Friday, February 19, 2021

Continuity Is The Best C- word (for us)

I know I said in my last post that it was sort of a precursor to another post, The Yo-yo of Ttwd ( working title LOL), and it will be. However, my mind is preoccupied and that particular post in no longer in the forefront of it. Seeing how I haven't written in soooo long, aside from novels on other people's posts, I don't think I have the capability to force a post out.  When I started blogging, and for many years the posts just popped into my head, and would reside there until I typed them out. I think I'm out of practice. lol

 Speaking of when I started blogging, or rather ttwd ( which are one in the same ), the word consistency was written about everywhere-that and the dreaded OTHER C-word, *communication*. Both very valid words to live by, with the Dom and the sub holding up their part by being consistent and communicating with each other. But as we have clicked along, more further away from a strictly Dd dynamic, I noticed another C-word, ( still not that one) popping into our lives, Continuity. Years ago I wrote a post   (Moving from Supporting to Cultivating Submission) . In it I tried to  describe how we morphed to proactive, from mostly reactive within our dynamic..  I suppose this post is a little along that line and why continuity is every bit as important if not MORE so in our dynamic now than consistency.

No doubt everyone recognizes consistency is the best way to achieve success in this dynamic, especially when one first starts out.  It definitely forms a foundation from which to build up on.  It creates  a security and believability that both parties genuinely want this. In many ways it is the push that has  both partners taking great strides along their dynamic's pathway.  I also know it is an area we have struggled mightily in.  Even today, ESPECIALLY today with a pandemic raging and natural disasters, on top of all the normal every day goings on, consistency can be a challenge.  Emotional exhaustion can take it's toll on consistency for some. That being said, a good foundation of consistency can allow the dynamic to coast a long for a good while without it, each realizing that when things slow down, it will return to normal.  With that bit of preachiness out of the way, I want to explain to you my view on the value of continuity in our dynamic

Because I think in images, and analyze in analogies, I view continuity like a Dot to Dot picture.  Depending on where we are in our dynamic, and I don't mean experience wise, I mean mentally and emotionally, the Dot to Dot  diagram can either appear:
 
Simple



Or stupidly complex



 

So what exactly does this mean?  I view each 'act' done by either myself or Barney as a dot on the page toward creating a picture that we both long to see within our relationship dynamic.  These are tangible thing we can both see, and experience. 


 For this analogy I am going to stick with acts that Barney has brought forth.  Let's use an overly simple and fictitious  example of placing dots during a day. 


1) I wake up to a communication on my phone from B telling me what he expects me to do in the morning before he gets up - (dot)

2) When he gets up he tells me to assume some position for him while his coffee brews (dot)
( I always get his coffee set up and serve it to him, so there is no dot for that, but perhaps a pre-drawn line to the next dot.  That being said, if he decides that day to get his own coffee, it can erase the line for me)

3) We enter the living room to have a discussion, in which he reminds me to sit in a certain place and way ( two dots close together because the sitting is a protocol but his words and reminders help place the dot)

4) After there are specific instructions on what to do (dot) 

 5)Following rituals he has set out, and/or calling out misbehaviour or slip ups on my part- perhaps leaving the room without asking first (dot)

6) Some role affirmation- could be holding a painful position, could be pain, could be sexual service ( dot)

7) B making sure his instructions are being followed throughout the day while he is home, or limiting  my time, space (dot)

8) Instructions for when he is at work - perhaps a writing exercise or another submissive exercise, ( holding a position while reflecting on something for a certain amount of time let's say - or computer / electronic device denial or approval) (dot)

9) Following specific routines for bedtime or his return home (dot)



Those dots look heavy for poor Barney

All of these dots are placed and ideally lead to the full picture of submission/dominance within our dynamic.  But let's say only 'one' dot is placed, or 3 but hours upon hours apart?  What then?  Well the latter depends on the day, but the former merely creates a pocket of D/s.  A moment in time. Some days this has to suffice because life isn't perfect These are just examples there are many subtilties that help move that pencil along from dot to dot during the day, but for the most part without feeling each others presence throughout the day, or week,  the picture is not created. It feels more like situational D/s, which in time can lead to feeling like it's a game or  worse not worth the effort for me.  I'm sure I don't have to tell you the problems that can occur when you feel like your dynamic is losing ground, especially if only one feels that way.

  B may not need all the dots in order to see (feel) the big picture, or vice versa .  Often he can place a few dots and believes he sees the finished product.  Unfortunately for me that isn't always the case.  I need the little dots to allow myself to believe the picture is actually what he sees.  


Sounds like a lot of work for B doesn't it?  And perhaps you're correct in seeing it that way. However, in this analogy I would say that my submission is the pencil that follows the dots along.  A missed dot can halt the forward progress, or my submission can move forward to a dot further along creating a less than perfect line for the picture, but a line nevertheless. My lack of submission can also remove an intended dot on the page.  This may destroy the picture all together.



