have a HUGE Viral control outbreak happening here constantly Daisy! Welcome back by the way!

      I chat Sunday nights on the Disciplined and Loved organized chat. When I can that is. The conversation with Gorilla was actually on a Saturday night when Barney was working. I just opened up chat and left it open until someone came along. As fate would have it, it was an inner thigh slapper! LOL

      In all honesty Daisy I really enjoy this chat room. It is full of colourful characters, but they are all mature...well most times!

  8. Yikes!! That's quite a friend you've got there, and good for Barney :) Joking aside, I'm glad you have someone that has given you some support and recommendations. Sounds like they did help. Sometimes intense is what you need, I know how hard it is to let go of control. I laughed reading this because I've never melted either, I don't know if I'll ever be one to melt. I hope my husband can live with "hesitation" submission.

    I have been reading that forum for a little while, and I've learned a lot. It's a nice place. Glad you've made some friends over there :)

    1. Hey Jennelle!

      What you are not a melter? Shocking! Although, I do sometimes wish I was or could melt. Who knows maybe someday we will both be taken by surprise? But it isn't something I care to focus on. I think it is great honestly that we can talk about these things so we don't feel alone and our husbands can stop banging their heads against the wall! LOL. I know Barney used to read about women turning to mush and look at me and say, " you NEVER do that". Sigh. LOL.

      As for the forum, well it has taken me a while to get used to it. For me it is quite different than blogging. I very rarely comment on the forum posts. I do enjoy the chat room though. Especially Sunday night. I like the people there and the maturity level. Maybe some time you'll venture over too?

  9. Making new friends is so great! Thigh spanking? Not so much. ;) Well, I've never experienced it, but I can only imagine, lol.

    1. Yes new friends is great. They can offer a fresh perspective ( or ya know, a BLUNT one lol). Thigh spankings? Well they are effective.

  10. So I'm trying to think of something profound to say but I keep coming back to "all the way to the freaking knees?" This Gorilla character sounds like trouble.

    1. Pfft. Okay seeing how this is MY blog, I can reveal! What? That is my rule. Cut the You know full well you 'introduced' me to this trouble maker! And btw, that is pretty much how he describes you and I ! Personally I believe I have been wrongfully dubbed that. Trouble by association

  11. Is it so hard to surrender your control...apparently so! I am so happy for Barney that he took control and forced you to surrender, if only for a little while. Sometimes the message can be soft and sometimes hard and maybe the Gorilla is right...sometime the message needs to be shouted loud and clear.

    1. Hi Don!

      Oh the message certainly was shouted loud and clear! And yup, I have a very difficult time surrendering complete control that is for sure.

  12. It sounds like Barney is really stepping up and becoming the HOH of your dreams! I'm so happy for you Willie!

    Hugs Lexi

    1. Hey Lexi

      Good to see you buzzing around blogland!. I am not entirely sure I have ever had a dream HOH in mind, but I am pretty sure if I did, THIS episode was not dream-like! LOL

  13. Hi Willie,
    I know how frustrating it is to be so upset and not know why, I'm so sorry. Thigh spanking....I don't like it! But if it gives your bottom a break and is effective, I guess its not all bad :-) The biggest thing I took away from this is that Barney is really trying. He took the time to talk with someone and then come up with a plan (albeit an ouchy one!) to try and tame you, in a creative way to boot. I don't know what's causing the disconnect with you two of course, but I hope the fact that he's thinking about you, about how to help you, helps you feel closer to him. So if Brat is your new nickname do we get to use it? :-P I jest, of course. Especially since most often I am called Bratgirl myself! I do hope things continue to improve for you Willie.

    1. Hi Bratgirl!

      I am pretty much certain that a huge part of the disconnect and perhaps unhappiness as you said is due to the toils of summer vacation ( so how bad of a mother does that make me sound? lol). Not only the constant parade of visitors and children in and out of our house, but the fact that I am planning everything, has me usually wound tighter than a drum. Of course then my husband 'beats' said drum! LOL

      I've been spanked a couple of times since then, the thighs have been spared. I don't think this will be an every time deal. Thank GOD!


