Speaking of when I started blogging, or rather ttwd ( which are one in the same ), the word consistency was written about everywhere-that and the dreaded OTHER C-word, *communication*. Both very valid words to live by, with the Dom and the sub holding up their part by being consistent and communicating with each other. But as we have clicked along, more further away from a strictly Dd dynamic, I noticed another C-word, ( still not that one) popping into our lives, Continuity. Years ago I wrote a post (Moving from Supporting to Cultivating Submission) . In it I tried to describe how we morphed to proactive, from mostly reactive within our dynamic.. I suppose this post is a little along that line and why continuity is every bit as important if not MORE so in our dynamic now than consistency.
No doubt everyone recognizes consistency is the best way to achieve success in this dynamic, especially when one first starts out. It definitely forms a foundation from which to build up on. It creates a security and believability that both parties genuinely want this. In many ways it is the push that has both partners taking great strides along their dynamic's pathway. I also know it is an area we have struggled mightily in. Even today, ESPECIALLY today with a pandemic raging and natural disasters, on top of all the normal every day goings on, consistency can be a challenge. Emotional exhaustion can take it's toll on consistency for some. That being said, a good foundation of consistency can allow the dynamic to coast a long for a good while without it, each realizing that when things slow down, it will return to normal. With that bit of preachiness out of the way, I want to explain to you my view on the value of continuity in our dynamic
Because I think in images, and analyze in analogies, I view continuity like a Dot to Dot picture. Depending on where we are in our dynamic, and I don't mean experience wise, I mean mentally and emotionally, the Dot to Dot diagram can either appear:
So what exactly does this mean? I view each 'act' done by either myself or Barney as a dot on the page toward creating a picture that we both long to see within our relationship dynamic. These are tangible thing we can both see, and experience.
For this analogy I am going to stick with acts that Barney has brought forth. Let's use an overly simple and fictitious example of placing dots during a day.
1) I wake up to a communication on my phone from B telling me what he expects me to do in the morning before he gets up - (dot)
2) When he gets up he tells me to assume some position for him while his coffee brews (dot)
( I always get his coffee set up and serve it to him, so there is no dot for that, but perhaps a pre-drawn line to the next dot. That being said, if he decides that day to get his own coffee, it can erase the line for me)
3) We enter the living room to have a discussion, in which he reminds me to sit in a certain place and way ( two dots close together because the sitting is a protocol but his words and reminders help place the dot)
4) After there are specific instructions on what to do (dot)
5)Following rituals he has set out, and/or calling out misbehaviour or slip ups on my part- perhaps leaving the room without asking first (dot)
6) Some role affirmation- could be holding a painful position, could be pain, could be sexual service ( dot)
7) B making sure his instructions are being followed throughout the day while he is home, or limiting my time, space (dot)
8) Instructions for when he is at work - perhaps a writing exercise or another submissive exercise, ( holding a position while reflecting on something for a certain amount of time let's say - or computer / electronic device denial or approval) (dot)
9) Following specific routines for bedtime or his return home (dot)
Those dots look heavy for poor Barney
All of these dots are placed and ideally lead to the full picture of submission/dominance within our dynamic. But let's say only 'one' dot is placed, or 3 but hours upon hours apart? What then? Well the latter depends on the day, but the former merely creates a pocket of D/s. A moment in time. Some days this has to suffice because life isn't perfect These are just examples there are many subtilties that help move that pencil along from dot to dot during the day, but for the most part without feeling each others presence throughout the day, or week, the picture is not created. It feels more like situational D/s, which in time can lead to feeling like it's a game or worse not worth the effort for me. I'm sure I don't have to tell you the problems that can occur when you feel like your dynamic is losing ground, especially if only one feels that way.
B may not need all the dots in order to see (feel) the big picture, or vice versa . Often he can place a few dots and believes he sees the finished product. Unfortunately for me that isn't always the case. I need the little dots to allow myself to believe the picture is actually what he sees.
Sounds like a lot of work for B doesn't it? And perhaps you're correct in seeing it that way. However, in this analogy I would say that my submission is the pencil that follows the dots along. A missed dot can halt the forward progress, or my submission can move forward to a dot further along creating a less than perfect line for the picture, but a line nevertheless. My lack of submission can also remove an intended dot on the page. This may destroy the picture all together.
My long winded analogy is to say at this point in our dynamic, more than the consistency of reacting to my actions or lack thereof,
we I need continuity. It allows me to feel his dominance and control. By linking the pieces of the day together it emphasizes the big picture of our dynamic in a way that feels more authentic to me. A feeling of authenticity allows my submission to feel less guarded and accepted by both of us. He feels successful and at peace with his dominance and I feel freedom and acceptance in my submission.
With that we create our complete picture.
Sounds simple enough doesn't it?
Trust me there are still a lot of days like this one