My long winded analogy is to say at this point in our dynamic, more than the consistency of reacting to my actions or lack thereof,  we  I need continuity. It allows me to  feel his dominance and control. By linking the  pieces of the day together it  emphasizes the big picture of our dynamic in a way that feels more authentic to me. A feeling of authenticity allows my submission to feel less guarded and accepted by both of us. He feels successful  and at peace with his dominance and I feel freedom and acceptance in my submission. 

With that we create our complete picture.



Sounds simple enough doesn't it?

Pfft!




Trust me there are still a lot of days like this one

Lol!



21 comments:

  1. Willie,
    I want to thank you for all the novels you have left on my blog over the past year. LOL I have always been a blogger that is so eager to answer the comments (when I don't have a migraine) because it's more like a conversation that way. You are one that answers comments to comments and that creates a great dialogue that seems to be catching fire once again in blog land. So thank you. It's fun!

    I know you're talking about C words, but I like the B word that you mentioned that goes along with those C words and really hits home with where my mind struggles... "Believability." That has always been a hurdle for me in ttwd (but not in d/s when we were only doing that. That was just sexy and in the moment. I was longing for more, but didn't know for a long time that it was the dd element.)

    I love how you identify your submission with the pencil. That is a great connection, no pun intended. I get this! I am going to ask Storm to read this post when he has time. Hugs, Windy

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    1. Hi again Windy,

      So did Storm read it? Did he 'get it' ? Sometimes I write things and all the womenfolk cheer and bring it to their men who think, " huh ? " lol

      I think believability is a hurdle a lot of subs go through, especially if they are the ones who asked for TTWD. I know that whenever I have expressed this with B, he would become frustrated with me. I suppose in many ways it is insulting to them, and they may not feel secure in their dominance because we continually question the believability factor. Trust me I can understand that, just as a sub may be questioned on their believability as a sub due to actions or inactions. Years ago I remember saying that B and I needed to come up with a entirely new language between the two of us- and we did. Where we could talk it out and understand that each others perception could be skewed, but also that what we may project out may also not be what we THINK we are projecting out. I wish I could say that new language was one we became proficiently bilingual in, but sadly I think you have to continually brush up on it. I think of it like moving to different areas within the same country- different dialects. LOL We are beat over the head with " Ttwd is continually changing" makes sense then that the way we communicate may as well. And also the way we see/believe in things too? I know the amount of dominance I had at the start would never cut it now. LOL. Yet, if there was a reason now, I'm not all caught up on us being distracted either.

      Okay officially rambling here- but what the heck? It's my blog! lol

      willie

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    2. It's your blog, "make it your own" LMAO Storm read it last night, but we were anxious to get into the closet, so we were going to discuss it today. Well, I was going to TRY to discuss with him. Then I forgot. ROFL So I will go ask him. It might cost me a blow job to get an official comment out of him though. I might be taking one for the team....different team.... the girl's team... but I got this. LOL Windy

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    3. Willie,
      His words, "I did read it again today and actually I read a bunch of Willie's posts, so now they're all jumbled up in my head and I have to think of which one was the post from today." Pause. 

      He asked me if I had done much back reading on your blog and I said no.  He got a look of interest on his face and says, "We have a lot in common with them.  Very similar issues.  We've gone through things that they went through."

      Holy shit. I'm off to discuss.... and blow. Woot! Woot! Windy

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    4. What do you mean you haven't read back in my blog???? *R*U*D*E*. I hear *some* bloggers make it a prerequisite. Lol

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    5. LMAO Oh, God in heaven help me. You are sharp, Girl. Love it.

      *Some* blogs are easy to fly through due to lack of substance and use all 987 holidays for easy blog hits.

      On a serious note, yeah, I did that ONCE and everybody who reads around here knows where that got me. The fact that Storm is reading your blog is a huge sign that it's not fluff. He's leading discussions with me and I don't want to screw that up. Your blog is to be read slowly and absorbed. Plus, it's going to make me want to blog in response to every one your dang posts! HA! Your rude friend, Windy

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    6. Aw you are so sweet to say you can fly through other blogs because....not because I write ridiculously long posts! Lol

      I thank you for sharing Storms thoughts on my writings. Makes sticking around despite crap almost worth it. Lol

      Looking forward to your bazillion posts!

      willie

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  2. That's a good analogy, the dots and the pencil. It's funny, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have that. Hoping that you get it...

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    1. Hi Olivia

      I do tend to get it most days- but some days the dots are few and far between. I think really it is a great way to maintain something that is established, but a difficult way to establish something on it's own. We use the term, " Setting The Table" here. If B hasn't set the table ( ie these dots) then any physical takes a long time to take root. I often say he's coming at an armoured truck with a nerf bat. LOL

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  3. Hi Willie,

    What a fabulous post! Ah yes, the C words. I can't count the amount of times I have read them and uttered them myself in blogland lol. They are vital to ttwd dynamic, or any relationship.