  14. Willie, I think you have been experiencing a triple low bio rhythm lately! Seriously though, sometimes we can be sad and depressed for no apparent reason. Good news is Barney has your backside covered figuratively and literally! This too shall come to pass and since I know your aversion to the ocean I will skip the smooth sailing cliche and say before long y'all will be happy as a clam...oops that also has ocean ties :-0. Oh well...

    1. Ya know George one can sail and there are clams in lakes too! I have no aversion to lakes.
      Just oceans, and thigh spankings!

  15. You are a brave woman Willie. Not sure I would have turned the computer over to let SK chat with Gorilla!! I heard about the comb and ruler flicking on the chat and was extremely glad SK was not in town. Seriously though, I'm glad he befriended you and helped both you and Barney at least begin the journey back to each other. Life is hard enough without feeling off and unsettled.

    Not sure I'm ever going to be happy with an inner thigh spanking or spanking my thighs down to the back of my knees. I wear shorts almost 12 months a year. I would have a major problem! I also have high pain tolerance and if that works..... Maybe. Anyway, good luck and thank goodness for good, well intentioned friends.

    1. I am not sure I have a high pain tolerance, but rather I can get used to previously experienced pain. New pain is brutal for me...but once I have encountered it, I can usually wrap my head around it, if that makes any sense?

      Anyway, I knew what Steve was going to say to Barney, so there was no huge risk taken. After he read my post, he made an excellent observation, Steve that is. Basically he said that if Barney hadn't tried the thigh spanking, I would have been disappointed. Oh and then he of course said, " You got what you deserved" LOL!

      What really surprised me in a good way was the second thigh spanking. Gorilla hadn't gone into detail with Barney beyond suggestions on what to use, after Barney asked. The rest was all Barney. He will tell you he isn't known for his creative lines of thinking, so I was impressed.

  16. Oh my goodness, Wilma! This post made me go through just about every emotion with you. I was laughing out loud by the end though. Happy for you.

    1. Oh well I suppose it is long enough to have you experience every emotion Brooke! Thank goodness you ended with a happy one!!!

  17. Phew! Took me a while but I made it back to comment. I like this - branching out, embracing new ideas - how you are both keeping minds open. And you're not an experiment.. even when its new or unfolding as you go..because when you make that decision to trust him and place yourself in his hands it becomes something that you are exploring and discovering together. Sometimes intense is what you need..sometimes you need to change things up. Whether or not there was much traditional conversing involved, it sounds like Barney made his point just fine! Last thing - LOVE the DIY spirit that's being employed with implements and bondage gear and such. Good to have a man that's handy;). Love, tess

    1. Thank Goodness! I was beginning to wonder if you would ever find me ( here )!

      Can I just say in comments below, " Please refer to Tess' comment above" ? Or is that a cop out? LOL.

      As for the spreader bar, well um, I might have designed it for him. LOL. But yes he is branching out and that makes me feel more secure and he more confident.

      Love to you Tess!

  18. I'm late to the party ... again! Sigh.

    Wow Wilma. Sounds like Barney is finding more confidence but sheesh, you know what we always say about HoH's talking to each other. Thigh spanking ... eek!

    I too know what it's like to be upset but unsure why and I'm sorry you went through that. Giving up control is hard and sometimes we do need intense.

    We are meant to be slowly making our way back to ttwd. Rick recently said he misses it too and wants to but is unsure how to get there. Also afraid he will start stepping up and end up disappointing me (his words). Maybe I should encourage him to talk to some other HoH's ... hmm

    Lots of love and Hugs

    Oh, I forgot ... how's the coffee this morning?:)

    1. If you are late to the party, then I have missed the boat completely! I blame summer vacation. Speaking of which, it is official my family doesn't know how to make coffee! Okay moving on....

      Barn, is becoming more confident I think. I mean our summer trip, sort of put a slight bump in our dynamic, but we are chugging along now. As for the HOHs talking to each other, well I honestly didn't know where this was going to lead. He has never had any man suggest how to discipline me before. Mostly other HoHs just talk to me and tell me to behave! ( um this one was no different towards me by the way...LOL)

      I think the most difficult thing might be for an HOH to start anew. I think it may be even more difficult that initially starting. They have the knowledge of how things went right and how they went wrong before, and sometimes I think they focus more on the wrong. I can't say I blame them. The hurt that comes as a result of Dd 'off roading' as Lucy likes to say, it crippling when they see it in our faces/actions.

      Who knows? Maybe it is time for the, "making mistakes means you are trying' talk again Roz.

      Much love to you too!

  19. Golly, Willie, I know you warned me in advance and said not to get worried and upset, but like Lucy I am lost for words.

    I started out thinking one thing, then another thing, and now I don't know where I am.

    It sounds like heavy BDSM to me. I'm afraid my thighs are very important to me and the description of two aubergines does nothing for me whatsoever. In fact, if Dan ever went that far he would have a lot more than two aubergines to deal with. But before anyone not knowing how you and I talk to each other "off the public radar" and gets all worked up on your behalf, I'll move rapidly on.

    I have such a sore tail at the moment (as you know due to other reasons) that I am getting feistier by the day, and am becoming a bratty little bugger. So a little of this is due to sheer envy that I am not able to enjoy even a bit of what you are receiving. However - this is where we differ in our emotional hemispheres.

    I claim not to submit to anything - ever - not in your wildest dreams. Yet any suggestions from Dan and I am there with my running shoes on and ready on the blocks for the gun to go off. The difference is that Dan refuses to use any form of restraints. I am "asked" to stay in position. Any position. Work that one out. I am not against restraints, before anyone asks, but Dan is, and I go with the flow. Inner thighs, oh yes, but not to the point of bruises. That's ugly - not attractive Willie unless they go within a day or so. Same with blisters. Yuck. Yet a few lines with a switch or cane can be sexy. Think about it. Draped with satin and lace with big bruises peeking out?

    The fact that your arse is getting bruised and leathery is all due to too much. Think about sex. If you overcook the pastry, it gets chewy and burnt. Yet warm it up a little every now and again, and it's succulent, red and glowing, and ready for a lot more things than a spank.

    Chat rooms? No. I don't do those. Never will. I've had some extremely interesting emails over the time since we began - but I need Dan to tell me what he wants, not someone else to decide what we should be doing. In fact, and I think it was something you once suggested to me, we once wrote down things we fantasised about because we both had difficulty in putting them into words. My my. That was an eye opener. The unplumbed depths will never be the same again. A real surprise.

    What it comes down to is (a) make up your mind what you really want (b) leave it to Barney to decide (c) don't force things so much (d) have lots and lots of fun trying things out (e) if you are really enjoying what you are doing, and where this is going it doesn't matter a fig what I or anyone else thinks. It's just that I am a bit of a Yiddisher Mama and I worry. You are young and beautiful and you have so much TIME! Don't be in so much of a rush.

    I think you knew I'd say all these things. I'm too old to change.

    Take care, Sweetie.

    Many hugs

    1. LOL Ami!!!

      Heavy BDSM? HARDLY!!!

      As for the thighs, it actually did upset Barney that they were so bruised. I just likened it to when we first started Dd and my bum was so bruised. He got used to seeing that, and well my bum got used to being spanked. I'd imagine the same thing would eventually happen if he continued to assault my thighs. The bruising would be a rarity.