    Conntinuity...I love it! What resonated with me the most was 'situational D/s' and as Winner said, believability. When we had an active dynamic I too needed to feel Rick's presence and dominance during the day too, not just in the moment otherwise, as you said, it feels like a game and that the other person isn't as invested. I think this is where many of us struggle.

    I always enjoy your analogies and I love this one. B drawing the dots and your submission being the pencil.

    Much love
    Roz

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    1. Hey Lady,

      Ohhh I got a 'fabulous post' AND an exclamation point! Yay me!!!

      I remember when we were all blogging years ago I wanted to SCREAM every time I read the word communication. I knew it was essential, we all KNEW it was essential, but good grief it seemed like such a rote answer! Tell me how it benefited you? Show me how you swallowed your pride/nerves and communicated to your Dom, don't just say communicate. I KNOW I HAVE TO...lmao

      Hey Windy, did you see how Roz's phone autocorrected your name to Winner? Impressive! LOL. In all seriousness though, I see things much differently, and we struggle much differently than we did 8 -9 years ago. Some things are much, much easier, and somethings are more frustrating. Yup, I said it. LOL. I am always in awe when I read posts from people who have been doing this for years, and they are all sunshine and roses. Sure there SHOULD be that, but ALWAYS? I mean man alive, even my non D/s friends want to wring each others necks at times- and that doesn't even incorporate a power dynamic. There are days we totally resent each others side of the slash. LOL. But ya know, then we COMMUNICATE...LMAO.

      Thanks for the compliment. I'm the pencil because, ya know, I'm sharp *wink*

      Lovin' ya back
      willie

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    2. Yes, I saw that, Willie. Thank you Roz. Tell your phone thank you for thinking so highly of me. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!!!

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  4. I thought after all these years that I had heard/read/seen every conceivable analogy but everyone else missed the 'dot to dot' :) I thoroughly enjoyed this analogy and it makes a lot of sense.

    I used to crave this sort of dominance - he'd place the dots and I'd follow them - but my past partner (and I if I'm being honest) struggled with the concept. He would set up protocols / tasks and I would do them - but that really felt like a game to me.. a make believe game....... I couldn't find the 'real' feeling to it like so many of my other submissive/slave friends did.

    Now with Sir Steve things are very different. I had thought that I would go back to being the 'good lil submissive' ..... only that wasn't what he was looking for. Imagine my shock.

    When I sit back and look at our relationship from a bird's eye view - I see more 50's household.... he goes to work and I stay home and run the house (pretty simplified but I'm sure you get the idea) ... Spanking and pain sessions are for fun - extra curricular ?? not sure what to call them cause they are definitely never a punishment - and never lead to sex - so what to call them?? I am a masochist - so any pain is pure pleasure for me... and he is a Sadist - and giving pain is pure pleasure for him - so thank god we found each other ya know??

    Sex is another segment of our relationship.

    We seem to muddle along quite nicely (most of the time) but to label it as DD or HOH or 24/7 feels impossible to me... I gave up trying to 'connect all the dots' about a year ago or maybe more..... I just came to accept we are who we are...

    I have to add a little caveat - I rant frequently on The Journey - MY side of the story - how I am feeling (usually like a failure if truth be told - or too old .. depending on the day) I rarely if ever come back and flesh out the ending -- detailing how Sir Steve has stepped in... or fixed.. or soothed... shrug... the thing is.... he does step in - and soothe or fix - and I see that as his dominance ........


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    got an off topic question for you -- something that has been bugging me since I started answering comments...... I do NOT have a 'reply' button in my comments... you have the reply button - do you have any idea how you got one and I didn't?? do you have any idea how I can add that to my comment section??

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    1. Going to answer your question first before I reply in another box Morningstar

      I don't know why your blogger is messed up. I looked it up and found this however

      https://xomisse.com/blog/fix-reply-button-blogger-comments/

      The first fix seems pretty easy, maybe try that first before venturing into the other areas

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    2. willie - I remember you telling me about not being able to book a campsite for this summer (it was you right?? ) Came across this article today and thought you might find it interesting........

      https://globalnews.ca/news/7664564/ontario-provincial-parks-camp-sites-doubled-coronavirus/?fbclid=IwAR1UEPeDoqCpMLFaSWm3dg-qcEyqV164MhaP2qvt8djHyrUVxZkXbgQafwU


      ohhhhhhhhh and Sir Steve asked me if I knew about Upper Canada (where we camp - they have casual spots) I don't know if they're full... but if you want to try them...

      http://uppercanadacampground.com/

      hope you find somewhere to camp :)

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    3. I read that article. It came out the night before I went on to book! I thought, great now it's going to get even worse! I was sooooo lucky I managed to get a site at Presquile right on the water. I didn't think I was going to because the site crashed as I was trying to pay!

      We could go to Upper Canada and walk around looking for a Sadist and a Masochist lol

      Thanks for thinking of us! Fingers crossed I'm just as lucky for September!

      willie

      Ps my e-mail is wilma.barney@gmail.com if ever you want to just chat or not have out there where you camp and such 😉

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  5. Welcome back Morningstar.

    So you thought you've read every analogy concerning all this stuff huh? Have your read one on Phyllo pastry, or jello? How about Maid of the Mist? OR Polly Pocket mansions? Candbury Cream egg? LOL I used to write in analogies ALL The time on this blog, years ago.

    Anyway I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed this one. While B and I have discussed this at length, I'm not sure I've really laid it out to him the way I did in this post. He said it made total sense to him. That isn't to say he wasn't doing this, most of the time, just that he didn't see how it affected me I suppose? He of course has his own take on it, and who knows, maybe he'll share in the comments. He used to do that long ago.

    I think the rules and protocols ( for me) augment the general feeling of our dynamic, but for me if they were the only thing, I would feel it was game like as well. I mean doing them just for the sake of doing them does seem like a game or not real. A while ago we did a 'good', better, best type conversation. I'll explain in a moment what that means. For me this dynamic is all about giving up control, which in turn lets me put down my guard and exist in a way I feel most free. This does not mean I don't have responsibilities or I don't make decisions. Anyway, all of these protocols, or rules, or expectations help keep my armour at bay. They alone do not take off the armour completely. So back to the good, better, best type conversation- I'll give you an example, when B is in the shower I am to be kneeling (most times) in there waiting for him to finish to dry him off ( that would be rated at good), some times, but not always, he will tell me to be naked, ( better) other times he will expose only part of my body, like pulling my shirt and bra up, or pants down ( for some reason this makes me feel more exposed than being completely naked) so that would be in the better to best category. He could choose to change the position, which would be better, or insert a plug, or put on clamps, have me experience ice. Things that are not the typical " kneel and wait". But kneel and wait is still better than nothing. This may sound very contrived to some, and I completely understand that- but for me it is humbling and it helps us be where we are most effective. Why did we have this conversation? Because B, as much as he likes to be in control, isn't a submissive, so he doesn't always understand how my mind and emotions work. He knows what he LIKES to see, but that doesn't mean it is effective in aiding along my submission.

    NOW, years ago none of this was 'needed'. I was the 50s housewife, that got her ass beat if I screwed up, which pfft...LOL...or had resets a couple of times a week to keep the ball rolling. That worked for a long time, but eventually it became rote and something was missing. This gradually took root, initially starting with mostly chores and then time restrictions for the chores, then submissive exercises. We still are no where where we used to be with all of this (before Covid and even a bit before that as well). I'm not entirely sure if we will ever get there again. B's job has taken on a whole different meaning and I'm peri menopausal, so who knows???

    I often feel like some sort of a failure with this. Or I look back and see how I've destroyed something that might have taken a stronger hold years ago. I'm not sure B has stepped in and smoothed it or fixed it, but he's still here chugging along with me all these years, and that is certainly something. B's dominance shows in both quiet and conventional ways( <- especially when he's pissed off APPARENTLY I"m not easy? I mean REALLY? lol )

    I look forward to reading more about your dynamic with Sir Steve !

    willie

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  6. Okay, so maybe my blog post didn't quite measure up to yours, lol. You are much more eloquent than me, so I keep my posts short.
    Consistency and continuity are similar but not the same. You make some great analogies. We don't have the protocols that we use to have, and there are a lot of dots getting missed lately. But Ty has never really been great at being dominant. He likes having the final say and that has helped our communication greatly plus he usually sees my point of view when I am done explaining it. And he likes to spank me for whatever reason. I miss the old days but life changes and so does our dynamic. I love that you can express yourself so well.
    You are truly a good friend and I wish only the best for you and Barney.

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  7. Hey,

    Eloquent? More like I just keep typing until something sticks. I mean if you type enough words every body should find something to relate to. Lol

    As for posts you and I both know all the good stuff happens in the comments anyway. Posts just start the conversation .

    Our dynamic has gone through many changes over the past few years and a lot of it I'm not settled into. I do miss a lot from before. I think I miss how I felt before more than anything. Though I'm unsure if it's the dynamic, my horror moans (or lack thereof) or Covid that has given me the greatest challenge towards feeling like myself again.

    I am the one who is grateful to not only have met you right when I started blogging but to have been able to maintain our friendship 8 plus years later. We've been through so much as individuals and yet here we still are supporting and teasing each other out on our blogs.

    Much love to ya!

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