      Now as to you CLAIMING that you don't submit...good grief woman, get used to the darn word! Dress it up anyway you like, but you know darn well you submit. Submission is not the same as suppression you know? I am certainly no meek, quiet wallflower and neither are any of the women I have come across. You yourself have already said Dan has been the head of your house for years. Your acts of service are just a tiny bit of submission. Meh, some day you may let yourself go and realize it looks different to everyone and it isn't a swear word.

      See above about the bruising. CLEARLY Barney wasn't intending on 'marking me' to that degree and you should know that about him. He felt truly awful. Those things don't pop up the minute you smack someone, the same goes for blisters. Everything is shiny at the time. He feels my skin constantly to make sure it isn't broken. Again we have all been bruised, or many of us have and this was new territory that is all.

      All that being said, we are good friends and I know that unless you have personally experienced something, your ability to wrap your head around it is difficult. That is okay. But you do have to remember that what you desire/require might not be the same as others. The leather bum is a bi product of the final goal. It isn't Barney's fault it happens that way, it is mine. A little slap and tickle doesn't cut it for me. I don't mean to be trite about it, but we all require different levels of intensity. I know there are others out there who require far more than I could ever handle- to each his own.

      Now you are getting a little judgmental there far as the chat rooms go. If you have never been, then how can you know that you wouldn't benefit? Gorilla didn't TELL Barney what to do, really, he told him what he did. Barney didn't go upstairs and do what Gorilla does, he created his own situation. He is very much his own man, and has often said, " No man can tell me how to handle my wife, because she is MY WIFE. I should know better than anyone" Whatever they talked about set a light off in my husband's head, but that was all his own doing.

      And off to the final comments...Phew. I honestly didn't think you would go to the depths you did in this comment. I am not offended in the least- although others expressed concern over how I would react to this comment. If this was a year ago, I would have felt judged and misunderstood. Now I realize that we see things very differently you and I. I am not entirely sure how you managed to gather that Barney was not doing is own thing. He was. I am also confused about the 'don't be in so much of a rush" ...but I will take the young and beautiful compliment!!!

      Hope you get back to being your old chipper self soon!


  20. I feel like saying yea.... 'What Ami said.'
    I also agree with Susie and the restraints allowing you to give up control.
    One other thought... I may be wrong but I once read that too much intensity could cause nerve deadening...
    The inside of thighs would make me run for the hills! Sometimes I think I have a high tolerance---others not at all!
    I know you will keep working to make it right for you both.

    1. Well Minelle, I guess then I can say, " read above" LOL. on both accounts Ami's and Susie's.

      My nerve endings aren't damaged, but I do have some weird ability to get used to a pain I have experienced before. The beginning part of spankings on the bum still hurt, until I 'get used to it' . But that is something we are working on. Hence the moving around. The inner thigh spankings are done much lighter than a bottom spanking, fear not! LOL.

  21. Oh my goodness Willie.
    Well, he seems to be stepping up and trying things out. That bigger confidence has got to be good for all concerned.
    But back of thighs? I am so sensitive there. H will take a few down below my sit spots but I know he adjusts his swing to make them lighter, even so they feel terrible.
    And inner thighs? Well he has been there but without restraint I just did not have the willpower to stay in position as he wants me to willingly!!!!
    I can see how it may break the pain barrier though, but even so ..... Good luck!

    1. Heya Janey!!

      See you have experienced all of these things, and survived. LOL. The inner thigh spanking didn't happen much when I was restrained. It was used only for punishment. The restrained spanking wasn't a punishment spanking. I am not entirely certain I made that clear in my rambling post.

      He does seem different. Like I said, he isn't overtly dominant but there is a change in him nevertheless. Now if I could only change a tad bit more! LOL

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  23. What Annabelle said, Intense indeed! Wow. You had me laughing hysterically then OMGosh that sounds painful. So you mentioned he has changed but are you still feeling out of sorts?

  24. Hi Paige!

    No I am not feeling out of sorts at all. This is what I asked for after all. However I certainly didn't envision this method!